Authors: Kyell Gold
He couldn’t believe that Father Joe hadn’t offered to help him fight. It was wrong, he knew it was wrong, and it was wrong of him to want it.
Wasn’t it?
The black fox’s image floated before his eyelids. He hadn’t pressured Kory at all, except with his eyes, and his sleek black form, and that tempting patch of white fur… and that long, fluffy tail that begged to be stroked and held. It didn’t feel wrong; it was the fact that he wanted it and knew it was forbidden… but why was it forbidden, exactly?
Samaki would, presumably, not mind. And Kory had finally admitted that he wanted to try. So what was he afraid of? God? Maybe, at first, but after talking to Father Joe, he wasn’t so sure. His friends? They didn’t have to know. Nick? Nick wouldn’t care. His mother? Yeah, his mother would freak. If she knew. But since turning about eleven, had he let that stop him from doing anything?
He opened his eyes and stared up at the blue and white tiled ceiling, fifteen feet above his head. Could it be that simple? He could just try it once. He could try it, and then the dreams and the images would go away. And if they didn’t… he would deal with it then.
The tiles of the ceiling seemed to come into sharp focus. Had he just decided to sleep with another guy? It had happened so smoothly and quickly that he hadn’t even been aware of the decision; he’d just turned around from the other side to find himself looking back across the line. What surprised him, too, was how the tension had drained from his body, as though he were one with the water. He dropped his arms to his sides, felt the eddies ruffle his fur as his arms slid downward. Sleep with Samaki. Well, not necessarily that; at least let himself go a little further than just touching paws. He rolled the idea around in his mind, getting used to it, finding that the shivers of wrongness were fading. It didn’t have to be anything sexual, even, come to that. Just hugging, maybe. He’d give the fox a hug.
Yeah, right.
He snorted at himself. At least, he felt, it was important to draw the line between experimenting and actually being gay. He just wanted to experiment. Nothing wrong with that.
Having made the decision, though, he found that it was unexpectedly difficult to work out how to carry it out. Because of his clumsy protestation of heterosexuality, he felt embarrassed enough; on top of that, how was he to initiate anything in the first place? He tried to recall how things had started with Jenny, and was annoyed to find gaps in his memory. They’d gone to the movies, something they’d done many nights before, but that night, they’d kissed, and groped. After that it was natural that the next time his mom was away, Jenny would come over and they would go further.
What had happened at that dinner? Or just after? He couldn’t remember. The time had just been right. Or maybe she’d made the first move. He tried to picture scenarios in his head, but each one seemed more awkward and bumbling than the last. When he realized that his thoughts were getting to the point where his swimsuit wasn’t hiding them very well, he got out of the water and walked slowly home.
There was a message from Samaki, of course. It had arrived right after Kory’d left to see Father Joe, and he hadn’t checked before heading to the pool. He smiled, reading it. The fox didn’t ask if things were still okay in so many words; he talked about what a fun night he’d had and how his mom would be happy to have Kory over the following Friday night if he still wanted to come. That last part made Kory write back right away.
Of course I still want to come, silly,
he said.
I’m pretty sure as long as I’m not grounded I can come.
The problem wasn’t that he wouldn’t be allowed to come over, the problem was that he wouldn’t be allowed to stay over. It’d be easier if they had time, if they didn’t have to separate by ten. Then he wouldn’t be rushed into doing more than he wanted to. He thought about that while doing homework, and then chatted with Samaki for a couple hours after dinner about the second
Foundation
book, the one in which the Mule shows up and messes up all of Seldon’s predictions. Only once did the previous night’s topic come up, when Kory assured Samaki that everything was cool, even though they wouldn’t be double-dating anytime soon. He said it jokingly, but Samaki responded seriously that if they both had dates, he wouldn’t mind going out with Kory and his date, and Kory said that of course that would be cool, he just meant they wouldn’t both be dating females (or males). Then he felt flushed, because Samaki seemed a little hurt, and also because that wasn’t precisely what Kory had meant, so he changed the subject.
Sunday he went to a movie with Sal, the Schwarzenotter one for real this time. It was nice to sit with his friend and watch the film and push his other concerns temporarily away. They walked out of the movie laughing about it. After the movie, while swimming at Sal’s house, only twice did Kory glance at his friend and think, wow, nice body. How many times had he thought that without realizing what it meant? The thought made him uncomfortable, so he pushed it away.
They talked about school, and about Debbie, but when Sal asked about Samaki, Kory steered the conversation away. That didn’t stop him thinking about the fox, though, especially when Samaki called him on his cell phone in the middle of the conversation. He took the call without thinking about it, then realized where he was and told the fox he’d call him back later. The next time the phone rang, he just turned the ringer off, a little annoyed that Samaki was calling again.
He arrived home to find his mother and a cold dinner in the kitchen. “Kory, are you aiming to get grounded again?”
“No!” He checked the time. “Sorry, I’m a little late, but…”
“I tried to call and you didn’t answer your phone.” She had her arms folded, which was always a bad sign. If she had her paws on her hips, you were okay.
“I didn’t hear it,” he protested, and then remembered the call he’d shut off. Uh-oh.
“What did I tell you about the phone?”
He sighed. “Always make sure I can hear the ring. Always pick up if you call. I’m sorry, Mom. I really didn’t hear it. We were in a loud place and I didn’t think…”
She put her paws on her hips. “All right, Kory. Cold dinner will be your punishment. Then get right to your room and finish up your homework.”
It was already done, but he didn’t tell her that. He’d just gotten an idea. “Hey, Mom,” he said as he walked into the kitchen, “Samaki’s mom invited me to dinner this Friday. May I go?”
She considered that while he sat down at the table. “I suppose so. I’ll call her and find out when I should drop you off.”
“Thanks, Mom.” He took a bite of the cold mackerel and peas. “This is really good.”
She sighed. “Oh, let me heat that up for you.” She whisked his plate away and tossed it in the microwave. “Don’t chew your claws,” she said as he put a paw to his muzzle to cover his grin.
After dinner, Kory went to his room and called Samaki. He told him that he’d be coming to dinner and that their mothers would be talking, and they went on chatting for over an hour. Eventually, the fox had to go get his homework done; working most of the weekend didn’t leave him much time. Kory stripped to his boxers, feeling glad and guilty that he didn’t have to go to work. He swam a couple laps before surfacing in his brother’s room.
“Hey, Nick.”
Nick looked up from his television. Kory didn’t want a TV in his room, but Nick had pestered their mother for nearly two years until she finally broke down and gave him one. He had on some extreme sports show where a snow leopard was racing down a hill on what looked like a toothpick. “Hey, Kory,” he said, turning the sound down and raising his eyebrows in mild surprise. “What’s up?”
Kory floated on his back in the water, looking up at Nick’s posters. He had sports figures on his walls, and Kory knew that in one drawer of his dresser was the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated: Otters from a year ago. He turned his head to look at Nick. “Remember those pictures Sal gave me that I wouldn’t let you see?”
“Yeah?” Cautiously more interested, Nick slid to the floor and lay on the towel that he’d spread out there, facing Kory. The towel was wrinkled and stained, and hadn’t been washed in a while. Kory was always surprised his mother allowed that, and that Nick could stand it.
“How’d you like to see ’em?”
“Yeah! I… what do you want me to do?”
“You got plans for this Friday night?”
“Uh-uh.”
Kory spun lazily in the water. “I’ll give you ten bucks to go see a movie and stay out past curfew.”
“You’re bribing me to be grounded?” Nick’s tail curled up.
“Kind of.”
“Make it twenty.” Nick grinned as Kory stared at him. “I gotta buy popcorn. And a drink.”
“Fifteen.”
“Aw, Kory, that’ll only buy a ticket and popcorn.”
Kory sighed. “All right, all right. Twenty.”
“Cool.” Nick lifted himself up onto his elbows. “Why? What’cha got goin’ on?”
“Oh, nothin’,” Kory said. “I just want Mom to be worried about you and not me.”
“Why? What are you gonna be doing?” Nick squinted. “Am I gonna get in more trouble after Mom finds out what you’re doing?”
“No,” Kory said. “I’m going over to a friend’s for dinner and I… I don’t want Mom to pick me up at eleven. I just wanna hang out longer. She won’t leave if you’re not home. You know how she worries.”
“Yeah. Well… okay. Who you going to have dinner with?”
Kory hesitated. “Samaki.”
“Oh, yeah. He seemed pretty cool. For a fox.” Nick shrugged. “Okay, deal.” He extended a paw, and Kory shook it. “You guys gonna play online or something?”
“Yeah.” Kory let go and slid back into the water.
Or something.
Kory coasted through the week, talking to Samaki in the evenings and Sal during the week. His poem had finally come down from the hallway display, the ripples it caused fading from the kids’ memories. Life was returning to normal, except that it was anything but.
Twenty dollars was more to Nick than it was to Kory, but it was still difficult to hand over the crisp bill he’d gotten out of the ATM. His plan had seemed perfect when it was all conceptual, but the execution filled him with doubts. He was no longer confident that everything would go as he predicted, nor that he would be able to do anything with the extra time he hoped to buy himself. The thoughts were as hard to get rid of as the twenty, but he managed both before Friday night swept him up.
Samaki greeted him at the door, thick black tail wagging. “C’mon in,” he said. “You already know the family, right?” Kory stepped in ahead of his mother and saw three russet muzzles upturned and looking at him in a row.
“Of course.” He turned to his mother. “You remember Mariatu, and that’s… Ajani and Kasim.” All three little red tails wagged. Mariatu moved from the shelter of Ajani to stand behind her bigger black-furred brother, closer to the two otters.
“Hello,” Kory’s mother waved, smiling. Kory noticed with some annoyance that her nose was wrinkled. The strong scent of fox didn’t bother him at all. He turned away to smile at the cubs as his mother addressed Samaki. “Is your mother in the kitchen?”
He nodded, and she said, “I’ll just have a couple words with her. Urn…”
“It’s actually downstairs, Mrs. Hedley” he said. “Through the dining room there and down the stairs.”
“Downstairs?” Her brow furrowed faintly, but she walked into the dining room. Kory heard her clump down the stairs a moment later.
“I’ll have to give you the tour,” Samaki said to Kory, smiling, just before a flood of noise broke over them.
“I wanna give him the tour!”
“Come see our room!”
Even Mariatu joined in, squeaking “Hi, Kory! Hi, Kory!” over and over.
“Hey,” Samaki said, grinning, “settle down, everyone. I’m giving the tour, but you can all come along.” He swept them into the living room and then beckoned Kory in. The cubs clambered all over the three well-worn sofas, Mariatu and Ajani bouncing on one while Kasim ran from one to the other.
“Look what I can do!” he said, and jumped from the arm of one almost all the way across the other one.
“Wow,” Kory said. “That’s great!” He couldn’t keep down his smile at the boundless energy of all three cubs.
“Pff,” Ajani said, tail twitching. “I can do that too, but I don’t wanna right now.” Kory suspected that he did want to, but was trying to mind his manners.
Samaki laughed. “Kasim’s going to be a long jumper, he says.”
“What do you want to be, Ajani?” Kory asked.
“An astronaut!” the cub said. “I’m gonna go into space and discover a new planet. Didja hear about the one they found around Gliese 876?”
“That was cool!” Kory said. “I used to be into astronomy too.”
“He’s got stars on the ceiling of his room,” Samaki said, and Kory turned to look at the fox.
“I didn’t know you’d noticed,” he murmured.
“Let’s go upstairs!” Kasim bounded from the couch to the floor, ran over to Kory, then to Samaki, and then out to the stairs. Ajani rolled his eyes and Samaki chuckled.
“Well, there’s not much more to see.” He waved towards the side table. “There’s the computer.”
It was an older desktop, not as nice as Kory’s. The chair wasn’t even comfortable; at least it didn’t look it. He pictured Samaki sitting there, then looked around at the room. He met the fox’s questioning glance. “Oh,” he said, “just nice to know where you are when I’m typing online to you.”
Ajani stood up and took Mariatu’s paw, helping her down off the couch. “We going upstairs?”
“Yeah,” Samaki said. As the cubs scampered out, he said to Kory, “I know what you mean. I can picture you in your room, now, too.”
The otter swung his tail back and forth. “What’s upstairs?”
“Just our rooms. C’mon.”
Up the creaky staircase, where Kory followed Samaki’s light step with a wincingly heavy (to him) tread, they came to a small hallway with three doors off it and a trap door in the ceiling. The worn hardwood floor felt smooth and cool under Kory’s bare feet. On the walls, framed finger paintings showed off the talents of all five kits, apparently. He saw the one with the green signature “Samaki” on it and studied it.