Volpone and Other Plays (7 page)

[
Gives him money
.]

Take, of my hand; thou strik'st on truth in all,

And they are envious term thee parasite.

Call forth my dwarf, my eunuch, and my fool,

And let 'em make me sport.

[
Exit
MOSCA
.]

70                                                                           What should I do

But
cocker up my genius
and live free

To all delights my fortune calls me to?

I have no wife, no parent, child, ally,

To give my substance to; but whom I make

Must be my heir, and this makes men observe me.

This draws new clients, daily, to my house,

Women and men of every sex and age,

That bring me presents, send me plate, coin, jewels,

With hope that when I die (which they expect

80         Each greedy minute) it shall then return

Tenfold upon them; whilst some, covetous

Above the rest, seek to engross me, whole,

And counter-work the one unto the other,

Contend in gifts, as they would seem in love.

All which I suffer, playing with their hopes,

And am content to coin 'em into profit,

And look upon their kindness, and take more,

And look on that; still bearing them in hand,

Letting the cherry knock against their lips,

90        And draw it by their mouths, and back again. How now!

1, ii          [
Enter
MOSCA
with
NANO
,
ANDSOGYNO
,
and
CASTRONE
.]
        [
NANO
(
reciting
):] Now, toom for fresh gamesters, who do will you to know,

They do bring you neither play nor university show;

And therefore do entreat you that whatsoever they rehearse,

May not fare a whit the worse, for the false pace of the verse.

If you wonder at this, you will wonder more ere we pass,

For know, here is enclosed the soul of
Pythagoras
,

[
Pointing to
ANDROGYNO
.]

That juggler divine, as hereafter shall follow;

Which soul, fast and loose, sir, came first from Apollo,

And was breathed into
Æthalides
, Mercurius's son,

10        Where it had the gift to remember all that ever was done.

From thence it fled forth, and made quick transmigration

To goldy-locked
Euphorbus
, who was killed in good fashion,

At the siege of old Troy, by the
cuckold of Sparta
.

Hermotimus was next (I find it in my charta)

To whom it did pass, where no sooner it was missing,

But with one Pyrrhus of Delos it learned to go a–fishing;

And thence did it enter the
sophist of Greece
.

From Pythagore she went into a beautiful piece,

Hight Aspasia, the meretrix; and the next toss of her

20        Was again of a whore, she became a philosopher,

Crates the Cynic, as itself doth relate it.

Since, kings, knights, and beggars, knaves, lords, and fools gat it,

Besides ox and ass, camel, mule, goat, and brock,

In all which it hath spoke, as in the Cobbler's cock.

But I come not here to discourse of that matter,

Or his one, two, or three, or his great oath,
‘By Quater!'

His
musics
, his trigon, his golden thigh,

Or his telling how elements shift; but I

Would ask, how of late thou hast suffered translation,

30        And shifted thy coat in these days of reformation?

ANDROGYNO
[
reciting
]: Like one of the
reformèd
, a fool, as you see, Counting all old doctrine heresy.

NANO
: But not on thine own forbid meats hast thou ventured?

ANDROGYNO
: On fish, when first a Carthusian I entered.

NANO
: Why, then thy dogmatical silence hath left thee?

ANDROGYNO
: Of that an obstreperous lawyer bereft me.

NANO
: O wonderful change! When Sir Lawyer forsook thee,

      For Pythagore's sake, what body then took thee?

ANDROGYNO
: A good, dull moyle.

NANO
:                                                  And how! by that means

40        Thou wert brought to allow of the eating of beans?

ANDROGYNO
: Yes.

NANO
:                 But from the
moyle
into whom didst thou pass?

ANDROGYNO
: Into a very strange beast, by some writers called an ass;

By others, a precise, pure,
illuminate
brother,

Of those devour flesh, and sometimes one another,

And will drop you forth a libel, or a sanctified lie,

Betwixt every spoonful of a
nativity-pie
.

NANO
: Now quit thee, for heaven, of that profane nation,

    And gently report thy next transmigration.

ANDROGYNO
: To the same that I am.

NANO
:                                                                    A creature of delight,

50        And what is more than a fool, an hermaphrodite?

Now, prithee, sweet soul, in all thy variation,

Which body wouldst thou choose to take up thy station?

ANDROGYNO
: Troth, this I am in, even here would I tarry.

NANO
: 'Cause here the delight of each sex thou canst vary?

ANDROGYNO
: Alas, those pleasures be stale and forsaken;

No, 'tis your Fool wherewith I am so taken,

The only one creature that I can call blessèd,

For all other forms I have proved most distressèd.

NANO
: Spoke true, as thou wert in Pythagoras still.

60        This learnèd opinion we celebrate will,

Fellow eunuch, as behoves us, with all our wit and art,

To dignify that whereof ourselves are so great and special a part.

VOLPONE
: Now, very, very pretty! Mosca, this

Was thy invention?

MOSCA
:                              If it please my patron,

Not else.

VOLPONE
: It doth, good Mosca.

MOSCA
:                                                   Then it was, sir.

SONG

Fools, they are the only nation

Worth men's envy or admiration;

Free from care or sorrow-taking,

Selves and others merry making,

70                            All they speak or do is sterling.

Your Fool, he is your great man's dearling,

And your ladies'sport and pleasure;

Tongue and babble are his treasure.

E'en his face begetteth laughter,

And he speaks truth free from slaughter;

He's the grace of every feast,

And, sometimes, the chiefest guest;

Hath his trencher and his stool,

When wit waits upon the Fool.

80                               O, who would not be

                 He, he, he?

One knocks without
.

VOLPONE
: Who's that? Away! Look, Mosca.

MOSCA
:                                                           Fool, begone!

[
Exeunt
NANO
,
CASTRONS
,
and
ANDROGYNO
.]

'Tis Signior Voltore, the advocate;

I know him by his knock.

VOLPONE
:                      Fetch me my gown,

My furs, and night-caps; say my couch is
changing
,

And let him entertain himself awhile

Without i'th'gallery.

[
Exit
MOSCA
.]

Now, now, my clients

Begin their visitation! Vulture, kite,

Raven, and
gorcrow
, all my birds of prey,

90       That think me turning carcass, now they come.

I am not for 'em yet.

[
Enter
MOSCA
with the gown
,
furs
,
etc
.]

How now? the news?

MOSCA
: A piece of plate, sir.

VOLPONE
:                Of what bigness?

MOSCA
:                                                          Huge,

Massy, and antique, with your name inscribed,

And arms engraven.

VOLPONE
:                Good! and not a Fox

Stretched on the earth, with fine delusive sleights

Mocking a gaping Crow – ha, Mosca?

MOSCA
:                                                         Sharp, sir.

VOLPONE
: Give me my furs. Why dost thou laugh so, man?

MOSCA
: I cannot choose, sir, when I apprehend

What thoughts he has, without, now, as he walks:

100      That this might be the last gift he should give;

That this would fetch you; if you died today,

And gave him all, what he should be tomorrow;

What large return would come of all his ventures;

How he should worshipped be, and reverenced;

Ride with his furs, and foot-cloths; waited on

By herds of fools and clients; have clear way

Made for his moyle, as lettered as himself;

Be called the great and learned advocate:

And then concludes, there's nought impossible.

VOLPONE
: Yes, to be learnèd, Mosca.

110  
MOSCA
:                                                           O, no; rich

Implies it. Hood an ass with reverend purple,

So you can hide his two ambitious ears,

And he shall pass for a cathedral doctor.

VOLPONE
: My caps, my caps, good Mosca. Fetch him in.

MOSCA
: Stay, sir; your ointment for your eyes.

VOLPONE
:                                                         That's true;

Dispatch, dispatch. I long to have possession

Of my new present.

MOSCA
:                             That, and thousands more,

I hope to see you lord of.

VOLPONE
:                             Thanks, kind Mosca.

MOSCA
: And that, when I am lost in blended dust,

120      And hundreds such as I am, in succession –

VOLPONE
: Nay, that were too much, Mosca.

MOSCA
:                                                              You shall live

Still to delude these harpies.

VOLPONE
:                                          Loving Mosca!

‘Tis well. My pillow now, and let him enter.

[
Exit
MOSCA
.]

Now, my feigned cough, my
phthisic
, and my gout,

My apoplexy, palsy, and catarrhs,

Help, with your forcèd functions, this my posture,

Wherein, this three year, I have milked their hopes.

He comes, I hear him – uh! uh! uh! uh! O!

[
VOLPONE
gets into bed
.]

1, iii          [
Enter
MOSCA
with
VOLTORE
]

[
MOSCA
:] You still are what you were, sir. Only you,

Of all the rest, are he commands his love,

And you do wisely to preserve it thus,

With early visitation, and kind notes

Of your good meaning to him, which, I know,

Cannot but come most grateful. Patron, sir.

Here's Signior Voltore is come –

VOLPONE
:                                          What say you?

MOSCA
: Sir, Signior Voltore is come this morning

To visit you.

VOLPONE
:    I thank him.

MOSCA
:                                 And hath brought

10        A piece of antique plate, bought of St Mark,

With which he here presents you.

VOLPONE
:                                     He is welcome.

Pray him to come more often.

MOSCA
:                                                 Yes.

VOLTORE
:                                                 What says he?

MOSCA
: He thanks you and desires you see him often.

VOLPONE
: Mosca.