Authors: Elisabeth Naughton
“I need to get to the office,” Ryan said.
“Why?” Kate asked. The way he kept staring at her chart and his lack of amusement at the show in the front seat set her nerves on edge.
“I need to look something up. Drop me off downtown and I’ll grab a cab home.”
“Bye-bye double cheeseburger.” Mitch sighed and drove past the fast-food restaurant. He pulled onto the freeway headed toward the city.
“Talk to me, Ryan,” Kate said. “What’s in there that’s got your attention?”
He flipped papers in his lap. “It looks like you were in a natural coma for quite some time. After Reed was born, though, you were given coma-inducing drugs. Almost as if you’d come out of it on your own, only someone didn’t want you to wake up.”
Kate’s stomach tightened. “What about the other drug?”
When he didn’t answer, she said, “Ryan. Tell me.”
His lips thinned. Then he finally said, “Tabofren was an AmCorp drug in stage one clinical trials five years ago.”
Simone whipped around in her seat. Mitch glanced in the rearview mirror.
“
What?
” Kate’s eyes widened.
“We pulled it because the FDA had some serious issues with side effects.”
Kate felt the blood draining from her face. Felt the walls closing in around her.
Ryan’s hand brushed hers on the seat. “Don’t freak out yet. Let me do some research.”
She nodded, though inside she didn’t know what to think. What to do for that matter. With shaky fingers, she rubbed the scar along the side of her head. Swallowed back the fear.
It didn’t work.
Mitch pulled up outside Ryan’s building. “Simone and I’ll go grab some take-out and meet you both back here.”
“You don’t have to,” Ryan said, easing out of the car. He grasped Kate’s hand and helped her out.
“Don’t argue, Ryan.” Simone reached through the window and squeezed Kate’s fingers. “We’ll be right back.”
Why did she have such a bad feeling about this? Kate ran a hand over her hair as she walked into the building with Ryan. Tingling fingers of dread coursed over her, much as they had the day she’d knelt on the floor in Jake’s office and unlocked the file cabinet that had changed life.
“Hey, John.” Ryan nodded at the security guard seated at the lobby desk.
“Mr. Harrison. You’re here late tonight.”
“Have a little work I need to do. My brother-in-law and a friend will be by later. Let them up when they come in.”
“Sure thing, Mr. Harrison. Looked good on the TV today,” he added with a lopsided grin.
“Thanks.” Ryan placed a hand at the small of Kate’s back and urged her toward the elevators. A hand that was warm and solid and sent tingles all along her lower back where he touched her.
She couldn’t deny she felt a connection to him. She just didn’t know what to do about it or how to deal with it when everything else was happening at the same time.
Ryan’s office was a huge expanse of dark wood and metallic chrome. A wall of windows looked out over the skyline of San Francisco. Lights glinted in the city below, and the Golden Gate Bridge lit up in the distance. A wet bar was positioned across the room; two couches and a few low tables scattered in front of it. Ryan’s massive desk sat on the other side of the room, a wall of bookshelves to the right.
Intimidation swept over Kate the moment she stepped into the room. Her scrawny office would fit in one small corner of this colossal space. The press conference flashed in her mind, and she remembered the steely look in his eyes when he’d dealt with the reporters. Ryan Harrison the business mogul was nothing like the tender man who’d held her so carefully after her nosebleed.
“Grab us something to drink, would you?”
Thankful for something to do, Kate wound to the wet bar. Ryan sat in the chair behind his desk and flipped on his computer. His fingers danced over the keys, his eyes intent on whatever he was looking for. His silence told her he wasn’t willing to share his concerns just yet.
Kate bit back the urge to hover over him. She busied herself pouring them each a drink, then took the glasses to his desk.
“Is there a bathroom around here?” she asked.
He nodded toward a door. “Through there.”
“Thanks.”
She spent as much time in the lavish corporate bathroom with its marble counter and huge shower as she could, splashing water over her face, trying to get a handle on her emotions. When she finally worked up the nerves to step back into Ryan’s office, she found him still sitting behind his desk. But this time, his head was cradled in his hands, his elbows propped on the surface in front of him. The computer screen blinked with images of Julia as the screensaver.
Tension seeped from his body, rushed across the space separating them and wrapped around Kate’s chest, sending her nerves into the out-of-this-world range. Trembling, she eased around his desk to stand next to him. “Ryan?”
Without looking up, he grasped her by the waist and pulled her in front of him. His knees pressed against her inner thighs, sending shivers across her skin. Then he leaned forward and rested his forehead against her abdomen as he drew in deep, ragged breaths.
Something was wrong. Whatever he’d found was so bad he couldn’t even look at her. She thought about walking away, just forgetting this whole mess. She could get on a plane and go back to Houston if she wanted, forget about Ryan Harrison and his daughter. That was probably the smartest idea all around.
But even as she thought it, she knew she wouldn’t leave. She was connected to him now whether she wanted to be or not. Not just because of Julia and Reed, but because of something else. Something that drew her to him even when she wanted to run. Something she didn’t understand but was desperate to see through.
She threaded shaking fingers through his hair, ran her hands down his neck to his shoulders, feeling the knot of stress bunched there. “Ryan, you’re scaring me.”
He didn’t answer. Just pressed warm, firm, solid fingers tighter against her hip bones, as if holding on for dear life.
“Talk to me,” she whispered.
His rugged features were laced with heartache when he looked up. And fear spread to panic when she saw the guilt seep into those mesmerizing blue eyes of his.
She drew in a sharp breath.
Without even asking, she knew somehow he was involved in whatever had happened to her.
Chapter Thirteen
He stared at her so long with that guilt-ridden look, Kate wanted to shake the words out of him. “Ryan, what?”
“Tabofren showed promise in shrinking certain inoperable tumors. But the FDA put a stop to the clinical trials when major side effects started popping up, questioning its safety.”
“You already said that in the car,” she reminded him.
“I know. I just couldn’t remember what those side effects were.”
“Why do I have a feeling I don’t want to hear about those side effects?”
He swallowed and glanced at her abdomen. “The drug targeted a signaling pathway that stimulates tumor growth in patients with advance-stage cancers. We were really excited about it after initial animal testing, and so was the FDA. They fast-tracked it into clinical trials.”
“And?”
“Minor side effects included skin irritation, rashes, and dry mucous membranes. Nothing out of the ordinary. But the ones that caused the FDA to pull it were more serious. They were generally seen in patients with brain and spinal-cord tumors—severe headaches, changes in mood and personality, and…and memory loss.”
Oh, God
.
Ryan’s fingers tightened around her waist, preventing her from easing away. “When patients in the clinical trials started reporting the symptoms, especially the black-out style memory lapses, they were backed off the drug. Most of them didn’t suffer any long-lasting effects.”
“Ryan, why would I have been given that? I don’t understand. You said I didn’t have cancer.”
“You didn’t. I don’t…I don’t quite know what’s going on here, but…”
“But what?” She couldn’t seem to keep the panic out of her voice. When he didn’t look up, she cupped her hand around his chin and lifted so he would look at her. “What, Ryan?”
He sat back and scrubbed his hands over his face. “Take a look at the screen and tell me if you recognize that man.”
Kate ran her fingers over the keypad of his computer. The screensaver blinked off. Jake’s face popped up. “Oh, my God.”
“I’ll take that as a yes,” he said quietly.
“Why do you have Jake’s picture?”
“That’s Dr. Jacob McKellen. He developed Tabofren. He was heading the clinical studies.”
No
. Kate turned to the screen then backed away. No. Not possible. Words choked in her throat. This wasn’t happening.
Ryan pushed out of the chair, grasped her by the shoulders. “Don’t. Don’t close in on me right now. Stay with me.”
“No. You’re wrong. There’s a different explanation. There has to be.”
“Babe—”
“Why? He did this to me on purpose?” How could the man she’d loved, had lived with for over a year, had trusted with her son…how could he intentionally have done something to hurt her?
“We don’t know that. This doesn’t make sense to me, either, but we’ll figure it out.” He pulled her into the warmth of his arms before she could back away.
She let him hold her, but she couldn’t take her eyes off the screen. Off Jake’s face looking back at her. Memories of their life together flashed in front of her eyes—Jake holding Reed at a backyard barbecue, dancing at a hospital fundraiser together, making love with him in their bed. A shudder ran through her, and she tried to wiggle away, but Ryan held her tight.
“You’re okay,” he said quietly. “I’ve got you.” She struggled but didn’t have the energy to fight him when he tightened his hold. Finally, she sank into him while emotions poured through her. How could she have been so wrong? How could she have not seen what Jake was underneath? Had she been blind? Or had she just not wanted to look close enough?
Ryan smoothed a hand over her hair, his lips whispered reassurances in her ear. But his earlier words echoed in her mind.
“You…you said his name was McKellen.”
He didn’t loosen his grasp. “Yeah. Jacob McKellen. His family’s owned and operated McKellen Publishing for years.”
Her shoulders slumped. Bile rose in her throat. “He…he said he never wanted me to work, but he didn’t object to my freelancing. He knew at some point I’d end up working for McKellen Publishing.”
“I thought of that. I don’t want you going to work tomorrow.”
“Ryan—”
“No, listen to me.” He pushed back to look down at her, his fingers gripping her shoulders with intent and compassion. “This is bigger than we thought. Millions of dollars were dumped into Tabofren. People were pissed when it was pulled. Your chart shows it was administered long after the FDA yanked the plug. Someone was testing it, either because they had a buyer, or they were trying to get around the FDA. Either way, your snooping around won’t sit well with whoever was behind this.”
She didn’t like what he was implying. “I thought Jake was behind this.”
“I don’t think he did this alone. I don’t think he could have. People at the nursing home knew. Someone at the publishing house knew.”
His words settled in the air between them. A clock ticked on the wall across the room. “Did you know him?” she asked quietly.
His eyes held hers, but she couldn’t read his thoughts. “I met him a few times. I didn’t know him well.”
Her eyes fell closed. They’d met. They’d talked. Her being with Jake wasn’t a coincidence.
He tightened his grip on her shoulders. “We’ll get to the bottom of this, but I need you to be careful. Your face is going to be all over the papers. People will know you aren’t dead.”
One more thing to worry about. “I…I hadn’t thought of that.”
“I want you to see a doctor. Tomorrow.”
She swiped at her cheeks. “I’m fine.”
“Don’t argue with me on this.” The tone of his voice told her not to even try. “Tabofren was never tested long-term. We don’t know what the long-range effects could be.”
“I had a CT scan just before Jake died. It came back normal.”
“It was done by the doctor in Houston who disappeared, right?”
“Yes.” Her stomach rolled all over again. “You don’t think he’s involved too, do you?”
“I don’t know. But we need to be cautious. We’re not taking any chances here.”
“Oh, God,” she muttered again, sinking back into him. It was getting worse. Every new clue, every bit of information made her question just what she’d gotten herself into. What she’d gotten Reed into. What she’d dragged Ryan and Julia into.
He wrapped his arms around her and rested his cheek against her hair. Warmth, safety, strength cocooned her. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”
Held tight against him, she wanted to forget everything they’d found, to cling to the lifeline that had become his body, to believe his words. His scent wafted in the air, brought a familiar sense of déjà vu. Closing her eyes, she turned her cheek against his chest and held him right back.
The rhythmic thumping of his heart reminded her she was alive. And in the silence, she could almost imagine what life with him had once been like. What he’d been like before…before losing Annie. Happy. Whole. A man who would move heaven and earth for the woman he loved.
But this wasn’t then. Neither of them were the same people they’d once been. And even though she wanted to lean on him and let him be her rock, there was still so much she didn’t know. About what had happened to her. About him. About how all of this—him included—was connected.
The truth would set her free. She couldn’t let this break her. She wouldn’t. She’d already come so far. The only thing she could do now was search for the answers she knew were out there.
And deal with the fallout when it happened.
***
“This cluster fuck just gets bigger and bigger.” Mitch stood at the wet bar in Ryan’s office and tugged a hand through his hair.
“Tell me about it.” Ryan poured soda into a glass and glanced across the room at Annie and Simone, both of whom were sitting on the floor near the windows, quietly talking. Annie had put on a good face when Simone and Mitch had shown up, but he didn’t miss the way her hand trembled whenever she reached for her glass of wine or picked at the Chinese food they’d brought back. “She won’t come back to my place tonight, she’s too damn stubborn, but I don’t want her alone all the way out at that beach house.”