Vegas to Varanasi (Fortytude Series Book 1) (14 page)

“It’s fine. Everything’s under control.”

Not that I’ve been gone long, but now I’m really wishing I had talked to them sooner. “Answer me this, is he drunk when he calls?”

I can’t really tell, but it looks like Hayden is raising his eyebrows at Carly, waiting for her response.

She hesitates. “He doesn’t really call. It’s mainly been texts. But yeah, it seems like he might be.”

“Carly, I’m sorry. I’m going to message him and tell him to stop contacting you.”

Carly shoots Hayden another look. “Mom. Really. It’s not a problem. Please don’t do that. I don’t want him to think I was bitching about him.”

“I’ll do it in a nice way. Just... I don’t want you worrying about it.”

She lets out a frustrated breath. “Fine.” Then she turns to Hayden. “And you have a very big mouth!”

“Hey! Your brother is looking out for you, just like I asked him to.”

Hayden presses his lips together and gives Carly a satisfied nod.

“Okay, guys. I better go. I’ll try to call again tomorrow. How’s your dad?”

“He’s good,” Hayden says. “He said to say hey when we talked to you.”

“Alright. I love you!”

“Love you, too,” they answer in near unison. But before they hang up, I see Carly punch Hayden in the arm again.

I run my hands down my face.
Brother!
What am I going to do with that train wreck of an ex? He is really getting out of control.

I send him a quick iMessage.
I’m not texting or calling because the fees are too high. If you have something to say or ask me, please message me, and not Carly. Everything is fine. The trip is going good. Just so you know, I don’t have constant wifi access. Hope you are well.

With that, I head upstairs to Nisha and William’s.

“Please, come in,” Nisha says as she answers the door.

I don’t see Kiran and wonder if he came straight up.

“Oh, he’s in the bedroom with Dadi,” Nisha explains. “She’s very tired today.”

“Oh. Well, I wanted to thank you for the gift this morning. It was so generous of you and I love the color.”

“It was my pleasure. Please, have a seat.” She motions to the sofa.

I’m still holding the gifts in my hand, which are in the same bag that Nisha sent over. “I hope you don’t mind that I’ve recycled your bag, but I wanted to return the gesture, and say how much I appreciate you making our stay in the apartment so comfortable.”

“Thank you.” She takes the bag from me. “That wasn’t necessary at all, but thank you. May I?” she asks to look at the items.

“Of course!”

Pulling out the two silk scarves, she gives an impressive sigh. “Anna, these are lovely.”

“One is for you and one is for Dadi. I’m sure, living here, you already have plenty of beautiful scarves, but I couldn’t resist.”

“Dadi will love it. Thank you.” She then pulls out the jar of candy for William, and smiles. “Kiran must have filled you in on William’s love of treats.”

“William’s a man of my own heart. I have a pretty nasty sweet tooth myself.”

She laughs and sets the items on the table next to her. “Can I get you something to drink?”

“I’m fine for now, thanks.”

Nisha leans back in her chair and crosses her legs. “So, the two of you enjoyed the sites at the Ganges today.”

“Yes. I’m looking forward to tomorrow’s boat ride.” My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I take it out to see that I’ve received a message from David. I put it away. “Sorry, I just wanted to make sure it wasn’t from one of my kids.”

“How old are your children?”

“Twenty and twenty-one.” I’m not sure why, but I begin to feel a bit uncomfortable, like Nisha is priming me for something. I look toward the bedrooms. “Dadi doesn’t feel well today?”

“She’s very weak and doesn’t feel much like getting out of bed. Kiran is reading to her. Her vision’s not what it used to be, and she doesn’t enjoy audio books.”

I nod and smile.

Nisha tilts her head and pauses to study me. “Kiran tells me that you were very kind to him when you were in school.”

It seems like an odd, off-the-wall thing to say, but I simply shrug and keep the stupid smile plastered to my face. “I suppose. He was kind to me, too.”

Nisha leans forward, her expression troubled. “Anna, I don’t want to accuse you of something you’re not guilty of.”

Where is this going? And why am I already feeling guilty about something? What, I don’t know.

“You seem like a genuinely good person.” She glances in the direction of Dadi’s room. “It’s not my place to give you the details about Christine, but—”

“Kiran already told me about Christine.”

“Oh. Good then.” She lowers her voice, clearly concerned that Kiran will show himself and hear what she’s saying. “Anna, there have been others who have treated Kiran badly, and I wanted you to know... He’s a good man. A good person.”

Suddenly I feel like I shouldn’t be here, and wonder how she knows such personal things about him. Has he told her? Has Geena? “Of course.”

“Again.” She places her hand on my knee. “I’m not trying to lay blame on
you
. I just thought you should know.”

“I under—”

“Have you ladies been having a nice visit?” Kiran asks as he comes from Dadi’s room. Both Nisha and I straighten.

“Yes, just a bit of girl talk,” Nisha says while I give Kiran a weak smile.

Kiran sits next to me on the couch. “She fell asleep again.”

“What are you reading to her?” I ask.

“
The Devil Wears Prada
.”

I laugh. “What?
The Devil Wears Prada
?” I was expecting something more traditional.

Kiran shakes his head and grins. “Dadi loves chick lit.”

Twenty-Three

Later that evening, Kiran and I enjoy a relaxing dinner at a restaurant not far from the apartment. “Are you up for taking in the fire worship ceremony at the ghats this evening?” he asks.

It sounds like something I should definitely see while we’re here, and I could use the distraction. David’s message has gnawed at me ever since I read it. A simple,
Carly is like my own.
Why are you being so pissy?

Well, Carly
is
my own! I haven’t responded, nor have I read the two other messages I received since.

Although Kiran’s offer is tempting, I’ve been nursing a headache and I’m not sure the thirty minute drive into old town is what I need right now. Disappointed in myself for not being more adventurous, I decline.

“Sorry to be so boring, but do you mind if we go tomorrow night? I think I’m still a little jet lagged.”

“No apologies. We have plenty of time.” He leans forward, his elbows on the table, and his tone softens. “Is there something else the matter, Anna?”

Yes, there is. I can’t get what Nisha told me out of my mind, and have been feeling self-conscious about my relationship with Kiran ever since that conversation.

“No.” My voice is pitched slightly higher than normal.

With a furrowed brow, he gives me a brief nod.

We return to the apartment, and I prepare a bath to wash away the salty sweat the day’s heat has purged from my skin. As I run the water, I read the other two messages David sent me.

It’s killing me that you and I aren’t speaking.

And...

Please don’t cut me out of your life.

I plop my phone onto the counter and rub my forehead.
Shit!
What the hell is he trying to do to me?

I submerge my body into the bath water, lowering my face in as far as my nose, and hot tears spring from my eyes. For a long while, I lie motionless and stare at the surface of the water.

I may have lingered in the tub too long because my fingers are all pruny. As I get dressed in my bedroom, Kiran knocks on the door. “Would you like some chai?”

“Um, yes, please!”

I head for the kitchen and lean on the bar. Kiran appears to have also showered; his hair a little damp. Taking in his jeans and baggy t-shirt, I admire his impressive shoulders, those perfectly toned, olive-skinned forearms.

He slides a cup across the counter, then stops mid-motion. “You really aren’t feeling well, are you?” He looks at me sideways. “Your eyes are red. What’s wrong?”

I groan and take my cup to the living room.

He follows and sits beside me on the sofa. Before I know it, I burst into tears. Oh my hell! I am not doing this. This has to be from overexhaustion.

“Anna, what is it?”

I don’t even know where to begin. I should have just gone to bed and saved myself this humiliation. Unfortunately, I proceed to babble.

“Today Nisha told me how women have treated you like shit, and what a good person you are, and that she thought I should know. I already know you’re a good person!”

He leans back, confusion on his face.

“And then Hayden told me that David has been harassing Carly, asking her about me... and you. He sent me these messages that go from being, I don’t know,
pissy
—that was the word he used—to pitiful pleas, asking me not to cut him out of my life.” I shake my head. “I swear. He’s a fuckin’ hot mess!”

Kiran gently rubs my back. “I’m sorry.”

My nose starts dripping, and he retrieves a box of tissues from the bathroom. For a minute, he waits quietly for me to regain my composure.

“Let’s take this one topic at a time,” he says, sitting back down. “Nisha should not have said those things to you.”

I pull my knees to my chest, and he leans forward to look into my face.

“I’m a grown man, and I don’t need protection. Hey...” He pauses until I meet his eyes. “Especially from the likes of you.”

Before today, I would have been in agreement. But now, I am so paranoid about doing something that may hurt him. And I’m sure this thing with David must give him a lot of pause when it comes to me.

I simply stare back at him and swallow.

“I don’t know what Nisha was thinking when she said those things, but I’m going to find out.”

“No! Please don’t. It’s not worth causing friction.”

He lifts his hand toward me. “Look how it’s upset you!”

“No. I’m glad she told me.”

We gaze at one another, then he shakes his head with a slight smile and sighs.

“On to topic number two.” He stands and takes a few paces away from me, then turns around. “I’ve been afraid to ask this, but, I have to know.” He rubs the back of his neck. “Do you still love David?”

Love him, yes.
In
love
with him, no. And I know that’s what he means by his question. “No. I don’t.”

Kiran exhales.

“I still care about him, but I don’t understand him. He is the one who seemed unhappy and wanted out, and now he acts like I gave him the shaft.”

He walks back over and sits on the heavy oak coffee table across from me. Leaning forward on his knees, he gives me one of those penetrating stares he’s kept under wraps for a while. “David doesn’t know what he wants.”

My heart beats so wildly at this moment, I think I might pass out. Is he trying to say
he
knows what he wants?

“Anna, I have a feeling Nisha has put all these crazy worries in your head.” He playfully taps my knees with his fingertips. “Nothing comes with guarantees. I know that. If you’re thinking I’m this fragile creature that needs to be handled with kid gloves, then don’t.”

I really don’t know what to do or say at this point. Actually, I know what I would
like
to do, but I’m not sure if I have the courage. I don’t know how long we sit here like this without speaking, but it seems like a while. Do I take the easy way out and break this intense moment between us, ruining a perfect opportunity to show him how I feel? Or do I swallow my fear and potentially improve the time I have with him here, tenfold?

That’s the kicker.
Potentially
...

Before I lose my nerve, I stand abruptly and hold out my hand to him. With a puzzled expression, he takes it and rises as well.

Without a word, I lead him to my bedroom. The lights are off, but the moonlight coming through the window casts a dim glow upon us. When we get to the foot of my bed, I reach up to run my hand through that luscious, dark hair. My breathing is markedly faster as I lift my face to meet his lips. Unlike yesterday, our kiss is not chaste. I explore his mouth with my tongue, tasting cinnamon and nutmeg from the chai.

He pulls me close, and his hands slowly move down my back. Briefly, he stops kissing me and grazes his thumb over my cheek, before lifting the bottom of my shirt. He gradually pulls it up and off, and drops it to the floor. His eyes will not leave mine as his fingertips lightly travel my throat, the curve of my jaw. He takes a slow, deliberate breath before his mouth parts, leading me to believe he’s about to say something.

Instead, his lids go heavy. His lips find my neck, and the warmth of his hands on my skin makes my breath catch. After unhooking my bra, he slides off the straps and brushes my shoulder with his mouth.

My fingers glide down his arms, and it’s my turn to remove his shirt. I’ve never seen him bare-chested before, and when I pull it off, I am completely unprepared for how amazing he looks. Every ripple of muscle is visible, and I’m pretty sure I could wash my clothes on his stomach.

This can’t be! How does his skin look so damned good after losing seventy pounds? He obviously inherited his mother’s genes, although his father is also very well-preserved.

Immediately, I’m filled with paralyzing anxiety and wrap my arms about me, wanting only to hide my less than perky boobs and fleshy tummy. “Oh, my God. Are you
kidding
me? Do you like, spend forty hours a week at the gym?”

“Anna, stop.” He closes the space between us, takes my arms, and lowers them to my sides where he holds my hands. “Stop.”

I imagine many a message in those green eyes right now, none of which I know are fact. However, his heady gaze feels as if it reaches into my chest and grips my heart.

He kisses the tips of my fingers, and for several moments, his touch attends to every curve of my hand before slowly leading it past the waistband of his unbuttoned jeans. I feel dizzy as I anticipate where this is going. But he places my fingers along a ridge on his lower abdomen.

A scar.

Puzzled, my eyes flit to meet his. “Surgery?”

“Yeah.” His voice is little more than a whisper. “So, you’re not allowed to feel insecure with me.”

Tears threaten at his willingness to reveal his scars, both visible and hidden. Lowering my body to remove his jeans, the thought of being intimate with him has me exhilarated and apprehensive at once. I hate to admit it, gorgeous as he is, I’m not expecting much in the bedroom. I know that’s awful of me, but how much experience can he have, given his history?

Our kissing grows feverish as he moves me to the bed.

“I never did rid myself of the crush I had on you all those years ago. I hope you won’t mind the unleashing of twenty-something years of idolatry,” he teases, brushing the hair from my face.

“Unleashing of idolatry,” I say, scrunching my eyebrows. “I’m not sure what that feels like, but it sounds appealing.”

He chuckles, and only moments later, I intake a sharp breath as he begins to explore my body.
Holy, holy Mother of God!

Closing my eyes, every nerve ending lights with pleasure. My mind still wants to reject the idea that, in this moment, however transient,
I
am the object of Kiran’s passion. How did this happen? How am I here with him, in this most mystical of places?

Oh my... Oh. My. Lord...

Am I writhing? Yes, I believe I’m writhing.

I brave opening my eyes and see Kiran’s beautiful face above mine. Our eyes lock, and his skilled touch does not relent. I tangle my fingers into his hair and pull his lips to mine as we move together, locating each other’s tonsils.

I can’t take this. I’m going to implode.
Hooooooh uhhhhhhhh
. I use all the control I can muster to keep from digging my nails into his flesh. Skimming my fingers along his shoulders, my parted mouth roams his chest.

“Anna,” he breathes. The sound of him moaning my name sends another thrill of bliss through me, and my scalp tingles. The sensory overload I experienced in old Varanasi this morning was nothing compared to this. He slides my wrists along the bed to either side of my face and laces his fingers with mine, firmly gripping my hands.

Two flights to nirvana and forty minutes later, we are spent, and the sheets are damp with perspiration. We lay side by side in bed, facing each other, and Kiran runs his fingers down my hip.

“I still don’t believe I’m here with you,” he whispers.

The sentiment is mutual.