Untrusting (Troubled) (12 page)

We turn down the late callers for
reservations.  I’m happy to be finished with the call barrage.  Maria
has to go the bank to make a deposit and I ask her to pick up some Chinese food
for us for lunch.  While she’s gone, I put the dogs out.  I don’t
mention the guys or anything else that happened this weekend.  Miss Lili
plays with the dogs, mostly Chaucee and José.  When Maria returns we have
lunch then I check out all the dogs.  I keep busy with anything I can find
to do.  I don’t want to talk.  I’m not rude to Miss Lili, I just keep
busy.

Four o’clock comes and Miss Lili
leaves to meet Steve and Bob to get them situated in whatever they’re
doing.  Maria and I clean the kennels and get things ready to close the
office.  The phone rings just before we leave.  Miss Lili wants our
help at the park to stake out the area for the booths.  Maria needs to get
home to Shay, so I go help.  I need to stay in town to let the dogs out
later, anyway.

I meet Miss Lili and two elderly
men, Dave and Elmer, at the park.  They help us measure the areas and
stake them off.  We get half of the park staked out when I have to leave
to let the dogs out.  As I’m leaving Bob and Steve arrive with more lumber
for the booths.

I let the dogs out and put them
away.  Then I drive by the Burger Barn to have supper, but I notice Bob
and Steve’s truck in the parking lot and decide not to stop.  I drive over
to the grocery store and pick up a frozen pizza.  Maria calls as I’m
putting it in the oven.  We talk about what’s going on at the park. 
We talk for a few more minutes when she has to go, Bob’s at the door.

I turn the oven off, leaving the
pizza in the oven and jump in the shower.  I put my pajamas on and am about
to take my first bite when Mom calls.  She asks about the carnival then
says Miss Lili had called asking if Dad would help out with the horse
ride.  She says Dad agreed to supply the horses and run it.  We talk
a few more minutes and hang up.  I clean up the kitchen after eating and
go to bed.  The phone rings, but I don’t answer it.  No reason,
except I don’t want to get out of bed.

I’m at work early today, taking the
dogs out and other things I need to do.  Maria comes in and we open the
office.  There are no appointments today so we do a thorough cleaning of
the office and exam rooms.  I get a call from H.P. saying jury selection
is over sooner than they expected and the trial has begun.  I tell them
about the carnival and they hope to have the dogs legally released by the
weekend so I can adopt them out then.  I tell them, all but the newborns,
can be adopted.  They want me to give discounts on spaying and neutering
with the adoptions.  I tell them I’ll figure a way to give some kinda discount
with the dogs.

At lunch, Miss Lili comes by, but
can’t stay.  She’s trying to get rides and entertainment lined up, but she
wants to see her dogs for a little while.  She reminds us there’ll be
students by to clean the back yard today and I remind her José is due for
x-rays to get his cast off.  She says she’ll check on José soon.

She asks where I was last night, I
tell her I went home to a shower and bed.  She says Steve tried to call
me, but I wasn’t home.  I explain I was home, in bed and too tired to get
up to answer the phone.  She asks if I can be available to help after work
today and explains what she needs my help with.  I agree to help ‘til I
have to put the dogs out.  She’s happy, but has to leave to make more
arrangements.

After work, I go to the park to
help stake out the remaining spaces.  Dave, Elmer, Miss Lili and I finish
that task and Miss Lili wants to stake out the ride areas and a couple of the
awning areas.  At eight I excuse myself to tend to the dogs.  Bob and
Steve are there, somewhere, I see their trucks when I leave.  I lock the
front door while I’m out back with the dogs.  The dogs back in their
kennels, I leave.  Steve’s waiting when I come out.

I feel awkward when he says “hi.” 
I say “hi” back and ask how he’s doing.  He’s fine, tired from the work
he’s putting in on the carnival.  We chat for a few minutes then he asks
me to join him for a burger.  I have to eat and we’ll be in public so it
should be okay.  We go to the “Barn” to find Bob and Miss Lili
there.  We join them and things are easier.  We chat with Miss Lili
about the carnival’s progress and I try to stay interested.  I mention
Mom’d told me about Dad running the pony ride.  Miss Lili said Steve’d
mentioned Dad as a prospect for the ride.  I tell her the news about the
dogs and she’s happy to hear that José can come home this week and first chance
I get his cast is coming off.  I remind her Chaucee needs another month
before she can come home.  Miss Lili is okay with that.  When I
finish eating I tell everyone goodnight and excuse myself.

Steve walks me out to my truck and
stands there talking, standing so I’m not able to get in the truck.  He
has us wedged between the door and the seat.  I have to admit I’m a little
nervous.  I don’t know what he wants.  He says, “I missed you last
night.  Are we okay?”

“I don’t know, are we?”

“I hope so.  I want us to
be.”  He’s so close, my back’s against the seat.  He touches my arm
and he’s shaking, but then so am I.

“Steve, you’re shaking again. 
Why?”

“I’m trying to control myself and
it’s not easy.  You’re shaking, too.  Why?”

“I’m nervous.  I don’t know
how to act right now.  You’ve been distant the last few times I’ve been
around.  I thought ya wanted some space so I let you have it.  Now I
don’t know what ya want.”

“I want ya to trust me.  I
don’t want ya to think I’m like the other guys you’ve known.  I want you,
but I don’t want to rush ya.  It’s hard for me since I don’t know what to
do.  I want ya to understand I want to try with us without putting
pressure on ya to sleep with me.  I don’t know if it’ll work out between
us, I can’t promise anything.  But I want it to, so I’ll wait ‘til you’re
ready.”  He puts his hands under my arms and lifts me onto the seat and
steps between my knees to hug me.  “I won’t kiss ya,” he whispers into my
hair, “we’d draw too much attention, because I never know if I can stop. 
I’ll wait for a more private time and you’ll have to make the move.”  He
kisses my temple and backs away, pushing my legs into the truck and closing the
door.  “’Bye.”

I watch him go to his truck. 
I’m shaking so hard I can hardly start mine, back out and head for home. 
When I get home I call Maria and we talk about what Steve’d said.  When we
hang up I shower and wonder if I trust Steve.  Again, I fall asleep before
I have an answer.

The next morning, I decide I need
to talk to Mom.  She hands me a cup of coffee when I show up in her
kitchen for a talk.  We talk for a while then she says, “Sher, there’s
never any guarantees when it come to attraction, or love.  It’s, take a
chance, hope for the best and accept it as it is now.  One thing for sure,
you’ll get nowhere unless ya do.”

At the office I talk to Maria about
what Mom’d said, but she has no answer for me, either, other than what we
already know--Mom is a wise woman.  Then our day begins with appointments
and phone calls.  Miss Lili doesn’t come to the office today.  We
actually close the office, go out for lunch and drive by the park. 
There’s a lot of activity there, but we don’t stop, we have to get back to the
office.

At four o’clock the H.P. calls
saying the papers to release the dogs will be dropped off tomorrow
morning.  I’m happy to hear it.  I’ve had the dogs for over a month
and I’ll have some of them left, but fewer dogs will be less work, less
expense.

Maria and I are ready to print the
posters for this week’s activities, but we don’t have them.  I call the
station and Bob answers, just the person I want to talk to.  I ask him
about the posters.  He plans to drop them off on his way home.  I ask
if Maria can come by for them since they’re ready.  He answers “Sure”, so
I send Maria over for them.  She’s gone for forty five minutes.  She
had a tour of the station while she was there and got kissed a time or two. 
Steve was napping.  Bob said he hasn’t been sleeping very well.

We print the posters and close the
office early to get them out.  I let Maria go home early.  I go back
to the office to check messages, there are none, so I let the dogs out, close
the office and go to the park.  I help build four booths, before I have to
leave.  Back at the office, I think about what Mom’d said while I wait for
the dogs.  I call Maria to ask if I can stop by.  She offers to feed
me, too, so I go straight to her house, after locking up.

We talk about the “risks and the
chances taken” involved in a relationship.  We decide by taking chances we
risk getting hurt, but we also risk finding someone to love and to love us
back.  The only way to know if the man involved can be trusted is to take
the risk.  We decide we should go in for birth control, before we take
“some” chances.  Maria says she’ll call tomorrow for our appointments.

I go home satisfied with our
decision, whether, or not it’s necessary.  I fall asleep imagining Steve
with me.

I drive out to the falls tonight
after dinner with Grams and Bob.  I can’t get the picture of Sher skinny
dipping in the creek outta my head.  That was a close call.  When she
got outta the creek, but didn’t get dressed right away, I had a hard time
leaving so I’d be back before her.  Riding hard, I got turned around and
didn’t make it.  I can’t get her outta my head.  I’m not sleeping
very well, the pictures of her swimming playing and replaying.  I wake up
in a sweat and needing a cold shower.  Thank goodness Grams’ bedroom and
bathroom is downstairs.  Bob’s upstairs with me and I’ve had to wait on
him a few times in the middle of the night.  I’m sure he’s taking cold
showers, too.

I hear a truck drive up beside me
and know it’s Bob without looking.  I get out to sit in his truck, this
time.  He knows where to find me, but this is a favorite spot of his,
too.  We talk about the girls and he tells me he’s decided to ask Maria to
marry him.  I ask him if he thinks she’s in love with him.  He
doesn’t know, but he misses spending time with her.  I know what he means,
I have the same problem.

“I’ll be glad when the carnival’s
over, I’ll get to spend more time with Maria and then I can figure out when to
ask.”

“I know what ya mean.  I need
to figure out how I feel about Sher and her about me.  I want to spend a lot
more time with her.  I don’t know how Grams is gonna take it, but I want
as much time alone with Sher as I can get.  I have a control issue when I
kiss her, so she’s going to have to make the next move and I told her so last
night.  That way if it gets outta hand it’ll be because she made the move,
and I won’t be rushing her.  I just hope she doesn’t take too long. 
The dreams are getting to me.”

Bob chuckles, “I know what ya
mean.  I’m having the same problem, but you know that.  We’ve each
had to wait for the other to finish their cold shower to get our own. 
We’re a pathetic pair, aren’t we?”  We laugh and stare out the windshield
at the falls and the moonlight sparkling off the cascading water and the
ripples it makes when it hits the pool.  After a while we decide to go
home and Bob follows me.

Maria and I meet at the door when
we come in to work.  As we’re cleaning the kennels, Maria remarks,
“Thursday, two more days before the carnival.  I’ll be glad when it’s
over.”  I have to agree.

Appointments and phone calls pass
the time quickly, ‘til Miss Lili comes in with lunch.  She sits down in a
chair and making a whooshing sound, says how tired she is.  I check her
pulse and listen to her heart.  All’s in rhythm, so I’m not worried about
her.  We eat in almost complete silence.  Maria asks Miss Lili what’s
left to be done, and Lili starts off with a groan.

The booths are being painted,
electricity is being run to each booth, the dance floors are being built,
tables and chairs are being hauled over and carriages are being delivered for
the carriage rides today and tomorrow.  The covered wagon will come in
later today.  We ask if she’s going to need help this afternoon.  She
admits she always needs help with a project of this size.

Then she launches into what good
the money will do; windows and roofs for the storm victims; revenue for the
crafters; advertisement for the shops and stores around and in Granite Bluff;
and, help to spruce up the town and some of the houses.  Maria and I look
at each other and our guilt shows in our eyes.  I ask Maria to check our
schedule, there aren’t any appointments left.  We let the dogs out and I
talk to Maria.  Would she like to help at the carnival this
afternoon?  She would and so would I, especially since Miss Lili is feeling
the wear and tear of the work.  We promised to back her up, to her and the
guys.  Now we need to put our money where our mouth is and deliver on our
promise.

As we’re about to lock up the H.P.
arrives with the papers that make the dogs mine.  We tell the patrolman
about the carnival, what it’s for and invite him to stop by Saturday or Sunday
and to bring his friends and family.  He goes with us to take a look at
the park and remarks on how nice it looks.  We tell him we’ll have a band
and dancing starting at five, so he’s not to forget his girl.

I have to decide how I’m going to
set up my booth and get that done tomorrow.  But today, we’re going to
help get this carnival as finished as possible.  Maria and I find Miss
Lili and tell her about the papers.  She asks if José can stay ‘til Sunday
or Monday.  I let her know she can pick him up when she’s ready.  We
follow her around a bit ‘til she puts us to work painting our booth.  Bob
and Steve have already made a sign for it and there’s a fence around it for the
dogs to run in.  No kennels to arrange.  Maria makes notes as to the
supplies we’ll need and we get to work painting the booth the same bright green
as the others.  As we finish, Miss Lili rides up on her tricycle with
another can of paint for us.  She wants us to paint stripes on the
booth.  She wants each booth to be recognizable from a distance so the
carnival goers can find their way back, should they want to.