Vivienne's Guilt (21 page)

“Oh, my girl. I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so sorry that I yelled at you,” she chants over and over while hugging Tillie tightly to her chest.

“Vivienne,” I say forcefully, trying to keep her attention. “Do you think that we should take her to the hospital or maybe call an ambulance?”

“Mommy...” Tillie croaks, her voice shredded from all of the heaving. She sounds so weak, and it worries me to see this normally vibrant child so frail.

“She seems okay, but I think we should get her checked out to be sure. Would you mind calling the ambulance?” she asks, sniffling. “If we can avoid going to the hospital...”

The last time she was at the hospital was the night of the accident, and I can understand her hesitation.

“Sure. Yeah,” I answer. “Do you have your phone? Mine’s back in the pool house.”

Viv reaches into her back pocket and hands me her phone. I call for the paramedics while we walk back to the house.

When the ambulance arrives, the three of us are sitting in the living room on the floor. They take Tillie from her mother’s arms, and I fill them in on the situation while Vivienne paces a hole into the floor.

Life is so fragile. Knowing that had I been even seconds later that this baby may no longer be here has really shaken me up. It’s beginning to hit me just how badly this could have ended.

After they examined Tillie and gave her the all clear, I suggest that Vivienne go and give her a warm bath and get her into some dry clothes while I go back to the pool house and get cleaned up.

“Please, don’t leave yet,” she begs, clutching my arm. “I don’t want to be alone.”

After the day we have had, I don’t know up from down anymore where this woman is concerned. “Viv, I’ll come right back. I don’t have any clothes here, and I’m full of lake water. I really need a quick shower.” I’m drenched. I stink. I have no shoes and abandoned the muddy socks when we got inside.

“Please stay. Abbott has a closet full of clothes in my room. Could you just borrow something of his and shower in my bathroom while I go bathe her?” she pleads. “Please?”

She’s so pale and weak. Vivienne is dead on her feet, and I really don’t want to be away from them, anyway. “Sure,” I answer. “Just let me use your phone to fill Kylie in so she knows where I am, okay?” The last thing I need is her to come over here looking for me.

“Thank you...I-I just don’t want to be by myself,” she says again with watery eyes as she hands me her phone. Her fingertips brush the palm of my hand, and my pulse speeds up. Staying here cannot be a good idea, but even knowing that it’s wrong, I can’t ever seem to tell Vivienne no.

Tillie’s already falling asleep in her arms. “Go get her ready for bed,” I say, rubbing Tillie’s back. “I’ll stay.”

After calling Kylie and letting her know that I’m not sure what time I will be back and why and then listening to her bitch and moan, I head up the stairs to Vivienne’s bedroom in search of dry clothes.

Bathed in Uncle Abbott’s soap and dressed in Uncle Abbott’s clothes, I step into his bedroom and find his wife perched on the edge of their bed. She’s so damned beautiful. I can hear my heart thrumming loudly in my chest as I take a minute to just watch her. The intimacy of the moment has me wishing that I could step into his life as easily as I have the rest of his things.

“Hey,” I say softly, crouching down before her. “You all right?” Her body begins to quake with silent sobs like she’s been holding it all in and I’ve just granted her permission to break.

Vivienne shakes her head. “No...No, Reid, I’m not.” A lump forms in my throat and tears sting the backs of my eyes.

“Come here, Viv,” I offer, opening my arms to her.

She leans forward and allows me to fold her into my arms. I rub her back and kiss the side of her head, shushing her in much the same way that I witnessed her doing with Tillie earlier tonight.

Vivienne cries into my chest, “I’m sorry, Reid. I’m sorry I flipped out on you earlier.”

“It’s already forgotten,” I assure her. “Don’t worry about it.”

She lifts her head, wiping her nose with a tissue. “Thank you,” she says hoarsely. “Thank you for going after her...When I think that I c-could’ve lost her, too...” She can’t even finish as she collapses into me, sobbing.

I hold her tightly, trying to resist the urge to break down, too. I never understood what it meant to be strong for someone else before this summer. I’ve never had to. These girls have turned me into a man that I don’t even recognize. Someone
better
than I ever hoped to be.

“You wanna go downstairs and have a drink?” I ask, needing to get out of this room before I forget myself.

I feel her nod into my chest. “Sure, just let me take my medicine first.”

“Did she go to sleep okay?” I ask Vivienne while pouring us each a glass of her favorite wine. I’ve never really cared for the taste, but I need something to take the edge off.

Nodding, Viv answers, “Yeah. I think she was asleep before her head hit the pillow.” Tears trickle down her swollen cheeks. “It’s my fault,” she whispers, her voice breaking.

“What’s your fault?” I ask as I hand her one of the glasses and take a seat beside her on the couch. “What happened tonight with Tillie couldn’t have been your fault.”

She swirls the ruby liquid around in the glass, staring absently ahead. “I yelled at her, Reid,” she says, choking on a sob. “I-I
screamed
at her to leave me alone,” she cries, gripping the glass with white-knuckled ferocity. “I’ve never spoken to her that way. She’s just a baby...She’s my baby, and I could’ve lost her tonight.”

Reaching out, I take hold of her free hand, attempting to offer comfort. Vivienne relaxes into the couch so I take it a little further and begin rubbing the pad of my thumb over her delicate knuckles. When I pass over her wedding ring, a pang of guilt pierces my chest. I drop her hand, backing away just a little. I wish that I could make my conscience forget that she isn’t mine to hold.
Vivienne doesn’t seem to notice. Her face is blank and her eyes vacant. She seems completely lost in thought. It’s almost as if she’s sleeping with her eyes open. But then, in a pained voice, barely above a whisper, she says, “If you hadn’t seen her...Reid...if you hadn’t seen her, I would have nothing left to live for, and this time, it would’ve been my own fault.”

My body shudders at the thought. “You couldn’t have known she’d run off like that, Viv. I mean, yeah, you probably shouldn’t have screamed at her, but we all make mistakes. We all do things that we end up regretting. Let’s just be thankful that she’s okay and not dwell on things that didn’t happen.”

She nods, chewing on her lip, but says nothing. The two of us sit in companionable silence, ruminating over the day’s events. We finish the first bottle of wine then pop open another.

At some point during the night, she ends up pressed against my side with her head resting on my chest. I’m not sure how she got there, but I’m too selfish to push her away, and it feels better than it should when I wrap my arms around her and rest my head in her floral scented hair.

I begin to doze in and out of sleep, and when I feel soft lips feathering kisses down my jaw, I’m sure that it must be a dream. But when I open my eyes, there she is...kneeling over me, her wild hair like a curtain framing her beautiful face. My pulse races and that sinking feeling returns in my chest. I swallow the guilt threatening to steal this moment and let my emotions take the lead. Desire, like a wildfire, blazes through my veins, burning through everything in its path until nothing remains but this heat. All-consuming need surmounts any rational thought. I couldn’t stop if I wanted to, and I don’t want to. Vivienne presses her mouth against mine, and when my lips instinctively part, she slips her warm tongue between them.

I kiss her back, gripping her hair in my hands. Our kiss is long and languid—unhurried. I cherish every second that she allows me to pretend that this is okay. Vivienne whimpers against my lips, and it is the most erotic sound that I have ever heard. Every moan, every touch, I savor, burning it into my memory as if it is the last time I will ever have this chance. More likely than not, it is. Our tongues twirl in sync as if they’ve done this dance a thousand times before, yet my heart has never felt so heavy.

Vivienne begins to grind her body against mine, and I try to tell myself to stop her, that this needs to end here, but I’m too far gone to be the one to end it, and when she whispers “I need you” into my ear, there is not a chance in hell that I won’t give her what we both so desperately crave.

Vivienne

I wake in the middle of the night with my face in Abbott’s lap. It’s dark, and I’m disoriented. I try to remember how we ended up here, sleeping in our clothes...but I have nothing.

His hard bulge presses into my cheek, and my body begins to pulse with desire. I’m overwhelmed with a need to feel close to him. My heart feels so heavy...so sad...and I can’t recall why. There’s an ache in my chest and the need for him to fix it—to make me feel better—is so strong.

I run my fingers over the mesh fabric of his shorts, tracing his hard erection, and feeling it grow harder still. Crawling over him, I run my hands up his torso, tracing the ridges of his abs and then lean in, trailing kisses along his jaw to his ear. I nibble and suck on his lobe, and when I make my way back up his jaw, brilliant blue irises connect with mine.

He appears a bit startled at first, but it doesn’t take long before his eyes blaze with the same hunger that I know he can see reflected in mine. I’m so hot...so hungry, and when I kiss his lips, and he opens to me, I plunge in, swirling my tongue around his.

Abbott groans, fisting his hands into my hair, tugging gently as he takes control, and I am more than happy to relinquish it. He kisses me devoutly, worshiping me slowly, spending long moments exploring my mouth.

My body trembles with need, and I begin to rotate my hips, grinding my wet heat into his hardness...My head falls back, and I whimper as he lowers his mouth to my chest, sucking my breast through the thin material of my cotton dress. His hands ghost up my legs, eliciting a chill as his fingertips skim my sides, lifting my dress over my head and tossing it to the floor.