Volpone and Other Plays (48 page)

Ha! list.

FACE
: Believe it, sir, i' the air.

LOVEWIT
:                            Peace, you.

70    
DAPPER
[
within
]: Mine aunt's Grace does not use me well.

SUBTLE
[
within
]:                                                                               You fool.

Peace, you'll mar all.

FACE
[
speaking through the keyhole
]: Or you will else, you rogue.

LOVEWIT
[
overhearing
FACE]: O, is it so? Then you converse with

     spirits! –

Come, sir. No more o' your tricks, good Jeremy.

The truth, the shortest way.

FACE
:                                               Dismiss this rabble, sir. –

[
Aside
] What shall I do? I am catched.

LOVEWIT
:                                                      Good neighbours,

I thank you all. You may depart. –

     [
Exeunt
NEIGHBOURS.]

                                                                            Come, sir,

You know that I am an indulgent master;

And therefore conceal nothing. What's your med' cine,

To draw so many several sorts of wild-fowl?

80    
FACE
: Sir, you were wont to affect mirth and wit –

But here's no place to talk on't i' the street.

Give me but leave to make the best of my fortune,

And only pardon me th' abuse of your house:

It's all I beg. I'll help you to a widow,

In recompense, that you shall gi' me thanks for,

Will make you seven years younger, and a rich one.

'Tis but your putting on a Spanish cloak;

I have her within. You need not fear the house;

It was not visited.

LOVEWIT
:                   But by me, who came

Sooner than you expected.

FACE
:                                         It is true, sir. 90

' Pray you forgive me.

LOVEWIT
:                        Well, let's see your widow.

     [
Exeunt
.]

[
Inside Lovewit's house
.]

[
Enter
SUBTLE,
leading in
DAPPER,
with his eyes bound as before
.]

[
SUBTLE
:] How! ha' you eaten your gag?

DAPPER
:                                                              Yes, faith, it crumbled

Away i' my mouth.

SUBTLE
:                    You ha' spoiled all then.

DAPPER
:                                                                 No!

I hope my aunt of Faery will forgive me.

SUBTLE
: Your aunt's a gracious lady; but in troth

You were to blame.

DAPPER
:                        The fume did overcome me,

And I did do't to stay my stomach. 'Pray you

So satisfy her Grace.

     [
Enter
FACE
in his uniform
.]

                                               Here comes the Captain.

FACE
: How now! Is his mouth down?

SUBTLE
:                                                   Ay, he has spoken!

FACE
[
aside
]: A pox, I heard him, and you too. [
Aloud
] He's un-

     done then. –

10          [
Aside to
SUBTLE
] I have been fain to say, the house is haunted

with spirits, to keep churl back.

SUBTLE
[
aside
]:                                      And hast thou done it?

FACE
[
aside
]: Sure, for this night.

SUBTLE
[
aside
]:                            Why, then triumph and sing

Of Face so famous, the precious king

Of present wits.

FACE
[
aside
]:     Did you not hear the
coil

About the door?

SUBTLE
[
aside
]:         Yes, and I dwindled with it.

FACE
[
aside
]: Show him his aunt, and let him be dispatched:

I'll send her to you.

     [
Exit
FACE.]

SUBTLE
:                        Well, sir, your aunt her Grace

Will give you audience presently, on my suit,

And the Captain's word that you did not eat your gag

20        In any contempt of her Highness.

     [
Unbinds his eyes
.]

DAPPER
:                                     Not I, in troth, sir.

     [
Enter
] DOL
like the Queen of Faery
.

SUBTLE
: Here she is come. Down o' your knees and wriggle:

She has a stately presence.

     [
DAPPER
kneels and moves towards
DOL
.]

                                                                                      Good! Yet nearer,

And bid, God save you!

DAPPER
:                             Madam!

SUBTLE
:                                           And your aunt.

DAPPER
: And my most gracious aunt, God save your Grace.

DOL COMMON
:             Nephew, we thought to have been angry with

     you;

But that sweet face of yours hath turned the tide,

And made it flow with joy, that ebbed of love.

Arise, and touch our velvet gown.

SUBTLE
:                                                   The skirts,

And kiss 'em. So!

DOL COMMON
:             Let me now stroke that head.

30          
Much, nephew, shah thou win, much shalt thou spend;

Much shalt thou give away; much shah thou lend
.

SUBTLE [aside
]: Ay, much indeed! – Why do you not thank her

     Grace?

DAPPER
: I cannot speak for joy.

SUBTLE
:                                        See, the kind wretch!

Your Grace's kinsman right.

DOL COMMON
:                                 Give me the bird. –

Here is your fly in a purse, about your neck, cousin;

Wear it, and feed it about this day sev' n-night,

On your right wrist –

SUBTLE
:                      Open a vein with a pin

And let it suck but once a week. Till then,

You must not look on't.

DOL COMMON
:                           No. And, kinsman,

40          Bear yourself worthy of the blood you come on.

SUBTLE
: Her Grace would ha' you eat no more
Woolsack pies
,

Nor
Dagger
frume'ty.

DOL COMMON
:                      Nor break his fast

In
Heaven
and Hell.

SUBTLE
:                       She's with you everywhere!

Nor play with costermongers, at
mumchance
, tray-trip,

God-make-you-rich (whenas your aunt has done it); but keep

The gallant'st company, and the best games –

DAPPER
:                                                                             Yes, sir.

SUBTLE
:
Gleek
and primero; and what you get, be true to us.

DAPPER
: By this hand, I will

SUBTLE
:                                 You may bring's a thousand pound

Before tomorrow night, if but three thousand

50        Be stirring, an' you will.

DAPPER
:                          I swear i will then.

SUBTLE
: Your fly will learn you all games.

FACE
[
within
]:       Ha' you done there?

SUBTLE
: Your Grace will command him no more duties?

DOL COMMON
:                                                                                   No;

But come and see me often. I may chance

To leave him three or four hundred chests of treasure,

And some twelve thousand acres of fairy land,

If he game well and comely with good gamesters.

SUBTLE
: There's a kind aunt; kiss her departing part. –

But you must sell your forty mark a year now.

DAPPER
: Ay, sir, I mean.

SUBTLE
:                               Or, gi't away; pox on't!

60    
DAPPER
: I'll gi't mine aunt. I'll go and fetch the writings.

SUBTLE
: 'Tis well; away.

     [
Exit
DAPPER
.
Re-enter
FACE
.]

FACE
:                                        Where's subtle?

SUBTLE
:                                                           Here. What news?

FACE
: Drugger is at the door; go take his suit,

And bid him fetch a parson presently.

Say he shall marry the widow. Thou shalt spend

A hundred pound by the service!

     [
Exit
SUBTLE
.]

                                                               Now, Queen Dol,

Have you packed up all?

DOL COMMON
:                     Yes.

FACE
:                                          And how do you like

The Lady Pliant?

DOL COMMON
:             A good dull innocent.

     [
Re-enter
SUBTLE.]

SUBTLE
: Here's your
Hieronimo's
cloak and hat.

FACE
:                                                                                       Give me 'em.

SUBTLE
: And the ruff too?

FACE
:                                    Yes; I'll come to you presently.

     [
Exit
FACE.]

70    
SUBTLE
: Now he is gone about his project, Dol,

I told you of, for the widow.

DOL COMMON
:                            'Tis direct

Against our articles.

SUBTLE
:                         Well, we'll fit him, wench.

Hast thou gulled her of her jewels or her bracelets?

DOL COMMON
: No; but I will do't.

SUBTLE
:                                                Soon at night, my Dolly,

When we are shipped and all our goods aboard,

Eastward for Ratcliff, we will turn our course

To Brainford, westward, if thou sayst the word,

And take our leaves of this o' erweening rascal,

This peremptory Face.

DOL COMMON
:                   Content; I' m weary of him.

80    
SUBTLE
: Thou'st cause, when the slave will run a-wiving, Dol,

Against the instrument that was drawn between us.

DOL COMMON
: I'll pluck his bird as bare as I can.

SUBTLE
:                                                                               Yes, tell her

She must by any means address some present