Authors: Marie Lavender
“Nothing you'd be remotely interested in, I assure you.”
“But, I am interested!” he protested.
His outburst had not a trace of anger, just a virulent need to have her believe him. She gazed into his eyes. “The truth is, Grant, I cannot think when you are looking at me so.” Oh, to hell with it, she thought. One day she might be able to tell him nearly anything he wanted, but today was not that day. Her façade continued because her heart was not satisfied with their relationship as of yet.
He grinned. “Then we are more alike than I once thought.”
Chapter Eighteen
That night was not far from her thoughts in the following weeks to come. Grant seemed more distant since he'd returned. Aside from a momentary lapse in his reserve after they'd been reunited, he had been more distant than ever before. Though he escorted her to town when she had business there and rarely left her out of his sight for longer than ten minutes, she sensed a reserved attitude about him. It was as if he had much on his mind for though he had claimed to want her still, he did not attempt to visit her bedchamber in the wee hours of the night when her body recognized his presence in the house. He'd changed rooms so that he was only two doors away, and yet he did not try to disturb her again as he had when he'd arrived. Was he not the same man who had seemed unable to control his passion for her so many years before?
She would allow that years apart from someone could cause a rift, but she did not feel as if they were that different at all, at least not when they were together. Though she had stated the terms for being with her, such as needing some kind of vow from him of marriage, she had not thought he would give up entirely. Also, it was possible that Grant's experiences abroad, fighting the ocean currents and such, could have made him more hesitant to be cavalier in attitude and perhaps because of his past treachery, he felt less able to trust others. She was not sure what it was that made him appear so resigned; she only knew it was nothing at all like the Grant she had known in her more innocent years.
“What is troubling you,
chère
?”
Fara jerked her head up. Her aunt's blue eyes seemed to see right through her. “Oh,
Tante
Lina…” she stammered, catching her breath, for she had not realized her thoughts had trailed during their afternoon tea.
“Come, Fara, you know we are both adults and have always been open about our lives. What are you fretting about?”
“It's Grant.”
“Ah,
Capitaine
Hill. That one would be in your thoughts.”
Fara waved away her aunt's sarcasm. “It is not so simple as that. He's been distant, reserved since he came back. It worries me. It's like he lost himself while he was away. He's not the same person.”
She pursed her lips and shifted on the chaise. “Ah.” She took a deep breath and released it. “He has not been cruel in my absence, has he?”
“
Tante
!”
“I need to know the truth, Fara.”
She sighed. “Grant would never hurt me.”
“That's good.”
“Yes. But, it's just…” she trailed off, shaking her head as if it was to no avail.
“Perhaps there is a reason for his distance then. Have you asked him about it?”
“No. That would be silly to ask. There is nothing much out of place. We talk all of the time. It is only…I do not know how to put it.”
Her aunt took her hand gently. “I am a woman too, you know. If it is a question of passion, I do understand.”
Fara smiled weakly. “I love him.”
“Of course you do. So, let me understand. He does not act the same around you as before. What about when you're alone?”
She lowered her eyes to the floor. “He has not tried to be alone with me since he came here. I was firm with him about doing anything in that manner if we weren't betrothed. But, I only meant…never mind. I mean, I do not object to certain displays of affection.”
“I see.”
“I do not know what I did--”
“Fara, I don't believe this is about passion. It is a question of propriety.”
“What do you mean?”
“I know that you were only betrothed for a short time to both of your past suitors. Had they acted properly, the treatment you are receiving now would have been a natural occurrence. It would result in a satisfying union.”
Fara stared at her aunt as if she was a circus exhibit.
“Don't you understand,
chère
?
Monsieur
Hill, however many years belated, is trying to court you. He is gaining your respect as well as giving it. He is treading softly in order to prepare you for the rest. He plans to ask you to marry him. His method is not a foreign practice.”
“No,” she replied softly, “but, you think he would want to marry me?”
“And why not,
chère
? You're beautiful, charming, and witty. What else could the man want in a wife?” She frowned. “Has he not mentioned it before?”
“Yes, but…I do not know. I just never thought he would willingly do that.” Then she remembered his expression upon encountering his son. “Lord, do you think it's because of Gabriel?”
“Does the reason matter so much? This is your chance to have what you want. You're in love with the man. Would it be so bad to be married to him?”
No, that wasn't the downside. She might, however, have to live with him and never know his real reasons for marrying her. If not for love, then it was duty. And that would lead them back to where they had started. Hadn't she promised never to marry unless it was for love? Her heart sank. Didn't Gabe need his father though? A boy could hardly be complete without knowing who he was and where he'd come from. “No,” she whispered. “It wouldn't. What should I do,
Tante
?”
“Go to the man. Tell him you realize what he's been doing. Let him ask and answer him.”
“All right.” She rose, but then sat down again. “I know you've never liked Grant--”
“
Chère
, it wasn't about that. I was trying to protect you, that's all. If
Capitaine
Hill is doing the right thing now, then I approve. I just want you to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted for you.”
“
Merci
.” She smiled. “
Oncle
was wise when he named you as my guardian.” Lina smiled knowingly. They embraced and when Fara pulled away from her aunt, she stood up and crossed the room. At the door, she turned. “I guess I should go and find my husband-to-be.”
* * * *
After she had Pierre escort her to
La Voyageur
, she found Eric by the docks. He seemed to be milling around, keeping an eye on the crew. Though he wasn't Grant’s second-in-command, she knew he still felt a need to oversee some things when his master was not present.
“
Petite
!” he exclaimed when he saw her.
She smiled and approached him. “Have you seen your captain, Eric? I have been trying to track him down. I need to see him.”
“That I know of, he has been staying at your house. He has not informed me of any change. That I know of, he has no other engagements to tend to.”
She frowned. “Do you know where he might have gone?”
The man tapped his chin. “Well, at times he visits the grounds by the cove. It is no longer private territory and he goes there when he wants to be alone.”
She nodded. “Thank you.”
As she turned to leave, Eric gently grasped her elbow. “He has thought of no one else but you since he left four years ago,
petite
.”
She smiled in response and retreated back to the carriage. She signaled her driver to take her to the destination. On the drive there, she shook her head. Grant's valet, it seemed, had some intuition of his own. It was as if he'd known she needed that reassurance. The cove was a ways from the main part of town and the carriage traveled over rough surfaces. From the window, she saw trees and rolling hills. After some distance, the carriage stopped. “We are here?” she asked Pierre.
“
Oui,
Mademoiselle
. Shall I follow you?”
“No, I'll return if I need you.”
He nodded and stared forward as she climbed down and found a sandy path that led over a tall hill. At the top of the hill, she glanced around. The white sand spread out over the cove like a soft blanket and the sun shone overhead like a lantern in town at night. The cove was for the most part a cave by the shore. She could see why he liked it. With the soft crash of waves against the sand as a backdrop to one's thoughts, she could see herself truly wind down here. Over by the edge of the water, she saw Grant's form, huddled, sitting with his knees propped up. His boots were several inches away and his pants were rolled up to his knees to prevent them from getting damp. Fara, in kind, removed her brown walking boots made from kid leather and stockings and made her way down the slope of sand. When she reached him, she plopped down beside him. “I was told you came out here.”
With a sideways glance, he inspected her bare feet, which lay near him. “It is dangerous for you to be here.”
“I know, but I'm not afraid. Besides, I know you would protect me.”
“That's true. I would.” He sighed. “I come here to think sometimes.”
“How do you get any peace? Don't thieves come after you?” she gestured to the cave, which was a known place for rogues to hide their loot.
“If they don't know any better.”
There, she thought.
That's the Grant I know
. She noted that his gaze was set on something in the distance. The harbor was not too far away. As she glanced at the morning fog that enveloped the docks in a lazy, white cloud embrace, she remembered the night they'd met at the harbor in La Rochelle. The night she'd met the man who both haunted and enticed her. The man she'd spend the rest of her life with.
“I can see why you like it down here. In town, there's not much silence. People are moving constantly. They aren't affected by despair or if they are, they don't feel it. They have to suspend their feelings in the presence of everyone else. Here there is no façade. It's simple. You can feel what you want, say anything.” Her carefully guarded walls begin to disintegrate. She licked her lips before she began.
“I think a part of me died when you left, Grant. I didn't know how I would survive. I felt as I had when I heard what happened to my parents. I lived, but I just went through the motions. It was Gabriel who changed me, made me stronger. I began to see him grow day by day and his father was always there, staring back at me. One day, I broke. I couldn't stop weeping, crying for the love that had been lost over time and water. Gabe wouldn't remember it now, but he responded to my pain. Babies are wonderful creatures…perhaps you'll know what I mean some day. That day, he touched my face with his small fingers. I think he was trying to get me to stop. Then I knew everything would be all right. I had Gabriel and Lina, and I had the hope that you would return. All of that kept me alive…here.” She brushed his hand with hers, grasped it and brought it slowly to her chest, where his fingers rested over her heart. “I love you,” she whispered. “I'll go anywhere with you.”
Without reply, he pulled her close and kissed her, and then moved his lips over her hair. “I missed you so much when I was away. I couldn't get your image out of my head. All the while I was in that wretched prison, I kept picturing you the night of the ball, dressed in white, as stunning as ever. The most beautiful woman in the world.”
He did not mention love. Perhaps he wouldn't let himself feel it because of fear. Of what, though? She could not imagine someone being afraid of the need to be heard and loved and needed. She would love him regardless of whether he said it. His proximity steadied her; it made her feel needed. Her love would be enough for the both of them. It would have to be.
“I know what you've been doing. I know you've been trying to court me.”
He smiled. “There were things I couldn't offer to you before. My protection, my support. All of that you needed, but because of my predicament, I couldn't give them. Until now. Fara, I want to make a life with you. And a family. You, me, and Gabe…we'll be good together. I know it. Please. I know how you feel about it. I just want so much for us to be happy. Say you'll marry me.”
Indeed, it sounded as if something more than duty caused him to offer the words. No doubt he felt for Gabriel what a father feels for his son. And perhaps over the years, he had developed an attachment to her. Though part of her wished to hear the words, she wanted to be with him. She needed him. They were a family no matter what. Not even the law could change that. A rush of love poured through her and she lifted her face to his. “I will. I'll marry you. We'll make it work.”
He nodded. “Yes, together we will.”
She studied the light in his eyes and decided he was happy. It relieved her that propriety was not the only thing guiding his decision.
“I suppose we'll need to tell your aunt.”
“Yes. Lina already gave her consent.”
“Did she?”
“I think she saw this coming before I did.”
“That's interesting.”
“Hmm.” Before she could think, Grant had set his lips to hers and the rest of her defenses slipped away. The man she loved was holding her close once more. The future did not look too bad at all.
* * * *
From that moment on, she felt happier than she ever had. She had her family, as she always had, but now she had Grant as well. And he planned to marry her. The days went much the same as before, but now they could announce their relationship in a public sense. Within a few days, Grant presented her with a beautiful ring consisting of gold with flowers of different colors. It was an heirloom, he said. This intrigued her. She knew it would take time for him to open up to her completely and she had many questions, all of which could be answered later.