Until Now (Not Yet #2) (18 page)

Tears ran down my face. I couldn’t keep my feet from moving toward Dean. I knelt in front of him and took his hands in mine. “I love you, Dean. But…”

“Don’t say it. Don’t even say the words out loud. Jon was wrong. That is not what I said. I never could.”

The chill that had permeated my bones for the past two weeks lifted. Warmth filled me.
He did want Finn in his life. He wasn’t like… them.

Dean took Finn’s hand in one of his, holding mine in the other. “I want to be a part of this family. If you both will let me.”

Finn turned and looked at Dean. “You love me? Like a friend or like a… daddy?”

A sob escaped from my lips before I could control it. Dean’s face twisted, and he pulled Finn onto his lap. “I’m not your daddy, little dude. But I love you like you were my son. Does that make sense?”

Finn nodded and wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck. “I love you too, Dean. Please don’t leave again angry. Mama got sick, and I was scared. I wanted you.”

A strangled sound came from Dean’s throat, and he squeezed his eyes shut. “I didn’t know, little dude. I didn’t know your mama was so sick. If I had I would have been here. That will never happen again.” He rubbed Finn’s back, and Finn lifted his head and kissed Dean’s cheek.

Dean blew out a long breath. “Can I talk to your mama alone? We’ll be in the kitchen. Can you give us a few minutes?”

Finn nodded. “I’ll watch another Christmas show.” He turned on Clark Kent and sat cross-legged in front of it. “Go ahead and make up. I’ll be right here.”

My laughter and tears blended together. He was one smart little guy. Dean stood up and pulled me along with him. We walked into the kitchen and waited until we heard Finn’s show begin.

“I’m sorry—”

“Red, I’m so—”

We spoke at the same time and then stopped together. Dean smiled. “You go first.”

“I believed Jon when he told me you wished Finn wasn’t in my life.” My heart raced in my chest, but I didn’t feel weak anymore. I wanted to say this to Dean. I wanted him to understand why I broke up with him. “I think I feared that all along. So when he said it, I snapped. I didn’t think it could be untrue or misconstrued. You see, my parents and Josh wished that. And they left me.” I gasped and pressed my hands to my chest, pushing hard to take away the jagged pains. “I thought if you felt the same way, even just a little, and if you left Finn and me, even if not in the same way Josh did… you see, it’s not just me anymore… I have to look out for Finn’s heart too.” I walked closer to Dean but stopped before my body touched his.

Dean grunted. He lifted his hand and ran his fingers through my hair, grasping my head. “When Jon told me what he said to you, I almost lost it. The asshole thought he was protecting Finn and helping me. He told me that he talked to you a bit about how he grew up?”

I rolled my neck, nuzzling my head against his hand. The feel of his hand against my head made me feel warm all over. “He told me about his mom and the guys she dated that never stuck around.”

Dean’s thumb traced the edge of my jaw. “There’s more to tell, but that’s his story. Regardless, he should have stayed out of our business. I want you to know that I did have a conversation with him where I said that a child in a relationship makes it more difficult. More complicated.”

My body tensed, and Dean crouched to look straight into my eyes. “And then I said I didn’t mind complicated for a second. And I don’t. My life has been richer and more fun and happier since I met you two than ever before. I want to be a part of this family. I don’t want to change one thing. This is where I belong, Red.” He dragged his nose along the side of mine. “If you’ll have me.”

I closed my eyes and absorbed his words. “I love you, Dean.”

He tucked me into his side, wrapping his arms around me. “I love you so fucking much, Red. I don’t want you to have to be strong all by yourself anymore. I want to be strong together. Understand what I’m saying?”

“Mmmmm.” His scent enveloped me, but as good as he smelled, I wanted to taste him more than I wanted to breathe at that moment. “I understand. Now please kiss me.” I brought my lips to his, and Dean met me, mouth open, and tongue stroking mine. I held on to his waist and poured every bit of my heart into that kiss. Our teeth banged, our lips molded, and our tongues tangled. The kiss deepened, and Dean moved back, panting.

“We can’t. Just Finn. Later. More. Need you.” He sounded like an out-of-breath caveman.

I laughed. “Yes, later.” Right now a hug would have to suffice. I wrapped my arms around him and held him to me.

Dean kissed the top of my head. “Come home with me tomorrow. I need you to meet the rest of my family,” he whispered into my hair.

My heart felt full at his words. He wanted us to be a part of his family. I raised my head up and kissed his jaw. “I would love that. We both would.” I snuggled deeper into him.

“What’s your favorite part about Christmas?” he asked.

With my cheek pressed against his chest, I relaxed from the rhythm of his powerful, steady heartbeat. “Watching Finn open presents from Santa. What’s yours?”

“Sleeping under the tree. I did it every night until I left for college. Can we put Finn to bed and sleep under the tree? I want to hold you… and love you all night.”

I turned my face and placed a kiss over his heart. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

I looked into the blue eyes that had come to mean so much to me. “For understanding. For coming back. For loving us.”

“That’s the thing, Red. I’m a stubborn asshole. Once I’m in, I’m in. That’s just how it’s going to be from now on. The three of us.”

Those pesky tears welled up again. “The three of us.” They were my favorite words ever spoken.

***

SPAGHETTI AND SPARKLING cider were consumed. Cookies and milk were laid out by the balcony door, being that I was without the traditional fireplace. Stories were read. As soon as Finn was asleep, cookies were nibbled, and milk was drunk. I placed Finn’s presents under the tree while Dean made us a bed of blankets and pillows.

“That’s a decent haul of presents, Red.” Dean pulled me down next to him on the blanket bed. “How’d you manage to do all that?”

I pointed to a pile of presents wrapped in dancing Santa paper. “Those are all from Sylvie. She spoils Finn every year. The rest are from Santa. Santa saves all year for this. Santa shops at consignment stores, and Santa wraps everything possible individually so there will be more to open. Last year money was really tight, and Santa even wrapped his socks separately.” I laughed, but Dean frowned. “What?”

“I don’t have presents for either of you. I stopped at the grocery store for the plant and cider. I spaced on gifts.” Dean’s eyes narrowed. He looked so cute when he was irritated with himself.

I climbed onto his lap and wrapped my legs around his waist. My fingers tangled in his hair. “Are you serious right now?” I kissed the stubble along the bottom of his jaw. “You left your family on Christmas Eve to be with us.” I kissed his cheek and then the corner of his mouth. “You apologized to both of us for leaving when I was the one who made you go. You are my gift.” I kissed the opposite corner of his mouth and then ran my tongue along his bottom lip. “But there is one other thing I’d like from you this Christmas.”

“What’s that, baby?” Dean rasped out.

“You.” I pressed myself against his hardness. I had never been so sure of anything in my life. “Make love to me tonight. I want you, Dean.”

His eyes flared, and he flipped me over so that I was underneath his embrace. “I’ll give you anything you want.”

He crashed his mouth against mine, our tongues sliding together. He pulled my shirt off, and I yanked his over his head. Two seconds later my bra was unclasped and tossed across the room. We settled, chest to chest, and skin to skin. He bent down, sucking on my breasts, running his tongue over my nipples until I pulled at his hair. My body sang, every nerve ending alive. My heart raced with anticipation.

I unbuttoned his jeans, pulling them off as he unbuttoned and unzipped mine. Our lips stayed fused, our hands hurried, as we rid ourselves of the last of our clothes.

It was time. We were ready.

His fingers caressed me, circling and rubbing as I moved beneath him. “Please, now. Please,” I begged. My body had never been so ready before.

His grin was sexy as hell. He reached over to his jeans and pulled a condom from his wallet. He moved fast, ripping open the package and rolling it onto himself. I was glad he hadn’t asked me to do that. My hands shook, and my excitement made me giddy.

Dean propped himself up on his elbows, eyes glued to mine. “I love you, Grace. Thank you for letting me get to love you. I’m so damn lucky.”

I couldn’t hold back a grin as my eyes filled with happy tears. He slid inside me, inch by inch, and I gasped. I felt every minute of the five years that had passed since I had been with a guy. Those times as a teenager were uncertain, unsure, and unskilled. Being with Dean, someone who had more experience than I wanted to think about but also had confidence and a steady and sure adoration of me, was unparalleled. He moved above me, lifting my hips and helping me find a rhythm that sent a building sensation rushing through me.

Somewhere in the distance I heard my voice chant Dean’s name. His eyes never left mine, hooded, dark, and heated. I ran my hands up his back, slick with sweat, and over his arms, taut and tense as he held himself up.

I felt like I was in a tunnel, dark and narrow until the world exploded around me in bursts of color. He swallowed my sounds with his mouth as I came, and I allowed my body to indulge in every second of the pleasure I felt.

I had no clue. None.

Sex with the man that I loved with an earth-shattering ferocity was mind-blowing.

“Grace, my God. Grace.” I couldn’t tear my eyes from Dean. His jaw set, his eyes narrowed into slants, and I watched as he stilled, threw his head back and groaned, his orgasm overtaking him.

He collapsed onto me. I wrapped myself around him, arms and legs and body and soul. He was mine. I would love him forever. I knew that in the same way I knew the sky was blue.

We held each other in silence, catching our breath and stroking our sweaty skin for a long time. Dean ran his hands up and down my back, and I pressed kisses to his chest. Finally we pulled away, and lay side by side on our backs, only the lights from the Christmas tree illuminating the room.

“I don’t want this night to end. I don’t want to leave this apartment.” He kissed my lips. “But I have to. Just know in the coming months when you need me, I’m here.”

I wrapped my arms around his neck. “I have two favorite guys in this world now. Two gifts. Merry Christmas, Dean.”

“Best night of my life, baby. Merry Christmas, Red.”

Chapter Twenty-One

Dean

“OKAY, REMIND ME of everyone’s names one more time.” Grace pulled on her fingers, knotting and unknotting them.

I looked in the rearview mirror. Finn was still asleep. He had woken us up at the crack of dawn, jumping onto our blanket bed and screaming out, “Merry Christmas!”

Finn tore through his presents like a man on a mission. He had new books, movies, trucks, dinosaurs, and of course, superheroes. With Amy’s assistance, Finn had bought a few gifts for Grace. Perfume and a homemade coupon book made Grace so happy. I didn’t quite get the concept of a homemade coupon book until I paged through. Grace could choose from free hugs, kisses, breakfast in bed, no complaining toy pickups, table setting, and more. It was pretty fucking cute.

After a pancake breakfast, we piled into the car to head to my parents’ home. Grace was uncomfortable that she didn’t have a gift for them, so I convinced her to give them the poinsettia. She agreed but with little enthusiasm.

“Devin, Dianna, Damian, Daisy, and Delilah. In that order. I’m the oldest, tallest, and most good-looking.” I winked, and her returning smile was small. “Red, they’re gonna love you. They’re going to tease me. That’s just what they do, but they will love you.”

She blew out a breath. “How do you know?”

“I know because I love you. I’ve never brought a girl home from college. They’re going to be curious about you but also excited. They’re huge pains in the asses, but they’re my family.” I took her hand in mine and squeezed.

Grace looked over her shoulder at Finn. “I have to tell you something about my family. My parents.”

I tightened the grip of my hand on the steering wheel. Her parents were assholes. But they were still her family.

“My mom sent me a Christmas card and a letter asking me to come home and let them apologize. She said they didn’t want to show up at my apartment with my child there without my permission.”

She paused, and I waited. This was huge for her.

“I’m considering stopping by the house. Not with Finn, of course, but maybe with… you? Would you come with me?” Grace studied my profile as I watched the road.

I loosened my grip. If I was with her, I could protect her. “Hell yes. You’re not going alone, I’ll tell you that right now. And if they hurt you…” I shut up before I said too much. Turning left, I pulled my truck into my driveway.

Grace squeezed my hand. “I know. I’ll be okay.” She leaned over and kissed my cheek. “I have you, after all.”

I put the car into park. “Baby.” I cupped her face and kissed her lips. From the front door, even with the windows closed and engine running, I could hear the hoots and hollering of my siblings. “You have me and my annoying family. C’mon.”

I took the key out of the ignition and jumped out of the truck. Reaching into the backseat for Finn, I lifted him into my arms. He woke, still drowsy, and wrapped his body around mine. As I rounded the truck, I took Grace’s hand and we walked up the path.

“Move back, you pack of dogs.” My dad’s gruff voice was welcome. My siblings scattered and my parents met us at the door. “Welcome to our home, Grace and Finn.” Grace extended her hand, and my dad beamed. “Gotta hug you, girl. You tamed my beast of a son. That’s gonna get you a hug.” My dad pulled Grace into his embrace. She giggled, and I relaxed.