Untrusting (Troubled) (13 page)

When we finish we hunt Miss Lili
down, to keep her in sight without her knowing we’re watching.  She’s
riding her tricycle around the park tending to business.  We find out Miss
Lili has called the out of town carnival merchants to come paint and decorate
their booths today.  She’s a more efficient planner than we thought, initially. 
Things are looking very nice, yet carnival-ish.  We go over to the gazebo
to sit and watch for a while.  We’re tired from trying to keep up with
Miss Lili.  Maria notices the time and has to go.  We find Miss Lili
to tell her we have to go, but I’ll be back.  Maria says she’ll be back if
she can bring Shay.  Miss Lili says the work is winding down so Shay
should be okay.  I go to the office to let the dogs out.  Bob arrives
before I get them in and kenneled.  He came to get me.  I’m needed at
the park.  We get the dogs taken care of and get to the park.

They decided to have a semi-circle
dance floor and need help getting the last section of the floor in.  Steve
hands me a drill and a bag of screws telling me to screw down the boards that
will form the dance floor to the forms underneath them.  I take the screws
and start on the floor.  Steve and Bob watch for a minute to be sure I’m
doing it right.  I look up “I made props in the Drama Club, from high
school through college.”  They chuckle and walk away to work elsewhere. 
When Maria and Shay arrive, she goes to work helping me while Shay plays in the
gazebo.  In an hour, Maria and I have the floor finished and are looking
for something else to do when Steve and Bob find us.

They compliment us on the floor and
suggest we take a look around to see that everything looks good.  Maria,
Shay and I take a walk around the park.  Everything’s neat and organized
looking.  The center of the park and west a bit is where the petting zoo
and the pony ride will be, off setting the gazebo and the dance floor. 
Folded tables and chairs are leaning against the booths and awning frames,
waiting to be set up tomorrow.  Then Saturday morning only the products
and animals need to be brought in and set up.  Well, tomorrow is well in
hand.  Steve and Bob find us to ask us to supper and it’s a good thing,
Shay’s complaining he’s hungry, even tho’ Maria gave him a snack before they
came.

Bob picks Shay up, gets a big hug,
and we walk to the trucks.  Miss Lili’s tricycle is in the back of Steve’s
truck tonight.  She rides with us to Sal’s for pizza.  We get through
dinner, but Maria, Bob and Shay don’t stay long afterward, Shay’s falling
asleep.

We take Miss Lili home and drop her
off and Steve and I go back to the office to the dogs.  He again holds me
from behind and kisses the top of my head, but he says nothing.  We watch
the dogs, enjoying their playing and I’m watching them, making sure they’re
doing okay.  I took the bandage off the dog with the dislocated leg
yesterday and she’s doing fine.  The muscle and the joint has had time to
strengthen.

I notice this time Steve isn’t
shaking and I pat his arm.  He steps closer and stands holding me,
commenting about the dogs, seemingly content to keep things this way. 
Tomorrow at eleven I have an appointment for birth control and Maria’s is at
ten thirty.  We hope to switch off at the office and keep it open while we
get what we need done.  I know I’m not safe ‘til I have the pill, so I
stand as I am. Steve’d said I have to make the next move to take this to the
next step, and I will as soon as I’m safe to do that.  We still have three
more days to get through before we can even consider taking time to take risks.

After the dogs are kenneled and the
office is locked, we say goodnight.  Steve’s shaking again.  He wants
to kiss me, I can see it, and I want it, too, but I’m not ready to take that
step, yet.  We hug, get in our trucks and drive away, in separate
directions.  Tomorrow is going to be a very busy day.

Friday morning Maria and I print up
blank adoption papers for the dogs , except for their number and breed. 
We make sure they’re vaccinated and their collars have the tag on them. 
While Maria’s gone, I make up discounts for the dogs to be fixed at my clinic
for twenty five dollars off and a ten dollar discount for the puppies’
vaccinations.  That should help business some.  Maria comes back from
her appointment and I leave for mine.

I find out it takes about two weeks
for the pill to be safe and “I have to wait ‘til the ‘right’ time of the month
to start them,’period’.”  I joke with Maria about the pills to hide my
nervousness about what this step means.  She admits she’s just as nervous.

Miss Lili comes in, bringing lunch
with her.  The joking is over ‘til she leaves.  She says everything’s
going great at the park.  The carnival is almost finished and the vendors
are all there taking charge of their booths.  Signs are going up and
everyone’s praising her for the effort it must’ve taken to organize the
event.  She’s beaming with confidence and pride.

We put the dogs away and have
lunch.  She goes on about the carnival and all the interesting things
she’s seen this morning.  The quilts, the jewelry, the toys, and so much
more that are being kept in lockers ‘til the carnival.  Maria and I are
concerned about the boxes of things being kept there overnight, but Lili
assures us she’s hired a couple of men to make sure everything’s safe. 
After a long lunch Miss Lili goes back to work.  She says all the prep
work is done so we aren’t needed to help this afternoon.  We tell her
we’ll be by to walk through the park just to look around.  Miss Lili
mentions the fire department will be cooking ribs, hamburgers and hot dogs at
their booth.

Maria and I close the office an
hour early for a stroll through the park.  Miss Lili is right, the
carnival’s ready for tomorrow.  There’re a few people here still setting
up, but not many.  Miss Lili isn’t here and neither are Steve and
Bob.  Maria and I walk around, liking everything we see so we leave. 
Maria goes home to get Shay for supper and I go to “Kim’s”, we’re having
Chinese tonight, and fair food tomorrow.  After supper we leave, Maria for
home and I for the office to tend to the dogs.

The dogs want to play longer so I
let them exercise as much as they want then put them away and leave.  I
call Maria when I get home and she hasn’t seen Bob.  I get my shower and
go to bed.

Saturday morning Maria and I hit
the ground running.  We put the box of paperwork in the seat of my truck
and take as many dogs in kennels in one trip as we can.  Maria transports
three kennels and the food and water so I can handle the rest of them on the
second trip while Maria and Shay stay at the park.  The dogs cause quite a
commotion at the carnival, all the vendors coming over to see them as we let
them into the fenced area.  Some saying they would be back to take one
home.  That’s when I realize we’d need leashes for them.  I have
Maria and Shay run over to the hardware store to buy forty leashes to go with
the dogs.

I sit waiting for something to
happen, anything, it didn’t matter what.  I’m bored now that the vendors
have all gone to tend to their booths.  Maria comes back and I see Dad
saddling the horses he’d brought, so I ask Maria to wait here while I help him.

He’s glad for the help and we talk
for a while.  He asks how everyone is.  I tell him they’re all fine,
as far as I know.  He asks about Steve and I tell him Steve was fine night
before last so I’m sure he’s fine now.  Then he asks me, “Are you missing
him?”  I don’t know what to say, I haven’t thought about it.  I’m at
a loss for words.  Dad continues, “Getting too involved too soon?”

I can answer that, “No.  We’re
not…involved, not that way anyway.”

“You’ve been spending a lotta time
with him.”

“Not so much.  An hour or so
three or four times a week.”

“Has he kissed you yet?  No,
don’t say anything, the blush answered for ya.  Did ya like it? 
Again, I can see the answer on your face.  So what’s the problem, another
girl, ya don’t like the way he kisses, the way he eats, or you’re not ready to
jump into bed with him?”  I’m standing there totally flabbergasted with my
mouth open.  “Don’t look so shocked, I was young once.  Maybe ya
don’t like him enough to go that far.  Maybe, you just miss spendin’ more
time with your friend.  No, that’s not it.  Ya know how I know? 
I saw it on both your faces the day of the barbecue.  So it’s you that has
some kinda hang up.  What’re ya gonna do about it?”

I’m still standing there with my
mouth open.  How and when did my parents get so smart?  But Dad
continues, “I suggest ya figure out your feelings, everyone else can see you
two are just this side of the sheets, get some protection and cut the sexual
frustration complication outta your lives.  Now, if you’re not gonna finish
saddlin’ that horse, move so I can.  The carnival’ll be openin’ soon and
I’d like to rest a bit before I’m leadin’ the horses around the rest of the
day.”

I turn to finish saddling the horse
and as I put the saddle on the horse I bust out laughing.  Dad comes over,
“Over the shock of what I said or that I said it?”  I laugh harder and hug
him, turn, fasten the belly strap and the cinch, turn back, thank him and hug
him again.  He kisses me on my head and hugs me back.  “Send Maria
and Shay over after the carnival starts and I’ll give him a ride.”  I walk
back toward my booth and Dad hollers after me “Glad I could help.”  I turn
and wave at him.

I’m laughing when I get back to my
booth.  Maria asks why and I tell her quietly, while Shay’s playing with
the dogs.  She laughs, “I guess that’s been our problem this whole
time.  Well, we’ll take care of that pretty soon.  Were ya shocked to
hear that come outta your Dad?”

“Absolutely.  It was like
hearing Santa Claus swear.”  We laugh.  We notice the carnival goers
coming our way, so I tell Maria to take Shay over to Dad for a pony ride. 
She and Shay leave.

I stay, talking to prospective
owners for the dogs.  A few of the older dogs are taken by a couple of
senior citizens.  The kids want to play with the puppies and a few of them
left with their family.  Mid sized dogs seem to be popular today. 
They like finding out the dogs are pure bred and they’re free, or they can put
a donation in the box.  At two, Miss Lili comes over with burgers for us
and stays with us to eat.  A dozen dogs now have new owners.  She
suggests we advertise the fact the dogs are pure bred, that might get more of
them taken.  After lunch Maria goes to the hardware store for poster board
and we make a sign with the words pure bred and list the breeds.  It gets
more attention.

At five we hear the band start
playing and see the elderly head toward the seats around the dance floor to
listen to the music.  The younger groups are still roving the carnival.  I
watch the passing munchers, drooling, as the most interesting smelling food
passes by.  I send Maria looking for supper.  She comes back with a
lotta food, all different.  She got one of everything, except the burgers
and dogs we had for lunch.  We sit and gorge ourselves.  Shay didn’t
like some of it, but he liked enough that he got full.  Bob comes by to
see if Shay can go with him for a while, he’s been relieved by the other
firemen and he plans to have a little fun.  I let Maria to go with him,
too.  She has a son that needs some activity and a carnival is good for
him and her with her boyfriend.

I sit, talking to people and
adopting dogs to many of them.  I see Steve down the midway with a bunch
of people and feel left out, but I have a responsibility to get these dogs a
home, so I keep going.  At six, Mom comes by and stays to help.  At
seven she tells me to take a break so I wonder around.

Miss Lili wasn’t wrong, there are
some beautiful things here.  I don’t buy anything, but I look.  I
wander to the gazebo, but there’s no one dancing.  I’m pissed.  I
spent all that time making that dance floor and not for nothing.  I expect
it to be used.  I wonder over to the seats and ask one of the senior
citizens to dance, and he accepts.  Soon the dance floor fills up. 
After two dances, I excuse myself and go back to my booth.  Mom’s there
with Maria and Shay.  There’re fifteen dogs left.  I’m surprised so
many of them are gone.  Mom says several people, that were by earlier, had
come back for puppies.  I’m glad they did.

Now I have to get back to the
office with the last of the dogs so I can bring them back tomorrow.  I
start getting the remaining dogs into the kennels to put in my truck to take
back for the night.  Mom stops me, “Sorry to see them go aren’t ya?”

“Actually, I’m glad they have good
homes and that means less work for me.”

“Then why are ya crying?”

“Am I?  I don’t know, maybe
I’m just tired.  I’ve been at this all day today and a good bit of the
last week.  Maybe I need about two days of sleep, or piece and quiet, or
something.  I don’t know.”

“By the way, I have to tell ya what
Dad said to me today.”  I tell her and she laughs.

“That’s what I was getting at the
other day, but I have a mother’s ‘saintly moral status’ to uphold.”  She
laughs when my mouth drops open like it did when Dad said it.  “Sheralyn,
we were young and sexually frustrated at one time.  We didn’t have “the
pill”, but we had our ways of taking care of things when they came up.” 
When my mouth drops open a little further, she laughs, again.  “I didn’t
mean to make a dirty comment, but it does seem to fit, doesn’t it?”  She
grabs me and hugs me laughing hard.  Then she pushes me toward the dogs
and the remaining kennels, shutting my mouth as we walk with her arm around my
shoulders and her hand under my chin.

Another pickup pulls up behind mine
and starts putting empty kennels into the back.  I look up to see
Steve.  “How’d ya do?  I see you’ve got a lotta empty kennels.”

“There’s only fifteen of them left
outta forty.  We did very well.”  Bob comes over to help and asks
about Maria.  I tell him I’d sent her home, Shay’s frazzled.  He
helps ‘til all the kennels are in one of the trucks and says he’s going to see
if his best girl can come out dancing with him.  The band’s staying ‘til
midnight tonight.  Dad has joined us and he and Mom are going toward the
music, saying I should come back and join them for a while.  I tell them I
will and drive away.

Steve follows me back to the office
and we unload the kennels and the dogs.  “Poor mama dog, you haven’t been
out all day.” I say as I open her kennel.  The puppies are crawling now,
all over the place, but she runs out the back door, to Steve.

“Sher, I got a key from your Dad
and let her out twice today.  Hope you don’t mind.”

“I don’t mind, but why didn’t you
come to me?”  I’m wondering.

“I didn’t want to see ya just
then.  I have something I have to tell ya, but it’ll wait ‘til
later.  Are ya goin’ back to the dance at the park tonight?”

“I told Mom and Dad I’d come back
for a while.  Why?”

“I want ya to go with me.  I
want my girl with me.  In fact, I insist ya go with me.  I need you
with me tonight, okay?”  He’s acting a bit strange.  He’s never been
insistent before.

“Okay, but why’s it so important
tonight?”

“I’ll tell ya later, I
promise.”  He goes back to bringing in the kennels, so I go back to work,
too.

When we finish, he puts me in his
truck and we go back to the dance.  Some of the younger group has stayed
and they’re line dancing so we join them and soon Maria and Bob are back and
dancing, too.  Mom and Dad are dancing but they’re two stepping. 
They’re having fun and so are we.  At midnight we head our separate
ways.  I spot Mom and Dad walking toward his truck with his arm around her
shoulders and giving her a, not so quick, kiss.  Steve takes me back to the
office and we let the dogs out.  He walks me to my truck after I lock up
the office.

He opens my truck door and waits
‘til I get in the seat before he stops me.  “Sher, the four full time
firemen are being sent to west Texas to fight their forest fire.  We’ve
been trained for that kinda thing and they need everyone they can get. 
The volunteers will stay here.  We leave tomorrow, right after the
carnival.  We heard earlier today, that’s why I didn’t want to see ya
earlier.  We should only be gone a few weeks, but I’m gonna miss you, a
lot.”  He turns me, steps between my knees and hugs me so hard it hurts,
but my chest was already hurting with the news.

“Does this have to be our
goodbye?  Will I see ya again before ya leave?”  He doesn’t
know.  They have to be in Waco by eight tomorrow night and he still has to
work the booth tomorrow.  “You’ll be careful, won’t ya?  I want ya
back in one piece.”

“And I expect to come back.” 
I nod.  “Sher,” comes out in a groan against my shoulder.  “I gotta
go pack or I’ll never get finish packing.” he says as he shifts back a bit with
his head down.  “I won’t kiss ya or I’ll never stop.”  He kisses my
temple, steps away, pushes my legs in the truck and shuts the door.  I
don’t say anything because I can’t speak.  I reach through the window and
pull him over so I can kiss his cheek.

I drive home through the tears
that’re blurring my vision.  Mom and Dad are waiting for me.  They
let me cry without saying anything.  Dad finally says goodnight and
Steve’ll be back safe and sound in a few weeks.  Mom says I should get
some sleep if I’m going to make it through tomorrow.  I set my alarm for
seven thirty instead of six and fall asleep, exhausted.

I’m late this morning, but a cup of
coffee Mom brought over gets me going.  I meet Maria at the office at
ten.  We load the kennels in the truck and head to the park.  Neither
one of us are very talkative.  The word has gotten out about the pure bred
dogs and we’re swamped about two with people wanting dogs and puppies. 
Some want smaller dogs and I tell them about the Spaniels at the office. 
They want to see them, so I arrange to meet them at the office at five. 
All the dogs are gone by four o’clock so we shut the booth down and stroll
around the carnival.

We stop for supper at the fire
department’s booth.  Bob comes to say “hi” to Shay and gives Maria a quick
kiss.  Their booth is slowing down, not only in sales, but in
supplies.  They’ve almost sold everything they have.  Bob says the
band is going to play ‘til seven tonight so the vendors can enjoy the music,
too.  He says Steve has gone home to get the luggage and over to the fire
station to get the equipment, but he’ll be back soon.  They decided they
had time to load everything during the carnival, so they could stay for a dance
or two with their girls.  So they’ll meet us there at five thirty.

I tell him about the arrangements
to meet people at the office that may speak for the puppies there.  He
says I should hurry, they only have ‘til six thirty.  Shay wants a hot dog
and we get ribs for supper.  Maria and Shay stay with Bob while I go back
to the booth to make sure I didn’t forget anything.  Miss Lili’s waiting
for me.

Everything’s already cleaned up and
the fence is down.  The grass is cleaned and the donation box is sitting
inside the booth.  When I hand her the box, she opens it to find it
full.  She counts it, takes some of it and gives the rest to me.  I
don’t understand.  “That your’s for the clinic. Each of the businesses is
getting their proceeds.  You’re a business.  Steve mentioned an animal
shelter and the mayor’s okayed it and the boardin’ kennels on the lot behind
the clinic.  And you’ll be running the animal shelter as soon as it’s
built.”