Wagonmaster (12 page)

Josh stood at the end of Addie's wagon. Would she welcome him? She'd been pretty angry with him. A smile tugged at his lips. He'd had almost two hours to think about what she'd said. He'd revealed his darkest secrets. She should have condemned him to Hell, but she hadn't. She'd defended him. The woman had a heart of gold. But no matter what she said, he wasn't the man she believed him to be. Hell, how could he be? She seemed to think he was some kind of saint. Even when he'd told her how he'd failed Sarah, she'd refused to blame him.

He kicked a clod of dirt with the toe of his boot and shoved his hands deeper into his pockets. All right, so maybe he wasn't the worthless bastard he claimed to be, but he sure as hell was no saint. And he still didn't deserve a woman like Addie. He should stay away from her. But damn it, he couldn't.

She'd reminded him again tonight that this was only temporary. She'd said he'd soon be free of her. If he were honest with her, he'd tell her he didn't want to be free. Almost losing her had made him realize how important she was to him.

Was it wrong of him to want to spend what time he could with her? Probably. But if she wanted to be with him, why shouldn't he enjoy her company? She deserved far better than the likes of him, but she wanted him. She'd made that more than clear. It was in her kiss, in the way she touched him. Her passion burned hotter than anything he'd ever imagined. It had nearly killed him to end that kiss last night, but she'd needed rest. She was stronger today. And if she still wanted him, if she didn't hate him now that she knew the truth, he'd thank his lucky stars and make love to her tonight.

He took a deep breath and blew it out slowly before he moved to the ladder at the end of her wagon. “Addie?”

Her voice sounded inside. “Yes?”

“May I come in?” He held his breath.

The canvas lifted. “Of course. Goodness it's cold. Why did you stay out so long?”

Josh smiled and climbed inside. He removed his hat and shrugged out of his coat. “Addie,” he began.

“Wait.” His gaze jerked to hers. Her beautiful blue eyes held a plea. “Before you say anything, I want to apologize. I'm sorry, Joshua. I had no right to say those things about Sarah. She was your wife, and you loved her. I'm sorry.” Her eyes filled with unshed tears. “Please don't hate me.”

“Hate you?” He stepped toward her, pulling her into his arms. “I could never hate you, woman. How could you even think it?”

She sniffled against his chest. “You loved her.”

He stroked her hair, free from its usual braid. “It was a long time ago, darlin'. And you were right.” She lifted her face, her brows furrowed in question. “Sarah
was
selfish. But so was I. We were young and naïve.”

“It wasn't your fault, Joshua.”

He smiled. Addie was so innocent and forgiving, but she was as stubborn as hell. “Maybe it wasn't.”

The corners of her mouth curled in a grin. “I have something for you.” She pulled out of his arms and walked toward the bed. She plucked a cup from the trunk and presented it to him. “A peace offering.”

Golden liquid filled the cup. He took a sip, watching her over the rim. The smooth burn as it slid down his throat chased away any lingering chill from the cold outside. “This has to be the best damn whiskey I've ever tasted.”

She smiled, bit her lip, and looked away. Sinking to the bed, she retrieved her brush and brushed her hair without another word. Josh sat on the bed and watched her, sipping the whiskey. The liquor was too good to swig, but he wanted to do just that so he could take her in his arms and make love to her. He took a deep breath and another sip of whiskey. It was still early. There was plenty of time. She'd need her rest tonight, but he wouldn't keep her awake too long.

And he wouldn't rush through it this time either. Tonight he wouldn't lose control like before.

“What are you thinking?”

Her voice shook him from his thoughts. “Are you sure you want to know?”

She laughed, laying the brush down and turning to face him. “No, but I'm feeling courageous. Tell me.”

He took one more sip and set the cup aside. “I was thinking about making love to you.”

Color rose to her cheeks. She watched him, anticipation twinkling in the sapphire depths of her eyes. He removed his boots and socks. His shirt and pants followed. He debated for a moment whether he should remove his long underwear now or wait. The tip of her tongue swept across full, red lips, and she made the decision for him. He shed the underwear and stood nude before her, already hardening under her hungry gaze.

He held out his hand. She laid hers in his, stood, and met his gaze for a moment before dropping it to his lips. He reached for the buttons on her gown to answer her unspoken request. His lips met hers, heat spreading through his veins as sure as the whiskey had seared his throat. She didn't touch him, didn't move toward him, but she parted her lips in invitation.

Unable to resist her offer, he explored her mouth, tasting the sweetness that drove him wild with desire. The woman was every man's dream—eager and willing, passionate but innocent and wholesome. She accepted his kiss and mewled softly in complaint as he lifted his lips and leaned back. Rapid breathing and her eyes dark with desire betrayed her need, but still she didn't reach for him. He pushed the gown off her shoulders. It fell silently to the floor. She wore only her pink silk drawers. He loosened the tie and ran his finger beneath the waistband to push them down over her hips.

The garment joined her gown on the floor. His hands rose, and he grazed her nipples with the back of his fingers. Already tight, the rosy buds hardened into pebbles. Her whimper filled the silence. He tore his gaze away from her beautiful breasts to look at her face. A tense jaw and tightly closed eyes exposed her restraint.

Confused by her unusual, reserved reaction, he stepped back. She clenched her hands into fists at her sides. He reached for them, lifting her fists and using his thumbs to open them. Red half-moons covered her palms. If she'd squeezed

any harder, she'd have drawn blood.

“Addie?”

She opened her eyes to look at him.

“Is somethin' wrong, darlin'?”

She shook her head. “No,” she answered in a strained voice. “Please don't stop, Joshua.”

He brushed her lips with his own. “I won't stop unless you ask me to, sweetheart. Tell me what's wrong.”

She swallowed audibly. “Nothing. I just…I want you.”

He smiled and lowered his mouth to hers, anxious for the kind of kiss she'd given him last night. A kiss so passionate it made him throb with need. He laid her open palms against his bare chest, needing to feel her touch him.

But once again, while she welcomed his lips and tongue, she made no move to return his kiss or explore his body. He tore his lips away and watched her. Uneven breathing and flushed skin confirmed her arousal. Her thick lashes lifted, revealing a haze of passion in her eyes. But her hands were once again balled into fists against his chest.

He couldn't stand it any longer. “Addie, please. Tell me what's wrong.”

Her brows drew together. “Nothing is wrong. Please, Joshua. Kiss me again.”

“Why won't you touch me?”

“What?”

“And why won't you return my kiss? I thought you liked my kisses.”

A look of panic crossed her face. “I do. I love your kisses, but you don't like it when I kiss you back.”

His eyes widened with shock. “What?”

“I know you don't like it when I'm too wanton. Every time I kiss you or touch you, you pull away. You leave.”

“What are talkin' about?” He wanted to shake her. Where on earth had she gotten such a crazy idea? “I love it when you kiss me.”

“But you always leave. Like last night. I was too….” Her short breaths and the worry written on her features puzzled him. “I know I was too aggressive, too wanton. I'm sorry.”

He shook his head, unsure if he'd understood her correctly. “You think I left because I didn't like the way you kissed me?”

Her lips pursed. “Show me what to do, Joshua. Tell me how to please you.”

He leaned his head back and stared at the canvas above him, a frustrated laugh threatening to burst free. He took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. He looked at her once again. Her expression had changed to one of disappointment, and moisture glistened in the corners of her eyes. His heart lodged in his throat. He'd hurt her. He hadn't meant to and couldn't hazard a guess as to how he'd done it, but he had.

He grasped her shoulders. “You're wrong, darlin'. I left last night because I enjoyed your kiss
too
much. I had to leave. I can't resist your sweet passion, and you needed your rest.”

Confusion replaced the sadness in her eyes. “But every time I kiss you like that, you leave.”

“Not every time. Only when you've been sick or recovering. I couldn't take advantage of you then.”

Addie shook her head. “No, you did it before too. When we were just pretending so the others would believe we were married.”

He couldn't help it this time, he laughed. She frowned and crossed her arms. He pulled her to him, hugging her and rubbing her bare back. “Yes, I did it then too. The temptation was too much to bear.” Josh released her, captured her chin, and forced her to meet his eyes. “Addie, don't you see? I left because your kisses drive me wild. I had no choice but to leave.”

She didn't look convinced. “You could have made love to me.”

“No, I couldn't. Not when you're weak and need your rest.”

“And before?”

“Before I didn't believe you knew what you were askin' for. You were innocent, and I didn't want to take advantage of you.”

Addie appeared satisfied with his explanation, but she made no move to renew their intimacy. She rubbed her arms for warmth.

Josh reached for her hands and lifted them to his shoulders. He pressed her palms against his skin. “You'll be much warmer if you'll get a little closer.”

He lowered his head and caught her lips, nibbling and teasing them. He ran his tongue across the seam but refused to give her the kiss she obviously wanted. Her hands squeezed his shoulders, and she raised up on her toes to reach him better. He taunted her with only the promise of a kiss.

“Please, Joshua.”

“Do you want me, Addie?” His voice came out harsher than he'd intended.

“
Yes
.” She groaned.

“Then show me, darlin'. Kiss me like you did last night.”

His lips hovered over hers for a moment while she searched his eyes. Her hands found the nape of his neck and tugged his head down. Her mouth opened beneath his, and her tongue boldly tangled with his. Lightning flashed behind his eyelids as her passion consumed him. Within seconds, he throbbed with the need to be inside her. He groaned into her mouth and crushed her against him. His hands cupped her bottom, lifted her, and pressed her against his hips.

Hunger fueled his kiss. As she raised one leg and wrapped it around his thigh, a wave of lust crashed over him. The need to be inside her was the only thought his mind could form. Bracing her with his left hand, he used his right to raise her other leg. With both her legs wrapped around his hips, she continued to kiss him, demanding he respond. He could not have denied her had his life depended on it.

Still standing, he lifted her against him, feeling her slick warmth slide against his erection. She whimpered into his mouth and sucked his tongue into hers, begging for more. Carefully, he lowered her onto his shaft, the sensitive tip finding her opening. She broke the kiss, and her head fell back. Her body bowed, taking him further inside her. Wiggling against him, she slid further down over his throbbing member.

White-hot heat spurred him. Pivoting, he leaned over the bed to lay her down, her hips at the edge. He drove forward, burying himself inside her heated center. It occurred to him that in this position, with him still standing, she was completely at his mercy. The thought only served to further fuel the raging lust driving the animal she'd awakened with her passionate kiss. He pumped his hips, pounding into her.

“Oh, yes.” She arched beneath him, her beautiful breasts bouncing with every thrust of his hips. Sweet feminine moans surrounded him. The musky scent of her arousal tantalized him.

Beyond control now, he increased his rhythm. Grinding himself against her, he watched her through heavy lids. She writhed and whimpered, clutching the quilt beneath her. He clenched his jaw, biting back the building orgasm. Without slowing, he stroked her fully, again and again, filling her completely each time.

Her thighs tightened around his hips, and she stiffened. “Joshua!” Her scream was music accompanying the drumming beat of his heart.

The muscles of her sheath tightened around him, the spasms squeezing him, pushing him over the edge. He gripped her hips and thrust himself to the hilt to hold her still as his juices burst forth. A roar erupted from his throat, the animal she'd awakened howling its victory.

For several minutes, their harsh, ragged breathing filled the wagon. Josh's knees weakened, and he leaned forward and braced his arms on either side of her. The thighs gripping his hips loosened, her legs falling to dangle off the side of the bed.

She opened her eyes, still glazed with passion, and grinned at him. “That was amazing.”

He groaned in regret and slipped out of her. Sliding his arms beneath her, he picked her up and settled her on her pillow. He tugged the bedcovers, and she lifted her bottom to help him.

Wiggling in next to her, he sighed. “I did it again.”

“What?”

“I wanted to make love to you slowly. But every time I touch you, I lose control.”

She snuggled next him, kissing his chest and running her hand along his hip. “Would you like to try again?” She flicked his nipple with her tongue. Desire shot through him.