Unforgivably Broken (The Broken Series Book Two) (35 page)

“I’ve never felt anything like that before.
Ever.”

She frowned, studying my face
. For a moment, I worried that she saw through my words to the ones I should’ve said. I could usually read her emotions so clearly, it only made sense that she could see inside me as well.

“We shouldn’t have done that.” I tried to keep my expression smooth but her words felt like yet another kick to my chest today. Her eyes widened, either at something she saw in my eyes or the realization of her words. “No. I just meant without protection. I don’t… I’ve never… without…”

I sighed, rubbing my forehead in frustration. I was fucking losing my mind today. I needed to get it together. Plus, it wasn’t like me at all to forgo a condom. Lizzie was the exception, apparently, though I still had trouble believing I hadn’t demanded to wrap it before we fucked. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. But I’m clean, they ran hundreds of blood tests for everything imaginable when I was in the hospital, remember?”

Lili
let out a breath, nodding against me as she cuddled into my chest again. I trailed my fingers along her arm, loving the feel of her bare skin against mine but not wanting to broach the last topic. I wasn’t really sure how we’d never discussed this before. “Are you on the pill?”

She rolled away just slightly, lifting her hand and tapping the skin of her upper arm.
“Implant.”

She rested her head on my arm, giving herself enough distance to watch my face as I stared at the ceiling, attempting to once again compartmentalize all of my bullshit thoughts.

“Are you mad at me?”

I rolled immediately toward her. “Why would I be mad at you?”

“For trying to use you.”
Her voice was hesitant as her eyes slid from mine.

“I couldn’t be mad at you right now if I tried.”

She shouldn’t use sex to cope with her emotions anymore, but could I really blame her for that? Would I have been any different if I were in her position?

I leaned forward, pressing my lips softly to hers. “I would do anything for you, Pixie. Even give up control in bed, which is something I never do.”

“Is that so?” She raised an eyebrow, the mood finally lightening between us as she shoved at my chest. I hissed without thinking and her eyes widened. She sat up, looked down at my side, and gasped. I glanced down, seeing the darkening bruises already blooming on my skin.

“Don’t. It’s fine. It’ll bruise but it’s not bad.”

She tugged on my arm, sliding off the bed. “Come on. Let’s get you taken care of.”

“It’s fine. Really,” I said, letting her pull me toward the bathroom.

“Your back looks awful and I need to clean these cuts on your face. Just shut up and don’t fight me.” Her voice was authoritative and I grinned.

“Yes, ma’am.”

Staring out the passenger window, I gave Zane brief
directions on how to get to my parents’ home outside the actual city limits. As we drove along the highway, the silence that I knew he was providing to try to let me clear my head was instead making me crazy. I needed to talk, get some things off my chest, and hopefully be able to make it through the next few days.

“I had the training camera on that night. I’m surprised Hunter didn’t know that,” I whispered, letting out a slow breath. “I didn’t always use the cameras but when I was so close to landing a new move and something was off, it was the easiest way to study what I was doing wrong.” I could see Zane’s hands tighten on the wheel when I looked over but he didn’t interrupt. “I stole the tape but I never watched it. It’s the one thing I still had from before
, the only thing I’ve kept with me the entire time.”

“Where is it now?”
he finally asked, his voice tight.

“The lawyer came by the hotel room to pick it up before you made it back.” I thought about the text I’d received right after the lawyer left. “Zane, why did you really come to Texas?”

He looked over sharply, his brow creased in confusion before he turned his attention back to the front, concentrating possibly harder than necessary on the unfamiliar roads. “I told you, I didn’t like how we left things. I realized everything that was happening wouldn’t have happened if I’d just come with you in the beginning.”

I nodded, my skin tingling as
goose bumps rose on my arms. I crossed them, rubbing my hands over my flesh to ward them off.

“Are you cold?” Zane asked, reaching over to lower the air conditioning in the car.

“I’m fine,” I said, knowing it wasn’t the air that caused the chill. The text had been from an unknown number, not even the one I had saved from Jordan’s last attempt to contact me. It was a new number. I slipped my phone out to pull up the message again.

I knew your guard dog would come running. He’s so predictable.

I hadn’t responded to the text but a few minutes later, another came.

What? Didn’t he tell you why he came?

And one final text had arrived as I stood frozen in the bathroom, terrified Jordan would find me alone.

He really didn’t tell you I’d been spotted crossing the border from New Mexico into Texas? All it took was one false lead.

I wasn’t sure what the last one meant. Had he been spotted or was that the false lead? I wanted to reply but it was just one more thing I had no control over. I’d thrown my phone on the bed before climbing in the shower, not wanting it anywhere near me while I’d tried to compose myself.

Now that I’d calmed down and managed to put some of today behind me, the questions still lingered. Was this another game or was
Zane lying to me again? Surely he wouldn’t flat-out lie to me after everything that just happened with Lizzie.

As we took the last turn and pulled into the long driveway of my parents
’ home, the house I’d grown up in, it was still weighing on my mind. I couldn’t sit here not knowing what was going on anymore. I was tired of feeling weak.

“Is that really the only reason you came?” I asked directly as Zane put the car in park. I watched him closely, trying to gauge his reaction. His eyes tightened before he turned to look at me.

“Is that not reason enough? I missed you and I hated that you were dealing with all of this and I wasn’t here. I hated hearing from Tish how you were physically sick from the stress of it all and not being able to do a fucking thing about it.” He ran a hand through his hair, letting out a small grunt and wincing, probably from pulling his side. He looked like shit, his eye was bruised and his jaw was swollen, but he didn’t like to show pain. That much I understood.

“So
, not only did you not answer my question, but you also got awfully defensive. Isn’t that usually a sign that someone is lying?”

“Where the fuck is this coming from?”

I handed him my phone, undoing my seatbelt as he read the texts open on the screen. “And, for the record, you still didn’t answer my question.” I grabbed the handle and threw the door open, stepping out into the humid night air. I actually missed Vegas. The dry air of the desert was miserably hot during the summer but at least it didn’t feel this sticky and gross.

Stepping away from the car, I took a deep breath, trying to compose myself. I pulled the cigarettes from my purse and lit one, needing the buzz from the nicotine. I heard Zane’s expletive
s and saw from the corner of my eye when he slammed his hand against the steering wheel, obviously not happy with being caught, yet again, in a lie. I walked to the front of the car, leaning against the bumper and smoothing out my skirt with my free hand. Lydia and Jefferson would throw an absolute fit if I showed up to dinner in jeans. So, just to show my willingness to respect them, I wore a skirt. It was black and paired with my purple leather halter top, it was not at all what they would consider appropriate. But then again, that was the point.

“I really wish you’d quit,” Zane said, leaning against the car beside me but leaving space between our bodies.

“I’ll tell you what, I’ll quit smoking when you quit lying,” I snapped, not realizing just how angry I was until he spoke.

“Fair enough.”
Zane hung his hand off the back of his neck, staring up at the cloudy sky. I took another drag, holding the smoke in and releasing it with a sigh.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say now,” Zane said finally, holding out my phone in his hand. I took it, sliding it into the impossibly tight pocket of my skirt.

“Nothing. I just wanted you to tell me the truth. But you couldn’t even do that, so there’s nothing left to say.” Even as I said the words, my heart ached with the meaning behind them. He wouldn’t leave me here and I wouldn’t ask him to but right now, I wasn’t exactly sure what would happen when we got back to Vegas.

“Answer me this, what good would it
have done for me to tell you that Adam might be here? Think about it. Who would it have helped? Would it have helped you deal with the trial? Would it have helped you sleep at night? What good would it have done?” He sounded frustrated and I almost understood his point.

“I don’t really know. Maybe it would’ve kept me from going out on the landing alone to smoke. Maybe I would’ve gone to the police station to wait for you instead of thinking it was better to get some distance from your temper and go
ing back to the room. But it doesn’t really matter now because I can’t trust anything you say.” The words hit me as soon as I said them and I took another deep drag from my cigarette, letting the meaning seep into my body with the nicotine. “I can’t trust you.”

“Christ,
Lili, do you—” He stopped himself as he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and dropping his head into his hands. He took a deep breath and the catch in it didn’t escape me. He felt my words just as deeply as I did. “Fine. You’re right. Let’s just get this over with.” He pushed off the car, causing me to look up. I saw Jefferson standing in the door, arms crossed as he watched us.

Closing my eyes, I tried to regain the numbness that was becoming my salvation in all
of this. Noticing the tremble in my fingers, I took a final pull from my cigarette before snuffing it out on my boot, all to irritate Jefferson further.

“It’s impolite to stand outside when you have people waiting for you,” he said as Zane and I climbed the stairs to the massive front porch.

“You’ve made the mistake of thinking I care if anyone finds me polite.” I smiled, pushing past both Jefferson and Zane to enter the house, though it was the last place I really wanted to be. Honestly, I only did it to drive the point home to Jefferson.

“Kylee
.” Lydia’s voice stopped me on my way to the living room and I sighed, turning as she rounded the corner from the dining room. “What in Heaven’s name are you wearing?”

“Clothes,” I answered flatly, already sick of my own game. This is why playing by their rules was usually easier. “And that’s not my name. Kylee is dead. She killed herself sitting on the side of the bathtub upstairs years ago.”

“Honestly, stop being so morbid. And go clean yourself up. You look like common trash.” She clicked her tongue disapprovingly. “I still don’t understand why you’ve ruined your beautiful hair by dying it this hideous shade. It makes you look even more sickly than you already do.”