Unspeakable Truths (5 page)

I close my eyes, pinch the bridge of my nose, and let out a shaky breath. “If I had known how bad things had gotten with Everly, how she shut her whole life down and let her grief take over, I would never have stayed away as long as I did. She may hate me, but I would have at least tried to help her dig out of this hole she’s planted herself in. I don’t know, I think it might be too late. Her mind is made up about me, and she won’t even look at me. And if I’m being perfectly honest, I don’t know if I can stand to be around her either. I hate her too.”

I finish unpacking the rest of my boxes, putting away the last of my belongings in the closet of the small one bedroom apartment I rented in town. If you’d have asked me a few years ago if I’d ever come back here, I would have told you I would
never
come back to this town again. I knew that Everly and Tyler’s family blamed me for what happened, and I guess a part of me blamed myself too. It was just easier for everyone involved for me to go away since I was leaving anyway. No one knew that I had been accepted into law school in Chicago, not even Ty, but I knew even before everything got screwed up that I needed to go. I’d been contemplating coming home for a long time, but the job offer at one of the top law firms in the state is what ultimately drew me back.

“Knock, knock.” I smile at the voice coming from the stairway that leads up to my apartment.

“Hey Mom, come on up.”

My mother has been on cloud nine ever since I came back to New Jersey. My leaving had been hard on her, I know she would’ve wanted me to stay, but she supported my move anyway.

“I wanted to stop by and see the new apartment. I hope that’s okay,” she says as she walks in with bags in both her hands and takes in her surroundings.

My mom and I have always been close, but I don’t think I could have gotten through the last few years without her. It was a dark time for me and even though we were living thousands of miles apart, she found a way to let me know that she was always right there.

“You can come by anytime you want, Mom. You know that.”

She gives me her megawatt smile, and I know I’ve made the right decision in coming back. It’s been too long. “I brought you lunch.”

“Lunch? It looks like you brought enough to feed the whole building.”

“Actually this is lunch,” she says holding up a large paper bag. “The rest of it is housewarming gifts.”

I grin at her, loving the fact that she’s so excited to have me here. “I should have known you’d come and try to decorate the place. Knock yourself out Mom.”

“I have amazing taste you know.”

“I do. I trust you. Plus it’s not like I’ve had the time to go shopping for much, and I’m not sure I’d want to even if I did have the time.” Me in a store to purchase home goods is not on the top of my list of shit to do. We’re lucky I managed to get furniture in this place.

“I know you’ve been lying low since you got back in town Luca but I don’t want you to live your life that way. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I know Mom. I’ve just been focused on getting myself settled.”

“Alright, I just worry about you.”

I hate that she worries so much, I’m sure everything that happened

wasn’t easy on her or my dad.

“I actually saw Everly West a few days ago.”

“What?” she says, eyes full of shock. “She’s probably the last person on the planet I’d have guessed you’d run into, no one ever sees her around anymore.”

“Yeah, it was a little awkward at best; she barely said a word to me.”

“She still blames you?” There’s a definite tone of annoyance in that

question.

“Blames me? Mom, she nearly went postal, she fucking hates me.”

“Don’t curse,” she warns. I respond with a glare. “Luca just stay

away from her, it’s obvious that she’s a troubled girl. You don’t need that kind of drama in your life.”

“I know.”

“Are you all ready to start your new job tomorrow? I’m so proud of

you.” This is her attempt at changing the subject and lightening the now dampened mood.

Finishing law school was one of my proudest and saddest moments. I know what a huge accomplishment it was, but I couldn’t help but think that Tyler should have been graduating too. He came from a family of lawyers, his father owns a successful firm in town, and it was destined for him. Me, I had to fight for it, work harder, read more, and study more to get through. That’s why the job offer at Harvey, Stone, and Associates is so unbelievable to me. I never imagined I’d get the offer there when I applied; in fact it was the only firm I applied to here in town. It’s the best, even better than Tyler’s dad, so the fact that I get to start my career there is unreal.

“Yeah, I’m ready. I’m real excited about it.”

“You should be. It’s an amazing opportunity.”

She’s right. This is an amazing opportunity. It’s my chance to make a name for myself, to do what my best friend couldn’t do. I have to let go of the past, let go of the ghost that I still carry with me, the regret that still consumes me, and the woman who still occupies my mind.

~Everly~

The days after my run-in with Luca seem to drag on slower than usual. It’s been more of the same—I work, come home, cook, watch television, and sleep. The sleeping part is what’s starting to get to me. I’ve been dreaming about Tyler again, and I haven’t done that in a while. It’s as if Luca’s reappearance has triggered something in my brain and opened up the floodgates again. What’s even worse is that Luca’s been in my dreams too. I dream about the moment when Tyler goes away, he tells me Luca needs him, and I remember feeling angry. I’m waiting, pacing around the room, looking out the window watching for Tyler to come back. When the door opens again, it’s Luca standing there. I know it should be Ty, I know that he’s gone and Luca’s come in his place, but instead of throwing him out, I’m stuck. I’m stopped dead in my tracks by the look of sorrow in his eyes, the deafening sorrow that could only be matched by my own.

Why, why am I dreaming about Luca? It’s puzzling and disturbing to me that he holds a place in my subconscious mind. The fact that I feel enough toward him to conjure him in my dreams unsettles me. It’s almost like he’s trying to tell me something, but I don’t really want to know what it is.

I peek at the alarm clock, dreading that I have to get up and get ready for work. Being a paralegal at a law firm was never my ambition. I was supposed to go to law school with Tyler, we were supposed to graduate and open our own law firm, but fate had other plans, and after he died my dreams of practicing law died too. Sometimes I think that I was pursuing law just because he was. I don’t know if I have the drive for it now that he’s gone. His father tried for months to get me to go to law school and when I refused he tried to convince me to come work for him at his practice. He could never understand why I refused. He didn’t understand that I live with Tyler’s ghost everywhere I go; I didn’t need to live with it at work too. In fact, this job is just about the only place where I’m able to get away from it.

I stretch one more time, throw the covers off of me, and get out of bed. I push away all of the dark memories and focus on the present, on putting one foot in front of the other and willing myself to get through this day. Just one day at a time, that’s the only way I’ve been able to function for the last forty-eight months. Life was never supposed to be like this, it held so much promise before, so much joy, and now it’s full of emptiness and monotony.

After sitting at my desk, logging in to my computer, and prepping myself a cup of coffee, I peruse the contents of my email prioritizing my work for the day. The best part about this place is that I’ve been here long enough that everyone just leaves me alone to do my job. I know what I have to do, and I get it done without anybody hovering over my shoulder. I roll my eyes at the last minute meeting alert that pops up on my calendar—a meeting first thing Monday morning is exactly what I don’t need. Word of a new attorney joining the firm has been running rampant in this place, and I’m wondering if that’s what this is all about. I grab my coffee, a notebook and pen, and head over to the conference room where others have already started to gather. I pull up a chair next to Lisa. Aside from me, she’s been here the longest; she’s thin, frail almost, with hair that closely resembles the texture of straw. She’s the mousiest and most quiet person here. She’s also by far my favorite person, because she doesn’t even try to engage in small talk with me, and I’m pretty sure her mentality is similar to mine. She just wants to be left alone; it’s a win-win situation.

There’s chatter going on around me but I’m zoned out, uninterested in what’s happening around me. My gaze travels to the window and my eyes lock on an old oak tree, trying to focus on something other than the mindless conversations of my coworkers.

“Thank you all for being here on such short notice.” I hear Mr. Harvey, one of the partners at the firm, say. He personally hired me, and while I’m fond of him, I still can’t manage to bring my attention to him. “As you know we’ve been talking about expanding our firm for some time, looking to bring in fresh new talent to keep up with our growing caseload. I’d like you all to help me welcome the newest attorney to our practice, Luca Jensen.”

My breath catches at the sound of his name, and I jerk my head to the front of the room, eyes wide, mouth open, and my body rigid as I take in the sight of him in his dark gray suit, looking like anything but the Luca I know and every bit like a capable attorney. I question whether I’m actually awake right now or stuck in a nightmare, as he looks my way. He pauses in surprise when he sees my face, clearly not expecting to see me here. My anger is rising, and I clench my fists in my lap in order to keep myself from shaking. What is he doing here? When did he even pass the bar and if he did why is he at this firm? This isn’t the only fucking law office in New Jersey, why this one? He does his best to disguise his reaction as he addresses the room. I can hear him thanking everyone for the warm welcome, but I’m too pissed to hear much else.

The meeting lasts a few minutes longer and as it comes to a close I gather my things and rush out of the conference room with my head down. I get to my desk and practically throw myself in the chair, place my head in my hands, close my eyes and focus on my breathing. I need to calm myself down before I start throwing things. This was supposed to be my one safe place, the one place where Tyler’s memory wasn’t always in my face, but now I know that’s not possible. No matter what I do, there will always be someone or something that reminds me of him.