Walking Among the Shadows: Awakening: Revised Edition (14 page)

Coach called me in his office
after going over our strategy for the next two  quarters. In his office the
coach had a look of amusement and frustration on his face. I could tell he was
amazed at how horrible I performed today and how frustrating it was that he
didn’t have a backup for me.

“Coach, look, take me out. I’m
costing us the game.”

“No, we need to show some
dignity and poise. You wanted the starting position, so you got it! And don’t
even think about leaving the game early. You are going to see this game through
to the end. I don’t coach quitters and I’m not going to let you get off that
easy. Hopefully you can redeem yourself in the final two quarters of the game.
If not, then maybe next time.”

“But, coach, I’m not cut out
for this. It’s not working out!”

“Son, I don’t want to hear
that sob story. You were amazing during most of your tryouts, and during
practices you dominated the field. You have great skill and potential and we
are going to see both realized no matter what. So suck it up, focus, and get
out there and show me what we both know you’re capable of.”

I couldn’t believe the coach;
his refusal to let me sit the rest of the game out was frustrating. But I knew
arguing with him further would be a waste of time. We both exited the office
together and Coach announced that I would finish the game out at running back.
Everyone in the locker room protested and then Brian stormed out in anger
kicking over one of the water coolers. This was going to be a very long day.
Minutes later I was back out on the  field welcomed by the boos of the crowd. A
few people began to throw cups and  garbage on the field, and security was
forced to escort them out. On the sidelines stood Jasmine, taunting me, and I
began to feel even worse than in the first half. Whatever she was doing she was
intensifying it now. There she stood, smiling at me. I could sense she was
filled with joy at the prospect of my choking another two quarters and getting
creamed by the defense. I just couldn’t understand why she chose me. What did I
do to her for her to torture me like this?

Tony thought my feelings were
coming from within and that she had nothing to do with it. But I was positive
now my feelings were coming from her. But how could that be? Who, or better
yet, what was she? I began to second-guess myself again, thinking maybe it was
me, and that I was turning into this murderous monster and she was my next
victim. Next victim? The thought sent waves of guilt through me. Did I just
admit to myself that I killed Steve? I was so confused and afraid. My life was
turning into a nightmare I couldn’t wake up from. I looked out on the field
from the bench watching our defense work extra hard to get the ball back. After
the next play they forced a turnover and it was time for the offense with the
worse running back in school history to take the field. I was subdued and had
given up all hope for redemption. I just wanted it all to be over so I could go
home and hide in my room for a few days. I had already planned on playing sick
to avoid at least three days of school next week. I needed to prepare for the
pending slaughter that would await me when I showed my face.

My head was hanging low and my
mood was even lower. I had given up completely. I sighed and started making my
way out on the field. The boos got louder as I approached the huddle. Then
behind me I heard a familiar voice.

“Aiden! Aiden!”

When I turned I saw Jason
calling for me while making his way down to the sidelines. Jasmine turned as
well to see who was calling me and the strangest thing happened. A look of pure
horror came over Jasmine’s face at the sight of Jason and she immediately began
to leave the field. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I looked over at
Jason to see if he’d said something or given her a look, but he wasn’t even looking
in her direction. His attention was fixed on me. I watched in amazement as
Jasmine quickly sprinted off the field. The further she got away from me the
better I felt. Jason was standing by the benches gesturing me to come over. I
immediately called time-out and ran towards Jason. Coach was furious now and
stormed over towards me and Jason.

“What are you doing?” screamed
the coach. “And who are you and why are you on my field?!”

“I’m sorry, Coach, my name is
Jason and I’m a good friend of the family,” Jason said, extending his hand
towards the coach.

The coach hesitated then
decided to shake Jason’s hand.

“I’m so sorry for the
intrusion but I needed to speak with Aiden. It’s extremely important.”

The longer the coach listened
to Jason’s voice, I noticed the calmer he became.

“I just need a minute that’s
all.”

“Okay, fine…Jason, correct?”

“Yes.”

“Nice meeting you.”

“Likewise, Coach.”

Jason pulled me to the side.
Grabbing my shoulders firmly, he looked me directly in my eyes and said, “You
are better than this. You can do anything if you believe you can. Whatever
happened before right now doesn’t matter. What matters is now, on that field.
You can be great, you just have to believe it and go out there and be great.
Forget the boos and laughter. Have fun and play how we both know you can!”

It wasn’t the words or his
tone that had an effect on me. It was something else, something at the time I
couldn’t explain. But it sent a surge of confidence through me and I was ready
to tear the turf off the ground to win this game.

“Now go. Get out there and
play your game!”

As I turned towards the
huddle, I could see my teammates looking at me with disgust. But I wasn’t
bothered by their looks. I was filled with so much emotion and energy I felt
like I could plow through a brick wall towards the end zone. In the middle of
the huddle several teammates cracked on me, asking if I was ready to choke up
some more negative yards. I ignored them and listened to what the next play
would be. It was a run play of course. But I was determined now to shut up the
booing crowd and the heckling teammates.

We were in formation, and I
could see the defense going for the run blitz. Usually the quarterback would
call an audible, but he was determined to punish me for my poor performance in
the first half. Everyone on the team had accepted we were going to lose this
game so they decided to allow Highland Park’s defense to punish me for the next
two quarters. I smiled to myself because I knew they were all in for a
surprise. I just couldn’t understand why I was so confident, but I was. It was
like I could see the outcome before it happened and from what I could see we
were going to win this game. Brian called for the snap and the entire field
began to move once the play began. Brian moved like he was going to toss me the
ball on an inside play but decided to toss it further out. Brian was hoping I
would miss his change of the play, and fumble the ball. Again embarrassing
myself and getting pounded by the defense. But this time things were different;
I was alert, strong, and confident.

Nothing was going to stop me.
I could see the look of surprise on Brian’s face when he realized I caught the
toss and was already moving up field. Everything on the field seemed to move in
slow motion and I was moving at super speed. After breaking through not one but
four tackles, I was in the secondary running towards the end zone. I didn’t
look back or to my side, only towards the end zone. By now I’d beaten everyone
who could stop me and I was running full speed towards the end zone.

I could hear the coach
yelling,

“Go! Go! Go! Goooo!”

The crowd was now yelling and
on their feet cheering me as I ran towards pay dirt. As I crossed into the end
zone I could hear the announcer over the speaker yelling touchdown and the
crowd going absolutely crazy. The rest of the team was just standing at the
line of scrimmage, mouths agape with looks of disbelief. The defense was in
shock as well. I didn’t understand why they were so amazed. It was just a
running play that went for a score, but when I looked closely at where we
snapped the ball I began to understand their looks of amazement. I had been so
zoned out that I never noticed that we snapped the ball from inside our own end
zone. I just ran the ball from one end zone of the field to the other; and
coming from a play that was designed to  fail. Yeah, it was pretty impressive.

I walked back to the bench and
handed Brian the ball, smiling. He just looked at me without blinking with the
same amazed look in his eyes.

“You think maybe next time you
can let me in on when you are gonna change the play after the snap?”

“Su…Sure, Aiden,” stuttered
Brian. “My bad.”

“It’s cool. Let’s win this
game for Steve, all right?”

I held out my hand to Brian,
an invitation to become teammates and maybe friends on and off the field. He
looked at my hand, smiled, and shook it firmly.

“Cool, let’s do this,” he
agreed.

The next two quarters of play
were like something out of a video game with the difficulty setting on mentally
challenged. By the time the game was over I’d rushed a total of 302 yards with
108 receiving yards and four rushing TDs; winning the game 42 to 36. During the
game, I would look up in the stands for my mom, Sarah, and Jason, and I could
see them cheering and yelling at the top of their lungs. It was a glorious
feeling that I never wanted to end.

The crowd rushed on the field
to celebrate with the team and congratulate me on a record-breaking game. I
broke the single-game record for rushing yards at Deerfield High; and just like
that, what seemed to be a disastrous day became another defining moment in my
life. The Chicago Sun-Times was even there as well as Fox News, and I was
interviewed by both. I was pretty nervous, so I kept it short and sweet, never
saying too much to make me look arrogant or stupid. Then the coach came through
the crowd while I was in front of the camera and handed me the game ball. The
crowd suddenly got quiet and everyone was listening to what the coach had to
say.

“I don’t know what Jason said
to you after halftime, but whatever he said, tell him I said thank you! You
were amazing out there, Aiden. You honored Steve’s memory today. You deserve
this game ball.”

While the crowd continued to
cheer I looked down at the ball coach handed to me and frowned. This was great,
but the reason I was here now was because of a murder—possibly by my hands.

I looked up and in the stands
I could see Steve’s mom sitting alone, sobbing. I could feel she was devastated
knowing she would never see her son again on this field or any other field.

We won this game in his name,
but winning didn’t bring him back nor did it ease the pain of his passing. I
slowly started walking away from the crowd; the reporter from Fox was trying to
get a closing statement from me and I just left her there standing with the
microphone in her hand. I headed towards Steve’s mom, hoping no one would ask
me where I was going. Honestly I didn’t want to give her the game ball. It was
mine and I endured hell to get it. But if I was responsible somehow for her son’s
death, it was the least I could do. Also it would throw off the suits to see me
show some kind of compassion. I could feel the crowds’ eyes watching me as I
walked towards the grieving mother. I climbed over the railing and stood in
front of her. She was bent over looking at the ground, crying in her seat, so
she didn’t notice me standing there at first. Damn, I wanted to keep this ball,
I thought. But I was already here now so there was no turning back now.

“Ms. Gray?”

“Yes?” she responded, looking
up. The grief in her eyes was heartbreaking.

I kneeled down in front of her
and said, “This is for you,” handing her the game ball. Ms. Gray immediately
broke down, and without thinking I reached forward and hugged her. The crowd
quickly grew silent as they watched our heartwarming exchange. The feeling of
having people influenced by my actions was intoxicating and I knew at that very
moment what I wanted to do with my life and football was it.

T
he
rest of the weekend was like a dream. Newspaper articles, more interviews, and
the attention of my new fans. I couldn’t go to the store in Deerfield without
being bombarded by people congratulating me for my performance in the game. It
was a lot more than I expected. I found all the attention to be a little
overwhelming and annoying without my best friend by my side cracking jokes and
guiding me through the crowds of girls dying for my attention. Tony has always
been around when I made the next step in my life. To either tease me or give me
some kind of advice. But at this crucial junction he was missing in action and
honestly I didn’t know how to repair what was broken.

The start of the school week
seemed like it was torn right out of a teenage fantasy novel. I was the center
of attention and everywhere I went people smiled and congratulated me on such a
great game performance. Even Sarah became a fan,  calling me “Aiden Peyton” or
“Sweetness.” I wasn’t too fond of her new attitude towards me. It was strange,
and hard to get used to. But at the same time a nice break from  the constant
badgering I got from her every day. But the most noticeable change was that
Jasmine stayed away from me completely. A few times I noticed her take an
immediate detour when she saw me coming in her direction. She looked scared of
me…but also there was something more. There was a look of fear and deep concern
in her eyes like she had the memo on some soon-to-be disaster that would unfold
in my life.

I should’ve paid more
attention to how concerned she looked but everything seemed to be going great
and I didn’t want to ruin it with thoughts of Jasmine and her change in
attitude. The coming weekend we had another game against the number-one ranked
team in the state and I was planning on having another great game, hopefully
delivering the upset. No one expected us to win, maybe just put up a good fight
against a team that had too many weapons including the number one quarterback
and running back in the Midwest. So we had our work cut out for us. Coach
drilled us extra hard all week to get us sharp and used to me in the
backfield—instead of the recently deceased running back. Coach Towers made it
clear to everyone that he would not accept any of us not playing to our full
potential anymore, especially myself. No more disastrous first halves,
especially with our next opponent. He wanted us to give them everything we had.
Make them fight for each and every yard. We were so motivated and ready to
bring the pain.

Friday rolled around faster
than I expected, and before I had time to relax I was packing my gear Friday
evening to head over to the school for our game. Jason was here again but this
time he was going to ride with me to the field. Being around Jason made me feel
at ease, like nothing could ever go wrong. He always said the right thing, did
the right thing, as if he could read our minds. And he was very different
around each of us but never offending the other. He was great with Sarah, great
with me, and my mom adored him. It was like he was the missing piece in our
family. I tried to find or create a reason to give him a hard time, but I
couldn’t; no matter what I said or did he always had the best response that
would shut me down completely.

I was running late so I rushed
downstairs burdened with my gear, with one thing in mind. Winning! Instead of
meeting Jason, Mom, and Sarah, I was greeted by two suits at the foot of the
stairs staring at me as I ran down the stairs like a gazelle and they were the
lions ready to pounce.

“Aiden, these men would like a
few words with you,” my mom informed me. I froze, gripped with fear. My palms
started sweating immediately.

I really don’t need this shit
right now.

“Mom, I’m late!”

“It will only take a minute,
son,” responded one of the suits.

“I really don’t have a minute,
Mr…?”

 “Smith,” the lead agent
responded.

“Smith?” I asked.

“Yes, Smith.”

WTF moment. Am I in the Matrix
or something?

“No first name?”

“Well, being that you are
pressed for time, let’s not get into my name and instead get into your
whereabouts on the night of your birthday.”

Smart-ass! I thought to
myself.

Only a minute turned into
fifteen minutes of “Mr. Smith” asking me the same five questions in different
ways over and over again and the other nameless agents just staring at me and
writing down something in their notepads. All of the questions were pretty
standard besides one question that, when asked, all of the agents stopped
writing and gave their full attention to my response.

“Are you seeing things that
you can’t explain?”

The question startled me a
couple of times because it threw me off guard and I began to wonder if they
knew about Jasmine too.

The agents requested everyone
clear the room, but Jason stepped in, advising them that an adult needed to be
present and he wasn’t leaving me alone with them. His approach shocked me
because I was expecting my mom to be the one to stand in. But what was even
stranger was the agents began to loosen up with Jason and by the time they were
leaving they were shaking his hand and laughing it up with him. With me they
were all business. But not with Jason, nooo, it was like they were old college
frat buddies. God, I need whatever magic he has right now because I can tell
they were not going to warm up to me one bit. After they drove off, Jason
turned to me and said,

“Don’t let that rattle your
feathers, Aiden. Just stay focused, you have to stay positive and passionate.
Your team needs you.”

His words calmed me
immediately and I started to feel a power surge rush through me. My focus came
back and I felt like I could rush for a thousand yards in one game for the win,
if I needed to….

The scoreboard read 31 to 31.
I was closing in on 250 yards rushing and already had three rushing touchdowns,
but the other team wasn’t giving up. I realized why the quarterback and running
back on their team was rated number one in the Midwest. These guys were
absolutely amazing. We were all exhausted as we were reaching the two-minute
mark at the end of the second half. Neither defense was giving an inch and both
our offenses were in a stalemate. It was taking an entire team effort to stay
with our opponents. They were good, very good. Our defense held them to three
and out and we were back on the field in the huddle. All of us were exhausted
but pleasantly proud of our level of play thus far. Brian looked at me and
said,

“Aiden, we need you to tear
them to pieces now! I know we are all tired but going into overtime or tying
with these guys won’t cut it. We need to win, right here, right now!”

As we walked towards the line
of scrimmage the crowd was on its feet. The noise was so loud it was obscene
and I’m sure the crowd woke up God himself if he was sleeping. Once the crowd
saw us form up in a running formation they began to go completely insane. I was
afraid the police would show up and shut us down. The energy from the crowd
surged right through me. I could feel their energy, excitement, joy and
optimism. I never fully understood why home games were so important and how the
crowd could in fact change the entire outcome of a game. But today on this Friday
night, against the best team in Illinois and possibly the Midwest, it all made
sense to me. Their energy fueled our ambition to win. We played harder, were
more focused and we believed in our ability to beat this superior team.

We wanted more of their energy
and we had to earn it by playing like superheroes. And today we played like the
Avengers and I was the Incredible Hulk ready to smash all in my path to the end
zone. We only had time for one more play. If we blew this  play we would go
into overtime and we were all too exhausted to continue to contend with the
monster of a team across from us. They would surely win if we did. Most of us
were prepared to dispel every ounce of energy we had left for this last play.
After this play I wouldn’t be surprised if the entire team passed out on the
field.

Everything began to move
slowly and the snap count sounded like a song being played very slow. I was
focused and prepared to give my last ounce of energy for the next play and the
win. We had to win this, it would send a message to the other high school teams
that Deerfield High had arrived and we weren’t going anywhere but to the
championship. I kept my eyes on Brian, reading every motion he made; I wanted
to make sure that whatever he did I was prepared and in the right spot to make
a play. It didn’t matter if I was rushing, blocking, catching, or just running
interference for someone else to make the play. It didn’t matter; all that
mattered was that I was where I was needed at the exact moment.

“HIKE!!!”

Ball in hand, Brian stood
straight up, surveying the field…it was a pass play and I quickly sprinted
downfield towards the end zone. As soon as I crossed the line of scrimmage I
found myself tightly flanked by three defenders. I’d been hurting their defense
all day and they were not going to let me do it again. Not on this play, not at
this moment. I glanced back to see Brian readying himself for a Hail Mary pass,
so I picked up speed. No one on the opposing team’s defense had the speed to
keep up with me, so I quickly found myself alone once I increased my speed. I
glanced over my shoulder and could see the ball headed towards my direction. As
I watched its descent I noticed that Brian had overthrown the ball and I needed
to get more speed under me if I was to be at the spot where that ball was
headed.

I gritted my teeth and willed
my tired legs to move even faster. I could hear the opposing team’s defensive
players breathing behind me, trying to catch me and break up the play. I could
see the goal line in front of me and I glanced over my shoulder and noticed the
ball was just a few feet ahead of me…it was going to cross the goal line before
I did. So as I ran I dove forward, stretching my hands out in front of me.

To be honest I wasn’t sure if
the ball would land directly in my hands or not, but this was the only way I
would get remotely close to catching that ball. As my hands crossed the goal
line I saw the ball fall directly in front of my helmet and land in my hands.
The ball began moving and it seemed like it would fall from my fingertips, so I
pulled the ball towards my chest and curled up, still in midair. This landing
was gonna hurt and hurt bad. I felt the pain through my entire body as my back
hit the turf and I slid, scraping skin from my arms and elbows. The pain was
sudden and intense like someone was running a hot iron across my arms, but I
kept the ball on my chest and cuddled in my arms, never letting it touch the
ground.

I started to roll and after
three rolls I came to a stop. The crowd was quiet and still, I could hear
myself breathing clearly with no interruptions. I felt the rumble of the
players running on the turf towards the end zone; like thunder from a coming
storm. I looked down towards my chest and there it was. The ball safely cuddled
in my arms and braced against my chest. We did it! We won! I quickly jumped to
my feet with ball in hand and raised the ball in the air in triumph. The crowd
went insane! The rumbling from the stands sounded like an earthquake. I started
walking towards my teammates, smiling and pointing at Brian acknowledging that
he threw a great pass, when out of nowhere a referee blew his whistle claiming
an incomplete pass!

The time on the clock had
expired and the opposing team began celebrating after hearing the referee’s
call. Coach became furious and ran over to the ref demanding an explanation.
The ref quickly shunned his questioning and turned his back to him. I couldn’t
believe it. I knew I caught that ball and it never touched the ground, not
once, not even as I rolled (I made sure my arms stayed between the ball and the
turf). I dropped the ball and placed both of my hands on my knees and leaned
forward. My blood was boiling  as I realized that this referee was willing to
cheat us out of a much-deserved win. We had given it our all and we deserved
this win and he wanted to take it away from us. I pressed my fingertips against
my knees as if I wanted to dig deep into my own flesh and tear out my kneecaps
in anger. I could hear the ref screaming:

“He dropped the pass! He
dropped the pass!”