Wanted (14 page)

“And then you went back.”

“Jah.”

Brandon stared at her for a long moment. “I guess I can understand that.” Swallowing hard, he never took his eyes off of her. “You look so different, Katie. My memories of you are so different.”

“I know.” Self-consciously, she patted her dress. “I think I only wore jeans when we were together. Not anything like this.”

“It suits you, though.”

Looking at her dress, at her trusty thick-soled black shoes, she smiled. “I suppose it does.” She pushed herself to speak some more, to say what needed to be said. “For what it is worth, my feelings for you were genuine.”

“Did you ever love me?”

She knew the hope she spied in his eyes. She'd felt it many a time. And though she realized now that she'd loved the
dreams
he represented, not him—she could have never left if she'd truly loved Brandon—she said the words he needed to hear. “I did. Well, I loved how you made me feel. I loved spending time with you and Holly and
laughing. I loved the chance you gave me—to just be Katie.”

And just like that, he knew the truth. Stark reality filled his expression as the ray of hope faded. And it was as clear in his gaze as if he and Katie had talked for three hours.

He knew.

She hadn't loved him the way he'd loved her. She hadn't loved him enough to risk everything she was, everything she believed in.

With a sigh, he shifted. “Thank you for coming to visit, Katie.”

She stood up. “Can I get you anything? Is…is there anything you need?”

She felt her cheeks heat as the irony of the situation became apparent. It was obvious he needed a lot of things. But Brandon only nodded. “Maybe some water?”

“Oh. Sure.” She poured him a cupful. Standing up, she held it for him as he slowly sipped through the white straw. Then, as if that effort had exhausted him, he leaned back again. When his eyes started to close, she impulsively reached for his hand and held it between her own. “You…you are a right
gut
man, Brandon,” she whispered. “I…I am lucky to have known you.”

After another minute, when it was obvious he slept again, she slipped through the door. Quietly, she entered the elevator, felt so in a fog that she was barely aware of the curious looks in her direction.

Terry was waiting for her when she arrived back at the reception area. “Are you ready, Katie?”

“Jah.”

“All right then.” She followed and got into his car without a word.

The drive back to the restaurant passed in a blur as she thought of Brandon. Thought about how glad she was to have seen him.

And what a shame it was that the Lord would be calling him to heaven far too soon.

Katie almost cut her finger to the bone when the back door opened without warning at one in the afternoon a few days later. Then, as she saw who entered, her hands got shaky for a whole other set of reasons. “Jonathan.”

“Hi there, Katie.”

He stood there silently, almost motionless. It gave her a moment to collect her thoughts. “Is everything all right with you? You're home mighty early.”

He pulled on the neck of his shirt. “I am fine. I was,
um
wonderin' if you would like to accompany me to the woods today. I thought I might gather some wood and such for a project I'm working on.”

Since she'd been at his house, Jonathan rarely spoke of anything other than the great amount of work he needed to accomplish. However, at the moment, he seemed mighty
different than the usual man she thought she knew. Jonathan had a glow about him, and that glow caused all kinds of things to churn deep inside her. “A project for Christmas?”

“Actually…yes.” His lips twitched. “It's a project for Christmas, to be sure.”

“What are you going to make?”

“It's a secret.” Walking across the kitchen floor, his dusty boots making a mess on the planks that she'd just swept, he almost smiled. “Can you keep a secret, Katie?”

“Indeed I can.” Unable to help herself, Katie blinked once, twice more. Whatever had come over him? Ever since they'd argued about Winnie, things had been strained between them. Mealtimes had been near silent. Could he have finally decided to make amends? “I do enjoy a secret now and then.”

“I was hopin' you'd say that. So, will you come even though snow still covers a lot of the land? Can you spare me the time?”

“Why,
uh, jah
.” Once again, his teasing manner caught her off guard. He was such a complicated man. True and loyal. Hardworking. At times, terribly brusque. But then, just like a shooting star in the dark night sky, he would tease and joke. Those comments would lighten his temperament just like a flash of light in the night sky.

To her pleasure, Jonathan continued to grin while the cat held her tongue. “It's a pretty day.
Gut
day for a walk, even through the last of the snow.”

“Indeed. It is.” It would be wonderful to take a walk outside in the unexpected sunny day. Though it was ter
ribly cold, she'd felt rejuvenated by the brilliant sunshine when she'd gone to gather eggs that morning.

And, of course, she was always hungry for companionship. No matter how she tried, Katie couldn't help but miss the bustling activity of the inn. The constant comings and goings of the guests, the chatter from them and her family as well, the never-ending chores that took up much of her time and left little room for moments of loneliness.

But now…suddenly, he was offering—asking, actually—to spend time with her. That was something she couldn't disregard and didn't intend to ignore.

She'd come to realize that no matter what had come between them, the infatuation she'd once felt for him had grown to something deeper and stronger. “I'd like to help you with your project. I'll get my cloak.”

When she returned from her room, after slipping on her black bonnet and claiming her thick wool cape, Katie found yet another surprise waiting for her. Jonathan was pouring hot chocolate into a sturdy crock and fastening the lid on. “I thought we might enjoy this after our ride,” he mumbled somewhat clumsily.

He was trying so hard, trying so hard to make their trip special, that once again Katie felt flustered. “I'll wrap the crock in towels to help ward out the cold. And maybe some cookies, too? We have jam thumbprint cookies left over from Sunday.”

He pulled out a basket. “I could never refuse those.”

“And maybe a sandwich and apples?” Katie couldn't forget that he'd been up and out the door many hours before the sun.

“Anything is fine.”

After he left to hook up the wagon, Katie put together a haphazard picnic for two, gathered up her mittens, then picked up an extra scarf, just in case Jonathan hadn't thought about keeping his neck warm.

When she finally joined Jonathan outside, she saw he already had the wagon prepared. Blacky was hitched up, thick blankets were already spread out on the seat, and the bed of the wagon was already organized. An ax with a thick oak handle lay on the floor as well.

“You sure got all of this together fast.”

Jonathan tucked his head. “I had hoped you would accompany me.”

In order not to embarrass him, she said the obvious. “Preparing for a project—any project—is a big job.”

“It is at that.”

After settling in, Jonathan clicked for Blacky to go forward. They were off, the wheels crunching over the ruts in the ground, then later crunching leaves, twigs, and fallen pine boughs. Around them, clumps of snow dotted rocks and shady areas, making all the colors of the woods seem brighter. A crisp pine scent filled the air, causing Katie to breathe in deeply. A cold breeze stung their cheeks as the horse gained speed. Katie did her best to burrow under the blankets. Jonathan scooted nearer, sharing his body's warmth.

She looked his way shyly. He looked straight ahead, but she sensed he, also, was noticing the way their bodies brushed against each other as the wagon shifted and
swayed. The way everything felt so right, to be sharing a blanket.

It was no exaggeration to say that this was the closest she'd ever been to Jonathan. Though inches of space and blankets did, indeed, separate the two of them, in her mind's eye, they were practically pinned together. Katie couldn't help but cast interested looks his way.

He had always been handsome to her eyes. His face was angular and solid looking. His beard was so light and soft that it always took her by surprise in the summer, when it seemed to fade against his golden tan. As always, his clear blue eyes made her think of a winter sky. He seemed terribly strong and stalwart and solemn, sitting next to her.

Of course, he'd always seemed that way. If Katie was honest—and she was trying hard to be, that was for sure—she could admit that never had Jonathan encouraged her. Never had he given her special smiles or an extra bit of attention.

He'd been polite and respectful. Whenever he came over to the inn, he'd spend most of his time talking with her parents or with Henry. If their paths did cross, he'd usually only nod to her.

A horrible, dark thought entered her head. Though they'd come far in their relationship, there was a chance it would never be the romantic, close one she'd longed for. What would she do, then?

She'd always wanted to be a wife and a mother. Would she be brave enough to set her sights on another man in the future? Would she ever be able to only think of Jona
than Lundy as a nice, pleasant neighbor who she'd helped for a time?

“Katie, I've never heard you so silent. Are you all right?”

“Of course I'm fine.”

“Not too cold?”

“No.”

“I can get you another blanket. Or we can turn back, if you'd like.”

“I can be quiet sometimes, just like you, Jonathan. I'm not always a chatterbox.” She hoped she sounded mature and upright. Maybe he would soon see her in a new light, too. “I'm happy to sit silently and admire the beauty that surrounds us.”

He glanced her way before replying. “Yes, God has given us beauty everywhere.”

Her pulse jumped. Just like that, all thoughts of being forever his friend vanished. Awareness filled the gap. “
Um,
what project are you thinking of? Can you tell me a bit about it?”

“I can. I need wood, you see. I intend to make Mary a keeping chest for Christmas. She's a little young for it, but she's been through so much, I think she will like it fine.”

The news made her smile. “That is a special gift, to be sure. Every girl, no matter what her age, likes having her own keeping chest.” Katie remembered when she'd received her own trunk. Her
daed
and Henry had worked on it for months, smoothing and sanding and staining the oak until it was a rich, burnished coppery-brown. She'd been so surprised and touched to see it on her fourteenth birthday.

Over the years, she'd put all kinds of things inside. Quilts, candle holders, a particularly fine basket. A recipe box. All of those treasures were currently waiting for the day when she would become a bride.

“I hope Mary will like it. As I said, she's a bit young for such a thing, but I've been thinking she needs something of her own right now. Something that will be lasting and solid.”

“I agree. She will love the chest. But just as important, she will love it because you made it for her.”

His lips turned up. “I'm glad you came with me, Katie. Ever since we argued, I've felt bad about things.”

“I have, too. I can be too outspoken and insensitive to other people's feelings.”

“I have not noticed that. As for me, I need to remember to ask your opinions. I've become too used to only taking my own advice. It has not always served me well. We live in a community for a reason. I need to learn to grasp the hands that reach out toward me.”

Katie thought that was a fine way of putting it. All obstacles in life would be easier to manage if help was accepted. “Jonathan, if it is okay with you, I'd like to treat today as a new beginning. We have much in common and much to be thankful for. Too much to be constantly bickering.”

To her great relief, Jonathan nodded. “I would like that.” Shyly, he glanced in her direction. “I would enjoy a new…a new beginning for us, Katie. Back when I came to your home, to ask you to help with the girls, I said that I had no need to think about a future, about a wife. Now
I realize how wrong that was. Your presence has encouraged me to see the world and all of its glories again. I feel like our Heavenly Father has given me a second chance.”

Once again, Katie's heart fluttered. What was he saying? That he wanted a future with her? Or that he wanted another woman as a bride one day?

She gripped the side of the wagon as they traveled across the snow, their path leaving a thick trail behind them. After a few more moments Jonathan halted Blacky and assisted her out of the wagon. Then side by side they tromped through the thicket of trees, stopping and staring at each one and giving it either a yes or no.

Playfully Katie stood in front of an especially tall tree…its height was far over ten feet and its branches looked wide enough to fill a whole room. “What do you think about this one, Jonathan?” she asked, all innocence. “Do you think there might be enough wood here for Mary's trunk?”

“Why…well,
hum.
”

“It's a nice, sturdy tree, yes?”

“Yes.” It was hard for Katie to keep her expression neutral as Jonathan obviously struggled to give the tree a close inspection. “It's tall, that's for sure.”

“And very full.”

After a pause, he knelt on one knee and patted the trunk. “You chose well, but I had in mind something a fair bit smaller.”

“I'm only teasing you, Jonathan,” she said, unable to keep from laughing. “I know it's far too big.”

To her pleasure, he laughed, too. “I was getting worried.
And poor Blacky—he would have had a time pulling it.”

“We would have had to rig you up to pull, too!”

“I'm glad you don't really want this tree, then.”

Her mirth vanished in an instant. “You would have chopped it down if I'd asked you to?”

“Yes. I wouldn't have wanted to hurt your feelings.”

Now she felt bad. “Oh.”

Almost tenderly, he gazed at her. “I didn't ask you to accompany me just to ignore your opinions.”

Her pulse quickened. “You didn't?”

“No.” He bent down, brushed some snow off a boot, then quick as a cricket, flicked a bit of snow from a nearby pine her way. “I took you out here to get the best of you, too!”

When the cold, wet snow hit her right on her nose, she gasped. To her surprise, he had the nerve to sound dismayed. “Oh, I am sorry, Katie. I didn't realize a little bit of snow would bother you so much. Henry told me you have had your share of snowball fights.”

“Oh! I'll show you! Henry taught me well.” Her first throw caught him off guard when it landed right in the middle of his chest.

“How well?” With lightning speed, he threw a ball at the branch above Katie and laughed heartily when a clump of snow landed on her black bonnet.

“Mighty well,” she exclaimed. Well, attempted to, around a mouth of frozen slush.

It was every man for himself. Katie formed snowballs as quickly as she could and threw them at her attacker. Jonathan proved to be a very able fighter himself. His aim was true and his laugh merry.

After a few minutes, they both were slumped against trees and laughing loud and heartily. “You surely managed to surprise me, Jonathan. I didn't know you could be so lighthearted.”

“I didn't know you could throw so hard,” he teased. “I thought you'd throw like a girl.”

“Henry taught me many things. You'd be surprised at what I can do.” Lifting her chin, she said, “He even taught me to play basketball.”

“I guess we each still have much to learn about the other.” Brushing a stray clump of snow from her nose, he added, “I welcome that, Katie.”

His declaration left her as breathless as the snowball fight had. “I…I do, too.” Yes, their connection felt even stronger now. Katie knew something subtle had changed between them. Tension filled the air as they stared at each other. For a moment, Jonathan looked about to speak, then, shaking his head, he slowly stood up. “I suppose we better find a suitable tree.”

“Yes. We had better.” She scrambled to her feet as well. When a clump of snow clung to the hem of her dress, she shook the fabric harder than she intended. “If we don't hurry, we'll run out of time.”