Unveiling The Sky (15 page)

“Will you promise me that next time it’s clear you’ll look for your favorite?” Turning my head, I caught his intense gaze. “Promise me you’ll look for the stars?” My chest burned and my throat closed; it felt like he was asking me for so much more. I nodded before I went any further down that rabbit hole, and we both turned away from each other to look up.

We were quiet for a while after that. I hadn’t looked at Gabe again but I could feel his gaze on me every few minutes, and I couldn’t help but wonder why he was still there. Why he willingly came out here when I was clearly a wreck.

I was still lost in my thoughts when Gabe said, “You know, it’s okay if you’re not… okay, I mean.”

“I know,” I whispered.

“Do you?” I glanced over to find him intently staring at me with a raised eyebrow and a genuine look of concern. As my gaze roamed his face, I couldn’t help but think about my father. Not in a creepy Freudian way, but in an understanding and sympathetic way. Gabe’s look of concern, and maybe even affection? It mirrored the way my father often looked at me. Lost in my thoughts, I said the same thing I would if my dad were here.

“I need a pass.”

“A what?” His face bunched up in adorable confusion.

I smiled, remembering the first time I used a pass. Turning onto my side, I tucked my hands beneath my head and curled my legs toward my chest before speaking. “When I was a kid and I got upset by something, I never really wanted to talk about it. I was a huge brat about it, actually.” A small smile tugged at Gabe’s lips. “Anyways, my dad was always looking for ways to get me to talk to him. He was a big believer in talking through your problems, and one day he came up with the pass. He told me that anytime there was a problem, I had to talk to him about it. Not just talk, but also dissect everything. We couldn’t leave the room until I felt better about it. But you know, I was super smart and knew all about quid pro quo. Although at the time I think I called it ‘squid pro ko.’” Gabe laughed and nodded for me to continue. “The deal was that he would give me five passes in my life in which he would leave me alone to ‘sulk,’ as he put it. Any other time, though, we had to discuss the issue in full until we came up with a solution.”

“How many have you used?”

“Technically, three. But it’s all a little bit of a front. My dad would never force me to talk about something if I didn’t want to. He just knew how closed off I was, and he wanted to make sure I could see the benefits to confiding in someone.”

“He sounds awesome,” Gabe said.

“He is.” I grew quiet, closing my eyes and thinking about all the ways my dad helped me.

“So, you want a pass, huh?” There was no trace of mocking in Gabe’s voice, only deliberation.

“Yeah.” I opened my eyes to find him looking up and processing my strange request.

“Okay… but I’ll only give you three.” He paused. “Including this one.”

I chuckled, but blew out a sigh of relief. “That’s awfully greedy.”
 

He smiled as his eyes fluttered closed, looking grateful that the somber atmosphere was quickly fading. “I have a feeling that when it comes to you, that’ll always be the case,” he said softly. I slowly turned away, unsure of how to respond. When my back made contact with the chair again, I realized my lips were turned up. It was a small, but genuine, smile that would have seemed impossible fifteen minutes ago. And even though it was such a small thing, it felt huge in that moment.

September slowly and quietly bled into October as I continued to adjust to my new life. The summer was hanging on as the Arizona temperature continued to linger in the low 90s, but blessedly left the triple digits. Most people were rejoicing in the change to cooler weather—because when you live in Arizona, 90s is in fact “cooler” weather—but I was dreading the upcoming month. And no doubt Sam was feeling the same way. Our mother’s birthday was in the middle of it and even though neither of us had mentioned it, I knew we were both anxious for it to pass.

For me this felt like the first real birthday we would have without her. With her death coming a mere four weeks before her birthday, it had still felt too raw last year. It hadn’t been one individual day of sorrow because at that point every single day had been painful, so it had just blended into the rest without us really noticing. But this year I would notice, and it was going to suck.

It had been about a week since Alara and I had sat and talked under the stars. We had seen each other a few times since then, but every time she seemed a little shy, like she was embarrassed because I saw her so vulnerable. I was hoping time would change how timid she had become, because I planned on knowing all of her. Even the things she tried to hide.

I liked her. A lot. The more time I spent with her, the more I realized just how weird my relationship with Miranda really was. And Alara and I weren’t even in a relationship. Yet. I hoped.

But as my mother’s birthday drew closer, I pulled away a little. Not enough to draw attention, just enough that I could be a miserable bastard for a few days and not have to worry about taking it out on her.

Three days before our mother’s birthday, I invited Sam over hoping to get a feel for what she was planning to do. I still hadn’t spoken to my father, so I had no way to know if he was going to do anything. The chances were low, but maybe he would consider it for Sam.

Sam and I had just started casually talking when Derek strolled in after his lunch shift at the bar. “Hey guys.” He nodded to both of us before grabbing a water bottle out of the fridge. “What are you two up to?”

“Not much. She only got here about ten minutes ago.”

“I need to grab a shower, but do you want to grab a game after?” he asked while nodding to the Xbox.

“Uhh…” I trailed off as I glanced at my sister. This wasn’t exactly what I had in mind, but I couldn’t ask Derek to leave his own apartment. Maybe he could just go in his room? “I’m not really in the mood to play. Plus Sam and I have some things we need to discuss.”

His eyebrows rose and his gaze shifted between us as he opened his mouth to speak. But it wasn’t his voice I heard.

“It’s okay. You guys can play and I’ll just stay and hang out.” Sam reached out and gripped my forearm before pointing to her bag. “I’m actually in the middle of this really great book, so this works better.”

“Sweet!” Derek clapped his hands once before rubbing them together. “I’ll be out in ten,” he hollered as he disappeared into the bathroom seconds before we heard the pipes groaning through the walls.

I turned to look at Sam but she was already up and moving toward her bag, and when she returned to the couch she still wouldn’t look at me. Christ. She did all that on purpose.

“Sam—”

“I know.” Her voice was soft but strong as she scrolled through her Kindle. “But I can’t come with you.”

“What?”

She finally gave me her eyes when she looked up, and I almost wished she hadn’t. There was so much sadness in them I felt like I was drowning. “I can’t go with you and do all Mom’s favorite things.” I frowned as I let that sink in; I hadn’t even thought about that. But I should have—during the years she was sick, that was our thing.

Sam would stay at home with Mom and entertain her, while I went out to some of her favorite places. I took pictures and brought back things when it was appropriate. It was the cheesiest thing I’d ever done, and my mom loved it.

“I just wouldn’t be able to handle it,” Sam finished as she broke through my thoughts.

“I understand.” I frowned as she dismissed me and began reading. Clearly the conversation was over. Even though I had figured out what I’d be doing, I still had no clue what Sam was going to do, and it seemed I wouldn’t be finding out. As her eyes flew across the screen, my frown deepened because I realized the only reason I thought Sam was fine and “healed” was because she hid it really freaking well. Where I had been a hurricane, a force you could see coming, making my anger known to anyone within a hundred miles—Sam was an earthquake, all the damage happening under the surface, only to be made known when the break suddenly occurred. The only time I got a glimpse of the impending crack was when we talked about Mom, but she always made sure to shut that shit down quick.

“All right, so what game am I gonna kick your ass at?” Derek asked as he came into the room, still pulling his shirt over his head and completely unaware of the underlying tension and sorrow.

“Pick whatever.” I waved my hand toward the console before going into the kitchen and grabbing one of what would be many beers.

…

Thirty hours. All I had to do was make it through the next thirty hours and my mother’s birthday would be behind me. I closed my eyes and rested my head on the couch just as two quick knocks sounded on the front door.
 

I’d barely had time to lift my head before Naomi and Alara walked in and threw their bags on the floor. Naomi was already talking a mile a minute, but I heard very little of what she said; my eyes were on Alara as she took off her coat. Each pull of a button revealed more of her, until she was standing in a simple maroon V-neck long-sleeve shirt and black jeans that disappeared into dark brown boots. She offered me a quick smile as she threw her coat on a chair.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, looking at Naomi. “And why are you wearing a coat?” I turned my gaze on Alara and pointed to the item she’d just discarded. I wondered if either of them noticed that my tone had warmed several degrees between Naomi and Alara’s greetings.

“Geez, it’s nice to see you too, Gabe.” Naomi shot me an annoyed look and then disappeared into Derek’s bedroom.
 

 
I rolled my eyes as Alara flung herself down on the couch beside me.

“It’s only a light coat and I absolutely love this time of year, but it’s over so quickly, so I’m going to wear all the things I can tolerate.” She paused and looked out the window. “It just smells different, you know? And everything is so festive. I’m finally able to wear scarves and boots. And there’s all the pumpkin flavored things… it’s just… awesome,” she gushed.

I grumbled a halfhearted affirmative, keeping my attention on the TV. Truthfully it had been my favorite time of year too, because it was also my mother’s favorite, and she would light up every year on September 1
st
and carry that glow all the way through the New Year. She loved the holidays, and as much as I would have loved to keep up with all her traditions, it hurt too much. My father always had a convenient excuse for not being around during them, so it had always been just Sam, Mom, and me.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” she asked before nudging me with her elbow.

“Nothing,” I replied on autopilot. My mood hadn’t improved since hanging out with Sam two days ago. The rest of the evening had been stiff and awkward, and I hadn’t heard from her since. After she left I was at the gym for three long hours trying to work off my frustration and shitty attitude, but when I came home and snapped at Derek, I realized it hadn’t quite worked. I didn’t know if it was my attitude or something else, but he hadn’t been back to the apartment since he left that night. The only time I saw him was at work yesterday during a shift change.

“Riiiight,” Alara said, not hiding her disbelief as she broke me from my thoughts. “What are you watching?”

“Sports highlights. You can change it.” I tossed the remote down between us, got up and walked into the kitchen. With my head in the fridge I continued to hear this week’s highlights as Alara’s footsteps echoed closer.

“Seriously, what’s going on? We came over because Derek asked us to check on you.” I opened my mouth to respond, but Alara spoke again, halting my next words. “And on the off chance you’re going to lie and say you’re fine again, just consider that when Naomi gets back in here she will wear you down. I’ve learned it’s usually best to just cave early—you’ll use less ibuprofen that way.” I closed the fridge empty-handed and turned to face her, getting the first good look at her face since she came in, and my breath caught in my throat at what I saw. She glowed. Exactly like my mother used to.

“What?” she asked as she began fidgeting. “I know Naomi’s pushy and Derek can be an asshole but they really just care about—”