Chapter
29 – J
"Calm down, brother. We'll find her."
I looked at Dig like he was insane. Calm down? How the fuck was I supposed to calm down when my woman, my love, my old lady was gone? It was like she vanished from Target. I scoured every inch of that store, my only indication of her presence a cart full of hair products and underwear abandoned in the patio furniture section. What the fuck was she looking at patio fucking furniture for? And right by the back door of all places! Fuck. I never should have agreed to let her go. Fuck. I never should have let her walk around alone. I should have gone with her, walked by her side, or not let her go at all.
She was my weakness. If someone wanted to get at me, she was the key.
Fuck.
Burns.
"They've been gone for hours. It's almost morning. We have no fucking idea where her or her friend are. How the fuck am I supposed to calm down?" I roared at Dig, squeezing my shoulder even tighter. Gramps throbbed under my palm. "It had to be Burns. He was after her in Mexico. He must know we're back."
"How would he know
? Not even all the brothers at the St. Louis clubhouse knew you were back. The ones I told were threatened with death if anyone found out. You said there was no tail on you when you were driving here from Oklahoma?"
I shook my head. I'd kept my eyes peeled the whole way back
, and there was no one following us. Of that I was sure. It was the only thing I was sure about. Someone had to of tipped him off. The van we took had never been used in Kansas City. It was registered to some random old lady in Southern Missouri we'd paid off to allow us to put it in her name. I thought this shit was fool proof, but I couldn't have been farther from correct.
I'd fucked up.
Again.
My girl was gone because of me.
Again.
How could she love a monster like me? She'd been kidnapped twice, killed a man, shot at, and almost
died all because of me. How could I possibly be good for her? How could she possibly still love me after this? I felt like the weight of the world was pressing down upon one shoulder, or maybe it was that Gramps was torturing me for royally fucking up. Either way, my shoulder burned like the flames of hell were scalding it from the inside out.
"Brother. Ya know we'll find her. Burns isn't going to get anything by
harming her. We've got all our scouts on the pavement looking for any signs of her, talking to all our contacts, and if they don't find anything, ya know that Burns will eventually come with his demands. Cuz you're right, this reeks of Burns. Sounds like he's been after you since Mexico, and it seems he thinks your old lady is the key to getting what he wants."
"Fucking bastard!" I wanted to smash my fist into the cement wall, but thought better of it. I'd need my hand to do some damage to Burns' face. He didn't know it, but when I found him, I was going to torture him. He was in for a slow death. Imagining his blood in a pool on the floor was the only thing that kept me from having broken hands. All I could think about was killing him. The monster was roaring inside me like a Phoenix rising.
I would find her.
There was no other option.
For a long time, I didn't imagine my future. I didn't have one, nor did I want one. I was a monster who killed people. That wasn't a life fit for anyone, not even me, but I accepted my lot. I'd given up the fight and did what I had to do, all the time knowing that I was killing myself a little bit more each time I pulled the trigger. Eventually, I would've sunk so far into the abyss that I'd be ready to meet Gramps. I wouldn't take my own life, but there were various ways to put yourself in the line of fire. I'd get tired or maybe lazy, and let someone kill me. I'd killed enough men. I deserved it.
And then there was Elle.
And everything changed.
Suddenly, I wanted a future. I was thinking about things that I hadn't thought of in years. Having a woman on the back of my bike. Going to club parties and showing her off to everyone, letting them know what a lucky bastard I was for finding the perfect old lady. I wanted to have adventures with her, travel with her, show her my world, a world without Burns, and be
a part of her world. All of these were things that consumed my thoughts since she'd beat me at Tekken. I knew that day that I wanted her, and that I wanted to live again—not just exist, waiting to die.
When you have no plans for the future, everything becomes expendable, even your own life. I didn't care about anything before Elle. She made me care again, not just for her, but for living. She made the killing unbearable. I knew I had to find a way to get out of Burns
' iron grip, and after I shot her in front of Fernie, I knew I couldn't wait any longer. What I did to her was inexcusable, but it forced me into action. It made me stare death in the eyes, and it wasn't mine anymore. It was hers. I couldn't bear the thought of living without her. Even if she didn't take me back, I still would've called Dig and set this plan into motion. Like Dig did with Mallory, Son's mom, I should've hidden her away.
Could've. Should've. Would've.
Didn't.
And now we were here. Waiting.
"I won't recommend you get some sleep, but maybe take a load off." Dig motioned to the couch.
The St. Louis Clubhouse was larger than K
ansas City. KC was small, basically a bar, a small kitchen, two hallways with bedrooms, Church, and a couple chairs and couches scattered around the main area. St. Louis was huge with a full industrial kitchen, an L shaped bar lined with stools, a fireplace surrounded by three couches, and a back area where tables could be set up for a dinner, a stage for some dancers, or a place to throw down when the boys got drunk and rowdy. The second floor held enough rooms for every member to have their own space when they needed it.
I looked around and realized that even though the KC clubhouse was smaller, there were too many bad memories in St. Louis for me to return. Dig and I still hadn't talked about how we'd run the clubs once this was all over. Link would remain Prez in KC. Though they were MM now, we'd go back to letting them have some autonomy to manage their own affairs, only asking for their input when we needed help or extra hands. St. Louis would become the mother chapter again, and I couldn't imagine anyone besides Dig at the gavel. If he wanted me on his left, he was going to be disappointed with my answer.
I sat down on one of the couches and rested my head in my hands. I couldn't imagine asking Elle to be a part of this. If she still wanted to be with me, I doubted she'd want to be a part of this life anymore. Would I give up the club for her? Fuck, yeah. In a heartbeat. I could fix cars and bikes anywhere. We could stay in Missouri or head to fucking Hawaii for all I cared. If she was by my side, I'd go anywhere. I'd been saving money for years, never having anything to spend it on. The other guys bought cars, jewelry for their women, big houses to live in, or they drank and partied it away. I didn't need a house. I had Gramps. I had my bike and the Suburban. I'd been saving money for years with no intention of spending it. Burns paid nicely for everyone's cooperation and silence, as if fear wasn't enough, and I'd held onto that shit, never feeling alive enough to want material items.
Everything changed when Elle came around. I knew she didn't want material things, but I always planned to pay for her school, even before I shot her. I won't lie. I didn't want her working with Larry and the guys anymore, especially José, though I anticipated a fight on that one. A fight I would've
given in to. Before I left for Mexico, I made a will. I left everything to her. Nick, Burns' dead brother and former accountant, laundered all our money so it was clean and I was able to put it in a will. I didn't know if I'd come back from Mexico, and I wanted her to have it all. She deserved it.
Pole came running in, pulling
me from my pit of despair. I bolted up off the couch.
"Son's got something."
I grabbed Pole's skinny shoulder and shook him. "What? Tell me what he has!"
"Ease up, brother." Dig pried my hands off Pole.
"Sorry," I told my lanky club brother.
"He got a call from Desire."
"The fucking stripper at Kat's?" Kat's Lounge was a strip club the St. Louis brothers frequented. At some point, the owner had been put on payroll, and let Burns not only do business, but any of the girls he wanted.
"Yeah. She said Burns was in an hour ago and gave her a message to pass on to the club. She called Son. He has a
location. Says if we go there, he'll give us your girl back." Pole was speaking at maximum speed.
"That doesn't make sense, brother. Why would he just give her up? What does he want?" Dig spoke the thoughts in my head.
"Oh he wants something. An even million. Says he'll take the money and disappear. He knows he can't have the club back, so he's settling for a way outta dodge."
"What's the
location?" I asked. Pole rambled off an address. "Shit, that's in Chesterfield. Who the fuck does he have in his pocket that can afford to live one of the richest 'burbs in town?"
I looked to Dig to see what he was thinking. Would he give up the money? Fuck, did we have the money?
And why were we giving money to someone in Chesterfield?
"Something doesn't make sense
." Again, Dig was thinking the same thing as me.
"You mean that Burns managed to hook up with a Senator or a CEO, cuz that's
who lives in Chesterfield? If they were in on his cartel business, then there's some dirty shit happening in the 'burbs." Dig nodded at my statement.
"There's always dirty folks among the rich. Why do ya think
they're rich?" Dig grew up lower middle class, his parents being union workers. Thus he had a great distaste for St. Louis' rich folks as he called them. He avoided the 'burbs like the plague.
"Well, what do you want to do? Do we have the money to give them?" I held my breath, afraid of what he might say next. If his answer was no, he had to be aware I'd go in after my woman. I watched him contemplate, no doubt running though every possible scenario in his head. Dig was always in control, and that's why his plans always worked. He weighed out every option, every condition, every
possible obstacle or flaw a plan might incur.
"Pole, tell Son to call whoever's his contact is
and let them know we have the money, but we want to see the women before we hand over anything. Then tell him to get his ass to the club. Church in an hour. Call the others."
"Will do, boss." Pole scampered off while my jaw hit the ground.
"When did you become boss?" I looked at Dig like he'd grown horns.
"
Pole's just a kid." Dig brushed me off with a subject change. "I'm not giving that bastard a dime, but we're gonna get your woman back. We'll go in deep, every man we've got better be armed and ready to fight. Burns' greedy self will be there somewhere. He may be hiding behind some bigwig, but he won't be far away. Of that ya can be sure."
I exhaled a breath, one I was only vaguely aware I'd been holding.
"Come on. Let's get it together before the others show up. We need to get this plan together for church."
"You got a plan?" It didn't surprise me that Dig's wheels were already turning and a plan forming. I was grateful, as the only plan I could come up with was get on my bike a
nd drive straight to the location Pole gave us.
"Brother, I got a plan alright, but we'll need to convince the others to get on board. We're gonna need KC boys too to pull this off.
Ya know wherever we go in Chesterfield will be well guarded. It's not like they're just going to let us stroll in there and do a clean swap. In fact, I'm sure there is something else going on besides a trade. It wouldn't surprise me if they said you have to go in alone, no one with you, and then they shoot ya in the head, take the money, and—"
"Don't finish that sentence. I get it. Let's go talk about this plan of yours." I headed towards the room that would soon be filled with my club brothers, unwilling to hear the last thing Dig was about to say. I
t was about Elle and Chris, I knew it, and I couldn't imagine them not surviving. It wasn't an option. I refused to think that the outcome would be anything but Burns dead and my woman by my side.
Chapter
30 – Elle
"Yeah, so the ring." I was stalling, not sure why. I looked at my hand, twirling the ring around it. It seemed so surreal. Even if we weren't getting married, everyone who saw this ring would assume so. I realized I'd be giving this speech more than once, so I might as well start with Chris. If anyone was going to understand, it was her.
"I'm not wearing sea foam green." Chris was smirking at me, as if I'd a
ctually make her wear a bridesmaid's dress.
"I won't be in any white dresses, so you're safe from the sea foam."
"Are you engaged?" Chris seemed confused.
"No."
"Fuck. Did you already marry him?" She grabbed my hand to inspect the ring. "What are the numbers?"
"No
, I didn't already marry him, and all J said about the letters and numbers is that it's where his grandparents fell in love."
"And his grandpa made it, like noodle necklace style?"
"I think this is a few steps up from noodle necklaces, but yeah, he made it. I guess Gramps was quite the handyman when it came to cars, metalwork, leather, and anything else he could use his hands to fix or make."
"That's so hot."
"Dude, you're talking about a dead man, and J's grandfather. Ew."
"Girl, you've told me what J can do with his hands. Don't act like his grandma wasn't gettin'
it good too."
"Oh fuck, girl. I don't want to picture grandparents humping. That's fucking gross.
Shut up and let me talk or I'll find a way to have your ass in sea foam green, and trust me, there will be pictures."
That shut her up, and allowed me to start the story.
"We were hiding out in Mexico. Remember when I called you to ask if I could tell J about how we met?" Chris nodded. "It was during that time. He just sorta busted out with the ring."
"Just like that? I mean, what were you guys doing? What do you do when you hide out? Fuck, girl, gimme details."
"We'd just fucked."
Chris almost fell off the bed laughing. "Oh shit, I'm sorry. I just didn't think fucking was on the agenda when you're hiding out, but I guess there's not much else to do, is there?" I watched her pull it together with a scowl on my face. "Sorry. Sorry. Keep going."
"So we were laying in bed and he gave me the ring. I freaked out, of course, and he calmed me down, as he does. I told him I wasn't wearing a white dress, and he told me he didn't care what the pope or the president had to say about us. He said the ring was a symbol of our love and devotion to one another. He said he would protect and honor me until we take our last breaths. He wants to spend his life with me, and he wanted to know if I felt the same way."
"Fuck," Chris whispered. "That's about the most romantic thing I've ever heard in real life. So you said yes?"
"I'm wearing the ring aren't I?"
Chris was silent, contemplative, ne
ver a good thing. If my girl had something to say, she said it. If she paused to think on her words first, it meant whatever she had to say was going to sting and she was deciding how to soften the blow. I braced myself.
"Girl, I believe J would die for you. He's killed for you, so I have no doubt that his love
is for reals. After all that's happened, knowing the life he lives, do you still feel the same way? I mean, you're not telling me this over drinks and a joint. You're telling me in a back room where we're currently being held hostage. Is this the life you want?"
Fuck.
Way to drop it on me. If that was her way of softening the blow, I could only imagine what her initial thought process was. I looked up at the ceiling, trying to figure out how to respond. Yes, this situation was fucked up. Yes, I was being held captive because of MM. Yes, I'd been shot at, and stabbed someone to death while with J. Chris forced me to look at all the time I'd been with J and all the things that had happened. This is the shit books were written about. Did it all make me love him less?
"So, yeah. Um, I don't want to be a dumb bitc
h who's too stupid to stay alive. When I think about all of my time with J, from the first time I saw him at Checks to our last moments in the van before I met up with you, there's a lot of fucked up shit in there. I could make a list that would rival Santa's list of all the craziness I've lived though with the man. But, there have been just as many, if not more, good times that we've shared. More than just good times, I found someone who gets me, who understands my past and what I want for my future. He's loyal and honest. Maybe it makes me a stupid bitch to say it, but yes, I still love him and want to be with him.
"We're pretty sure it was Burns who tried to kidnap me in Mexico. That didn't work, so apparently he decided to try again. If this was the life J lived, and would continue to live, then no, I'd probably bail. There is an endgame though, and it's one where Burns doesn't exist, the club is clean, and J is just a happy mechanic spending his days fixing bikes a
nd his nights in my arms. That's the future I'm choosing. That's why I'm wearing the ring, because I can no longer imagine my life without him in it."
"
Damn, girl. That was quite a speech." Chris was silent for a beat, and I waited to see what would come out of her mouth next. Would she call me a dumb bitch? Would she think I was stupid for loving J? "So what happens next?"
I shrugged. I really didn't know.
"Are you ready to fight for this love of yours? Cuz it looks like all we got is our fists."
I thought about her statement. Was I ready to fight? I knew I was ready to fight for my life and for Chris'. Was I prepared to fight for love?
Yes.
I understood the face filled with anger Chris was wearing when I woke up. I found myself angry at the assholes who took us.
Yes, I'd fight. This love I had was worth it, even if the road had been rocky. Love isn't easy. It isn't always perfect, nor is it clean. Love is dirty and complicated sometimes, but in the end I was positive I'd never find another J. My feelings for him were straightforward, despite the fact that our relationship had been far from simple.
I'd fight for love. It was no longer a question. It was the only option for me. Living without J wasn't a choice.
Like Chris said, we'd both been through too much to die in a fucking backroom with no windows, held hostage by who the hell knows. Some rich fuck, that's for sure.
No, I wouldn't be dying today or tomorrow. I'd fight. If that
's what needed to happen to see J again, that's what I'd do. No question. I got up off the bed and addressed Chris.
"Then we fight. I'll fight. I'm not letting you take the heat for my shit." I
hissed, acid lacing my voice.
"Girl, you know I'll be fighting by your side. This isn't YOUR shit. If it involves you getting hurt, then you know I'll have your back, no matter what. You saved me once. It's time I return the favor. And even if you hadn't saved me, we're ride or die bitches. So we ride—together."
I balled my hands into fists. "I don't know what's coming. I have no idea who the fuck is gonna walk through that door, or when they're going to come in here. Are you sure? Are you ready?"
Chris laughed a sardonic laugh. "Bitch, I stay ready."
I took a deep breath, knowing that we could die here. J would be looking for me, but who knows what he'd find. Would he find the woman he loved, or merely her body?