After a long wait, the keys on the laptop clacked briefly
ok
.
“Whoa!” Daniel stared at the laptop with wide eyes. “That’s cool.”
“Okay,” Elliot put in, “if Ben doesn’t mind. Let me go change my shirt. There’s paint all over this one.” Elliot still didn’t especially want to leave the house, but it would get Daniel off his back and Ben had said he’d be all right with it. “I’ll be right back.”
On the way back to the kitchen, Elliot heard the tail end of a one-sided conversation.
“Ben, I know you probably love Elliot too, maybe even as much as he loves you, but this isn’t healthy for him, man. You’ve got to let him go. He’s hanging out here so you won’t be lonely, but he’s losing himself. Wouldn’t you be happier if you just crossed over? If you would do that, man, he could go on living his life. This isn’t fair to him.”
Elliot could hear the laptop keys clicking furiously, but of course couldn’t see what Ben was saying.
“I’m just saying think about it, Ben” was all that Daniel said in response.
Elliot didn’t like Daniel talking to Ben like that. Yes, Elliot wanted Ben to cross over too. But he wanted him to do it for himself or the loved ones he’d see there, not because he thought not doing so was somehow hurting Elliot. He wanted to see what Ben was typing, wanted to confront Daniel about this, so he reentered the room. As he neared the laptop, however, the text was selected with the telltale bluish-gray highlight and then disappeared. Elliot vowed to ask Daniel what Ben had said.
Have fun at lunch
, Ben typed as Elliot got closer.
“You’re sure you’re okay with this?” Elliot put his hand on the laptop but looked around the room.
:-)
appeared on the screen, which Elliot interpreted as “Not really, and I won’t lie to you, but I feel I need to let you do this.”
Either way, Elliot had told Daniel he would go out, and Elliot would have to have enough willpower to keep things at just a platonic lunch. “Okay.” He tapped the top edge of the laptop screen. “I won’t be long.”
I’ll be here.
Elliot didn’t know if Ben meant that in his usual self-effacing way—like “where else would I go”—or if it was his way of telling Daniel that Ben had no intention of crossing over anytime soon and Daniel could just stuff it.
That was another thing he could find out later, maybe. But for now he was going to go get lunch.
As lunch sped by, Elliot had to admit that he might have been avoiding Daniel a little. He had been worried it would be strained between them or that he wouldn’t be able to say no to sex if Daniel pressed the issue. But he needn’t have worried. The conversation was as easy between them as it ever had been, and Daniel never once even hinted at anything more than lunch.
Elliot decided he could do this. He could spend time with Daniel as a friend—without benefits. He enjoyed his lunch out, and before he knew it, Daniel was returning him to the house. He had forgotten to ask him what Ben had said to him, and he’d missed his chance now. He knew it was no use asking Ben.
ELLIOT WOKE
up the next morning absolutely unable to breathe, with his heart threatening to beat out of his chest. He reached for his medicine on his bedside table and fumbled for the nitroglycerin. Once he found it, he opened the bottle and put a pill under his tongue. While he was waiting for his heart to decide that staying on the inside might be a better idea after all, the laptop opened and the keys started to type.
U scare me when you do that.
“It doesn’t instill me with a lot of confidence either,” Elliot huffed out once he got his breathing under control, still gripping his sweat-covered chest.
When’s your next doctor’s appointment?
“Next week,” Elliot panted out, one hand in a fist at his chest and the other gripping the sheets so hard he thought he was going to put holes in them.
U gonna tell him this has been happening a lot?
“Hasn’t been a lot.” Elliot slowly uncurled his fisted hands, willing his heart to stay where it belonged, even if he wasn’t holding it there anymore. “Just a couple of times.”
A couple times a week, maybe.
“I’ll tell him,” Elliot finally agreed, pressing both hands into the mattress as the next step of getting his heart to behave without his physical intervention. “I usually do.” If he was honest, he was worried too. He had read up on congestive heart failure. He had probably had it for a lot longer than he showed symptoms. By the time he started feeling fatigued and having trouble breathing, he was already in Stage C. His heart attack and the fact that there was already damage to the heart signaled a pretty advanced case. The fact that he was still having symptoms this bad even on the shitload of meds couldn’t mean anything good. It seemed like only a matter of time before more drastic measures would be needed. That’s what Elliot gathered from all his research pieced together with what the doctor had told him. “I’ll tell him, Ben. I’m not going to blow this off. That’s how I missed the early symptoms in the first place.”
Don’t feel guilty. But I’m glad ur gonna tell him.
Elliot grinned and got ready for his day. The last of the contractors was due to finish later that afternoon. Elliot was going to go over everything one more time, making sure he didn’t need anything from that particular carpenter, and he’d be on his way. All that was left was to paint the room that guy had been working in and Elliot would be finished with the house.
All his little side trips of late had yielded three houses he really liked. He bought two outright and had already started hiring contractors to repair them, but he wanted to talk to Ben about the third one before he bought it.
“Hey, Ben.” He put the laptop on the counter. “I wanted to ask you something.”
ok.
“When I was in Pennsylvania, I found this beautiful little house. Rustic, well-loved, but neglected.” Elliot got eggs out of the refrigerator and set them on the counter. Eggs were on his “not too many of them” list, and he hadn’t allowed himself to have fried eggs since he got out of the hospital, even though the doctor had said he could from time to time. He was splurging today.
U don’t need my permission to buy a house.
“I think I do with this one.” Elliot pulled out the drawer of the stove and rummaged around for a skillet. “It faces a wooded area where there’s a beautiful old oak tree with a rundown fort high in the fork, and—”
U want to buy my old house?
Elliot plopped the skillet on the stove and turned on the burner. “I know you won’t be able to see it, Ben, or go there.” He cracked an egg one-handed and threw the shell in the nearby trash can. “But I’d love to restore the house, and even the fort you and Patrick made.” Another egg followed its mate. “For you, Ben.” Elliot waited for an answer, but when none came right away, he added, “But if you don’t want me to….” He put two slices of bread in the toaster.
I <3 U.
Elliot chuckled and rooted in the drawer beside the refrigerator for a spatula. “Not exactly a direct answer to the question, but I’m going to take it as a yes.”
I hadn’t thought about the old house. What shape it might be in. Who might be living there, or the fact that no one might be living in it anymore. I really love that u were drawn to it. That means a lot. And I think I would like it if u owned it and had someone fix it up.
Elliot kept checking the laptop as he flipped the sizzling eggs. “I’d like to do some of the work myself, Ben. Like I did here. The house itself isn’t really livable right now, but—” He stopped when the keys started clicking loudly.
YOU’RE LEAVING?
“At least for a little while.” Elliot slid the eggs onto his waiting plate and grabbed the toast. “This is what I do, Ben. I fix up houses, then move on. You know that.”
I was hoping this time might be different. I thought U felt connected to this house…to me.
“I am connected,” Elliot admitted as he sat his plate on the table, then grabbed the laptop from the counter. “And this time was different.” He gently placed the laptop on the table and plopped into his chair. “I fell in love, Ben. I don’t
do
that. I simply don’t. So I don’t plan to stay away, to go away and never come back like I usually would.” He caressed the laptop and he didn’t feel the least bit silly doing it. “I don’t plan on selling this house either. This will be my base of operations. I’ll come back here when I’m not working on your house.”
If this is supposed 2 be 4 me, I’d rather u stay & hire out the remodeling.
“I know. But I can’t, Ben.” To be honest, Elliot was scared to death. If he really had such little time left, he didn’t want to spend it cooped up in this house, even with Ben. “I’ve got to get back out there. I’ve got to live while I can.” Elliot stabbed his toast into an egg and watched it bleed the beautiful long-denied yolk over his plate.
If you have…if you…you need to be here if….
Ben typed, trying several times to get his thoughts down, but then he erased the whole line.
“What are you trying to say?” Elliot bit the soppy end off the toast and savored the flavor he’d missed for so long.
Never mind. I was hoping u’d understand by now. I thought u were starting 2…I was hoping I wouldn’t have to explain about…I don’t know how much I’m even allowed to say. U have 2 make up ur own mind. That’s the way it works.
“The way what works?” Elliot scooped up a forkful of egg and brought it to his mouth.
Life.
Elliot wasn’t sure that’s what he had meant at first.
U have 2 do what u think is best.
“I’m not leaving immediately.” He mopped his toast around the plate. “And I’ll be back, Ben. I really will.”
ok
Elliot thought that meant “shut up about it now,” so he changed the subject. “So did we decide on robin’s egg blue or moss green for this last room? I’ve researched and those colors are of the time period. The bright purple that’s on the walls now has to go.”
LOL Yeah. Not exactly a typical Civil War era color.
Elliot was grateful that Ben was going to let it drop. Part of him hated to think about leaving, but another part felt he had to go, especially to that particular house in Pennsylvania.
“HEY, ELLIE.”
Sheri peeked her head around the front door. “Are you ready to go to your doctor’s appointment?”
The laptop floated toward the door and landed on the table just inside the doorway.
He’s upstairs getting his jacket. He’ll be down soon.
“You know that still freaks me out, right?” Sheri asked, turning to talk to the laptop. It was as good a focal point as any since she couldn’t see Ben.
It’s the little things that make the day bright.
Sheri giggled like a schoolgirl and slapped her fingertips across the top of the laptop. “You’re definitely picking up Ellie’s horrible sense of humor.”
Elliot came sailing into the living room, no doubt having caught the exchange on the way in.
“See, Cher? He fits right into our messed-up, weirdassed family.” Sheri didn’t know if Elliot had caught enough of the conversation to know what Ben’s last line was answering or if he was just responding to her statement. But she understood his meaning, either way.
“It would be better if he was actually alive, Elle.” She realized she was teasing Ben the same way she would Elliot and hoped that wasn’t going over a line.
“He can’t help that, Cher. Don’t be such a bigot.” Elliot patted the top of the laptop.
Yeah. Stop discriminating against the corporeally challenged.
Sheri clapped Elliot on the shoulder. “Oh my God, Ellie. He’s you… in the afterlife.”
All three of them laughed out loud, in various ways.
ELLIOT WALKED
with Sheri up the concrete walkway to the little brownstone that was his cardiologist’s office. Dr. Proust from the hospital had referred him to Dr. Abernathy, since he was a cardiologist who specialized in congestive heart failure. Elliot had been to the office several times already and liked the man.
They checked in and found a seat in the small waiting area. There were chairs lining the wall on two sides of the room, and the ubiquitous out-of-date magazines adorned several end tables.
Elliot sunk down into a chair in the corner and Sheri sat daintily beside him. It seemed like forever before the receptionist called him for his turn.
Sheri laid a hand on his arm as he got up. “Do you want me to go in with you, Elle?”
He patted her hand and then dislodged it. “I’m a big boy, Cher, and I’ve done this before. This is hardly my first appointment.”
“I know.” She pulled down the cuff of his shirtsleeve. “And I offer every time.”
“It’s okay, Cher.” Elliot patted her hand again. “Thanks.” He realized it was the only way Sheri could figure out to help the situation. She was as worried about the whole thing as he was.
The nurse led Elliot to a small room, asked him to sit on the paper-lined table, and told him to take off his shirt.
“Yeah, I know the drill.” He grinned at the tiny nurse who must be new. He didn’t remember seeing her there before.
He waited for what felt like hours before the doctor came in and put him through the paces.
Same stuff, different day.
“I don’t like the way your heart sounds,” Dr. Abernathy finally told him. “I’m going to order some tests to check on heart function. We might need that pacemaker we’ve talked about.” He cocked his hip on the corner of the counter and gave Elliot his full attention. That was one of the things Elliot liked about this doctor. Since he had to have a heart doctor, it was good to have one who took the time to really explain things. “Are you having trouble with heart palpitations?”
“If you mean my heart’s daily attempt to leap out of my chest and do a jig on the bedroom floor, yes, I’m having heart palpitations.” Another of the many reasons Elliot liked Dr. Abernathy was because he got Elliot’s humor.