Was it Good for You Too? (28 page)

* * *

Delvin allowed her a few hours of peace. Then he drew her a bath before going to her, carrying her from the bed, undressing her, then placing her in the warm water, hoping it, and he, could soothe her soul.

He slid her a cup of chai tea, and she settled it on the edge of the tub.

“I chose him because I longed for you. I will not make that mistake again,” she said, taking a sip of the dark liquid. “When I come to you, I want it to be because my heart and mind are clear.” She locked gazes with him, asking, “Is that fair?”

Delvin took her from the water, dried and oiled her body, then settled her among the pillows, praying that she would come to her senses soon. She slept pitifully, tossing and turning, calling the names of the children she had abandoned so long ago. The ones she had left in that horrible situation all so she could save herself.

Delvin left the pallet he'd placed on the floor. He slipped into the bed to comfort her, to hold her until those nightmares had passed.

* * *

Morning came, and he was still with her, his arms wrapped around her in a safety net she did not feel she deserved.

“If you won't trust me,” he whispered, stroking a hand down her back. “ask God to help you through this.”

She stiffened, and a fragment of unease slithered up her spine. “God?” Tailan pulled away to look down on him. “God? Seriously? You want me to ask God for help sorting out my life?” She shook her head. “God forgot about me. Where was God when those men killed my family? Where was God when my uncle raped my mother? Where was God when my uncle raped his children and their children?” She slammed her hand against his chest. “When Amir's sister and father were killed? When my cousins were killed? Where was God when all of these horrible things happened?” Tears blurred her vision as she asked, “What kind of God would allow people to hurt others this way?”

Delvin closed his eyes against the vehemence in her voice, against the deep-seated anger and pain that he had always felt from her when it came to these matters. He had always skirted around this issue, but today, he realized it spoke to the heart of things when it came to her ability to trust him or anyone, to love him completely or to let him go. He had to meet her where she was.

“I'll tell you where God was,” he said in a soft tone as he lifted her chin so they were eye to eye. “God was whispering in your parents' ears to get you to safety. God was whispering in your mother's ear to give her the strength to tell the world what your uncle had done. God whispered in your ear, urging you to leave the west side that night.” His eyes searched her tear-filled ones for a moment. “God whispered in my ear and said I should go into that classroom instead of going home. God whispered in my ear that I should take you home with me and keep you safe—even if I would get in trouble with my parents.”

Tears fell from her eyes at a rapid pace.

“God whispered in my ear that I should love you and show you the side of God's love that is spoken of in words and song. God whispered in my mother's ears to make you the daughter she always wanted.” On these words, Delvin's voice wavered a little, the emotions coming too fast to keep them at bay. “God whispered in my ear to get my behind on that tour bus and ask your forgiveness for what I did to hurt you. God whispered in Amir's ear and said to make you his wife for that period of time it took for you to heal from the pain I'd caused. God whispered into your womb and planted a child that is the best parts of both of us, and who will bind us for the rest of our lives.”

Delvin pulled her head against his chest. “God is right here with us, watching over us, keeping us safe. God is right here in my heart and yours, whether we ever act on that love or we remain apart. God is in the tears that are falling from your eyes, because God knows you need them because you hold in so much.”

She was silent for so long, he thought she might have fallen asleep. Then her hand reached up and rested on his cheek.

Delvin kissed her forehead and said, “Those ugly things that you've experienced, that's a man thing, a human thing—the kind that devours, hurts, and harms, the kind that is selfish and evil. That's not of God. God is love. God is everything that is good. The tests and challenges that come from people who don't embrace those parts of God are all about strengthening us, forcing us to draw on The Source, that Higher Power.” Delvin held her even tighter. “God put us here to have an abundant life, to live our dreams. We live off the prayers of our ancestors who didn't have nearly as much as we do. But it doesn't mean that we're going to sail through life without some kind of challenges along the way.”

Delvin looked down at her. “My challenge right now? To love you, even when you don't feel you deserve that love. To love you in spite of the pain you cause me, every time I'm forced to accept and respect that I am not the leading man in your life.” He cupped her face in his hands. “God gives me the strength to get through because it is not easy to love a woman who I feel is rightfully mine and keep enough distance that I'm respecting her marriage vows. I ask God for strength every single day because I need it now more than I ever did.” He locked a gaze with her. “That's the kind of God I believe in, Tai … and in time, I hope you will too. Then you'll stop searching elsewhere for the very thing that you already have.”

Delvin gathered her into his arms, holding her while she cried out for her loss, for her pain, her anger at the being that created them and every living thing on earth.

“It's all right to be angry at God, Tai,” Delvin said in a breathy whisper. “God can take it. God's a pretty big God. Can handle anything. You'll see.”

Her smile was fleeting, but it was there. And it was a sure sign that Delvin was reaching her on some level.

* * *

And on the third day, Tailan came to him displayed in every inch of her naked glory. Awaking him from a dream that had catapulted him back to the time when they first met and she trusted him to keep her safe, trusted him when nearly everyone in her life had shown her that a man cannot be trusted. He had failed her then, but with God's grace and mercy, he would not fail her ever again.

Delvin went to her then, accepted her, accepted everything she brought with her—memories that did not include him, pleasure, pain, love, joy, and a completion he had never felt with another living soul. She was his. He would make sure she was very much aware of this fact. And he would be damned if he'd lose her again.

The love they made that night was a pure rekindling of what they had lost, not a mechanism to wash away the memories of past loves, but of what both wished to share, wished to become—lovers and partners on an equal plane.

Yes, she had loved her husband. But the truth of the matter was that she loved Delvin all the way down to her soul.

And no other kind of love could ever surpass that.

Chapter 34

O
NE
M
ONTH
L
ATER

“Tailan,” Amir said. “I need a huge favor please.”

“Is everything all right?” She sounded nervous, when he was the one who actually needed to be.

“I am going to be at the Indian Consulate a lot longer than I expected. They are finishing the paperwork to bring my nieces to America. I need you to pick up Neena from Skokie.”

There was dead silence on the other end, and for a moment, he thought she wouldn't answer.

“I can do that,” she replied.

Amir released the breath he didn't realize he was holding. “Once you get her, then we will discuss a decision I've made regarding the children.”

“I'll be there,” she whispered.

He ended the call and faced his lawyer, giving him a nod to continue.

Amir was about to commit an act of extreme defiance. The life he wanted for himself might be over, but the life and happiness of his child would continue. What he intended to do would rattle the very foundation of his family to the core, but
nothing
was more important than his children and Tailan.

* * *

Tailan settled on a plush sofa in the parlor of the Kasturi family, unwilling to go any further into the mansion than necessary. The place was palatial with marbled floors and walls, elegant fountains, and colorful bursts of ornamental sculptures and artwork. She had arrived early to collect Neena in order to return in time to pick Jason up from basketball practice and shuttle him to his saxophone lessons. She was amazed that the teen was following so closely in Delvin's footsteps.

“I have never liked your kind.” Adesh's harsh voice snapped her to the present. “Too wild, too uncivilized.”

“Oh?” she replied, giving him an icy smile as she left the sofa and walked to the foyer. “I bet that woman who was raped by those seven men in India felt
your
kind were very civilized,” Tailan countered, pressing her back against the glass doors.

“An isolated incident,” he defended with a dismissive wave of his hand.

The bastard hid his inner monster well. Tailan had despised him the second they met. All of her instincts fired warning shots about him. The man was too much like her Uncle Lin—evil incarnate. Women and girls were not human to them; they were “things” to be used and toyed with. Evidently that extended to his son.

Now that Uma had shared the depths of his depravity with her, Tailan would not put any despicable act beyond Adesh's capabilities. She shivered at the thought of Neena being under his influence for any length of time.

She crossed her arms and defiantly reminded him, “Women and girls all around the world are beaten and abused every day. India is no exception. Women have a hard time feeling safe in
any
culture. Only now, the world is watching.” She swept a gaze over the women crowded in an area off to the side, who were watching her intently. Some nodded slightly despite the fact that her view was not held by the men in the family. But Uma, who almost never made eye contact with Tailan, did so this time. “Women in India have had enough, and they're speaking out about injustices. The fact that they should have a choice to aim for peace, to control some parts of their lives. One day, that will hit closer to home.”

Some of the men situated close to him frowned at what they perceived as insolence from Amir's wanton wife. But the women—they were listening, she was certain of it.

“You have been a horrible influence on my granddaughter,” Adesh growled, tearing his gaze from Uma. He stood from the bed of silk cushions on the floor.

Tailan took a battle stance as he snaked closer. “How so?”

“Neena is willful—too inquisitive.” He towered over her, assuming his powerful presence intimidated her. Adesh flashed a serpentine smile and added, “But not to worry. When she is fully under our care, we will remove all of your influence, all signs of you from her life.”

“Oh, I'd like to see you try,” Tailan shot right back, her hands curled into tight fists.

Uma stepped forward to speak, but Adesh turned to her sharply, giving her a look that silenced her, but not for long.

“Adesh, stop this madness,” she said through her teeth. “You have cost us enough!”

“There are ways to tame a child of such a wild nature,” Adesh announced, ignoring his wife by focusing on Tailan once again. “She is young. We have many years. By the time she reaches maturity, she will be elated to marry the man we choose for her.”

This time Tailan got in his face, but she flickered a gaze to Uma as she said, “What about what
she
wants?
Her
happiness? Haven't the women in this family paid enough cost for their children to have a better life.”

Adesh turned from her as though she wasn't even worth his breath. “A woman's happiness is not a man's concern,” he said.

“No,” Tailan agreed. “It is a
woman's
concern. She has the right to be happy. She might not have been given a choice in some aspects in her life, but she can control some parts of it. Happiness, peace, fairness should top the list.”

Adesh maneuvered so that he blocked Tailan's view of Uma. “We are all unhappy in one way or another.” He turned to his wife, then scowled at the woman's thoughtful expression. All of the women were focused on Tailan. He glanced at Tailan over his shoulder. “Now that you are out of the picture and back with a mate of your station—your own kind—the family will have full rein to train Neena
properly
.”

Tailan moved so they were inches apart. “She deserves to have choices in her life just like anyone else. Just like you.”

“No,” Adesh gritted. “She will do as she is told. Choices are not an option for women. Look how your choices ruined the lives of so many. My son, my granddaughter. You chose to leave my son rather than stay with your family.”

He flashed a deadly smile. If Tailan didn't know any better, she would've sworn he was actually getting off on what he was saying.

“That's a bald-faced lie,” Tailan seethed, as she stalked him. “I would never leave my husband for another man, whether I loved another man or not. You—” she fanned her hand out for emphasis. “You and this family left us the only choice that will keep us alive. I won't have his blood on my hands because he loves me.”

Shared glances between the women and then amongst some of the men, spoke to the confusion her words had created.

“You say I'm uncivilized.? Tailan jabbed him in the chest. “At least I don't secretly hate my own child so much that I wish him dead.”

The shocked gasps that echoed in the room were a sure sign that she'd hit home.

Uma's hand flew up to her bosom. Adesh blanched, and Tailan grinned. Murmurs of discontent echoed from several family members.

“We both know that you
wanted
Amir to refuse this arranged marriage so that you could be rid of him,” Tailan accused, her gaze unwavering. “You want to take his child and make her the success that you feel he and Dhara failed to become.”