Julian stared at him without saying a word. Finally, he let his eyes travel up and down Cameron and then met his eyes. “Ready?” he asked in the same low, quiet voice he always used at the restaurant. He seemed deceptively calm again.
Frowning a little, Cameron wondered where all the anger had gone so quickly. “Yes,” he murmured. Julian reached out and took his upper arm, his fingers digging into the muscle as he ushered Cameron out into the hall and closed the door with a bang behind him. He pulled him toward the stairs without another word.
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Cameron didn’t resist as he shuffled along beside Julian, except to crane his neck back to make sure there wasn’t a white puffball trailing along behind them in the hallway. He realized that the anger wasn’t gone; it was just expertly masked. The fact that Julian could veil it so well bothered him more than Julian being angry in the first place. How many other times had Julian been feeling some emotion that he had suppressed and so easily hidden? The thought was disconcerting.
They stepped out of the building into the cold night just as a black Lexus pulled up in front of the building. Julian gestured to it with a low growl and moved Cameron toward the back door. Cameron glanced from Julian to the car and back, nearly stumbling into the side of the Lexus as Julian directed him along with the hand clamped around his upper arm.
Julian yanked open the back door before the driver could even get out of the car, and the blond man quietly sank back into the driver’s seat after one look at Julian. Julian growled at him and shoved Cameron into the back-seat roughly, climbing in beside him and pulling the door shut with an unsatisfying muffled thump.
“Home,” he ordered curtly, and the car pulled away from the curb.
Knowing better than to open his mouth, Cameron glanced from Julian to the driver—Preston?—and then out the window. He knew without a doubt that he didn’t want to make Julian any angrier than he already was. As much control as Julian had over his emotions, he had to be furious to be displaying even this much. Cameron wasn’t sure what he thought about the fact that it had taken getting Julian this angry to find out something concrete about him.
The city flew by in the night, eventually thinning into an old neighborhood full of refurbished turn-of-the-century mansions. The car turned into a hidden drive protected by a great stone archway and iron gate, and Preston reached out the window and slid a card past a sensor discreetly positioned near the shrubbery. The gate swung open on well-oiled hinges, and the silent driver pulled the car through and drove up to the front of the house. The Tudor house at the head of the circular drive wasn’t large by the standards of the neighborhood, but it looked somehow foreboding. It was the house on the block that kids skipped at Halloween.
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Julian sat with his head bowed and his eyes closed. After a few moments of idling in the driveway, he raised his head and stared directly ahead. “Home,” he announced to Cameron quietly.
Cameron had already been staring out the window with wide eyes, which he now turned on Julian. No wonder the other man stayed with him only one or occasionally two nights a week. With this incredible house to come back to, why stay in an old, converted warehouse condo? Cameron suddenly felt his simple, lower-class lifestyle very keenly.
Julian glanced over at him carefully, almost visibly forcing the anger away. “Do you want to come in?” he asked softly.
Cameron turned his chin to look out the window at the imposing house again. His hands clenched in his coat pockets, and he shook his head jerkily. “I… I don’t belong here,” he whispered, feeling very uncomfortable.
“Does it matter to you that I love you?” Julian asked as he looked away and up at the house.
Cameron stared at Julian, wishing he could see his lover’s eyes.
“It’s the most precious thing in my world,” he answered brokenly.
“Then why can’t you believe the same of me?” Julian asked softly.
Pain cut through Cameron deeply enough that he flinched and had to look out the other window to blink away the wet in his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I just have a hard time understanding what someone with a life like this,” he nodded out the window, “could see in someone like me.”
“You were happier when it was just me and you in your condo,”
Julian murmured with a nod as he looked up at the house sadly.
Cameron grunted in frustration. “You knew I’d feel this way,” he realized out loud. “You always know,” he said bitterly as he kept his eyes trained on the house. “You know me better than I know myself.
Am I really so predictable?” he asked plaintively.
“You’re anything but predictable,” Julian muttered irritably.
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Cameron couldn’t help but look back at Julian as one of his hands flew to cover his mouth and muffle a strained laugh.
“See?” Julian groaned and rubbed his eyes.
Cameron’s answer was muffled until he moved his hand and repeated himself. “See what?” He glanced out the window yet again. “I feel like Little Orphan Annie,” he muttered under his breath.
“Shut the hell up and get out of the car,” Julian grumbled as he pulled the handle and pushed open his door.
Cameron bit his lip and followed, stopping once he was standing to let his eyes track all the way up the façade of the house. “You live here alone? In this huge house?”
“The wife and kids live in that wing,” Julian deadpanned as he waved his arm carelessly to the left.
Cameron blinked at him, taken aback until Julian rolled his eyes and shook his head impatiently as he turned to start up the steps.
“I deserved that,” Cameron muttered as he walked up the stairs next to Julian.
“Yes,” Julian agreed coldly as he stopped at the front door and fished out his keys.
Cameron shifted his weight nervously from foot to foot, especially once Preston drove the car away. In the dark, Julian almost looked like a stranger, and Cameron wanted very much to touch him, to reassure himself that this was his lover, the man who held him at night, and not some angry shadow of a man he didn’t recognize.
Julian unlocked the large front door and pushed it open, turning to look back at Cameron in the welcoming light that streamed out of the foyer. He was quiet for a long moment, and then said, “You wanted me to take you home,” he murmured to him. “So… come home with me.”
Tipping his head, Cameron looked at him intently before one corner of his mouth curled up. “I thought you were going to get on your knees and beg me there for a minute.” He took a half-step toward the threshold.
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Julian growled and reached out, grabbing him with the same force he’d used earlier and yanking him into the house before slamming the door closed behind them. He kissed Cameron hard in the middle of the massive foyer, holding him tightly so he couldn’t get away.
Cameron gasped against Julian’s lips and clutched at his shoulders as he was overwhelmed. Julian had brought all his strength to bear upon him and he couldn’t resist. He draped himself against his lover, trying to kiss him back, to take part in the consuming kiss.
When Julian released him, Cameron allowed himself to look around dazedly. He jumped slightly when he noticed a nondescript man in a dark suit standing unobtrusively at the base of the staircase, his hands behind his back.
“Will that be all, sir?” the man asked Julian.
Julian didn’t tear his eyes from Cameron’s face as he waved the man off.
“Very well, sir,” the man drawled. Cameron could see the amusement in the butler’s expression as he turned and quietly disappeared into the inner reaches of the house.
Cameron opened his mouth to speak, but Julian kissed him again and cut off his words. Seconds later, Julian pulled away from him and met his eyes intently for a few moments, then began heading for the stairs, Cameron’s elbow firmly in his grasp. Cameron followed obediently, trying not to gape at his surroundings. Julian took him up to the first landing, where a hallway broke off and led them to a pair of double doors. Beyond was a relatively small bedroom that took up one of the house’s turrets.
Julian pulled Cameron inside and flipped on the lights. It was simple and sparse with nothing but a four-poster canopy bed against one wall and a sitting area in a bay window that curved in the turret’s shape. A flat-screen television hung on another wall, and there were two very large, long-haired orange cats sitting side by side on the bed staring at them with matching green eyes.
Cameron cast his gaze around the room and came to settle on the two cats. “You
do
live with somebody. Somebodies!” he said in mock accusation.
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Julian cleared his throat as one of the cats stood and stretched languidly, then fluffed his long fur and jumped off the bed with an audible thump before prowling toward them. “That’s Wesson,” Julian muttered with a point of his finger. He nodded at the cat still on the bed and said, “And that’s Smith.”
Cameron stifled a laugh and watched them guardedly as Wesson stalked toward them. They were perhaps the largest cats Cameron had ever seen. They had to have been half-lion. He edged slightly behind Julian. “They look—” He cleared his throat. “Um. Not very friendly?”
“No, no. They’re completely evil,” Julian assured him as he bent and picked up the cat that was winding around his ankles. The cat was massive. Cameron thought it had to weigh at least twenty pounds, and then the long fur made it look twice its already impressive size. It hung over Julian’s large shoulder, making the big man look like a child trying to drag an oversized teddy bear. It was purring so loudly Cameron could hear it just fine without moving closer, and it stared at Cameron with the same blank, knowing expression its master always had. More than ever before, Julian’s mannerisms struck Cameron as being like those of a very large cat. Perhaps he spent too much time with these two beasts.
Julian gave Wesson a squeeze, and the cat let out a low, throaty meow of complaint before Julian snickered and set the cat down again.
“You live with these two monsters, and you can’t like my
little
bitty
dogs?” Cameron asked incredulously.
“My cats would turn your dogs into hairballs,” Julian scoffed affectionately.
Cameron crossed his arms. It seemed his easy-going lover was back… for the moment. “Well, you’ve got four dogs at my place who are head over heels in love with you. And these… cats. And they are the only ones I’m willing to share with,” he said seriously.
“You think I might have someone else?” Julian asked in a hard voice as the cat jumped back up onto the bed and turned to watch them.
“You think I lied when I told you I loved you?”
Cameron studied Julian’s face. He could clearly see the frustration there. He shook his head. “I don’t think so,” he said. Then his own Warrior’s Cross 187
frustration broke free. “But can’t you understand where I’m coming from? You never show me anything! Tonight is the first time I’ve seen you angry, for God’s sake!”
Julian’s jaw clenched. “You’ve not seen me angry,” he said in a low, calm voice.
Cameron’s lips compressed, and as he shook his head, he held out both hands in a sharp movement, as if to say, ‘
Well, see?
’ “Why is pulling information out of you like pulling teeth?” he asked in frustration.
“Cameron, what will it take for you to realize I’m trying to keep you away from something ugly?” Julian asked quietly as he lifted one hand to take Cameron’s chin. “I don’t want you to see the world like I see it. What is it that you want so badly?”
“I want to know you,” Cameron answered, a little desperation in his voice. “I want to
know
you,” he whispered as the upset choked him and threatened to spill over.
Julian’s expression softened, and he moved the two steps to close his arms around Cameron and pull him close. Cameron clutched at his arms with trembling hands as his heart pounded with fear—fear that the time had come and Julian would put him aside.
But the large arms surrounding him didn’t move, and then he felt Julian press a kiss to the side of his head. Cameron closed his eyes and held on tight. “I love you, Julian,” he said clearly.
“I know.”
THE knock came at Cameron’s door early one Friday morning. Earlier than usual, but Julian was nothing if not unpredictable when he wanted to be. The puppy procession made its noisy way to the door, hopping and jumping like crazed dust mops. Cameron shook his head and shooed them out of the way so he could look out the peephole. He opened the door in surprise.
“Preston?” he asked tentatively.
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“Good morning, sir,” the man greeted with a slight nod of his head. He was dressed in his usual well-tailored suit, just like his boss always was, and his closely cropped white-blond hair was sprinkled with snowflakes that hadn’t quite melted yet. He didn’t seem to notice them.
“Would you be so kind as to come with me, sir?” he asked Cameron politely.
“Come with you?” Cameron tipped his head to one side. It had to have something to do with Julian. A niggle of fear mixed with curiosity began to grow in his chest. “Ah, sure,” he said anyway, knowing any questions he had wouldn’t be answered even if he voiced them. “I just need to get some shoes and a jacket,” he said as he kept blocking the puppies with one foot. “Do you want to come in?”
“Thank you, sir. I’ll wait here,” Preston assured him with another tip of his head and a neutral smile.
Cameron nodded slowly. “Sure. I’ll be right back.” He pushed the door shut and got his coat and running shoes. He was already in jeans and a sweatshirt; they would do. Julian seemed to prefer him in such everyday clothes. He had yet to figure out why, but he suspected it had something to do with Julian almost always having to wear such formal, expensive clothing.
He checked the dogs’ food bowls, gave them treats, and grabbed his keys as he reopened the door. “Okay, I’m ready.”