Walking Wolf Road (Wolf Road Chronicles Book 1) (31 page)

“I got something on my face boy?” he muttered and I looked away.

“So what am I supposed to call you anyway,” I said, “Grandpa? Grandad? Pops?” ‘Pops’ earned a smile from him that looked part amused, part irritated. Actually, just about everything about him struck me as part amused, part irritated.

“If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather you call me
Qhipe
. I never got to hear you say it to me while I was alive.” He smiled at me, showing deep creases around his eyes that echoed a kind of weary sadness as well.

“What language is that?” I asked as we shuffled through a line of trees and the lake came into view. I could see the towers of stone on the far shore that Lupa and I had run to.

“It’s Schitsu’umsh, the Coeur D’Alene language,” he said, “the language of your ancestors. I was one of the last
t’e’kqilsh
.”

I blinked at the unfamiliar stream of syllables, “Um, in English please?”

He groaned and said, “I suppose you’d call me a ‘medicine man’.”

I stopped in my tracks, nearly throwing him off balance in the sand, “I’m descended from shamans?”

“That’s not what our people call us, but yes. That’s the reason you can walk between worlds, and do that parlor trick you love so much with the shadows,” he said and pulled me back into motion as my mind reeled. So many floating strands of confusion began to weave together into a cord tying me to the past. Corwin’s words echoed through my memory,
“you were destined for this, probably even before you were born. So many paths were broken and twisted to lead you here; don’t you dare write it off as circumstance”

Qhipe
continued talking, “your father, Taylor, rejected the old ways and tried to drown out the spirits with drink. There was so much I’d hoped to teach you Jimmy, so much…” he sighed, “so much has been lost, and now we don’t have time… You were meant for this road Jimmy; it’s in your blood.” As soon as he mentioned my father, I felt a familiar anger rise inside me.

“You mean it’s in my stain. I’m just your son’s worthless mistake—”

Qhipe’s
hands turned rough as he whirled me around to face him and snapped. “Jimmy Marshall Walker, you are many things, but you were
never
a mistake. The man who raised you did a hell of a lot better job than my coward son would have! John raised you as his own, provided for you, fed you, clothed you, and all you’ve ever done is spit in his face for it.”

Words deserted me. But I didn’t need them. My grandfather
had enough rant stored up that I didn’t need to contribute. The intensity of his dark eyes seemed to bore holes to the core of my soul while his words sliced into me.

“For my part, I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you Jimmy. But I’ve watched you your entire life
, I’ve seen you obsess over the imaginary father you didn’t have, while you ignored what was right in front of you! John is a damn good man, and it’s high time you sort your shit out boy and realize he’s one of the best things that ever happened to you. The only thing you
ever
needed from Taylor was my blood, and you had that all along.”

I settled into stunned silence, lacerated and raw.
Qhipe’s
hands and face gentled as we resumed our trek, leaving the shoreline. I let him lead me through the trees, numb and distant while my mind wandered through an abyss of memories both fond and painful.

Something he’d said flipped a switch inside me. Like he’d shoved a mirror in my face and no matter how much as I hated the ugliness it showed me, I couldn’t look away. Not this time. The mirror showed me my life, my memories, for the first time
outside
of my own head.

Wow. You were such an asshole.

Thank you for stating the obvious, brain. John wasn’t perfect, far from it, but I had made it hell for him. The realization made me queasy, uncomfortable—

Ashamed…

I couldn’t escape. I’d always found a way to shirk responsibility onto someone else, but I couldn’t unsee the Jimmy that I’d seen in the mirror. I’d blamed John for so many things that were my fault, while I unconsciously sabotaged my own life. Like bombing my grades every time we moved to punish him. Or, even better, constantly reminding him that I didn’t accept him as my father, refusing to even call him ‘dad’. I tried in every way I could to rub his face in the fact that my mother had made a child with someone else.

Guess it’s finally time to put on your big boy britches and grow the fuck up.

The temperature dropped as we pushed further than ever before into the dark woods, until blowing plumes of snow broke the perfect black onyx of the trees. It grew thicker and heavier until we stepped out of the woods and were blinded by the reflective mirror of ice that sprawled out before us.

A
cold land of permanent frost stretched from the blazing crimson sunset on one horizon, to the dancing colors of the aurora on the other. Above it all, the full moon reigned dead center in the sky.

Motion caught my eye under the aurora. Shadows bounded
over
the tundra, flinging snow behind their paws. It was a pack of five or six wolves, all led by my black wolf with his tail held high like a flag. With mounting despair I watched as they drove through the snow away from me toward the darkness of night.

I tried to follow them, mired by the thick snow, until I glanced toward the sunset. I froze as I watched the human silhouettes move against the blood red horizon; three adults of differing heights and a youth half as tall as his father. My family also walked away from me toward the calling light of day.

Lupa’s voice purred behind me and I turned my head just as her wolf form emerged from the misty forest like a ghost, “The time has come…”

Agony tore through me as my arms were yanked out to the sides, throwing
Qhipe
to the ground. Fiery pain spilled down my chest, splitting my heart. I looked at my wrists and saw the cords, long shimmering strands stretched from my wrists to the diverging packs of wolves and humans. As the two groups strained for their horizons, I was drawn in agony between them.

“Lupa, what’s happening?” I cried out as a fresh lance of pain tore a sharp cry from my throat.

“You have dawdled too long, and now you must choose.” She said, and walked in front of me. My body convulsed as my muscles fought to hold me together and bones popped in my sternum, “Will you become a wolf, and let your body die so you can run wild and free forever? Or will you let your wolf go, once and for all?”

“Wha—what do you mean?” I strained to speak but I could barely breathe and fell to my knees. I would have fallen down but the tension between the cords held me up.

Qhipe
picked himself up from the snow with pained eyes, “The bridge is burning Jimmy, and you’re standing in the middle of it. Which side will you run to? It’s time to choose which road you will walk…”

I finally understood. My depression had severed me from this place, so Raven forced my hand… Pulled my soul back here to decide what I would lose. But, how could they possibly ask me to give up something I could never live without?

If I chose my wolf, my human body teetering on the edge of the abyss would die. But if I returned to my human body, I would lose my soul, my identity, my entire
reason
for existence.

I would die either way.

A fresh flare of pain tore an anguished scream from my throat as hot tears spilled down my cheeks. How could they? My life was mine; it always had been and always would be.

It’s not unnatural to die…
I thought with sudden clarity.
There’s nothing wrong with a natural death.

I met Lupa’s eyes with a defiant glare, “You cannot ask me to give up half of who I am. I’m dead either way. I’m not afraid to die anymore, so get it over with!” I screamed at her and she lunged. I closed my eyes and exposed my throat for release—

I never felt her fangs pierce me, but the pain vanished.

A gust of cold wind blew snow onto my face, and I frowned. Confused, I cracked my eyes open and saw the tundra field. I looked at my wrists and saw why the pain had stopped.

Lupa held the cord that bound me to my family in her jaws, her yellow eyes locked on me as she fought the tension.

On my left,
Qhipe
’s arms shook from the exertion of holding the wolves’ cord. “Do you realize what you are asking Jimmy?” he asked, the knife with the antler hilt in his hand. “If you choose this middle road, you will truly walk forever between worlds. You will never—
never
completely belong to either. Spirit bound to flesh, wolf bound to man, but never wholly one or the other. This is a lonely road that only the strongest can survive. Is this really what you want grandson?”

I closed my eyes
as the enormity of my decision threatened to overwhelm me. But really, what choice did I have? I looked up at the moon overhead, and felt a determination I’d never known before settle into me, “Yes… I choose to walk between the worlds.”

With a swift motion,
Qhipe
drew his knife through the cord while Lupa clenched her teeth down and they simultaneously severed both tethers.

My family disappeared into the light of the sun as it fell completely below the horizon and disappeared with them. The pack disappeared over their horizon and the aurora dispersed into a few dancing wisps of light before it died out completely, and left me under the cold light of an impartial moon.

“I’m proud of you Jimmy,”
Qhipe
said as he knelt down in the snow and wrapped his arms around me, while Lupa leaned into my side and rumbled her assent. A strange sensation washed over me at his words. “You chose the hard path, but it’s the path to strength and pride. You made a good choice…”

Lupa looked into my grandfather’s eyes, and something unsp
oken passed between them. He smiled sadly at her and muttered, “Hello again old friend. I guess the time has come hasn’t it
Hnt’llane
?” As he spoke, I heard Raven flew out of the woods and
circled over us with an urgent ‘
kark’
. We glanced up at Raven, as
Qhipe
swallowed and grew pale.

The entire mood shifted, and I felt nervous.
Qhipe
looked at me, his face earnest as he spoke, “Jimmy, I’m so sorry, but we’re out of time.” He lifted his rough warm hands to my face and pulled my head forward to touch my forehead to his. “There was so much I wanted to teach you, about your heritage, about our medicine, about… about life. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me, and here I am, about to leave you again.”

“What are you talking about
Qhipe
, you’re already dead, it’s not like you can die again…” my voice sounded sure, but his silence shattered my certainty. “
Qhipe
?”

“Jimmy, you need to learn faith,” he said, the resignation clear in his voice. “Sometimes the way you
want
things to be, isn’t how they’re
supposed
to be. You need to trust that things will work out how they need to, whether you like it or not. That includes what happens to me. This is the only way I can help you now.” He stood up and pulled away from me

“No, no you can stay here.” I tried to bargain with him even though my voice cracked. I tried to stand up and grab him but my wounded leg folded underneath me, “You can teach me all about our family, our tribe, shamanism, any of that crap! I’ll meet you at the lake every night and we can—”

“Shh, Jimmy, it’s okay. I made my choice, just like you did. Nature has a balance that must be kept, Wolf and Raven both know this and you need to learn it as well. The world cannot have life without death. Just remember that as long as you’re alive, then a part of me still lives inside you…and that’s worth it to me. I’m proud of you boy.” I heard what the gruff words actually said.

What he really meant was ‘I love you’ and ‘goodbye’.

My eyes burned and I felt powerless as I watched him kneel down in the snow in front of Lupa and close his eyes.

“No,
Qhipe
wait—” I forced myself to my feet despite the pain and lurched toward him. Before I could reach him, he leaned toward Lupa until their noses touched—

—and he changed right before my eyes.

His dusky human skin blurred at the edges and a wave washed back from her touch.

“
Qhipe
!” I cried as his human shape melted into a powerful black form, and he turned familiar amber eyes on me. I heard his voice in my mind, though at the same time it was my voice, the voice of my wolf. “This way, I will always be a part of you.”

Part overjoyed, part shattered, I embraced him, and he lay his head down over my shoulder. I drank in the warm furry musk of his mane, the coarse tickle of his fur.

I felt like I had finally come home at last.

“It’s time,” Lupa said to me and touched my nose with hers, just as my wolf and I were wrenched backwards through the woods and past the lake with breathtaking speed. I held him tightly to my chest as we passed through the mist and burst back into the searing bright sun of the valley I’d arrived in.