Wasted (Dirty Boys of Chicago #1) (4 page)

T
he truth was
that it did scare me. Xavier Santini was as dangerous as they came. I knew what he did in jail, or at least I suspected. I'd seen the incidents in all of the newspapers. Suspected mob killer, bodies beneath his belt. I read all the headlines. As a kid, I knew Xavier better than most people. We'd grown up together, been the best of friends, and I loved him. And looking at him now, lying naked in his bed, I had to admit to myself that I still did. Every single part of me needed to have him inside me. To have his hands on my body again.

But I had a job to do. And that was quickly falling apart. Every second I spent with him broke down the walls that I had carefully constructed.

As much as part of me wanted to allow myself to feel that way about him again, I didn't know that I could keep up. I wasn't made for this lifestyle, and the fact that I hadn't come back before now was just evidence of that. The lifestyle scared me. I had known Xavier was in jail, and I could've gone to visit him, but I didn't. I was protecting myself. I felt like I had to.

“I'm not afraid of you,” I lied. “I'm afraid of losing you, not the man that you are. I accepted that part of you a long time ago.”

Xavier grabbed me and pulled my body closer to his.

“I’m glad you aren’t afraid of me. I only do what I have to for the family.”

Everything always went back to the family. Some family, I thought. Sure, Xavier claimed that they would have taken care of me, but I didn’t buy it. They never protected my mother. Anger bubbled up inside of me when I thought of how easily my family was brushed aside. What had happened to bring us here?

“Besides, you've owed your time. I'm sure you don't want to go back to jail. So you won't do the more serious jobs, you'll just take care of the books. That's safe, right?”

I felt Xavier’s muscles tense at my jab. I slightly turned my body to face him, and he stared at me with a hard look in his eyes. I was spewing my past poisons at him. What happened to my mother was his family’s fault, and somehow, being alone with him now, I felt like I needed to blame him for her death. But seeing the cold look on his face didn’t make me feel any better. It only made me feel worse.

“I'm sorry, Xavier, I didn't mean that.”

He put his hands up. “It's fine. I never expected you to get over her death that easily. Or the fact that my family was involved. We would have saved her if we could have. You remember she wasn't the only one we lost that day. Two other men, and we were lucky that you made it out alive. I’ve thought about that day so many times. About what I would've done had I been there.”

“What would you have done?”

He pulled me close to his body again. The bed sheet was still wrapped around me, and it was all that was between his naked body and mine. Despite my anger toward Xavier and his family, I still wanted him. I licked my lips in anticipation.

“I would've killed for you. I would've done anything to save you and your mother. I would never let anything happen to you, Farrah. Never,” he whispered to me, mumbling against my skin. My body ached in response. As much as I knew he was bad for me, hearing those words made my heart flutter. As much as I tried to deny it, I wanted more of him. I wanted his lips on my skin, on his fingers, in between my legs. Heat rushed through my body as I pushed myself closer to his strong frame, letting the bed sheet loosen around me.

“Make me want to stay. Force me.” The words escaped my lips without me even meaning to say them aloud. Fantasies I had in my head for all these years were finally playing out.

He grasped the back of my head and tugged on my hair as he pulled my face into his two hands.

“I've got three hours until I have to go back.”

“That's a lot of time.”

“It's just enough time.”

“Just enough?” I asked.

“To make you sore.”

I let the sheet fall, exposing my body. His hands in my hair tightened as he crashed his lips into mine. He wrapped his strong arms around me and pulled my hips on top of his. I felt his hard cock rest between us and I wanted nothing more than to feel him inside me. As I was about to move my hips, he quickly grabbed me and flipped me over onto my back and pushed himself inside me. I let out a moan in surprise and let my body melt into his. God, he felt so fucking good. I arched my back up as he grabbed onto the headboard for leverage and started to pound into me.

The bedframe banged loudly against the wall with each thrust, but I couldn’t get enough of it. Normally, I hated rough sex, but with Xavier, it felt right. There was so much sexual tension between us that I wanted him to make me hurt.

I moved my hands around his body and raked my nails down his back. Part of me wanted to do it to leave a hurtful mark on him for what he had done, but deep down, I knew I couldn’t fake my feelings for him anymore. I knew Xavier was toxic, but I was somehow addicted to him, and I knew I could never let go.

I wrapped my legs tighter around his waist, and he flipped us over so that I was now on top. I pumped my hips up and down as I leaned down to kiss him. I rolled my hips back and forth and felt the pressure inside me build as I started to let out slight moans. He ran his hands down my body and grabbed my ass hard, causing me to move my hips faster.

“Oh fuck, Xavier,” I moaned.

I flipped my hair up as I moved my back upright. I smacked my hands on his chest as I rocked my hips forward and back. He reached his right hand up to my breast and lightly squeezed it, making me throw my head back and close my eyes. I let out a load moan and he leaned up, capturing my hard nipple in his mouth. I slowed my hips and rolled them over his as his tongue flicked over my nipple, sending shivers down my body.

He pressed his hips hard to meet mine.

“I want you on your stomach,” he said.

I slowly pulled myself off of him, and I lay down on my stomach and pushed my ass up slightly in the air. He moved behind me and slowly pushed himself inside me. He leaned down on top of me, and as he started to pump his hips, he wrapped his right hand lightly around my throat. I was not normally a girl that liked to feel choked while having sex, but for some reason, Xavier’s hand putting pressure on my throat was one of the hottest things I had ever experienced.

“Oh God, yes Xavier!” I screamed.

I moved my hips in time with his and I felt my whole body start to shake. I let out loud moans and he pumped his hips harder. He lightly bit my shoulder and pulled out of me and pulled my hips so that I was lying on my side. He lay back down behind me and pulled open my legs so that he was holding my right leg up with his right arm. He then slowly pushed inside me and started to rock his hips. I leaned my head back toward him and his lips captured mine. Sparks ignited throughout my body. I couldn’t get enough of him. I wanted him deeper.

As he drove his hips into mine, he moved his right hand down so that he was able to rub my clit. His touch sent ripples throughout my body. Deep down, I knew Xavier Santini was the man that ripped my family apart. I knew I should throw up walls and keep my feelings out of this. But in that moment, with his strong body behind mine, and his hands touching me in all the right places, I couldn’t help but give in to the fairytale.

Sex with Xavier was like nothing I had ever experienced with anyone else. With others, I felt as though I was just going through the motions, getting off when they knew what they were doing. But with Xavier, it was like my entire body responded to him. All of my senses were heightened. He listened to every moan I made and reacted to it. He knew just how to push me to my breaking point and to keep me there, so that I was suspended between pleasure and pain, leaving me wanting nothing more than for him to continue what he was doing.

Xavier continued to force his hips harder. My moans grew louder and he moved his hand up and wrapped his arm around me, pulling my body even closer to him. I felt his lips on my neck as he thrust up into me and all my walls came crashing down. I felt him release with me, and when we were both finished, he continued to hold me and gently kiss my neck.

If Xavier Santini was bad, then I never wanted to be good again.

F
arrah was sleeping
in the bed as I got dressed. I looked in the mirror, tightening my tie and buttoning my jacket. I'd send her phone a text once I got into the car, remind her to be there when I got back. I opened up my safe in the back of my closet and grabbed a few hundreds. I left them on the bed. She would need to take a taxi to go get her things. I wanted her to move in with me. Somewhere I could keep an eye on her, to make sure she stayed safe.

I understood her apprehension. I wasn’t sure I would've chosen the gig for myself, but it was my life. But I also wanted a fair shot at something with her. I could make her comfortable, happy, and drunk off of our sex every night. She would never have to work a day in her life. And I would make sure that her fears about me going back to jail or the feds would never come true. I would be with her forever.

I walked out of the front door and saw Dante standing next to my car. The man was fucking huge. Bald as a cue ball and almost twice my size. He easily could have gone into the NFL, but he decided to stay with the family. It was a matter of respect. He knew he couldn’t leave or expose us. By being in the limelight, he could have shed some light on our family, and that was dangerous. He gave me a smug smile with his hands together over his belt, leaning against my car.

“If you've left a mark on that car…”

“You'll kill me. I've heard it before.”

He nodded at me. “Who's the girl?”

“Just some broad I picked up. A man's got needs, you know. That long in the slammer? I’ve got business to attend to.”

“Man, I’ve been there. Eighteen months was enough for me to miss pussy more than anything. I’d eat that shit for breakfast, lunch, and dinner if it was up to me.”

“It's been four years, Dante. You still haven't found somebody to stick around with?”

He shrugged. “Not a lot of girls can handle this.”

I slapped him on the shoulder. “I missed you, man.”

He gave me a look of disgust. “I'm not going to fucking hug you. Because your dad is all over my ass about getting you back to the office. So it wouldn't surprise me if he also had another person watching us. The last thing I need is for any of the eligible women that I haven't fucked to think I play for the other team.”

I let out a loud laugh. “You got it. Lead on, my friend.”

Dante got into a black SUV that was parked right in front of my car. I followed him out of the alley and down toward the west side of town. I breathed a sigh of relief as we pulled into the back of the strip club. Home. It may not look like much to some, but to me, it was all I’d ever known.

I got out of my car and walked in the back entrance. I snuck a peek at the strip club, seeing that they’d done some upgrades. It no longer looked like something out of an eighties porn set. “Bringing in the higher-end clientele yet?”

Dante shrugged. “You know that's not where your father's focuses have been. That was your dream, and when you left, it kinda died. But they did do the remodel you suggested.”

A small smile stretched on my lips. At least my father believed in me enough to do that.

We walked down the back staircase and into the office below. The earthy scent of cigars wafted over me and I was met with dark wood paneling on all four walls. Gaudy chandeliers hung from every corner. My mother's take on Italian taste at its best. I wondered if the painting of the naked cherub was still right behind my father's desk. I stifled a small laugh. But before I could check, I saw a little Italian woman come running at me with her arms spread.

“Oh Xavier!”

I smiled at her. “Mama. How are you?”

As I embraced her, I remembered that she only came up to my chest. She was such a tiny little woman, but that didn't mean that she wasn't as fierce as they come. I’d seen what my mom could do to people. She was hard-core.

“I'm fine, I'm fine. How are you, my son? Did they treat you terribly? Are you hungry? I'm sure you're hungry. I'll go upstairs and cook you something. I just made a new pot of gravy.”

“Mama, I'm fine.”

“You're skinny! They feed you nothing in that jail! I'll be back.”

She reached up to give me a kiss. She laid her right hand on my cheek before hustling up the stairs. Dante was trying to hide his laugh.

“How much lipstick is on me?”

He offered me a handkerchief. “More than the broad at your apartment left on you.”

I shook my head and wiped vigorously as I saw my father and two other men that I did not know stand from the table in the back corner. I knew better than to think that they would approach me. I'd always come to them; it was a way of demonstrating my respect. I unbuttoned my jacket and strode over to them. I extended my hand to the other two gentlemen, and then made my way to my father.

“My son returns. It's good to have you back, Xavier.”

He kissed me on either side of the cheek and then sat back down. “Your mother already going to get you something to eat? She could hardly contain herself.”

I laughed. “Of course she is. I expect there to be spaghetti and meatballs in front of me in less than ten minutes.”

The other two men at the table nodded and laughed. “I don't think we've been properly introduced.”

My father extended his arm. “These two thugs? This is Armani and this is Gino. Friends of the family.”

“Pleasure to meet you both, I'm sure.”

The first man, Armani, spoke. “We were actually just leaving. We'll let you two get back to the reunion. Prison’s nasty business. Hated the place myself, except the ice cream. Damn good ice cream.”

Dante made a face at me as he escorted the two men out.

“So Pops, tell me what's been going on. I've been gone for a while.”

“That you have, my son. But doing time for the family is an honor, isn't it? Protecting those we love?”

I nodded solemnly. “Of course. Anything for the family.”

“Good. I have a job for you. Armani was just telling me about how his business has been suffering. And when his business suffers, we all suffer.”

“What's the business?”

“He owns a set of butcher shops.”

“Pops, this man does not need help with meat. Get to the point.”

“Are you in such a hurry? Ready to get back to that piece of ass in your apartment?”

“Maybe I do. But that's not what this is about. You don't keep me in the dark about business, you never have. Don't try to protect me just because I went to jail. I've done my time, I'm not giving up on the family. So don't try to hide things from me.”

“Fine, fine. On the front end, he deals with meat, on the side, he deals with arms. Weapons, rifles mostly, a few grenades here and there.”

Arms dealing? That had never been our family’s thing. We were a money-laundering scheme, top to bottom. Every once in a while, we helped somebody out with muscle that was running drugs, but weapons? They were a lot more serious than we were willing to deal with. Not to mention that the payout wasn't always worth the pain.

“Weapons, Pops? Really? Have things gotten that desperate since I've been gone? I gave you advice about how to run this place better. About how to bring in high rollers. All those guys in the casino Dante works with. You can make a killing off of them.”

He slammed his fist on the table. “I made this choice for the family when you weren't here. And now I have to make good on my offer.”

I clenched my teeth together. “Fine, I get it. What do you need me to do?”

He sat back in his chair and crossed his arms, looking more relaxed. It was all about respect to him. Sure, I was his son, but I was more muscle to him than anything else. Muscle that he could control because of our blood ties.

“I need you to clean up the little shit that’s been bothering him. He’s been taking some of his clients, and he needs to be taught a lesson. I sent Dante to deal with him a few months ago, but apparently that wasn't enough. He's back at it and even tried to steal from Armani recently. I need you to handle him.”

“I've been out of jail one day and you need me to kill some piece of shit?”

He lifted his hands and shrugged. “Agreed, it hasn't even really been one day. You don't have to do it today. You could do it tomorrow. Or Friday. Then you would have but two days before you have to repent at mass. Would that make you feel better?”

I had just promised Farrah that I wouldn't get involved in anything that would get me thrown away again. I was such a fucking liar. I knew the moment I said that, I wouldn’t be able to fully keep that promise. At least I'd been honest with her about how dangerous I was, and how I would always do anything to keep her safe. I wondered if she really knew what she was getting involved in.

I was a monster. But I had a duty to do.

“Fine. I'll take care of it tomorrow. I've got other shit I have to do today.”

“You want a weapon?”

“No, I’ve got my knife. And my fists. That's all I need.”

“You can dump him off at the warehouse, son. Our clean up crew can take care of it from there.”

He put his hand on my shoulder. “It's good to have you back, my son. We missed you.”

Just then, my mother bustled toward us with a plate full of homemade spaghetti and meatballs. Exactly what I had expected. She sat down next to us at the table, and we didn't talk business anymore—it wasn’t allowed over family meals. It was as if our past conversation never happened. I just ate dinner and listened to my parents bicker like the old married couple they were.

It was moments like this that I felt like we were a normal family.

Sometimes, I even believed it.