Wasted (Dirty Boys of Chicago #1) (5 page)

I
turned
my body to the side and reached for him. “Xavier?” But as my hand felt the satiny sheets beneath my fingers, I didn't feel the warmness of his flesh. When he didn't reach out to touch me, I rolled over completely and found a handwritten note and a lot of cash. What the hell? I slammed my head back into the pillow and let out a frustrated groan. Jesus, he sure knew how to make a girl feel good. I wasn't some tramp he could just give money to. But then I read the note.

This is for a cab. Go back to your place and get anything you need. You’re moving in here. Don't whine and complain about it, either. This is what I want. What we both want. So get your stuff and I'll meet you back here tonight. If you don't want to go back, there's enough money for clothes and anything else you need. I can't wait to see you later.

Xavier

A love note? Maybe prison really had reformed him. The Xavier I knew was the type to have sex and split, not really caring about the girl in his sheets. This note reminded me of what he said earlier. How he would protect me and keep me safe. About how this time was different, how we would be together. He promised not to make any decisions within the family that would hurt us. Nothing that would get him sent away again. And because I was stupid, I believed him.

But shit. How the hell was I supposed to complete my job now? Moving in with him wasn’t part of the plan. That would be an easy way to get caught. But it would also give me access to him twenty-four-seven. Maybe it would be a good move.

I shook my head in disgust. Did I really even want to do this job anymore? Given how I felt about Xavier, how I always felt about him, I didn’t think that my heart would let me get the revenge I craved in the past. I knew I couldn’t pin all my anger on him anymore. Maybe I could stay and prove everyone wrong. Maybe Xavier was innocent in all this.

Maybe I had been wrong.

I wanted to be.

I put on the clothes that I'd worn at the diner the day before. Luckily, it wasn’t a real uniform, just a black skirt and white blouse. My boss, as obnoxious as he was, deserved a phone call. I couldn't just leave my job without saying anything. I fished my cell phone out of my back pocket and called the diner number.

“Jack? It's me, Farrah. Listen, I know I missed my shift today…”

“You don't have a job now because of it.”

“Listen, I know. I was actually calling to let you know that I won't be going back. I'm sorry I left you hanging like that.”

He didn't even respond, and when I looked down at my phone, I realized he had already hung up.

Good riddance was all I had to say. I hated working for that asshole. The only good thing besides the other waitresses was Mr. Herman, and now that he was gone, there was really nothing left for me there. I lied to Xavier when I told him that I was making something out of my life. The truth was, I was barely making it. I hardly had an apartment to go back to. Just some little studio spot that I found on Craigslist. But there were a few things there from my past. Things I needed, pieces of my life that I couldn’t just abandon.

And there was Leah. I had to phone her and explain what was going on. She had always been there for me.

I grabbed the rest of my things, which wasn’t much, and was about to dial a cab company when I realized I had no idea where I actually was. I opened up the maps app on my phone and was luckily able to figure out the address fairly easily. I called a cab company next, and they told me that it would only be about fifteen minutes before they showed up.

I sat down on the bed, and for the first time since we came in, I actually looked around my surroundings. Xavier had captivated all my thoughts from the moment I entered his car.

Xavier’s apartment was just one bedroom, but of course, it was lavishly decorated. Exposed brick walls gave it a harshness that fit Xavier’s personality, but the oversized bedspread that matched the white curtains were definitely a touch of his mother's. I wondered if she had redecorated while he was in prison. Everything seemed so clean and put together. I got up from the comfortable bed and headed into the large open area that was the living room and the kitchen.

The kitchen had all stainless steel appliances and white quartz countertops. The floor was white tile to match. I opened up the refrigerator and was not surprised to find it stocked full of food. That was certainly his mother’s doing. I laughed slightly at all of the Tupperware containers filled with what I was sure was amazing, home cooked Italian meals. I grabbed a water bottle and an orange and walked down the steps to the street. I gently pulled at the label on the water bottle while I waited for the cab. So this was my new life. I was the girlfriend of a mobster. How the hell did I get myself into this mess?

And then it came to me.

Xavier.

I had pined after him for so many years that I couldn't believe he was finally paying attention to me now. I knew deep down how pathetic it was for me be so happy that he finally noticed me, but I couldn’t seem to get the thoughts out of my head. He'd been gone for so long. I just hoped that this love affair wasn't going to crash and burn quickly. I didn’t want to be just some girl he felt he needed to conquer right when he got out of prison. I needed this to be long-term. Especially if I was abandoning my own duties for it.

My thoughts lingered on Ramsey for a moment. If he found out I wasn’t continuing on our original path, I wasn’t sure what he would do to me. In the past, things had gotten sticky when I refused to follow orders. But if I just stayed close to Xavier, I could keep playing my part. Maybe he wouldn’t figure it out.

The cab arrived and I gave him instructions to my old apartment. It was about a twenty-minute drive from where we were. I gave him some extra cash to keep the tab running.

“I won't be long. And then I want to go shopping.”

He nodded to me as he lit up a cigarette, hanging his hand out the window. “Fine by me. You’re the one with the money, lady.”

I was. That was a new feeling. I remembered having everything as a child, wanting for nothing. My mother and I lived in some big, beautiful home downtown, and we had a driver. But now? I had the keys and the cell phone that were in my hands. My wallet was in my back pocket, and a few mementos of my childhood were sitting in my small studio apartment.

As I used the key to unlock the three locks I had on my door, I realized that there would be certain things I would never have to be fearful of again. I would never spend the night alone, wondering if my electric would get turned off. Xavier and the family would make sure of that. In that sense, I was finally protected.

I grabbed an old duffel bag that I had in my closet and I collected a few things around my bedroom. I just needed the basics. Some deodorant and perfume that I had gotten as a Christmas present from a friend, a picture from my 21st birthday, and then finally, my locket. I held the silver chain in my hands as I admired the engraving. I had seen it so many times before, but every time it felt new to me. I put the chain around my neck, clasped it, and let the delicate heart sit just above my own. It had been my mother's. I had taken it off of her lifeless body before the paramedics removed her. It was the only thing I had left of her. And I thought for the longest time that it would be the only thing I would have that would remind me of that past life, but apparently I was wrong. Now I had Xavier too.

I fought back tears as I looked in the decrepit mirror that hung across from my bed. A kitchenette sat right next to it, but there was nothing there that I needed to take with me. I'd only put a curtain up around the toilet in the sink and shower; there weren’t even walls in this place. As I looked around and chewed my lower lip, I realized that while I was letting go of this small studio apartment, my new life was going to come with a price. Nothing in life was free, there was always a catch. My catch was Xavier, and while he had completely captivated my heart, there was still a side to him that was dangerous. By leaving this apartment, I was gaining a whole new life, but I was also abandoning the freedom that I had fought so hard for when I left.

Xavier owned me now.

M
y mother went
back upstairs to clean up the dishes. Our family moment was over. A part of me hated to see it end. My father drummed his fingers on the wooden table, assessing me, and I could tell he was getting impatient with our family bonding. He hated getting emotional with me. Sometimes, I felt he only treated me like a son to appease my mother.

“You know, we appreciate the time you spent serving the family.”

I nodded at him, still wiping my face off with a cloth napkin. “I know. There was a job to do, and I did it. It's as simple as that. Pops, no need to thank me.”

“You're right, I don't. But I should. I couldn't let them take her, you know that. She knew too much. She was a part of this family. I don't know why all of a sudden they took an interest in her.”

“I didn’t get it either. It all seemed so immediate, so messy.”

“It just didn't make any sense. After all that time? Why would he want her? Why would he want either of them? I mean, she didn't even know her father. And Maria? She left that drunken bastard years before.”

“I thought he left her.”

“Well, that's the way she told the story. Your mother and I knew her back then, and she left him. But it was because she needed to get out. She feared for her baby’s safety.”

My fists balled at my sides. I attempted not to rip the napkin right in half, but I settled down and placed my hands back down in my lap. I wouldn't let anyone hurt her.

“I bet Farrah wouldn't even remember him, not that she should. Poor child. Sometimes I think your mother worries about her. Wondering where she is. We never did find out what happened to her back then.”

I held my breath for a moment. I was lying to my father, and I didn’t like it. “It's a shame, really. She was like family.”

My father nodded knowingly. “To all of us. We would've done anything for the girl. But now? Good riddance!”

I squinted at him. A slight fear gripped my stomach. Did he figure out where Farrah was? “Why? What changed about the way you feel about Farrah?”

“No one told you?”

“Told me what?”

“She's with the Salvatore family now. They got her a job and everything, out-of-state somewhere. But you know them, they've got family in every major city on the East Coast. I'm sure she's lying on a beach somewhere.”

Salvatore family? How was that even possible? I knew exactly where she was, right here in Chicago, at my apartment. Pops obviously had his communication wrong. He didn't have the facts.

“You sure about that, Pops? I mean, turning her back on us like that, going to the Salvatores? Why would she do that?”

“Money. Besides, she probably knows about what you did. I don't know how she couldn't.”

Blood rushed out of my face and a large knot formed inside my stomach. She couldn’t know, could she?

“We were just kids back then, and she didn't even know her father. There's no way she could know that I was the one who killed him.”

My father stood up, beginning to walk away, but he put his hand on my shoulder right before he did. “I wish I could tell you that you’re right, son, but people in this business talk. There's no way that Farrah doesn't know what you did. And whether you like it or not, one day she will come to you, for revenge.”

Fuck.

The woman who was lying in my bed right now could be a set up.

R
ight before I
left my apartment, I stood with my duffel bag in my hand and I dialed another number that I had memorized. It only took one ring before I heard his voice on the other end.

“Farrah? What's the matter?”

“He came to me. Just like you said he would. Bought the diner lie. I told him I had been there for years, which was bullshit, of course. I called your friend, the owner, by the way, told him I quit. That I was going to live with Xavier. He was more pissed than I expected.”

“Shit, Farrah! He’s already moving you in? The man has some trust issues.”

The truth was, so did I.

“What do I do now?” I knew what the answer was, but I needed to hear it.

“Stay with him. We find out everything he knows about your father's death. And then when you get the information you need, call me again. I'll take care of it from there.”

“Ramsey,” I said with a tremble in my voice. “I don't think I can go through with this. I don't know what type of man my father was, but if Xavier really did kill him, than it was for good reason. He's a good man.”

I knew he was, he had to be.

I needed him to be good.

Because he was good for me.

“No, he's not! He’s a Santini, and you’re a Salvatore. There's no good men in that family. No one cared about your mother like we did. No one cared about you! Where the hell were they when Maria was killed? Pounding on your door and asking you to come live with them? I don't think so. We were there for you. We saved you. And don't you forget it.”

“I won't, ever. But I really think we have it wrong. If he did kill my father, there had to be some deeper reason.”

“Go be with him. And when you're wrong, you call me. It's just that simple.”

It seemed simple to Ramsey. But it wasn't to me. I was stuck between two lives. He wasn't there that night. He didn't hear my mother's screams. He didn’t see her blood stained face. He just saw her lifeless body in the casket. I remembered thinking it looked like she was sleeping. I remembered Ramsey, my uncle, crying over her, while I knew that after that night, I would never be the same.

He also wasn’t falling in love with a killer. I wanted to trust Xavier so much. I needed to.

“I'll be in touch,” I said. Ramsey scared the hell out of me. I had to continue to play my part for him. Even though I didn’t want to live a double life anymore. I just wanted to start over with Xavier. There had to be a way for me to find out what really happened. I needed to know the truth.

I could hear him smiling on the other end of the line. “Of course you will.”

I took one last look at my apartment and pulled the door shut behind me. I locked the door and took the keys down to the front office. No one was inside, so I put them in an envelope and tucked them in the mail slot. They could try to find me for the rent, but I doubt that they would. It wasn't that type of place. I clutched my duffel bag next to me and got into the cab.

“Where to next?”

I opened up my wallet and looked at the wad of hundreds I had in there from Xavier. “Shopping, anywhere. And I hope you don't have plans today, because I have a lot to do.”

He sped off in the direction of the nearest high-end shopping mall and I looked out the window, rolling the locket between my fingers. I wished my mother was here. Maybe she could tell me what to do.