Wanderlove (26 page)

“Okay, fine. I think I get it,” I said. I turned to face Gabe, calling him out with my expression. He turned to me, knowing that I was about to speak directly to him. “But what does all this have to do with
you
?”

Within that one question, there were several more. At the same time, I was asking him,
Why did you not want me to remember you? Why did you disappear for so many lifetimes? And how could you possibly ask my cousin to marry you?

“I had to leave you,” he told me softly.

“Gabe, that’s enough” Rex said in a warning tone.

Gabe glared at his brother. “Give it a rest, Rex. She’s already remembered me. There’s nothing more we can do to stop it from happening.”

“Yes, but we can stop how
quickly
she remembers.”

“You’re being ridiculous.”

“And you’re being a fool!” Rex growled.

“Settle down, Rex,” Baro commanded his brother. His booming voice echoed throughout the large room. It was clear that Baro was the voice of authority within this household. Rex obeyed, though reluctantly. He sat back in his chair, and kept his mouth closed. He didn’t look happy about it, either.

“Go ahead, Gabe,” Baro allowed. “Just try to be careful of how you choose your words.”

Gabe nodded and then moved closer to where I sat. He kneeled down to my eye level next to the sofa. “Do you know why your memories are coming back, Lo?”

I shook my head.

Gabe reached for my hand, taking it in his. “Well, for one thing, your aunt isn’t near you, so the curse is wearing off. But it’s also because when you’re near me. . .it all comes back to you.” He looked down at my hand sadly. “You remember me and then you remember everything.”

He looked up, his eyes imploring mine, with so much emotion reflecting through. “I tried to be with you even after your memories were taken away. But it didn’t work. For some reason, I make you remember everything. . .you were killed in that life, Lo. You committed suicide.”

My jaw dropped. I couldn’t believe what he was telling me. “I don’t believe in suicide,” I said to him. “It’s a coward’s way out.”

“I know,” he sighed. “That’s when I realized how important this secret is for you, too. You gave your own life to keep it. And when you died, I lost everything.”

A scene began to shape itself in my head. I was standing on a rocky cliff overhanging the ocean. Vigorous waves crashed loudly below. I could almost taste the salty mist and hear the roar of the waves as if I had been transported back to that place and time.

I took one step closer, and then one more.

They weren’t far behind me. I knew it was now or never. If they caught me, all would be lost forever. . .I closed my eyes. I can do this, I thought to myself. But I was so afraid. I was afraid of the pain. And I was even more afraid of. . .of not being with him anymore. A lone tear escaped my lashes and fell across my cheek.

I whispered to the moonlit sky, “I love you, Gabriel.”

I heard them approaching. I could see their torches lit only a mere fifty feet away. They could never get to me now. They could never have what wasn’t theirs to take.

One step more upon the ground, and then another in open air. And then I simply fell. The air enveloped me as I rushed downwards, to my death.

I gasped as the images around me faded, bringing me back to the present. “It’s true!” I screamed. “My God, it’s true!”

Suddenly, I was back in the Constantins’ living room, screaming at the top of my lungs.

Everyone stood up at once. Except for Gabe. He was at my side in a second, pulling me onto his lap. He stroked my hair, attempting to comfort me. “It’s okay, my love. You’re okay.” Dismally, I touched my cheek, feeling the wet tear that had escaped. I wasn’t sure how that happened. I didn’t remember crying, except during the vision.

“What did you remember?” Baro asked, alarmed.

I felt Gabe’s muscles tense at my side. “Give her a damned moment, Bar.”

As I struggled to stifle my inner turmoil, I announced to everyone, “There’s no need to panic. I didn’t remember whatever it is that you people don’t want me remembering.”

Everyone’s expressions transformed into relief, including Gabe’s. I continued by telling them, “I think I saw myself jumping off a cliff.”

An uneasy silence filled the room. “It felt so real, so intense,” I explained. “It was like I was there again.”

Gabe held me closer to him now. I began to realize how nice his encompassing warmth felt around me. I felt safe and protected. It had never occurred to me that I hadn’t felt safe before.

Almost immediately, I forced myself to move away from him. I didn’t care if I happened to be madly in love with Gabe or if he was my soul mate from many lifetimes ago. This was a different life. And in this life, I refused to allow myself to grow dependent on anyone’s comfort. Especially comfort from someone who had broken my heart.

As if he knew what I was thinking, Gabe reached for me, tilting my chin so I would face him. “Annika was a means to move on. I spent several lifetimes mourning the loss of you.”

Baro spoke now. “Truthfully, we all pushed him into that wedding with Anni. We didn’t do it to spite you, Lola. Because Rex and I, we love you like our own flesh and blood. We just wanted Gabe to be happy. I guess we never realized he couldn’t be happy without you.”

I swallowed back any tears that had been forming. “I understand,” I said softly, trying to keep my voice from breaking.

It was true. I completely understood that Gabe’s family cared about him and wanted him to move on. I didn’t resent them for that. And now. . .I guess I didn’t even resent Gabe anymore for trying. I wanted him to be happy. But still, it just hurt
so
much.

Part of the hurt stemmed from knowing that I’d never been able to move on. I don’t think I even tried. I may not have all of my memories back, but I knew my heart had never belonged to anyone but Gabe. I couldn’t even imagine there being anyone else who I could have been with after loving Gabe with so much of my soul. And it was tearing me apart that he had attempted to move on with Annika.

But if I was being completely honest with myself, I’d admit that the real hurt came from knowing how perfect Annika was. She was good and kind, so much better than I could ever be. I was nothing but a common thief, a liar and a dishonorable daughter. My beauty only ran skin deep, but Annika was beautiful inside and out. I could never compare to her.

“You seem distant. Tell me what you’re thinking,” Gabe pleaded quietly.

I met his sparkling gray eyes, noting the concerned lines in his face. “Nothing,” I lied. “I’m just digesting everything.”

Another troubled sigh sounded from Baro. “There’s more,” he stated.

“I know what you’re getting at,” Gabe said to his brother angrily. “And don’t you think this is enough for tonight?”

“I’m not trying to frighten her, Gabe. But she needs to know.”

“Just say it,” I told them both. “I can handle it.”

Gabe’s expression hardened. He crossed his arms over his chest grudgingly. “Go on,” he said, allowing Baro to continue.

“Now that your memories are coming back, this situation has become a little dire.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“There are people out there, other gypsies, who know who you are. The best mind readers will be on the lookout for your thoughts and memories. Once they’ve picked up your. . .frequency, if you will, we are going to have trouble. I believe there will be those who come looking for you in order to capture you. . .Lola, what I’m trying to say is: Now that some of your memories have been exposed, your very life is at stake.”

It turned out Baro was a great cook. He prepared several traditional dishes from Romania, some of which I hadn’t tasted in years. He filled the table with
saramura
, stuffed peppers, assorted sausages, cabbage rolls and several soups and stews. And since Baro now considered himself an American, he even baked a turkey.

Everything I tasted was so incredibly delicious. The food was reminiscent of Redwood Forest, the gathering point for all gypsies. Regrettably, there had been no one in our troupe who enjoyed cooking very much and so I didn’t often come across the chance to enjoy a meal like this. Since the performers were our cover and everyone else was talented in other areas, (robbery being the main area of expertise), we didn’t have time for cooking and we ate on the road more often than not. Sometimes, it could be enjoyable. We were able to try a lot of foods from various cultures. But Baro’s meal simply beat out all the rest.

Everyone at the table mostly just ate over dinner, with very light conversation. Thankfully, Molly didn’t speak to me. In fact, she did her best to ignore me, pretending like I wasn’t even in the room. I was fine with it. I wasn’t up to trading barbs with her, anyway.

I was still reflecting on everything Baro had said to me earlier, wondering what danger lay in my future now that my memories were coming back. I desperately wished I could speak with Zetta. I was beginning to realize how much I had relied on her wisdom over the years. It was unsettling, not knowing what my future held. What if I didn’t even have a future now?

I felt Gabe’s hand reach for mine underneath the table. I turned to him, noticing his expression was as worried as my own.

“Are you okay?” he whispered so that no one else would hear. Everyone else’s attention was currently turned to Cam, listening as he gave his opinions about the upcoming presidential elections.

“I’m fine,” I replied. I gave a small smile, trying to prove it.

“I was thinking that maybe you could move into the house. You know, for added protection. We have four empty bedrooms here and you can have your pick.”

I shook my head. “Don’t be ridiculous,” I told him. “I’m only next door and within
your
line of vision.”

He didn’t seem to approve of my reply, and told me so. “It’s still not close enough.”

“I’ll be fine,” I assured him. “Besides, I don’t think we shouldn’t worry until I start remembering everything.”

He sighed, a heavy sound. “I saw what happened last time, Lo. I don’t want to take chances this time around. I can’t lose you again.”

I felt something flutter within the pit of my stomach. Butterflies, I’d heard it called that before. His determination to keep me and that fire growing within his typically cool eyes simply won me over.

And that’s when I knew it couldn’t go any farther than this. Gabe and I would never be together again. Sadly, I was steadily realizing that maybe we were never meant to.

I stared at him gloomily. He was truly beautiful. My eyes wandered over the strong lines of his jaw, his straight nose, his absorbing eyes. . .I wondered if this was the last chance I would ever have to view him so candidly.

After dinner, Baro invited me to play a game of poker with the rest of the family. I told him I was tired and I should probably go home. I hugged everyone goodbye, with the exception of Molly, and then Gabe walked me back to Miriam’s house.

We were both quiet as we walked along the beach. Our sandals sank into the silky sand, causing the walk to take longer than if we had chosen to stroll along the grass. Gabe held my hand securely in his. Again, I found myself wondering if it belonged there.

“Gabe, there’s something I need to say to you.”

He stopped, turning to face me. “What is it?” he asked.

“I want you to marry Annika.”

There. I said it.

The words were out of my mouth and I could never take them back.

A flash of pain struck in his gaze, but it quickly disappeared, overshadowed by something else. I couldn’t read him. I had no idea what he was thinking.

Suddenly, Gabe grasped both of my arms and drew me towards him. His hands ran up the sides of my arms until he reached my neck. Then he drew me completely against him, tilting me backwards. A tingling sensation ran up the length of my spine, sending chills over my entire body.

I began to panic.

Was he about to kiss me? Did I even want him to kiss me? This was not exactly what I’d anticipated might happen after telling Gabe that I wanted him to marry Annika.

With the gentlest touch, Gabe traced a finger across my jaw and then along my bottom lip. The warmth of his touch lingered along my skin even after he stopped.

“Tell me,” his voice was ragged as he whispered in my ear. “How could you possibly want something like that?”

“I umm. . .” My train of thought was shattered.

The closeness of him, that clean, citrusy scent, his warmth, his hand across my back that kept me from falling-I didn’t want to break away from any of it.

“Do you remember what it was like when we touched like this? Do you remember the fire that ignited between us?”

Though I could hear his words, I couldn’t quite grasp what he was saying. He never did give me the chance to answer, anyway. The next thing I knew, he was leaning over me, his warm lips lightly touching mine. Touching quickly became tasting, and suddenly, it felt as if he were absorbing me completely.

He couldn’t get close enough, and his hands became disheveled into my hair as he tried to pull me even closer to him. Gently, he prodded my lips open, surprising me for a split second by the way he invaded my mouth. I wasn’t sure exactly when I became participatory in the kiss, but I began feeling an urgency that matched his. I clung to his arms, feeling the strong muscles beneath my grip, and matched his fervor with my own lips and tongue.

This must be passion
, I thought. And at that exact moment (because I had allowed room for thought in my muddled brain), I realized this should definitely
not
be happening. Before I lost my mind completely, I lifted my hands to the panes of Gabe’s chest and shoved him with all my might.

He hardly even swayed. Annoyingly, he didn’t even lose his footing. I think he only pulled away because I had confused him with my pushing.

“You can’t possibly tell me to marry someone else after experiencing
that
,” Gabe declared heatedly. We were both breathing heavily. “And you can’t tell me you don’t love me,” he added. “Because I know you do.”