Untimely You (18 page)

“I need you,” I tell her as I tug the towel from her body. My palm slides over her full breast making her shiver beneath my touch. “Let me show you how I feel about you.”

She lies back against the pillows, her dark hair creating an angelic halo around her head, and she smiles at me. Her smiles will be the fucking death of me. So innocent and sweet. So forgiving and understanding.

I don’t deserve a woman like Bernice Noble.

But I want her anyway.

“You’re so beautiful. You’re one of those people who lights up a room and everyone can’t help but look at you,” I tell her, awe lacing my words.

She laughs. “Because I crash land wherever I go? They can’t help but notice the girl who trips over the step while entering a room or who spills her entire glass of wine at dinner.”

I push her knees apart, baring her glistening pussy to me. Smirking at her, I tease her clit with the pad of my thumb. “That’s what makes everyone like you. You’re funny. But don’t ever think for one second you’re not the most beautiful woman in the room. Every room.”

Her smile falls from her lips and tears well in her eyes. “You’re sweet tonight. What’s gotten into you?”

I flash her a smoldering look before lowering my mouth to her dripping sex. The moment I run my tongue along her slit, she yelps out in pleasure. My tongue greedily devours her while I slip a finger inside of her. This woman is always ready and eager for me.

I don’t deserve her.

Her fingers grip my hair as she wiggles against my ravenous exploration. And soon she’s whimpering as an orgasm takes hold of her. Her body tightens around my finger while she shudders. I barely wait for her to finish before I’ve shoved my sweatpants down and am pushing inside her. Our eyes meet as the head of my cock breaches her opening. She openly gazes at me with a mix of adoration and desire. It makes my chest puff out with pride.

“Please,” she begs and lifts her ass in an effort to make me shove myself the rest of the way in.

Leaning forward, I give her what she needs and drive into her tight heat until I’m completely seated inside her. I lower myself to my elbows and kiss her gently. When I start thrusting into her, her moans match each time I slam into her. My lips find her ear and I whisper the words dancing around in my heart.

“I love you, Neesy,” I murmur. “And that’s all I know.”

She starts to cry so I bring my lips to hers and kiss away her sobs. Her arms are wrapped around me as if I might suddenly vanish at any moment.

“Shhh,” I coo, “don’t cry, baby.”

Her body quakes beneath me. I don’t want her to be sad. I want to give her the sun and the moon and every goddamn star in the sky. When I reach between us and massage her clit, her cries become moans. The moment her pussy contracts around my cock with her orgasm, I can’t hold on to mine any longer.

My heat pours into her. It’s as if my body has claimed her. Hell, so has my heart. It’s just my mind that’s having trouble diving in with both feet. When my cock is no longer twitching and begins to soften within her, I lift my head to look down at her.

Her hazel eyes are red rimmed. Those dark lashes are darker with tears. And her pretty mouth is swollen and red from our kissing. God, she’s fucking gorgeous.

“You’re too quiet. You’re never this quiet, Crazy,” I say with a smile.

Her bottom lip wobbles. “I’m just thinking.”

Frowning, I capture her quivering bottom lip between my teeth. Then, I suck on it before pulling away. “What are you thinking about?”

She cuts her eyes away from me and stares at the nightstand. A picture of me, Chrissy, and Damien grins back. My heart stops beating.

“I can’t help but think this feels like goodbye.” Her words aren’t meant to hurt me or rile me up. She states them matter-of-factly.

Pulling out of her, I grab her discarded towel and clean us up. I slip out of the bed to shut off all the lights. Once we’re surrounded by darkness, I crawl into bed next to her. She lets me pull her back to my chest. I press kisses along her shoulder and splay my fingers out along her soft stomach.

“This isn’t goodbye, Nees.”

She sniffles and it creates fissures in my heart. I can feel my stony heart beginning to crack.

“But…I feel like it will all end soon…” A sob follows her words. “I don’t want to lose you.”

I clench my teeth together to keep my own emotions at bay. “Shhh, we’re going to figure this out. I just can’t quit you. You’re not something I can simply let go of now that I’ve had you. I have you right now and I like you here. Please tell me you can feel how I feel about you.”

She laughs, the sound sweet and fulfilling. “I felt it dripping from you, Wacko.”

I smile against her soft flesh. “This is just the beginning, Crazy.”

Neither of us say anything else. The room is heavy with unspoken words and unasked questions. I’m not sure how it will all end, but I
do
feel like this is only the beginning for Neesy and me. We’ll figure out a way.

“I’m glad you’re happy, Adrian. It’s a good look on you. Haven’t seen that smile in so long. I’ll always love you…no matter what.”

I jolt upright in bed, a sheen of sweat across my bare chest, and blink rapidly to clear my head. A dream of Chrissy. Guilt seeps from every pore as I try to make sense of her words. My subconscious attempting to help me sort my way through the guilt of betraying my wife for Neesy.

With a huff of frustration, I slip out of the bed and find a pair of sweatpants. After I slide them on, I start toward the door. It opens just as I reach for it, scaring the shit out of me.

“Mr. Hocksted,” Denise says in shaky voice. “Please come.”

My heart stops beating in my chest and tears threaten. Has the pneumonia taken a turn for the worst? Did Chrissy move or speak? Jesus, what if she woke up?

“I feel like it will all end soon.”

Neesy’s foreboding words haunt my mind. If Chrissy awoke, it would be a miracle. My mind can’t even begin to process what that would entail. But my chest aches because I know it would make my decision for me. I wouldn’t even get a say in the matter. As I stride behind Denise toward Chrissy’s room, I can’t help but feel the tug to run back to Neesy and grovel at her feet. To beg for forgiveness for what’s to come.

Because she’s right. I feel it too. This is goodbye.

Denise pushes through the door and makes her way to the foot of Chrissy’s bed. The first thing I notice is the complete, eerie silence. Machines no longer hiss or beep. Everything feels empty. Cold. Different.

“No.” I don’t even recognize the hoarse, choked voice—a voice that I can feel rumbling in my chest. “No.”

“I’m so sorry, Mr. Hocksted,” Denise says in a soft voice. “She passed so peacefully.”

Passed. Passed.
Passed.

“No…” Hot tears streak down my cheeks. A raging fire of guilt starts to burn in my belly. It soon ignites every nerve ending in its path until my entire soul is nothing but ash. “No.”

“Should I wake Damien and Neesy?” she questions.

I snap out of my daze, hissing at her. “NO!”

She takes several steps back and then rushes from the room. Once I’m alone, I walk over to my wife. Her pale body remains unmoving, like always. Her eyes don’t flutter, like always. She doesn’t smile or flash me a wicked look with her eyes, like always. Chrissy is exactly as she has been for the last twelve years. Gone.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” I choke out and crawl onto the bed beside her. “What have I done? My God, what have I done?”

Her skin is cooler than normal to the touch. Why can’t she just fucking wake up for once and say something to me?

“Chrissy,” I bellow and shake her frail form. “Wake the fuck up, goddammit!”

Nothing.

My tears are rolling off my face and splashing hers. I quickly swipe them away. Pressing a soft kiss to her cheek, I start shuddering with loud, heartbroken sobs. It’s then I notice that Denise is back.

“Let me detach her from everything so you can hold her properly,” she says softly.

It takes everything in me to set her back down. The room spins, but I anchor myself beside her bed. After about fifteen minutes of removing the tubes from every part of Chrissy’s frail body, Denise finally frees my wife from the prison I’ve held her in for so many years.

The sun is starting to come up. When I glance out the window, I see it’s snowing. Fucking snowing. The snow got us into this mess in the first place. With a growl, I wrap my wife up in her blankets before scooping her into my arms. Then, I stride over to the French doors.

“Open this,” I snap.

Denise jumps at my words and tries to make eye contact. “What are you doing?”

I glare at her. “Watching the sunrise with my wife. Got a problem with that?”

Her lips press together and she shakes her head. Once she opens the door for me, icy, cold air rushes around my bare feet. Ignoring the bite of the cold, I stalk outside into the snow. It’s falling down hard. I can see the sun trying to peek past the clouds, as if it’s desperately reaching for Chrissy.

I make my way through the snow, letting the chill numb my entire body, before I collapse on my ass. Pulling her to my chest, I cry.

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t man enough for you. I should have let you go long ago. And then I did let you go, even if just a little, when you needed me most. I should have been with you last night. Curled up against you. Jesus fucking Christ you probably felt so alone. So goddamned betrayed.”

I wish the cold could numb my heart. It aches so fucking badly.

“I wanted to do right by you,” I tell her fiercely and kiss her dry lips. “I wanted to be the husband you deserved. I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough, Chrissy.”

The wind whistles through the trees sending more snowflakes swirling around me. I shiver and hold her closer to me.

“Dad?”

I freeze at my son’s deep voice. I can’t let him see her like this. “Go away!”

When I look over my shoulder through my tears, I can see him trudging my way. Fuck!

“Dad, she’s gone. What are you doing out here? You’re going to lose your toes or something.” He’s so grown up. My boy is a man. His eyes twinkle with the same kindness Chrissy’s did. I’m so happy she lives on through him. She would be so damn proud.

“I’m sorry I failed you both,” I mutter, my teeth chattering. “I fucked up, Dame. From day one, I fucked up.”

His warm palm touches my shoulder. “Dad, bring her inside. It’s freezing out here. Neesy started some coffee.”

The mention of her name hardens my heart. “Tell her to go home. This is private.”

Damien doesn’t respond but instead holds his arms out to me. “Give me Mom.”

I try to hold on to her—so my boy doesn’t have to carry his dead mother—but he’s too strong. Too stubborn like her. He easily pulls her from my grasp and carries my love away. Moments later, he’s back. This time, he’s tugging me from my frozen position in the snow. This time, he wraps my arm over his shoulder. This time, it’s me he’s carrying inside. Together we hobble back toward the warmth.

I left the room only to exchange my sopping wet sweat pants for a pair of jeans and a sweater. I’ve barely looked up or moved since returning to her bedside. Chrissy remains in her normal sleeplike position. It’s as if everything’s changed and nothing’s changed at all. Utter madness and confusion are shredding my sanity.

“I’m so sorry, brother,” Eric says, his hand on my back. I don’t even know when he got here. All I know is he’s here now. That’s all that matters. “The coroner is on his way. Snow’s being a bitch.”

I ignore him and he leaves me be. Vaguely, I remember someone setting a hot mug on the table beside me. It remains untouched.

Eventually, nature calls and I make my way to the bathroom in a haze. I flip my dick out and take a piss, all the while thinking of my nightmare of a life. Neesy’s scent still lingers on me from fucking her earlier. Suddenly I’m disgusted. With her. With myself. With this whole goddamned situation.

I snarl and turn on the shower to hot in the bathroom adjacent to Chrissy’s room. Once it begins to steam, I strip and step under the scorching spray. I spend a good fifteen minutes scrubbing my unfaithfulness from my body. How fucking stupid am I?