Authors: Lisa A. Phillips
I Love Dick
(Kraus), 194
Imlay, Gilbert, 190–93, 195
Inferno
(Dante), 144
insecure attachment style, 109–10
intermittent positive reinforcement, 46–47
“Intimate Letters” (Janáček’s string quartet), 7
inverts, 73
Iustus’s wife’s story, 67–69
Jack (Emma’s crush), 216, 217
Janáček, Leoš, 7
Jane Eyre
(C. Brontë), 75, 193
Janey’s story, 44–47, 49, 52, 57
Jerry’s story, 152–53
Jim (object of unrequited love), 78–80, 85, 87
Johnny (Maria’s husband), 59–60
Joseph (object of unrequited love), 113–17
Jung, Carl, 91–92
Jung, Emma, 91–92
Jungian psychology, 58, 91–92, 175, 188
Katherine’s story, 35–37, 38
Keith, in
Some Kind of Wonderful,
42–43
Klebold, Dylan, 179
Knowles, Beyoncé, 7
Kraus, Chris, 194, 195
Kübler-Ross, Elisabeth, 219
Kundera, Milan, 18
Lachmann, Suzanne, 126–27
Ladies’ Home Journal,
122–23
Lady Gaga, 11–12
Lane, Edward, 74–75
Langhinrichsen-Rohling, Jennifer, 148, 149, 152, 154, 159
Lannon, Richard, 108–9
Larter, Ali, 7
Lasdun, James, 154–56, 159–60
La Vita Nuova
(Dante), 7, 20, 21
Lawrence, in
The House of Mirth,
16
Layla, in
Layla and Majnun
(Persian fable), 196
Layla and Majnun
(Persian fable), 196
Lefroy, Tom, 197
Legally Blonde
(musical), 183
The Legend of the Lost Cause
(art piece), 144
Le Morte d’Arthur
(Malory), 22
Leno, Jay, 121
lesbianism, 73, 74, 132, 175, 200–204
Les Misérables
(Hugo), 96
Letters
(Wollstonecraft), 192, 193
letting go, 208–31
Amalia’s story, 213–14
author’s story, 208–9, 220–21, 222, 228–31
cognitive behavioral therapy, 210–12
Emma’s story, 215–17
epiphanies, 212–13
Lina’s story, 225–29
Melissa’s story, 223–24, 225
Rina’s story, 214–15
social attachment, 222–25
Lewis, Thomas, 108–9
L’Histoire d’Adèle H.
(film), 98–99
The Life of Henry Brulard
(Stendhal), 22–23
Lily, in
The House of Mirth,
16
limerence, 76, 80–82, 84–86, 87
Lina’s story, 225–29
Linehan, Marsha, 217
The Line, crossing, 113, 117, 144, 149
Little Mermaid (character), 161–62, 163, 164
The Little Mermaid
(fairy tale and musical), 162, 163, 164
Lombardo, Michael, 178
Long Island Lolita, 6
Lorne (object of unrequited love), 54–55
The Love Affairs of Nathaniel P.
(Waldman), 87
Love and Limerence
(Tennov), 76, 80
lover’s high, 83
lovesickness, 64–92
Alice’s story, 88–92
in ancient Rome, 67–69
Antiochus’s story, 69–70
author’s story, 64–67
cures for, 69, 70, 71, 72
defined, 66–67
Dido and Aeneas, 68
Galen’s diagnosis of, 67, 69
Iustus’s wife’s story, 67–69
limerence, 76, 80–82, 84–86, 87
male vs. female, 69–72
during Middle Ages and Renaissance, 70–72
neurochemistry of, 82–83
in 19th century, 72–76
pharmaceutical treatment of, 85–87
reemergence of, 77
in romantic practicality era, 77, 81, 84
Samara’s story, 78–80, 85–86, 87
shaming of women, 67, 71–72
Lucy, in
Peanuts,
230–31
Luke’s story, 150–52, 153, 154
Madame de T., in
Slowness,
18
Maggie’s story, 112–13
Majnun, in
Layla and Majnun
(Persian fable), 196
Malory, Sir Thomas, 22
la manie du doute,
64
Marazziti, Donatella, 83, 95
Maria’s story, 59–63, 102, 209
Marissa’s story, 173–75
Marius, in
Les Misérables,
96
marriage, 49–51, 86
Marry Him!
(Gottlieb), 84
Mars, Bruno, 132
Martin (object of unrequited love), 128–31
masochistic zone, 127–28, 129
masturbation, 86
Mating Intelligence Unleashed
(Geher), 102–3
McMillan, Tracy, 99
medications, 85, 86, 87–88
Melissa’s story, 223–24, 225
Meloy, J. Reid, 29, 125, 127, 130, 144
Merida, in
Brave,
162
Middle Ages and Renaissance, lovesickness in, 70–72
Milesia, virgins of, 72
Millay, Edna St. Vincent, 142
misogyny cure, 72
Mitch’s story, 157–59, 160
monomania, 73
Monroe, Rachel, 179
motivational paradox, 57
Mrs. Robinson’s Disgrace
(Summerscale), 74–75
murders, stalking, 7
My Life
(Duncan), 198–99
Myspace, 170
narcissism of unrequited love, 118–40
Amber’s story, 125–26
author’s story, 118–19, 136
Carolyn’s story, 132–36, 219
Dante and, 21
frozen state, 126–27
Lisa Nowak’s story, 121–23, 124, 125
pathology of, 125, 144, 149–50
Renzo’s story, 137–40
sacrificing of self to, 119–21, 123, 124–25, 139–40
sense of entitlement, 130
suicide, 131–32, 134–35
Tillie’s story, 128–31
two sides of narcissism, 126–28
narcissistic linking fantasy, 29
narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), 127–28
NASA’s stalking incident, 121–23
Nasreen (cyberstalker), 155–56, 159–60
national courtship system, 50
National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence (NIPSV) survey, 146
Neely, Carol, 72
Nehring, Christina, 24
neurochemistry of love and attachment, 77, 82–83, 85–86, 124
Newland Archer, in
The Age of Innocence,
16
Nicholas and Alexandra, 41–42
Nikki’s story, 169–72
NIPSV study, 146
Nordegren, Elin, 149
not yet
relationships, 18, 30, 34, 38, 42
Nowak, Lisa, 6, 121–23, 124, 125
NPD (narcissistic personality disorder), 127–28
Obsessed
(film), 7
obsessional relational intrusion (ORI), 9–10, 109, 147
obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), 81–83, 211
Oefelein, William, 121–22, 124
Oliver (Lina’s friend), 226–28
On Death and Dying
(Kübler-Ross), 219
online relationships, 33–34
On Love
(Stendhal), 23–25, 37–38
On Prognosis
(Galen), 69
Opposite to Emotion Action (CBT tool), 212
orbital-frontal cortex of brain, 198
orders of protection, 158, 159
ORI (obsessional relational intrusion), 9–10, 109, 147
Ovid, 189
oxytocin, 83, 95–96
Paper Bag Princess (character), 162
parasocial interaction, 177
parental investment theory, 101
“Part of Your World” (song), 164
Patricia’s story, 141–45
Peanuts
(comic strip), 230
Peter (Emma’s teacher), 215, 216–17
Phaon, 189
Philip, in
Dear Lemon Lima,
181
phrenology, 73–74
Pickhardt, Carl, 172–73, 175
Pinson, Albert, 96, 97–98
Plato, 30
Plyades (object of unrequited love), 67, 68–69
Poehler, Amy, 44
pop culture and unrequited love, 47
Portinari, Beatrice, 20–21
post-traumatic stress disorder, 159
pothos,
188–89
Powell-Lunder, Jennifer, 172
Prenez soin de vous
(Calle’s art installation), 193–94
preoccupied attachment style, 109–10
pre-relationship stalking, 107
The Price of Salt
(Highsmith), 203
Prince Eric, in
The Little Mermaid,
161–62
Princess Knight (character), 162
protest response, 108–9, 110, 111, 113, 116–17, 130
Psycho Bitch, 116–17
psychology
attachment theory, 48, 108–10
cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), 85, 210–12
dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), 217–18
evolutionary, 101–3, 106–7
Freudian, 127, 194
goal-linking theory, 57–58, 130, 212
Jungian, 58, 91–92, 175, 188
limerence, 76, 80–82, 84–86, 87
of male victims, 152–54, 159
of narcissism, 126–28
of pursuit behaviors, 100–101, 145–46, 148
of relationship violence, 146–50
psychopathy, 86
Puccini, Giacomo, 186–87
pursuit of men by women, 93–117
Angela’s story, 104–6, 108–11
attachment theory and, 108–10
author’s story, 93–95
as common occurrence, 100–101
cross-dressing as means of, 96–99
crossing The Line, 113, 117, 144, 149
cultural discouragement of, 99–100, 101–2
evolutionary psychology and, 101–3, 106–7
hormonal changes and, 95–96
Maggie’s story, 112–13
Sylvia’s story, 113–16
rage, rejection and, 117, 124
rape culture, 154
Rapunzel, in
Tangled,
162
rejected
brain-scans of, 83, 109
depression in, 110–11
rejecters, understanding, 47–49, 51–52, 54–55, 56, 136–40
rejection
and rage, 117, 124
usefulness of, 58–59
relationship education programs, 229–30
relationship obsessive-compulsive disorder, 81
Renaissance and Middle Ages, lovesickness in, 70–72
Renzo’s story, 137–40
reward center of brain, 195, 196
Richardson, Nick, 156
Rick (object of unrequited love), 213–15
Rina’s story, 185–88, 214–15
Roberto (object of unrequited love), 26–29
Robinson, Henry, 74–75
Robinson, Isabella, 74–75
Roger (Sally’s crush), 182–83
Romanticism, 73, 75–76, 131
romantic obsession.
See also
unrequited love
addictive nature of, 124
development of, 3, 145–46
ending of.
See
letting go
selfishness of, 26
as spiritual and creative force, 72–73, 188–89, 194–99
romantic practicality, era of, 77, 81, 84, 111, 132
Rome, ancient, lovesickness in, 67–69
Rosenfeld, Barry, 217
Roy (object of unrequited love), 125–26
The Rules
(Fein and Schneider), 25
Russell (object of unrequited love), 30–33, 34
Ryan (object of unrequited love), 52–54, 55–56, 57–58
Sabourin, Genevieve, 11
Sally’s story, 182–84
Salmacis, Hermaphroditus and, 154–55
Samara’s story, 78–80, 85–86, 87
Sand, George, 97, 98
Sappho, 188–89
Schaeffer, Rebecca, 7
Schroeder, in
Peanuts,
230
Scott (object of unrequited love), 60–63
script of unrequited love, 39–63
author’s story, 39–41
cost-benefit analysis, 53–55
dating culture, 50–51
in films, 42–43
goal-linking, 57–58
Janey’s story, 44–47, 49, 52, 57
Maria’s story, 59–63, 102, 209
Nicholas and Alexandra, 41–42
rejecters, 47–49, 51–52, 54–55, 56
Sonya’s story, 52–54, 55–56, 57–58, 219–20
Taylor Swift song and video, 43–44
secure attachment style, 110
secure base for exploration, 108
Seleucus (King of Syria), 69–70
self-expansion model of love, 57
serotonin, 83, 86
sexual abuse during childhood, 109
sexual intercourse
as cure for lovesickness, 69, 70, 71
religious rules on, 60, 86
Shakespeare, William, 96
Sharon (object of unrequited love), 201–4
Shaver, Phillip, 48
Shipman, Colleen, 121
short-term mating strategies, 106
Sina, Ibn, 210
Sinclair, H. Colleen, 145–47, 149, 153
Sir Lancelot, in
Le Morte d’Arthur,
22
Slater (object of unrequited love), 89–91, 92
Slowness
(Kundera), 18
Snow White (character), 162
social attachments and letting go, 222–25
social media
creating fake accounts, 170–71
crushes and, 165–66, 177–79
fangirl ethos, 178–79
romantic obsessions and, 133–34
stalking and, 11, 151, 152–53
soft stalking, 9–10, 109, 146
Some Kind of Wonderful
(film), 42–43
“Someone Like You” (song), 197
Sonya’s story, 52–54, 55–56, 57–58, 219–20
The Sorrows of Young Werther
(Goethe), 131, 134
Speller, Katie, 178
sperma,
buildup of, 70, 72
spinster artists, 197
Spitzberg, Brian, 9, 57–58, 229
Staël, Germaine de, 131
stalker films, female, 6–7
stalkers, female.
See
gender pass for stalking; Nowak, Lisa
stalking
author’s story, 1–3, 148
childhood trauma and, 109
cyberstalking, 155–56
definition of criminal stalking, 146
gender pass.
See
gender pass for stalking
by Lisa Nowak, 121
male victims of.
See
gender pass for stalking
orders of protection, 158, 159
pre-relationship, 107
progression to, 145
soft, 9–10, 109, 146