Until Now (Not Yet #2) (7 page)

She nodded and looked over at Jon. “Can I get you anything else?”

He stared at her for a long beat. “My friend here needs a lobotomy. Can you help out with that?” Grace winced, and I kicked Jon’s leg under the table. “What the hell?” he yelled, rubbing his leg.

“We’re good, thanks.” I shrugged, hoping she’d think my friend was weird and not assuming he was talking about her. Me. Us. Finn.

Grace bit the bottom of her lip and left without another word. I took a bite of my food and groaned.

“What are you doing, man?” Jon pushed his plate away and leaned in.

I took another big bite. “Eating.” Grace’s choice was spot on. This was food like my ma made.

“You know what I mean. You’re a whore. You’re also a football beast. You’re going to get drafted. And not like you don’t know this already, but getting drafted means lots and lots of pussy.” Jon’s eyes glazed at the thought. “You know what does not get you lots of pussy?” He paused, and I kept eating. “Dating a single mom with a kid. That’s insane.” His last two words were loud, and then he smacked his hands on the table before he sat back.

I drank my sweet tea and glared at him. “We. Aren’t. Dating.” My best friend was pissing me the fuck off. “Just. Friends.” I stabbed at the green beans like I’d like to stab at Jon’s hand with my fork. “And why do you care?”

Jon grabbed his backpack and moved to leave the booth. He pulled out his wallet and threw money onto the table. Slinging one strap over his shoulder, he leaned over to my side. “’Cause my mom’s a single mom. You grew up with June and Ward motherfucking Cleaver as parents. Me? I saw assholes skate in and out of my mom’s life. They hurt her, and they hurt me. Fuck if my best friend will be one of those guys.” My stomach dropped at his words, and I pushed my plate away.

“Do her a favor. Do the kid a favor. Hell, do me one. Stay away from a family that is obviously fragile. I love you, man, but you’re a giant dick. You’ll only end up hurting them.” He turned and stormed out the door.

I scrubbed my hands down my face.
Holy shit, he’s right.
Despite what I said to Grace, I couldn’t stay friends with a girl that I was attracted to like I was with her. But what was the alternative? Grace wasn’t a one-night stand type of girl, and I was so not looking for a relationship, least of all with someone who already had a child. I wasn’t ready to be somebody’s daddy. I was too young and too selfish for that.

I really was a dick. I didn’t know Grace and Finn that well, but I knew they didn’t deserve to be around a dick. I stood up and threw my money onto the pile on the table. As I reached down to grab my backpack, I saw Grace standing close by. Her face was pale, and as she dragged in a breath, she gave me a short nod. She’d heard. Everything. I didn’t know what to say about that. I didn’t know what I wanted anymore or if what I thought was right. I headed for the door, and when I turned back to tell her good-bye, she was gone.

Chapter Eight

Grace

I NEVER LEFT work for the day without some sort of food. Sylvie was a giver and loved to feed people. She wouldn’t rest unless she knew that Finn and I had something home cooked for dinner. What I didn’t know was that she was also a seamstress.

Finn jumped into Sylvie’s open arms, wrapping his body around hers in a massive hug. “Miss Sylvie! Thank you so much!” Sylvie laughed and clapped her hands as Finn leaped across the room, his red, blue, and yellow superman bodysuit perfectly fitted, the shiny red cape flying behind him.

“Thank you.” I kissed her soft, wrinkled cheek and watched tears fill her eyes. “Finn doesn’t know his grandparents, and you’ve taken him on as if he were your own.”

Sylvie wiped her eyes with a handkerchief. “I never married, never had kids. You and Finn are my family, Gracie.”

Gracie.
I didn’t stop her from calling me that, but it killed me a little each time. My parents and Sylvie were the only people who called me Gracie. I missed my mom and dad. Almost five years had passed since we had spoken to each other. Before things went bad, we had been close. They had loved me and been proud of me, or so I thought. I didn’t foresee us ever reconnecting, and that made a part of me ache.

Sylvie and I hugged good-bye, and then Finn and I left the restaurant, ready for trick-or-treating. Living in family housing on campus allowed life to feel more normal for Finn, but I knew very few of our neighbors would be answering the door for a trick-or-treater. Luckily Amy had invited us to come to her neighborhood.

As we walked across campus, Finn jumped on the brown and yellow leaves, crunching them under his gym shoes. My mind wandered to Dean. As hard as I had tried to avoid it, I kept thinking about him. I attempted to convince myself that I only thought about him because he was a hot guy. But for the past week, each time he’d crossed my mind, I focused on how he’d seemed to care about me and my life.

I’d heard his friend loud and clear. He wanted Dean to stay away from us. I was unsettled by the whole conversation. He was Dean’s friend, and yet it sounded like he thought poorly of him. I couldn’t ignore the fact that this stranger, Jon, wanted to protect my son and me from Dean, but I felt strangely defensive over Dean. In the short amount of time I’d spent with him, he was kind, funny, and polite. Why would Jon assume he would hurt us?

Everyone on campus knew about Dean’s reputation with girls, but I’d never believed he was a bad person. He acted like a normal college student. I was the one who was different.

I was more bothered than I wanted to admit, however, about how he ended our
friendship
. As soon as Jon called him out, he walked away. No good-bye. No explanation. We hadn’t spoken again, and he hadn’t come back to Maria’s to eat. Thank God I hadn’t let Finn get close to him. As it was, I was going to have to explain that Dean was busy with football and unable to go to the park anymore. Finn would be disappointed, and that pissed me off.

“C’mon, Mama!” Finn tugged on my hand, and we crossed the street into Amy’s neighborhood. The idyllic tree-lined road was filled with stone and brick homes, stately but not off-putting. Many faculty members lived in these homes and raised their families there. Amy stood on her front porch, which was decorated with mums and pumpkins, waving to us.

Finn jumped up and down, his orange plastic pumpkin banging against my legs. “Hello, Miss Amy!” Finn waved back. “You stay right there. Let me practice.”

I stopped at the bottom of the stairs, and Finn ran up to Amy, holding out his pumpkin bucket. “Trick or treat, please!”

Amy laughed and held out a large purple bowl filled with miniature candies. Finn contemplated his choices carefully before selecting one.

“Are you ready to get that bucket filled with candy and fun stuff?” Amy placed the bowl inside her front door, and her mom waved good-bye from the kitchen.

Finn held on to Amy’s hand and nodded.

“Thank you again for coming along with us.” Amy and I walked side by side as Finn ran up to the house next door.

“I am excited to go. I have not been trick-or-treating in a long time.” Amy pushed her pink glasses higher up on her face. She was a positive, joyful person. She told me almost every day how much she loved her job and how lucky she felt to have it. I, on the other hand, felt the children who learned from her were the lucky ones.

Ten houses later the pumpkin bucket was getting heavier, and Finn was walking slower. He was up later than normal, and if I pushed him too hard, he would get grumpy. “Finn, let’s cross the street and head back. Once we get back to Amy’s house, we’ll be finished for the night.”

“Okay,” Finn nodded. As we crossed the street, a group of college students moved past us, the girls dressed in very revealing costumes, the guys wearing jeans and T-shirts. They were a friendly group, yelling out “Happy Halloween” and complimenting Finn on his outfit.

“Grace?” I had recognized Dean’s voice before I saw him. My heart raced, and my stomach twisted. “Hey, Just Finn! Wait, you aren’t Finn. Is that Superman?” Dean turned and walked back to the sidewalk where we stopped.

“Yes, I am Superman!” Finn used a deep voice, and we all laughed when he puffed out his chest and placed his hands on his hips.

“Dean? Dean Goldsmith?” Amy moved from beside me and approached Dean.

“Amy! What are you doing here?” Dean and Amy hugged.

How in the world did those two know each other?

Amy twisted around and pointed to her house. “My Dad got a teaching job here. After Clemson, I moved here. I work at childcare on campus.” She smiled down at Finn. “I help Finn.”

“No way,” Dean looked at Amy then at Finn and then at me. The look of remorse in his eyes made my chest tighten. “That’s great news, Amy.”

“Are you trick-or-treating?” Finn looked Dean up and down with his eyebrows pinched together. “What’s your costume?”

Dean crouched down by Finn. “No, little dude. I’m heading to a party with some friends. I’m just dressed like me.”

He didn’t need a costume. Dean was so handsome he took my breath away. His long-sleeved T-shirt was tight, and the definition of the muscles on his chest and arms were clearly evident.

“Grace, can I talk to you for a minute?” Dean placed his hand on my arm, but I pulled it away. It was clear he regretted befriending Finn and me. I didn’t want him to try and say something to make me feel better about it. What I wanted was to forget the whole thing.

I shuffled backward, finding Finn’s hand and slipping my own around it. “No, you can’t. I’m going to finish trick-or-treating with Amy and my son. Have fun at your party.” I turned and walked to the next house, pulling Finn along with me. He ran to the front door while Amy moved next to me. Looking over my shoulder, Dean stood still, hands clenched into fists and body slumped. He watched us with a pained expression on his face.

My stomach hurt, but I took a deep breath and looked back at Finn.
Finn
. He was my priority. No matter how nice Dean had been, or how he had made me feel, even for a minute, he was not the guy for me. I had one goal, one focus. I needed to graduate so that I could continue to take care of my child. A Dean-sized distraction was not what I needed.

As we walked to the next house, I chanced a look back in his direction, but he was gone. My heart sank just a bit further.

“He used to be an asshole,” Amy looked off in the same direction, toward the party Dean was attending with his friends.

“How do you know him, Amy?” I glanced down at her, a little shocked by her comment. My eyes wandered over to Finn, who was still on the porch choosing his treats.

Amy looked over at Finn and smiled as she continued. “Dean went to my high school. I did not have classes with him. I was in special classes.”

My mouth dropped open. No way. Amy and Dean went to school together? I wanted to pepper her with questions. I wanted to know what he was like, who he hung out with, and who he dated. But I kept my questions to myself.

We walked on, and Amy continued. “Remember I told you about Emma?”

I nodded. Emma Harris made such a huge impact on Amy’s life during her senior year of high school. “Because of her, you went to Clemson. Because of Clemson, you get to work with Finn.”

Amy grinned. “She’s the best. You know I was her teacher’s aide, but Dean was a student in her class senior year, along with his best friends Landon, Jon, and Ricky. She had a rough start. Dean ruled the school. Dated all the girls. Homecoming king, prom king, quarterback. And he was mean. Real mean. To me and to other kids. He gave Miss Harris a hard time.”

I felt lightheaded. Jon was right. Dean was a dick. I needed to hear this. I wouldn’t let Finn near him again.

“But you know what?” Amy took Finn’s hand as we walked up the pathway to her house. “He changed, Grace. Landon fell in love with Miss Harris. They could not be together until graduation, but senior year he learned to be a good man. Dean did too. They both stuck up for kids like me. They were kinder. Landon even took me to the prom.” Amy’s face broke into a wide smile, and a lump formed in my throat.

“Amy, that’s so special. I’d like to meet this Landon. Finn, choose some treats and let me check them out to make sure they’re safe.” Finn took a few minutes making his selections, and I inspected them carefully. Then he sat on the porch of Amy’s house and devoured three miniature candies and a full-sized candy bar. “We’re leaving in two minutes, buddy. You can polish off the rest of these tomorrow.” Finn grinned, chocolate smeared all over his face.

“Landon is great, but he got that way because he met Miss Harris. She made him want to grow up and do the right thing. Dean got better watching them. He is not a bad guy anymore, Grace. Don’t listen to what other people say. Trust me. I know.”

I hugged Amy and whispered my thanks. Trusting what Amy said was easy. She had no ulterior motives. Amy only liked to make the people around her feel good. Knowing that Dean had changed in high school was one thing, but it didn’t mean his world and my world had any reason to meet.

After saying our good-byes to Amy and her mom, we set off back to campus. Five minutes into our walk home, Finn slumped against me. “I’m so tired, Mama.” I lifted him and his bucket of candy into my arms and walked toward our home. He fell sound asleep.

As I approached my apartment building, I spotted Dean sitting on the bench by the door.
Crap
. He was going to make me talk to him. I steeled myself to push him away, and then I remembered Amy’s words. He wasn’t a bad guy. And some part of me
had
missed his company.

He jogged my way as soon as he saw me. “Let me have him, Red,” Dean scooped Finn from me before I could protest.

My arms ached, and I stretched them out in front of me. “Thank you. He’s heavier than he looks.” Dean only nodded, his face somber. We walked the rest of the way, and I held the door to my building open for Dean. We rode the elevator in silence, and when I unlocked the door to my apartment, he followed me inside.

“Should I lay him on his bed?” Dean whispered.