Wagonmaster (9 page)

His breath left him in a rush. He hadn't realized he'd been holding it. Shaking his head, he agreed, his voice gruff. “No. It wasn't.”

Addie didn't respond. In truth, he doubted she'd even heard him. She slept peacefully again, and he brushed a kiss across her pale lips.

God, she can't die
. It just might kill him.

* * * *

Josh rubbed the back of his neck and rolled his head from side to side. His temples still pounded, and the ache in his neck and shoulders had only grown worse. They had been back on the trail for more than two hours now. Addie's words echoed through his mind again and again.
Tell my father that I love him.
His throat tightened every time he thought about it. She couldn't die. He'd never be able to face her father, who would most likely be on his sickbed, and tell him that his daughter had died.

Once was not enough.
A dozen times probably wouldn't be enough. A hundred times; even a thousand. The woman was so full of passion and courage. To see her lying so still and lifeless, her breath so shallow…. It was tearing him apart. How had she become so important to him?

Mrs. Wheeler's voice sounded behind him again. Addie must be awake. He couldn't make out the words over the noise from the oxen and the rattling of the wagon. As before, he refused to lift the canvas. He just couldn't bear to see how weak she was, how close she was to slipping away from him.

But the cover behind him rose, and Mrs. Wheeler peered up at him. His heart caught in his throat, fear gripped his gut, and the words spilled out in a rush. “What is it?”

Josh's blood pounded in his ears.
God, please let her be all right,
he prayed silently.

Mrs. Wheeler smiled. “Her fever broke. I thought you'd like to know.”

Relief poured over him. His headache began to ease almost instantly. “Thank you.” He returned her smile. “Do you want me to stop so you can return to your wagon?”

“Oh, no! I'll stay with her for the rest of the day. She still needs to drink the medicine.”

“All right, then. We'll be stoppin' for the night in a couple more hours.” He tipped his hat. “I can't thank you enough, Mrs. Wheeler.”

“Nonsense. I owed her. Still do.” She laughed. “Probably always will.”

Josh heard Addie's voice, but he couldn't make out the words. He raised his brows. Mrs. Wheeler understood his unspoken question.

She laughed again and shook her head. “She's just denyin' my debt, as usual.”

The canvas fell, and Josh was once again alone. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Addie would be all right. The tension in his shoulders fled. He lifted his face to the cloudless sky. “Thank you.”

* * * *

Addie's headache was easing, but the dizziness still plagued her. She'd tried to sit up several times with the same result. Everything started spinning. She'd actually fainted the last time, when she'd never fainted before in her life. Her medical training told her she still suffered from dehydration. She needed to drink more.

“Are you all right, Mrs. Reynolds?” Mrs. Wheeler's voice carried a worried tone.

“Yes, I'm fine. Please call me Addie.” She tried to give her a smile, but it must not have been very convincing.

Concern shrouded the woman's face. “Addie. Is that short for something?”

Addie tried to nod but found it difficult in the prone position. “Adelaide.”

She laughed. “Addie fits you better. Call me Helen. I hope we can be friends.”

Friends? Goodness. It had been so long since she'd had a friend, she wondered briefly if she might still be asleep and dreaming. “You were right, Helen, I must admit. I'm not quite recovered yet.”

A chuckle sounded from the woman. “Not quite. Is there an extra blanket or something somewhere I could use to prop you up a little?”

“Bless you, Helen. Yes. The big trunk in the corner should have one right on top.”

Helen retrieved the blanket and helped her lean forward enough to wedge it beneath her pillow. Even with Helen's support, dizziness assailed her. It took a moment to regain her equilibrium. “Thank you. It feels good to sit up, even just a little.”

“Feels good? You're dizzy again. How could that feel good?” Helen's brows drew together, her face stern with disapproval.

Addie smiled. “I was dizzy, but I'm all right now. And I've been lying flat on my back for days. It feels good to sit up.”

Helen grinned. “You've only been sick since this morning, maybe part of the night.”

Surprise filled her. “Really? I feel like it's been days. I suppose I'm just not used to lying abed.”

Helen filled the cup and handed it to Addie. “Do you need me to help?”

“Only if you want to drink this for me.” Addie held the cup. She was sorely tempted to refuse her request. But the dizziness proved that she needed more. Although any liquid would probably help, the salt and sugar combination would work faster than anything else. “I'm glad there was honey to put in the children's medicine. I'm not sure they would have drunk this.” She drank all of it without stopping. With a grimace, she handed the cup back to Helen. “Ugh. Do you suppose I could have some apple cider to wash the taste away?”

“Where do I find it?” Helen stood looking around the wagon. She held onto the chair for support in the moving wagon.

Joshua still drove for her. She'd have to find a way to thank him for all his help. “On the bottom shelf, there are several jugs. Left side.”

She turned and faced the shelves. “Oh, I see it. I wish there was room in our wagon for shelves like these. It would make things so much easier.”

“You have a beautiful family to fill your wagon, Helen. I know you wouldn't trade that.”

Helen brought the jug of cider back to the bed and sat in the chair. “You're right. But I wouldn't mind a bigger wagon.” She laughed softly, pouring cider into Addie's cup.

Already sleep tugged at Addie's senses again. She took the cup from Helen and drank deeply, savoring the flavor and swishing the liquid around her mouth to wash away the lingering taste of the molasses. She swallowed and fidgeted under Helen's watchful eye wishing the other woman had something else to do. “There should be another cup on the shelf. Second bin from the top, right side. You should have some.”

“Thank you, I think I will.” She stood, swaying with the movement of the wagon, but walked easily to the shelves and found the cup. “We ran out of cider a couple of weeks ago. The children love it.”

Addie drank the rest of her cider. “Take a jug back to the children. I have plenty.”

“Oh, no! I couldn't. That's very kind of you, but—”

“Don't argue with a sick woman, Helen.” Addie chuckled. “Joshua says we'll be in Baker City in less than a month. I've more than enough cider to last that long.”

“Hmph. You're not that sick anymore. Your fever is gone.” She offered a compromise. “Maybe I'll take a jug in another week or so. You'll be better able to tell if you'll have enough, and the children will appreciate it more for having been without it.”

Addie sighed. “All right. How much longer till we reach the river?”

“Your husband says we'll get there tomorrow around noon.” She sipped her own cider now. “He says we'll rest a few days there. I'm so glad for that.”

She found it difficult to keep her eyes open. “I just want a bath.”

“Oh, that would be heavenly, wouldn't it?”

“Mmm.” She wasn't going to be able to stay awake much longer. And she'd be foolish to try. Clearly she needed the rest. Recovery would come more quickly if she slept. “Helen?”

“Yes, Addie?”

“Thank you for staying with me.”

“You're welcome. I don't mind at all.” Helen's voice softened. “I'm happy to be able to return your kindness.”

Addie closed her eyes. “If you get hungry, there's some hard tack in one of the bins. First or second from the left, second shelf, I think. And there's canned peaches.”

“I had a big lunch, but thank you.”

The thought of Helen just sitting there watching her sleep unsettled her. “Do you like to read?”

“Yes, but I don't find much time for it. The children keep me busy. We sold all of our books before coming west. There wasn't room for them in the wagon, and we needed the money for supplies.”

“There are several books in the big trunk where you found the blanket. Some are medical journals, but there are several dime novels and a book of poetry. And then my favorites, Jane Austen and Shakespeare.”

“Jane Austen? I love her books!”

Thank goodness. “You read. I'll sleep.” Addie relaxed, and sleep claimed her immediately.

* * * *

Addie remembered being awakened several times to drink more medicine, but she'd slept most of the afternoon. Now Helen prepared to leave. Joshua had raised the curtain and informed them they were stopping for the night.

“Thank you, Helen.”

She tied her bonnet and reached for her shawl. “I should be thanking you. Sitting with you reading
Pride and Prejudice
has been the most restful day I've had since we left Missouri.”

“Take the book. You can read it to the children at night before bed.”

“Oh, I couldn't. I—”

“Take it, Helen. I read it again on the train from Boston to Philadelphia. I'll read
Persuasion
if I'm in the mood for Austen.”

Josh climbed into the wagon. “Austin? Texas?”

Addie and Helen both laughed. Helen picked up the book. “No, Jane Austen,
Pride and Prejudice
.”

He grunted. “I like Dickens.
Oliver Twist, David Copperfield.
I hear he's got a more recent book. I'd like to get that one.
Two Cities
, or somethin' like that.”

Joshua's fondness of reading surprised Addie. “
A Tale of Two Cities
is the title. It's very good.”

He smiled at her, and her stomach fluttered in response. “You look like you're feelin' better.”

“I am. Still weak as a kitten, but I do feel better.”

Helen moved around Joshua toward the end of the wagon. “I'll be leaving now. Don't let her overdo. According to instructions she gave me for the children, she should remain in bed at least another day. And then she should rest and nap frequently until she's fully recovered.”

Addie groaned. Her words were coming back to haunt her. “I'll be fine by morning.”

Josh chuckled. “I'll be driving the wagon until we reach the river tomorrow. You'll be in bed.”

Helen smiled. “Good-night, Addie. Thanks again for the book.”

“Good-night, Helen.”

Joshua tipped his hat to her and murmured his thanks. He pulled off his gloves, coat, and hat and sat in the chair next to the bed. “You've got some of your color back, but you're still a little pale.”

“Thank you for helping me, Joshua.”

He leaned forward and brushed a kiss across her lips. His eyes held a warm smile. “You had me worried for while there.”

The tender gesture left her breathless. “Sorry.”

His big hand covered hers. “Do you feel like you could eat somethin'?”

“Maybe something light. Can you make potato soup?”

He pushed a strand of hair off her forehead and caressed her cheek. “Tell me how, and Jimmy can help.”

“You know, it's too bad you don't want to be a husband. You'd make a very good one.”

His jaw clenched. A cold glint filled his eyes, and his face darkened. “No. I'm a terrible husband.” Curt and unwavering, his tone cut her. “I tried that and failed miserably.” He removed his hand. A chill washed over her from the loss of his touch.

Addie wanted to take the words back. His mood had changed abruptly. She could almost touch the wall he'd built between them. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean…. You needn't worry. I won't try to hold you in this marriage. I'll have the papers filed as soon as we get to Baker City. I promise.”

He looked away. “You're a smart woman.”

An awkward silence hung in the air between them. Addie wasn't sure how to answer him. Her heart constricted. She'd known from the beginning that any hopes for a relationship with him were foolish at best, but sometimes he looked at her as if he really cared.
No
. More likely she only saw what she wished to see.

Addie searched for something to say. The recipe for the soup was the only thing she could find. “Peel the potato and cut it into very small squares. Boil it in about three cups of water with a pinch of salt until the potatoes fall apart. Stir it until most of the lumps are gone. It won't be very tasty, but it should be easy on the stomach.”

He nodded and stood. “I'm sure I can manage that. I'll be back in a little while. Do you need anything?”

“No. I'm fine. Thank you. I'll just sleep until you get back.”

“Good.” He put on his hat and grabbed his coat and gloves. Without looking back at her, he climbed out of the wagon.

An overwhelming emptiness engulfed her. Fighting back tears, she silently chastised herself for her foolish words. But she had about three more weeks and she would make the most of it. She'd spend every moment she could in his arms. Addie renewed her resolve and reminded herself never to refer to Joshua as her husband. And above all, never to speak of their future. Her future would not include Joshua Reynolds.

* * * *

Addie held the bowl out to Joshua. “I can't eat any more.”

He took it and frowned at what remained. “You didn't even eat half of it.”

“I'll eat the rest for breakfast in the morning.”

He put the dish on the shelf and covered it with a towel. “Are you ready to sleep?”

A heavy sigh escaped her. “That's all I've done the entire day.”

Hands on his hips, he scowled at her.

She hurried to pacify him. “But I suppose that sleeping is the best way to speed my recovery.”

“Good girl.” He grabbed his coat and hat. “I'm goin' to make one more round of the wagons. I'll be back in a little while.”

Addie tried to rest for a time but soon realized she needed to relieve herself. Slowly, she sat up, grateful most of the dizziness had eased. She swung her legs over the side of the bed and carefully stood up. Taking a deep breath, she waited for the lightheaded sensation to pass. She bent to pull the chamber pot from under the bed. The motion caused the wooziness to return, and this time, nausea accompanied the feeling. She swallowed hard and fought back the urge to spill her supper into the pot.

It took her three tries, but she finally managed to use the pot and put it back. She stood up. And everything turned black.

* * * *

“Addie! Addie, wake up.”

He lifted her and settled her on the bed. She tried to open her eyes.

“Addie? Are you all right?” Panic edged his words. “Did you hurt yourself?”

“Joshua? What happened?”

“Damnation, woman! I don't know what happened. I came back and found you on the floor. What were you doing out of bed?” He pulled the blankets over her.

“Oh.” She shivered. “I had to use the chamber pot.”

“And you couldn't wait until I got back?” A tangible fury filled the air.

“I…well, I just thought—”

“You weren't thinkin' at all. Did you hurt yourself?” He examined her head and her arms.