Volpone and Other Plays (42 page)

50    
KASTRIL
:                                            Hold your peace.

Here comes the t' other rare man. – 'Save you, Captain.

FACE
: Good master Kastril! Is this your sister?

KASTRIL
:                                                                         Ay, sir.

Please you to kuss her, and be proud to know her.

FACE
: I shall be proud to know you, lady.

[
Kisses her
.]

DAME PLIANT
:                                   Brother,

He calls me lady, too.

KASTRIL
:                    Ay, peace; I heard it

FACE
[
aside to
SUBTLE
]: The Count is come.

SUBTLE
[
aside to
FACE
]:                                 Where is he?

FACE
[
aside
]:                                                                  At the door.

SUBTLE
[
aside
]: Why, you must entertain him.

FACE
[
aside
]:                                                     What'll you do

     With these the while?

SUBTLE
[
aside
]:                    Why, have 'em up, and show 'em

     Some fustian book, or the dark
glass
.

FACE
[
aside
]:                                   'Fore God,

60         She is a delicate
dabchick!
I must have her.

     [
Exit
.]

SUBTLE
[
aside
]: Must you! Ay, if your fortune will, you must. –

Come, sir, the captain will come to us presently.

I'll ha' you to my chamber of demonstrations,

where I'll show you both the grammar and logic

And rhetoric of quarrelling, my whole method

Drawn out in tables; and my instrument,

That hath the several scale upon't shall make you

Able to quarrel at a straw's-breadth by moonlight.

And, lady, I'll have you look in a glass,

70      Some half an hour, but to clear your eyesight,

Against you see your fortune; which is greater

Than I may judge upon the sudden, trust me.

[
Exit, followed by
KASTRIL
and
DAME PLIANT
.]

IV III          [
Entet
FACE
.]

[
FACE:
] Where are you, Doctor?

SUBTLE
[
within
]: I'll come to you presently.

FACE
: I will ha' this same widow, now I ha' seen her, On any
composition
.

[
Enter
SUBTLE
.]

SUBTLE
:                    What do you say?

FACE
: Ha' you disposed of them?

SUBTLE
:                                   I ha' sent 'em up.

FACE
: Subtle, in troth, I needs must have this widow.

SUBTLE
: Is that the matter?

FACE
:                    Nay, but hear me.

SUBTLE
:                                   Go to.

If you rebel once, Dol shall know it all.

Therefore be quiet, and obey your chance.

FACE
: Nay, thou art so violent now. Do but conceive,

Thou art old, and canst not serve–

10    
SUBTLE
:                                   Who cannot? I?

'Slight, I will serve her with thee, for a –

FACE
:                                                            Nay,

But understand; I'll gi' you composition.

SUBTLE
: I will not treat with thee. What! sell my fortune?

'This better than my birthright. Do not murmur.

Win her, and carry her. If you grumble, Dol

Knows it directly.

FACE
:                    Well, sir, I am silent.

Will you go help to fetch in Don, in state?

    [
Exit
.]

SUBTLE
: I follow you, sir. We must keep Face in awe,

Or he will
overlook
us like a tyrant.

    [
Re-enter
FACE
,
with
SURLY
,
disguised as a
Spanish
nobleman
.]

Brain of a tailor! who comes here? Don John! 20

SURLY
:
Señores
, beso las manos à vuestras mercedes
.

SUBTLE
: Would you had stooped a little, and kissed our anos.

FACE
: Peace, Subtle!

SUBTLE
:                    stab me; I shall never hold, man.

He looks in that deep ruff like a head in a platter,

Served in by a short cloak upon two treastles.

FACE
: Or what do you say to a collar of
brawn
, cut down

Beneath the
souse
, and wriggled with a Knife?

SUBTLE
: 'Slud, he does look too fat to be a Spaniard.

FACE
: Perhaps some Fleming or some Hollander got him

30         In d'Alva's time; Count Egmont's bastard.

SUBTLE
:                                                            Don,

Your scurvy, yellow, Madrid face is welcome.

SURLY
:
Gratia
.

SUBTLE
:           He speaks out of a fortification.

Pray God he ha' no squibs in those deeps
sets
.

SURLY
:
Por dios
, señores, muy linda casa!

SUBTLE
: What says he?

FACE
:                         Praises the house, I think;

I know no more but's action.

SUBTLE
:                                   Yes, the
casa
,

My precious Thego, will prove fair enough

To cozen you in. Do you mark? You shall

Be cozened, Diego.

FACE
:                     Cozened, do you see,

40        My worthy
Donzel
, cozened.

SURLY
:                                  
Entiendo
.

SUBTLE
: Do you intend it? so do we, dear Don.

Have you brought pistolets or
portagues
,

My solemn Don? [
To
FACE
] Dost thou feel any?

     
He feels his pockets
.

FACE
:                                                                 Full.

SUBTLE
: You shall be emptied, Don, pumpèd and drawn

Dry, as they say.

FACE
:                     Milkèd, in trodi, sweet Don.

SUBTLE
: See all the monsters; the great lion of all, Don.

SURLY
:
Con licencia
, se puede ver á esta señora?

SUBTLE
: What talks he now?

FACE
:                                    O' the señora.

SUBTLE
:                                             O, Don,

That is the lioness, which you shall see

Also, my Don.

FACE
:           'Slid, Subtle, how shall we do? 50

SUBTLE
: For what?

FACE
:           Why, Dol's employed, you know.

SUBTLE
:                                                       That's true.

' Fore heav' n I know not: he must stay, that's all.

FACE
: Stay! that he must not by no means.

SUBTLE
:                                                        No! why?

FACE
: Unless you'll mar all. 'Slight, he'll suspect it;

And then he will not pay, not half so well.

This is a travelled punk-master, and does know

All the delays; a notable hot rascal,

And looks already rampant.

SUBTLE
:                               'Sdeath, and Mammon

Must not be troubled.

FACE
:                       Mammon! in no case.

SUBTLE
: What shall we do then?

60   
FACE
:                                         Think: you must be sudden.

SURLY
:
Entiendo
que la señora es tan hermosa, que codìcio tan

à verla como la bien aventurànça de mi vida
.

FACE
:
Mi vida!
'Slid, Subtle, he puts me in mind o' the widow.

What dost thou say to draw her to 't, ha!

And tell her it is her fortune? All our venture

Now lies upon't. It is but one man more,

Which on's chance to have her; and beside,

There is no maidenhead to be feared or lost.

What dost thou think on't, Subtle?

SUBTLE
:                                        Who, I? why–

FACE
: The credit of our house, too, is engaged. 70

SUBTLE
: You made me an offer for my share erewhile.

What wilt thou gi' me, i' faith?

FACE
:                                        O, by that light,

I'll not buy now. You know your
doom
to me.

E' en take your lot, obey your chance, sir; win her,

And wear her out for me.

SUBTLE
:                         'Slight, I'll not work her then.

FACE
: It is the common cause; therefore bethink you.

Dol else must know it, as you said.

SUBTLE
:                                        I care not.

SURLY
:
Señores
, porque se tarda tanto?

SUBTLE
: Faith, I am not fit, I am old.

FACE
:                                        That's now no reason, sir.

80
SURLY
:
Puede
ser de hazer burla de mi amor?

FACE
: You hear the Don, too? By this air, I call,

And loose the hinges Dol!

SUBTLE
:                    A plague of Hell–

FACE
: Will you then do?

SUBTLE
:                Y' are a terrible rogue!

I'll think of this. Will you, sir, call the widow?

FACE
: Yes, and I'll take her, too, with all her faults,

Now I do think on't better.

SUBTLE
:                            With all my heart, sir;

Am I discharged o' the lot?

FACE
:                            As you please.

SUBTLE
:                                        Hands.

[
They shake hands
.]

FACE
: Remember now, that upon any change

You never claim her.

SUBTLE
:                Much good joy and health to you, sir.

90    Marry a whore! Fate, let me wed a witch first.

SURLY
:
Por estas
honradas barbas–

SUBTLE
:                                   He swears by his beard.

Dispatch, and call the brother, too.

   [
Exit
FACE
.]

SURLY
:                    
Tengo
duda, señores
,

Que no me hágan alguna traycion
.

SUBTLE
: How, issue on? Yes,
prcesto, sñor
. Please you

Enthratha
the
chambratha
, worthy Don,

Where if it please the Fates, in your
bathada
,

You shall be soaked, and stroked, and tubbed, and rubbed,

And scrubbed, and
fubbed
, dear Don, before you go.