“Come home? We don't have a home. We have a house!”
“It's important for me to be here if we are going to reconcile.”
“Reconcile what?” Staci couldn't believe her ears. “Our whole marriage has been nothing but an excuse for you not to deal with your conscience!” She broke free from his grip. “What makes you so sure that I want to reconcile with someone who's willing to leave me unprotected, and then walk out on me just so he won't have to deal with his own issues? Do you think I want to be married to someone who would willingly blame me for his issues and lack of ability to be a man?” She waved her hands and shook her head simultaneously. “No, Derrick, I deserve better than that. I deserve better than you. Now get out.”
Derrick wanted to defend himself, but he couldn't. He was guilty as charged and as long as he lived, he would never forget the hurt he'd seen in his wife's eyes or the anger permeating her voice. He would spend every day showing her how sorry he was for letting her down. He had not only let her down as a man, but as a husband.
Notwithstanding his many failures, Derrick found solace in knowing Staci still loved him. If she didn't, she wouldn't have been right by his side throughout the ordeal of his mother's passing. During the past week, Staci had covered and protected him more than he had ever done for her. From this day forward, Derrick Garrison had one mission in life: to win his wife's trust and affection back.
“Staci, you're right, I have not been a husband to you. I haven't even been a good friend to you. I have treated you badly, and I was wrong for walking out on our marriage. It doesn't sound like much, but Staci, I really do love you, and I am sorry for all of the pain that I have caused you. I am sorry for not keeping the vows I made to you, but I'm asking you to give me another chance to show you how much I love you and how important you are to me. Give me a chance to rebuild the trust that I've broken.”
Staci turned away from him and walked back to the bed she once shared with him. She offered no words.
“I'm moving back home tomorrow,” he said before turning and reaching for the doorknob.
“Derrick,” she called after him.
Hoping she had a change of heart, he quickly turned around. “Yes, baby?”
“Lock the door on your way out.”
Hours later, Staci gave up on sleeping. It was 5:00
A.M.
, and she had been tossing and turning all night. How could he do that? How could he take his faults out on her? Those questions kept her up most of the night. She'd always known Derrick had insecurities because he'd grown up without a father, but she had no idea he would allow those insecurities to intentionally hurt her. And what brought about this sudden change? Was he only sorry because he'd just lost his mother? Would he go back to his normal self after he finished grieving?
Staci was not going to open up her heart again to him, plain and simple. She had given him her heart, and he had proven that he didn't deserve her love. She just wished she didn't love him so much. Wished she hadn't said those “for better or worse” vows Marcus had reminded her of.
Staci threw back the down comforter and climbed out of bed. She started to pray, but she couldn't focus on anything but Derrick. She gave up and put on a pair of fleece sweats and prepared to go running down Tunnel Road. If she was lucky, the running spirit that possessed Tom Hanks in the movie
Forrest Gump
would also overtake her and send her on a long journey.
Chapter 31
“Ugh!” Staci grunted when she spotted Derrick's SUV in the driveway when she returned from the office the following evening. She rolled her eyes while at the same time hitting the garage door opener. She was not in the mood for any more drama; not today. The expansion in Corte Madera was wearing her out, and Marcus was pressing her for the quarterly report, and she had another argument with Malcolm about why she couldn't see him today.
“What are you doing with him that has you too busy to see your man?” Malcolm had questioned her earlier over the phone.
“Excuse me? Malcolm, you are
not
my man. Have you forgotten that I'm a married woman?”
“That never mattered to you before.”
Staci couldn't defend that. He was right. Up until recently, she had been basically at his beck and call.
“Malcolm, I have to go. I'll call you in a couple of days.” She hung up the phone before he could respond.
Now, she didn't need the added stress that came along with her sorry husband, but Derrick wouldn't go away.
“Derrick, what are you doing here?” Staci asked when she saw him in the kitchen setting the table for two.
“How was your day?” he asked with a smile and continued setting the table.
“What are you doing here?” This time she folded her arms.
“I'm setting the table for dinner,” he answered again with another smile.
“Derrick, answer me!” she screamed. “Why are you in my house?”
Derrick remained collected. “Staci, I told you last night that I was moving back home today.”
She had heard enough. “You also vowed to love, honor, and cherish me until the day you die, but you didn't do that. How was I supposed to know you would keep your word about moving back here?”
Derrick took a long, deep breath, but didn't say anything.
“Look, Derrick, I can't stop you from staying here; the house is half yours. But I don't have to pretend that everything is fine between us, because it is not. It never will be again,” she yelled, then stormed from the kitchen and up the staircase.
Derrick planted his fists against the table and bowed his head in prayer. Pastor Reggie had warned him it was going to be tedious work trying to regain Staci's trust. Derrick just didn't realize how hard it was going to be until he saw the raw anger in her eyes.
“You have an uphill battle ahead of you. It's a winnable battle, but it's going to be a challenging one. You can't give up when things don't change as fast as you would like them to. You have to be patient and consistent and allow her to work through her emotions,” Reggie had told him in their weekly counseling session.
Derrick made Staci a plate of food and carried it upstairs to her on a tray. Before mounting the stairs, he had an idea and ran out to the yard to cut some fresh roses from their garden. Derrick placed them in a vase on the tray. It felt strange for him to knock on his bedroom door, and then have to wait until he was given permission to enter.
“What do you want?” Staci asked when she opened the door, then stepped back when she saw the tray in his hand.
“I figured you weren't coming back down, so I brought dinner to you.” He smiled although she scowled at him.
“Derrick, what's going on? You're never home this early, and you certainly don't make dinner anymore. What is it you want?”
He lifted the tray. “Do you mind if I set this down?” She wanted to say no, get away from me, but he had made his chicken tacos. She loved his tacos, and he knew that. Besides, she was hungry. She stepped aside and waited for him to station the tray on the nightstand.
“Now, tell me what you want,” she ordered.
He stood as close to her as possible, considering she had her arms folded.
“It's not what I want, Staci; it's who I want. I want you.”
“Certainly you don't think you can get me by coming home early and feeding me tacos?”
“That's not what I think. I'm trying to show you that I'm willing to do whatever I have to do to restore our marriage.”
“Dr. Garrison, we don't have a marriage; we have an arrangement. Nothing more.” She then sat down on the bed and took a bite of her taco. “Close the door on your way out.” She hit the remote for the plasma screen TV, and then proceeded to surf the channels as if he wasn't in the room.
Staci waited until she heard the door close before she examined the tray more closely. The roses were beautiful, and although he'd made a simple meal, Derrick used the china they'd received as a wedding present from Grandma Ana. He made the tacos just the way she liked them with salsa, Colby and Monterey cheese, baby spinach, and just a drop of sour cream. It wasn't until Staci bit into the second taco that she noticed the papers tucked underneath the plate.
Tears welled in Staci's eyes as she read the handwritten words on the lined paper. The words “I love you” were written 540 times. One for each day they'd been married. “You're too late,” she said, then ripped the papers up and threw them into the trash.
As soon as she finished her second taco, she called Malcolm.
“I knew you would be calling me,” were the first words out of his mouth. “I knew you wouldn't last too long with your boring husband.”
“Whatever, Malcolm.”
“Tell the truth, Staci; you know you miss me.”
Staci was not going to lie to him; she really didn't miss him. At the moment, she was angry with her husband. That's why she'd called him; to vent. She was about to tell him that when the thought occurred to her that she was using Malcolm for companionship, just like Derrick used her to hide his guilt.
“I have to go; I'll talk to you later,” she barked and hung up the phone.
Â
Â
The brief phone call last night wasn't enough to suffice his need. The following morning, Malcolm showed up at Staci's office with flowers.
“Thank you, but you really shouldn't have come here,” Staci said after closing her office door.
“Why, sweet Staci, if I didn't know any better, I'd think you weren't happy to see me.” His voice was meant to be seductive, but it yielded more irritation to Staci than seduction, he guessed by the distortion on her face.
“Malcolm, Derrick's back home.”
Malcolm's face further contorted. “What do you mean he's back home?”
“He moved back into the house.”
“Are you trying to tell me that you're going to allow that sorry man back into your life?”
Staci had called Derrick sorry on numerous occasions, but that was all right because she was his wife. She didn't like it one bit hearing those words come from Malcolm's mouth.
“Malcolm, you don't have a right to say anything negative about my husband. Besides, we're not back together. He's staying in the guest room.”
“Make sure he stays there,” Malcolm ordered.
“What exactly do you mean by that?”
Malcolm walked around the desk and towered directly over her. “You better not allow him back into your bed.” His voice was so cold a shiver ran down her arm.
Malcolm didn't know Staci as well as he thought. Her next statement revealed to him how much she hated being ordered around.
“Malcolm, you don't own me, and you certainly don't run my house. If I want to allow
my husband
back into
my
bed, that's a decision for me to make,
not
you!” She picked up the floral bunch and shoved it at him. “Now get out of my office!”
Staci's position surprised him. Malcolm was sure he had more control over her. He had to think fast before he messed up completely. He stepped back and softened his stance.
“Staci, I'm sorry. I'm just concerned about your feelings. I remember how hurt you were when he left you the first time. I don't want you to be hurt when he leaves you again.”
“Malcolm, let me worry about my feelings when it comes to my husband.”
Marcus's knock and sudden entrance prevented Malcolm from saying anything else stupid.
“Staci, we're ready to start,” Marcus said in reference to the scheduled management meeting, then waited for his sister to introduce him to the man who was standing just a little too close to her.
“As soon as Mr. Leblanc leaves, I'll be right out,” Staci answered, still looking Malcolm dead in the eyes.
When Malcolm realized Marcus wasn't going to leave until he did, he said to Staci, “Keep the flowers,” then left.
Marcus stood as if waiting for an explanation from Staci, but she didn't give him one. She simply grabbed her portfolio and headed for the conference room.
Chapter 32
Sunday morning Staci started to sleep in and skip church, but a knock on her bedroom door by the home intruder ruined her plans. It had been almost two weeks, and no matter how much she ignored Derrick, he wouldn't go away.
Every morning before he left for work, Derrick wrote her a note telling her how much he loved and appreciated her. By midmorning she would get a follow-up phone call. Of course, she wouldn't answer it, choosing to let the voice mail get it instead. Every night, Derrick was home by 6:30, and if he didn't fix dinner, he would help her prepare the meal, and then help with the dishes.
During those moments, he attempted to hold conversations with her, but Staci wouldn't respond. She did, however, pause from chopping onions when he announced he'd been living in the studio above the dental office during his hiatus instead of with his mother. He explained that he didn't want to burden Miss Cora with his marital problems. Staci was relieved to know that he hadn't been living with another woman, particularly Rhonda, but she didn't tell him that.
Friday afternoon he showed up at her office with flowers and offered to take her to lunch, but she refused. Saturday, he stayed around the house all day, working in the garden. Derrick even went grocery shopping and picked up her clothing from the dry cleaners. When he hung the clothes in her closet, she didn't bother to acknowledge his presence. When asked if she wanted to watch a DVD with him, her response was a hard slam of her bedroom door. Now he was pestering her again.
“Sweetheart, it doesn't make sense for us to take two cars to church. I'll be ready to go at 10:30 if you would like to ride with me,” he offered.
“Oh no, he's not going to church without me,” Staci fussed and sat up in bed. She was aware of Derrick's counseling sessions with Reggie, but was he ready to attend church services on a regular basis again? At any rate, there was no way she was going to let him go to church and not be with him. Not after all of the prayers she'd sent up for him. Not after all the encouraging words she'd received from the seasoned saints. Staci was not going to let the church know that now
she
was the one acting crazy.
“I'll be ready,” she yelled back.
At 10:25, Staci walked down the staircase to find Derrick seated at the kitchen table with his Bible open.
When did he start reading the Bible again?
She thought she'd heard him praying in the guest room a few times, but had no idea he was studying the Word again too. Maybe he
was
serious.
“Good morning, sweetheart. You look nice today.” He looked up from his Bible and admired the turquoise suit with black square buttons Staci was wearing.
Staci rolled her eyes. “Good morning, Dr. Garrison.” That's how she addressed him now. “I'm ready to leave when you are.” Before Derrick could respond, she walked out the door.
During service, Staci watched in amazement as Derrick praised and worshipped the Lord. He stood and sang along with the praise leaders, then had the audacity to take notes during the sermon. He was like the old Derrick she fell in love with. Today, she got the same joy from watching him dance in the spirit that she did when she first met him. But when Pastor Reggie asked the congregation to hug your neighbor, she still couldn't bring herself to touch him. She turned to Lashay and hugged her instead. Derrick nodded his understanding.
After service, Derrick cornered his boys, Marcus, Craig, and Brian. It was time he started mending fences and friendships.
“What's up?” Brian asked guardedly. Marcus didn't address him, just stared at him with his arms folded. Craig's lips moved, but he didn't speak. Derrick assumed he was praying for the Lord to hold his tongue from spitting out the four-letter words he had for his estranged brother-in-law in church.
“I owe you guys an apology for my behavior toward you since the announcement of your impending fatherhood,” Derrick apologized.
Craig smirked. “Dude, I know that's not all.”
“And for the way I've openly mistreated Staci,” Derrick continued.
“What happened, man?” Brian wanted to know.
“I'm ashamed to admit this, but I was jealous because you're having children and I'm not.”
Marcus finally addressed him. “And you thought walking out on my sister would help you have a baby?”
“No.” Derrick sighed. “The jealousy was just a smoke screen for the deeper and real issue I refused to deal with. I was mixed up about a lot of things, and I made a lot of bad decisions, but leaving your sister was the biggest mistake I've ever made, and I'll spend the rest of my life making amends for it.”
“Are the two of you back together or what?” Craig questioned.
“I'm working on it.” Derrick's peripheral vision caught a glimpse of Staci laughing across the sanctuary with Shannon and Lashay. “Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I am sorry, and I hope we can be boys again. I really miss you guys.”
The boys looked at each other, then back at Derrick.
“We all make mistakes, man, but next time, don't isolate yourself like that. We're helpers to one another, but we can't help if you shut us out,” Brian said, and then gave Derrick a brotherly hug. “Welcome back, man.”
Her brothers weren't so easy.
“I know the Bible says we are to forgive seventy times seven, but, man, if you ever hurt my sister like that again, I'm going to lay hands
and
a two by four on you,” Craig declared before embracing him.
Marcus shook his head. “I'm still mad at you, man. I never treated you like an in-law. Since day one, I considered you a brother. You didn't just walk out on Staci. You walked out on our friendship. I thought we were closer than that.”
“Marcus, he's human, and humans make mistakes. That's why every day God extends His grace and mercy upon us. As long as God continues to be merciful toward us, we are required to be merciful toward our brother, no matter how jacked up he is. Jesus is our perfect example, and until He runs out of mercy, we don't have a right to.” When Craig finished talking, the three men were looking at him with astonishment. “What?” he asked when they were still staring at him a full minute later.
Marcus laughed. “Mama's prayers are really working.”
“Preach on, Preacher,” Brian chided.
Derrick pulled a twenty-dollar bill from his wallet and held it out to Craig. “We need to raise this preacher a love offering.”
“Forget, y'all,” Craig said after snatching the bill from Derrick.
The boys finished poking fun at Craig; then Derrick extended his hand out to Marcus. “How about extending some mercy to a jacked-up brother?”
“Will you look at that,” Shannon said, as the ladies walked over and joined the men. The guys commenced to doing their ridiculous chest butt and handshake and signal ritual.
“I'm glad that's over,” Lashay said, rubbing her belly. “Now, can we go out to eat?”
Staci watched too, but didn't comment. It was a good thing Derrick had mended fences with his boys. He was going to need some friends after the divorce.
“Shannon cooked. You guys want to come over for dinner?” Marcus asked the group.
Lashay and Brian readily agreed.
Staci ignored the invitation. “Are you ready, Dr. Garrison?” she asked in an even tone.
“Marcus invited us over for dinner and I thoughtâ” Derrick started.
“Whatever you say, Dr. Garrison. It's all about you, remember?” Staci cut him off, and then walked away.
“Dr. Garrison, you've got your work cut out for you,” Shannon said, and the group agreed.