I didn’t love being told I acted young, but I liked the idea that he would talk to me like an equal.
“Dimka,” came a voice. Tasha Ozera walked up to us. She smiled when she saw me. “Hello, Rose.”
There went my mood. “Hey,” I said flatly.
She placed a hand on Dimitri’s forearm, sliding her fingers over the leather of his coat. I eyed those fingers angrily. How dare they touch him?
“You’ve got that look,” she told him.
“What look?” he asked. The stern look he’d worn with me vanished. There was a small, knowing smile on his lips. Almost a playful one.
“That look that says you’re going to be on duty all day.”
“Really? I have a look like that?” There was a teasing, mocking tone to his voice.
She nodded. “When does your shift technically end?”
Dimitri actually looked—I swear—sheepish. “An hour ago.”
“You can’t keep doing this,” she groaned. “You need a break.”
“Well . . . if you consider that I’m always Lissa’s guardian ...”
“For now,” she said knowingly. I felt sicker than I had last night. “There’s a big pool tournament going on upstairs.”
“I can’t,” he said, but the smile was still on his face. “Even though I haven’t played in a long time . . .”
What the—? Dimitri played
pool
?
Suddenly, it didn’t matter that we’d just had a discussion about him treating me like an adult. Some small part of me did know what a compliment that was—but the rest of me wanted him to treat me like he did Tasha. Playful. Teasing. Casual. They were so familiar with each other, so completely at ease.
“Come on, then,” she begged. “Just one round! We could take them all.”
“I can’t,” he repeated. He sounded regretful. “Not with everything going on.”
She sobered a little. “No. I suppose not.” Glancing at me, she said teasingly, “I hope you realize what a hard-core role model you have here. He’s never off duty.”
“Well,” I said, copying her lilting tone from earlier, “
for now
, at least.”
Tasha looked puzzled. I don’t think it occurred to her I’d be making fun of her. Dimitri’s dark look told me he knew exactly what I was doing. I immediately realized I’d just killed whatever progress I’d made as an adult.
“We’re finished here, Rose. Remember what I said.”
“Yeah,” I said, turning away. I suddenly wanted to go to my room and veg for a while. This day was making me tired already. “Definitely.”
I hadn’t gotten far when I ran into Mason. Good God. Men everywhere.
“You’re mad,” he said as soon as he looked at my face. He had a knack for discovering my moods. “What happened?”
“Some . . . authority problems. It’s been a weird morning.”
I sighed, unable to get Dimitri off the brain. Looking at Mason, I remembered how I’d been convinced I wanted to get serious with him last night. I was a head case. I couldn’t make up my mind about anyone. Deciding the best way to banish one guy was to pay attention to another, I grabbed Mason’s hand and steered him away.
“Come on. Wasn’t the deal to go somewhere . . . um, private today?”
“I figured you weren’t drunk anymore,” he joked. But his eyes looked very, very serious. And interested. “I assumed it was all off.”
“Hey, I stand by my claims, no matter what.” Opening my mind, I searched for Lissa. She was no longer in our room. She’d gone off to some other royal event, no doubt still practicing for Priscilla Voda’s big dinner. “Come on,” I told Mason. “We’ll go to my room.”
Aside from when Dimitri inconveniently happened to be passing by someone’s room, nobody was really enforcing the mixed-gender rule. It was practically like being back in my Academy dorms. As Mason and I went upstairs, I related to him what Dimitri had told me about the Strigoi in Spokane. Dimitri had told me to keep it to myself, but I was mad at him again, and I didn’t see any harm in telling Mason. I knew he’d be interested in this.
I was right. Mason got really worked up.
“What?” he exclaimed as we walked into my room. “They’re not
doing
anything?”
I shrugged and sat on my bed. “Dimitri said—”
“I know, I know . . . I heard you. About being careful and all that.” Mason paced around my room angrily. “But if those Strigoi go after another Moroi . . . another family . . . damn it! They’re going to wish they weren’t so careful then.”
“Forget about it,” I said. I felt kind of miffed that me on a bed wasn’t enough to deter him from crazy battle plans. “There’s nothing we can do.”
He stopped walking. “
We
could go.”
“Go where?” I asked stupidly.
“To Spokane. There are buses you can catch in town.”
“I . . . wait. You want us to go to Spokane and take on Strigoi?”
“Sure. Eddie’d do it too . . . we could go to that mall. They wouldn’t be organized or anything, so we could wait and pick them off one by one . . .”
I could only stare. “When did you get so dumb?”
“Oh, I see. Thanks for the vote of confidence.”
“It’s not about confidence,” I argued, standing up and approaching him. “You kick major ass. I’ve seen it. But this . . . this isn’t the way. We can’t go get Eddie and take on Strigoi. We need more people. More planning. More information.”
I rested my hands on his chest. He placed his over them and smiled. The fire of battle was still in his eyes, but I could tell his mind was shifting to more immediate concerns. Like me.
“I didn’t mean to call you dumb,” I told him. “I’m sorry.”
“You’re just saying that now because you want to have your way with me.”
“Of course I am,” I laughed, happy to see him relax. The nature of this conversation reminded me a little of the one Christian and Lissa had had in the chapel.
“Well,” he said, “I don’t think I’m going to be too hard to take advantage of.”
“Good. Because there are
lots
of things I want to do.”
I slid my hands up and around his neck. His skin was warm beneath my fingers, and I remembered how much I’d enjoyed kissing him last night.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, he said, “You really are his student.”
“Whose?”
“Belikov’s. I was just thinking about when you mentioned needing more information and stuff. You act just like him. You’ve gotten all serious since you’ve been hanging out with him.”
“No, I haven’t.”
Mason had pulled me closer, but now I suddenly didn’t feel so romantic. I’d wanted to make out and
forget
Dimitri for a while, not have a conversation about him. Where had this come from? Mason was supposed to be distracting me.
He didn’t notice anything was wrong. “You’ve just changed, that’s all. It’s not bad . . . just different.”
Something about that made me angry, but before I could snap back, his mouth met mine in a kiss. Reasonable discussions sort of vanished. A bit of that dark temper started to rise in me, but I simply channeled that intensity into physicality as Mason and I fell on top of each other. I yanked him down on the bed, managing to do so without stopping the kissing. I was nothing if not a multitasker. I dug my nails into his back while his hands slid up the back of my neck and released the ponytail I’d just made minutes ago. Running his fingers through the unbound hair, he shifted his mouth down and kissed my neck.
“You are . . . amazing,” he told me. And I could tell that he meant it. His whole face glowed with affection for me.
I arched upward, letting his lips press harder against my skin while his hands slipped under the bottom of my shirt. They trailed upward along my stomach, just barely tracing the edge of my bra.
Considering we’d just been having an argument a minute ago, I was surprised to see things escalating so quickly. Honestly, though . . . I didn’t mind. This was the way I lived my life. Everything was always fast and intense with me. The night Dimitri and I had fallen victim to Victor Dashkov’s lust charm, there’d been some pretty furious passion going on too. Dimitri had controlled it, though, so sometimes we’d taken things slowly . . . and that had been wonderful in its own way. But most of the time, we hadn’t been able to hold ourselves back. I could feel it all over again. The ways his hands had run over my body. The deep, powerful kisses.
It was then that I realized something.
I was kissing Mason, but in my head, I was with Dimitri. And it wasn’t like I was simply remembering either. I was actually imagining I was with Dimitri—right
now
—reliving that night all over again. With my eyes closed, it was easy to pretend.
But when I opened them and saw Mason’s eyes, I knew he was with
me
. He adored me and had wanted me for a long time. For me to do this . . . to be with him and pretend I was with someone else . . .
It wasn’t right.
I wiggled out of his reach. “No . . . don’t.”
Mason stopped immediately because that’s the kind of guy he was.
“Too much?” he asked. I nodded. “That’s okay. We don’t have to do that.”
He reached for me again, and I moved farther away. “No, I just don’t . . . I don’t know. Let’s call it quits, okay?”
“I . . .” He was speechless for a moment. “What happened to the ‘lots of things’ you wanted to do?”
Yeah . . . it looked pretty bad, but what could I say?
I can’t get physical with you because when I do, I just think about the other guy I actually want. You’re just a stand-in.
I swallowed, feeling stupid. “I’m sorry, Mase. I just can’t.”
He sat up and ran a hand over his hair. “Okay. All right.”
I could hear the hardness in his voice. “You’re mad.”
He glanced over at me, a stormy expression on his face. “I’m just confused. I can’t read your signals. One moment you’re hot, the next you’re cold. You tell me you want me, you tell me you don’t. If you picked one, that’d be fine, but you keep making me think one thing and then you end up going in a completely different direction. Not just now—all the time.”
It was true. I had gone back and forth with him. Sometimes I was flirty, other times I completely ignored him.
“Is there something you want me to do?” he asked when I didn’t say anything. “Something that’ll . . . I don’t know. Make you feel better about me?”
“I don’t know,” I said weakly.
He sighed. “Then what do you want in general?”
Dimitri
, I thought. Instead, I repeated myself. “I don’t know.”
With a groan, he stood up and headed for the door. “Rose, for someone who claims she wants to gather as much information as possible, you really have a lot to learn about yourself.”
The door slammed behind him. The noise made me flinch, and as I stared at where Mason had just stood, I realized he was right. I did have a lot to learn.
SIXTEEN
L
ISSA FOUND ME LATER IN the day. I’d fallen asleep after Mason left, too dejected to leave the bed. Her slamming of the door jolted me awake.
I was happy to see her. I needed to spill about the fumbled thing with Mason, but before I could, I read her feelings. They were as troubled as mine. So, as always, I put her first.
“What happened?”
She sat on her bed, sinking into the feather duvet, her feelings both furious and sad. “Christian.”
“Really?” I’d never known them to fight. They teased each other a lot, but it was hardly the kind of thing that could nearly bring her to tears.
“He found out . . . I was with Adrian this morning.”
“Oh, wow,” I said. “Yeah. That might be a problem.” Standing up, I walked over to the dresser and found my brush. Wincing, I stood in front of the gilt-framed mirror and began brushing out the snarls acquired during my nap.
She groaned. “But nothing happened! Christian’s freaking out over nothing. I can’t believe he doesn’t trust me.”
“He trusts you. The whole thing’s just weird, that’s all.” I thought about Dimitri and Tasha. “Jealousy makes people do and say stupid things.”
“But nothing happened,” she repeated. “I mean, you were there and—hey, I never found out. What
were
you doing there?”
“Adrian sent me a bunch of perfume.”
“He—you mean that giant box you were carrying?”
I nodded.
“Whoa.”
“Yeah. I came to return it,” I said. “The question is, what were you doing there?”
“Just talking,” she said. She started to light up, on the verge of telling me something, but then she paused. I felt the thought almost reach the front of her mind and then get shoved back. “I’ve got a lot to tell you, but first tell me what’s up with you.”
“Nothing’s up with me.”
“Whatever, Rose. I’m not psychic like you, but I know when you’re pissed off about something. You’ve been kind of down since Christmas. What’s up?”
Now wasn’t the time to get into what had happened on Christmas when my mom told me about Tasha and Dimitri. But I did tell Lissa the story about Mason—editing out why I had stopped—and simply driving home how I had.
“Well . . .” she said when I finished. “That was your right.”
“I know. But I kind of led him on. I can see why he’d be upset.”
“You guys can probably fix it, though. Go talk to him. He’s crazy about you.”
It was more than miscommunication. Things with Mason and me couldn’t be patched up so easily. “I don’t know,” I told her. “Not everyone’s like you and Christian.”
Her face darkened. “Christian. I still can’t believe he’s being so stupid about this.”
I didn’t mean to, but I laughed. “Liss, you guys’ll kiss and make up in like a day. More than kiss, probably.”
It slipped out before I could stop it. Her eyes widened. “You know.” She shook her head in exasperation. “Of
course
you know.”