"Take your pants off. Please. Take your fucking pants off and fuck me. Fill me. I need to feel you. Please." I'd never begged for anything in my life. This is what J did to me.
"Anything. For you, it will always be anything you want."
"I want you." Unable to stay still, I
moved to the waistband of J's pants. I couldn't get him naked quick enough.
"I got this." J pushed me back down to the bed. I fell back,
anxious for his naked body to be pressed up against mine. I couldn't wait. I leaned up on one arm, readying myself to make another go at his pants.
"Baby, lay down." J pushed me back down to the bed. I wanted to kick the mattress like a child.
"Hurry."
"Anything for you." He grinned and slipped off his pants and t-shirt. He draped his body over mine like a cloak of protection.
"God," I moaned, rubbing every inch of skin I could manage against his. We rolled to our sides and I threaded my hands in his hair, pulling his body flush against mine. I swung my leg over his hip, running my toes from his ass down to his foot. Instinctively I ground my pelvis against him, a hunger to have him inside of me taking over and leaving me delirious. "Put it in," I whispered, unable to vocalize anymore than those three words.
"Anything you want, baby."
He made good on his word, and I was soon filled with him. I thought he was fully inside me, but when he moved, grinding himself deeper into me I realized there was more. I wanted more. I wanted all of him. I wanted to feel him everywhere—inside and out. I clutched his shoulders, digging my fingers into them and pulling him to me, trying to come up with a way to get closer, to crawl inside of him.
He shoved his hands into my hair and brought his lips to mine.
"I can't breathe when you're around. I want you even when bombs are exploding around us. I want you every minute of every hour. I want you forever." He was moving in and out of me, teasing me with his languorous movements. His voice was barely above a whisper, making me wonder if he was telling these things to me or to the universe.
"My Bear, my darling Bear. Please." I didn't even know how to enunciate what I wanted. I just knew I wanted more. I rolled us over so J was on his back and I was on top. He took his hands in mine, giving me something to brace myself with. As if knowing what I wanted, he lifted his hips and drove into me.
"Yes!" I met him each time he raised his hips, pushing my body harder and harder against his. I felt like I was climbing a mountain. The air was getting thinner and I struggled to breathe, yet I kept going, knowing it would be worth it to reach the top. I climbed higher and higher, riding him like it was the last lap of Kentucky Derby and I'd bet all my money on the horse I rode upon. In a way, I did bet my life on J.
"Fuck, Elle. God, I fuckin' love you. Ride me." J's demand pushed me further. I dropped to my forearms, crashing down on his chest as the bomb finally exploded inside me.
I tried to make words come out of my mouth. I wanted to growl like a lion. Fuck, I think I might have, but no words came. He continued pounding into me, holding onto my hips and pushing in and out of me. My orgasm wouldn't stop. It was like the race was over, but I was still running. Lights exploded behind my eyes, and I barely realized when J came, his roar breaking the trance I'd been in.
"Fuck," I moaned. "Fuck, I love you too. So fucking much it feels like it's killing me sometimes. If I had to die, I'd want to die with you buried inside me."
I dropped my body fully onto his, no longer able to hold myself up. We lay there, our hearts pounding, our flesh dripping with sweat, and our loins throbbing. We'd both climbed the mountain and reached the pinnacle only to throw ourselves to the ground exhausted. I laid my head on his chest and took a few deep breaths, willing my heart to stop racing.
"I'll never get tired of that," he said through tight breaths.
"Me neither." I couldn't see how it was possible.
Time passed. Seconds. Minutes. Hours. I didn't have any concept of time when I was in J's arms.
Eventually, enough time passed that I was able to remember something I'd meant to ask J all evening.
"Darling?"
"Yes, baby?"
"You're gonna hook me up with some real clothes tomorrow, right?" I said it with a joking tone, but I was dead serious. I wasn't wearing used skank clothes.
"Of course." He kissed the top of my head, and murmured that he'd do or give anything for me.
"There'
s a little town we passed on our way to the Chateau, remember?" I asked.
"Gainesville, right?"
"Yeah. Think I could hit up the Target we passed there? I don't need fancy shit, but a Target run would rock my world right now." And it would. I could get clothes, some fucking shampoo that didn't smell like a man or pine trees. Not to mention some fresh underwear and a new bra. I wasn't a commando girl. I liked my panties. I was deep in thought about heath and beauty products, clothes, and some shoes when J spoke, startling me with his suggestion.
"
You wanna see if Chris can meet you there? I'll hook it up."
I sat up in bed, the sheet falling from my naked body. I was speechless. My eyes welled up with tears, and I felt my chest tighten. Fuck, I missed my girl so much it felt like I was having
a joyful heart attack, not that such a thing existed. I shook my arm out to make sure I wasn't really having a heart attack.
"Are you serious?"
J pulled me back down to him, spreading my body over his. "I'll go with you. I won't follow you around and shit, but I'll hang out with the prospect in the van. Just make sure to tell Chris she needs to do it on the down low and not to tell anyone where she's going. I imagine she knows how to do that?"
Oh, my girl knew how to keep shit on the down low, that's for sure. We both did. We kept our lives on the down low, R Kelly style only without the pissing on people. I rolled to my side and J followed, ou
r bodies staying at maximum contact. Wrapping my arms and legs around him, I hugged him like I was drowning and he was my life raft. If I was drowning, though, it was in happiness. I had this beast of a man who was my personal gentle giant, as well as a BFF that I missed more than words could explain. Top it all off with the fact that I was getting laid on the regular and I was damn near blissful. Did life get much better than this?
Yeah, it did. Or it would, when Burns was dead.
"Of course I'm serious. I know what she means to you. I'll send the prospect over there and tell her to meet up with you."
"Dude, it's like 2am and almost a three hour drive."
J contemplated it for a moment. "Right. I'll tell him to leave at six and not to knock on her door until after nine. Is that late enough for her to sleep?"
"Wow. The fucking prospect really gets the shitty end of the stick." Here I was worried about the prospect having to drive so late, and J was thinking about waking
up Chris too early. I couldn't hold the laugh inside that came out as a
bwah-ha-ha
.
"We all did it. Come
s with the territory. You cool with this plan?"
Instead of answering him with words, I answered him with my body. Sliding down to line us up, I slipped him into me
again. I moaned my appreciation for not only the steady rhythm he pushed in and out of me with, but for making a plan for me to see my BFF—a plan that was a risk, but a risk he was willing to take despite the drama surrounding us.
I fell asleep happy, sated, and excited. All were emotions one amazing man gave to me on a silver platter.
Chapter 25
– J
I was more than happy to give Elle her BFF, but less than happy to be away from the clubhouse. Elle needed clothes. This was a fact. I was a douche for thinking she wouldn't notice the crusty quality of the clothes I gave her. OK, not crusty, but most definitely used and unlaundered. I couldn't help having a rock the size of Jay Leno's head in my stomach, though. Chris would be discreet, I knew this, but it seemed a bit of a stretch to think this was a stellar idea. I couldn't help myself, though, when we were laying in bed together, both exhausted and content after the love we'd made. Would my love for Elle and desire to give her everything be my undoing?
Isabel had graciously declined when Elle invited her to go. Even though her suitcase was full of name brands, I didn't think it was Target that was keeping her away. She could see the excitement in Elle's face when she talked about seeing her best friend, and maybe she didn't want to intrude. Whatever the reason, I saw the look of relief in Elle's face when
Isabel said she'd rather stay at the clubhouse and read about her dream men... or something like that. One thing was for sure, I was happy she would be staying in her room, and that she was safe at the clubhouse. I couldn't have the Zetas pissed because MM got their family member hurt. We had all we could handle with Burns.
Dig had told me to han
g tight when I spoke with him on the phone. In church, I informed the brothers that he had a lead on Burns and was going to have some people check it out before we moved in. I didn't share that his "people" were Zetas. I didn't mention the Zetas at all, and seeing my lack of forthcoming with Zeta info, no one asked. Good. I wasn't ready to answer questions about Zetas, Mexico, or why we had Isabel. All they needed to know was that Isabel was off limits unless they wanted to be stripped of their cut and likely end up in a shallow hole somewhere in the Mexican desert. I shared most of this with Elle in the morning while we still lay tangled in one another's arms.
So for now, we waited. And I went to Target. I grabbed my dick as I drove to make sure my balls were still intact. Elle was too excited, staring out the tinted windows of the club van
, to notice. The prospect was sleeping on the floor in the back of the van, exhausted from six hours on his bike and little sleep. I'd let him rest while we drove, but once we got to our destination his ass was going to be pounding Red Bulls and Monsters to keep alert with me while the ladies shopped.
Chris had to work until two in the afternoon, so her and P had agreed to meet at seven that evening. I liked the idea of doing this as the sun was setting, providing us
a bit of coverage from whoever the fuck might be watching.
Fuc
k, I hoped no one was watching. Isabel, P, Chris, Elle, and I were the only ones who knew about this. I hadn't told any of the brothers where we were going, just that I had to pick some things up and to stay the fuck away from Isabel's door.
"Baby?"
"Yeah?" Elle turned from the window to look me in the eye. I shifted in my seat, my balls making their presence known, and my dick joining in the party.
"You know I don't want to tell you what to do, right?"
"Spit it out." God I loved her. I didn't think I'd ever tire of her directness.
"I know you're exited to see Chris, and you need a bunch of stuff from the store, but
it'd be best if we didn't spend too much time away from the clubhouse. I'll go inside and hang out. P will stay in the van."
I waited like a bitch for her answer, hoping she didn't get pissed all the fuck off at me for trying to cut her reunion short.
"No problem. I get it. I think there's a Starbucks inside if you want a coffee."
I chuckled to myself. Why did I ever doubt this woman? "When this is all said and done, you wanna invite Chris to one of the clubhouses?"
"Which one will you be at? Will you have to leave your house and Gramps' land?"
I was touched that Elle was thinking of Gramps. "I don't know yet, but she could come to either one."
"Probably the Kansas City one. Chris isn't too keen on St. Louis."
"How come?"
"Not my story to tell."
"Fair enough." I respected Elle for not sharing secrets that weren't hers to share, and I found I loved her even more in that moment. If she could deal with the club, my brothers, and the violence that was sure to ensue before we could begin any type of normal life, then I knew she'd be a perfect old lady.
We were approaching the "Super" Target, though I had no idea what was super about it, right before seven. The sun was setting, and both Elle and I took a moment to enjoy the orange and purple hues streaming across the sky.
"What are you thinking about?"
I asked her. She looked at me and blinked a few times to clear whatever thoughts she was lost in.
"The pond."
Fuck.
My heart constricted thinking of our first night together. It was before everything got fucked up, before I shot her, before she fucked someone else, before she got kidnapped, killed someone, and before we had to hide out like fugitives in Mexico.
"Will we have that again? I mean, will we get to watch the sun set over the pond again?"
He
r question just about did me in.
"I'll die giving you that sunset, baby."
"Don't say that. I told you, no dying on me. I don't want to watch the sunset if you aren't by my side." She took my hand in hers, holding it in her lap the rest of the drive.
We
pulled into the parking lot of the Super Target right at seven. I told Elle I'd wake the prospect and then come inside, to which she just smiled and kissed me. Having spotted Chris' car, she jumped out of the van and threw an
I love you
over her shoulder as she ran inside.
Though she was long gone, I said it out loud too. "I'll love you 'til the sun ceases to shine, or I
'll die trying to see it set with you by my side."