Veil of Scars (3 page)

"Because, I feel like with him I have to be on all the time. Everything about him is so perfect, and I have to be the perfect girlfriend. With you, I can be me. All of it. It's just easier, Steven." She looked up at me with her big, lavender eyes, and they were streaked with red.

If anyone knew how to put on a front, it was me. I couldn't blame her.

****

I walked in the door, kicked off my boots, and shuffled to my room to toss my messenger bag down. When I came back out of my room, Charlie was blocking my way.

“Hey there, handsome.” She was about five foot two to my six foot, and she had the bones of a twelve-year-old. Her long hair was pulled up into a loose, messy bun with a few wisps escaping to frame her face. She habitually tucked them behind her ears, and a bright smile always adorned her lips, even when she was crying.

I tried to step around her, but she dragged me to the couch and forced me to sit.

"Sam’s at practice, and it's movie night."

I groaned inwardly. "I'm sorry. I forgot what day it was. I didn't get the movies. I'll go get them now." I tried to get to my feet, but she blocked my way again.

She shook her head with a grin. "With as elusive as you've been the last few days I kinda figured that, so I grabbed up a couple on my way home." She turned around and closed her fingers around a few cases from the coffee table.

Charlie was the type that if you told her some obscure fact about yourself, she would remember it forever. Picking up on the littlest cues, she catered to the needs of those she loved. I didn't even think she knew she was doing it most of the time. It was so much a part of who she was.

“So, funny zombie flick or serious action movie with 'I want to Channing on your Tatum’?"

"I've had nightmares about him since you made me watch that male stripper movie. Let's go with the zombies." I ran my hands up her sides giving her a hug from where I sat on the couch.

"That movie was hot. I don't care what you or Sam say!" She turned away to put the disk in and then flitted back to plop down in my lap.

I loved it when she took up her place with me. Winding my arms around her, I laid my head against hers, and she purred in delight.

"Going to hold me tonight if this scares me?" she teased.

"Isn't that what your big, strong swimmer is for?"

She huffed. "He mocks me and makes me sleep alone after scary movies. Ass."

My chest rumbled into hers as I laughed. "Sounds about like Sam. He used to pop out and scare me after them at sleepovers. Nothing scares that kid."

"That's because he was raised on that stuff. His dad is such a sci-fi geek." Her lovable laugh joined mine.

She laid her head on my shoulder, and my fingers found their way into her hair relaxing me as much as it did her.

Chapter Five

Two days later, I walked into the apartment to find Charlie sitting on the couch and Sam pacing the length of the small living room. I froze only a few steps inside the doorway. They both looked stiff, tension dripping from their posture. My heart began to pound, and I sucked on my lip ring, looking between them. I didn't want to know what they had in store for me.

Shit.

Had Sam told Charlie about what I’d said? I started to back towards the door, feeling for the handle.

"Steven," Charlie said first. She got to her feet and started closing in on me.

My back hit the door, and I fumbled to get it open.

“We're glad you’re here. We want to talk to you." She grabbed me by the hand and dragged me toward the couch.

Sam had stopped where he was when I had tried to escape and now mouthed “Sorry” when I looked over at him.

Panic set in.

"What's going on?" I stammered as she pulled me.

She forced me to sit and took a seat next to me. I looked to Sam for some rational answer or to fucking save me.

“Sam, you want to come join us?” She patted the seat next to her.

"Not really. You look like you've scared him half to death already." He scrubbed a hand over his face.

"Yeah, you have. Can I go then?" I tried to get up, but Charlie put a hand on my thigh.

“Damn it, Sam!” She set her jaw and gave him the same look she'd given him when he’d tried to quit the swim team our junior year because we’d gotten a new coach. She’d sat him down and told him that he would be better because of it and that he was not allowed to quit.

Now I knew it was serious.

My tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth, and I settled back into my seat.

"You wanted this." She glared at Sam as he walked over like a kicked puppy and took a seat in the chair facing us.

"If you two need to talk this out, I can come back." I played with my lip ring, wishing I had gone to the library or something.

She patted my thigh. "No, babe. You didn't do anything wrong. Sam is nervous." She shot him another look, but he kept his eyes on his hands in his lap.

"About?"

"We wanted to talk to you about sex."

I screwed up my face and shot her a look. "Is this about the other night? If so…" I looked at him, and he vigorously shook his head from side to side.

"The other night?" She looked at her boyfriend then back to me.

We both avoided her eyes.

Charlie went on when we didn't answer. “No. We wanted to ask you how you feel about sex.”

"Ummm, I know my parents are kind of fucked. I never got the talk, but I know how it works." I didn't know what she was getting at, and the pit in my stomach told me I needed to bail.

"I figured you had that much, but you've never dated anyone or had a girlfriend." She paused for a second and looked at me with those warm, welcoming eyes. "Or a boyfriend." Now I knew Sam had told her about my confession, and I grew red hot in the face.

I pushed the heels of my hands into my eye sockets and wished I was anywhere else. "You really don't need to do this. I screwed up. Can't we just go back to the way things were?”

"That's not what this is about," Sam offered.

I let out a slow breath. "Then why are you guys giving me the third degree about sex?"

Charlie’s porcelain cheeks pinked up. I narrowed my eyes and gave her a hard once-over. Was she embarrassed?

"We want to know what you think about it.” She turned a little, angling her body so she could look me in the eyes.

"I've told you before. I've never really seen the appeal." I half shrugged because it was true. I’d thought about what it would be like with Sam after I realized how I felt, but that was still so new. There was some pleasure to be had, but I didn’t get the point. The idea didn’t turn me on, but the thought of being so close to Sam was the draw.

"Have you ever tried it?" Charlie asked before I closed my mouth.

“No. But I would have, like everyone else, if I’d wanted to."

"How do you know you don't like it unless you try it?" She was running point like a detective, and it didn’t surprise me one bit. "Sometimes you need a kick start."

"Dating is too much work." I shook my head. "I want to focus on school."

"What if it was easy and with people you trusted?” she said, her voice softer this time.

Something seemed to settle in my mind, and an uneasiness began to grow as I looked between the two of them. "What do you mean?”

"With us." Her voice had dropped to an almost whisper.

I glanced over at Sam who had sucked his full lower lip into his mouth and was biting down on it. His eyes spoke something that wasn't said as I held his gaze for a long moment. He nodded slightly and shrugged.

I turned back to Charlie. "Whose idea was this?"

She rocked in her seat and looked down at her Converse. "Well, it was Sam's."

I knew it. I put my face in my hands, unable to make eye contact with either of them.

"But we've been talking about it. Since we've only been with one another, we both don't want to share unless it's with each other, and who is safer than our best friend? So I thought it was a good idea," she continued.

But I had a hunch there was more to this than either of them were letting on. I couldn't believe that Sam had really suggested it. I adjusted my seat, delaying the conversation and really, really hoping this wasn't a pity offering because he didn't love me back. I tried not to get in my head about what this could mean. I wanted to believe there was a hidden meaning behind this. I wanted to think that Sam felt any of what I had realized I felt in the last few days, but he’d made it clear that wasn't the case.

"We didn't want to make things weird, Steven." Sam placed his large, warm hand on my shoulder, and a spark shot thought me. Those probing blue eyes met mine, and there was that emotion again, that silent plea behind his gaze. Did he want this?

“Little too late for that.” I blew out a breath. “I don't know if I can." I tore my stare away from Sam, sure I would say yes if I kept looking.

The couple exchanged a glance.

"Have you ever fooled around with anyone?" Charlie asked.

I got hot all over and looked at my feet. I slipped my hands in my pockets and shook my head. "No," I said under my breath.

"Seriously?" Sam asked.

I nodded, toeing the ground. Fuck if this was not the most awkward conversation I had ever had. "Can we please not talk about this?"

"You never mentioned anyone, but wow." He shook his head and moved to the coffee table in front of us. “I figured you were embarrassed and kept it quiet or some shit.”

The color was returning to my cheeks and ears. "I'm fucked up. I get it." I was going to be sick. I'd never wanted them to see this side of me. They had been the only two who'd made me feel normal.

Both their hands shot out to touch me.

"No." He shook his head. "That's not it at all. Would you consider it?"

"Maybe." I looked up, and I knew I shouldn't have. I was trapped by my feelings for him. That need for him rose up and told me it was a good idea before my brain could connect. "I could, maybe if I was drunk?" I offered and winced a little.

It was the worst suggestion I could have made because Charlie was up and grabbing the tequila before I could get another sentence out. She fed me drinks as she talked it up.

"It feels really good for guys their first time, not like for girls." She blushed a little.

"Have you ever jacked off?" Sam asked.

Another shot. I wanted the inquisition to stop. Drunk sounded really good right now. My head dropped to hang limply between my shoulders as I groaned. I was just starting to get a buzz, but this was still not what I wanted to be talking about.

"Kinda?" I winced.

"How do you kinda?" Sam raised a brow and stared at me like I was faulty.

Charlie smacked him. “Well, that's a start."

"I played, but I didn't finish." I shrugged and focused on the next drink she put in my hand.

The conversation drifted, and soon we all had a good buzz going. I’d almost forgotten about the undertones of the whole thing when they both moved.

They sat on either side of me, and my half fuzzy brain said it was time. I couldn't back out now. Both their hands were on me with soft touches at first. One of them had turned the lights out, and I could only see by the scraps of light coming from the microwave clock. Sam moved his hand to the inside of my thigh. A spark of arousal caused my dick to jump, and pleasure surged through me. It was better than my own hand had ever felt.

My head was heavy, and I let it fall back against the couch just as I felt Charlie’s soft lips on the base of my throat. I extended my neck, giving her room to play, as my eyes lulled half closed. I wanted more of Sam's touch. His fingers slid up my arm, almost hesitantly, until they reached the buttons on my shirt. Slowly, he undid the top one. I turned my face toward him and met his eyes in the dim light, watching him lean forward to brush his nose over mine.

"Hey," he whispered.

What would Charlie think if we kissed? Would he even? My thoughts were interrupted by soft lips and harsh stubble against my clean-shaven cheeks. His lips glided over my unmoving ones, and Charlie vanished. My eyes fell the rest of the way closed, and all my thoughts were on him as he tilted his head and pressed in closer. His warm tongue slid over the seam of my lips. Mine parted instinctively, and I inhaled my first breath of him. He tasted like cheap tequila and chlorine, like the way he smelled after a long night of drinking. It was home.

The tip of his tongue flirted into my mouth as soft fingers with an edge of nails smoothed over my chest. It felt surprisingly good, and I knew they must belong to Charlie since Sam's hand was still on my thigh. He took my hand and slid it further up his leg until the tips of my fingers brushed his bulge, eliciting a moan from his lips. I moved my other hand to Charlie’s hip, and her face dipped to press a kiss to my nipple.

Sam broke the kiss, and I could just make out his swollen lips in the low light. He smiled at me and moved his mouth to my ear. He nipped and sucked at the sensitive skin before I felt his hot breath fanning down my neck.

"Me too."

My head snapped around almost colliding with his, and my hand tightened, nails biting into his thigh. My brows rose, questioning his meaning.

"I do," he said again, so soft that I almost believed I’d imagined it.

Tiny fingers worked on my belt, and my head was all over the place. My cock swelled between my thighs, hard and painful, and it was taking all the blood from my head, making it nearly impossible to think about what he had just said.

I leaned forward and pressed my forehead to his, forcing myself to think. "How long?" I whispered as I felt Charlie's soft lips where the button of my jeans had once sat.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. I couldn't be having this conversation right now. She used both hands to slide my jeans down a bit, and her lips moved lower.

Sam didn't respond. A low baritone growl sounded in the back of my throat.

He shook his head, his forehead still against mine. "Later." His eyes pleaded with me.

I sighed, and he pushed my hand to cup his package. I groaned. He was big and thick, everything from what I remembered when I had glimpses of his morning wood. I suddenly wanted to touch him, to have my mouth on him like Charlie did me. My thumb stroked over the edge of his head, through his pants, and he was kissing me again. My shirt was pushed off my shoulders by one or both of them, and Charlie moved to straddle my lap. She joined the kiss, adding the taste of that cherry flavored alcohol she liked to mix. I didn't expect to like it, but I did. Anything with Sam would have been good.

The sensations, good and bad, were so overwhelming. I was in love with Sam, and here I was helping him give his girlfriend, my other best friend in the world, pleasure for the sake of pleasure. There were no feelings behind this on either of their ends. I was lying to her. I was using her to get time with him. I was a dick.

Everything was numbed by the drinks, and I felt like a coward. I knew only one other person who hid behind alcohol, and here I was doing the same, justifying things I never should have. I couldn't be with her. I wanted him, because I loved him. I was attracted to him because of my feelings. He had been the first and only person I wanted to be this close to.

Panic hit me in the chest like a bullet. Pain exploded outward, arousal drained, and my mind came back to me. It was only stimulation muddled with alcohol that was feeding the frenzy in my brain.

"I can't do this." I stood and dumped Charlie off my lap, retreating to my bedroom before either of them could stop me.

I fell face first into my bed and buried my head in the pillows. What the fuck had I been thinking? I wasn't cut out for that kind of stuff. Even if it had felt good, I wasn't being honest with myself. I didn't have the same feelings about sex as they did. I knew now I needed a connection like I had with Sam to have an attraction. I was fucked.