We Are Not Eaten by Yaks (23 page)

“Um . . . why's that?” Celia asked.

“Because of us!” a voice shouted, and the giant curtain behind them rose up into the ceiling. The twins spun around, startled.

There behind them, seated on a throne beneath a giant statue with many arms, was Sir Edmund, surrounded by a crowd of serious-looking men.

“They arrived while I was away,” the abbot said, standing up again. “They took control of the monastery and the oracle. I had no choice but to help them. I am sorry.”

“Welcome, Navels,” Sir Edmund hissed. He stood on his throne to look more intimidating. “So nice to see you again.”

“I've seen this sort of thing in a movie before,” Celia whispered. “It doesn't go well for the good guys.”

“Well, I guess this is our showdown,” Oliver answered as all the monks rushed out of the dining hall and more large, heavy warriors marched in.

“I guess it is,” said Celia, because she liked to get the last word in.

Oliver just hoped it wasn't her last word ever.

SOME OF THE MEN
around Sir Edmund wore the robes of Buddhist monks, others were in the black robes of priests, and some wore business suits. There was even a man in blue jeans and a T-shirt, with a baseball cap pulled low over his face. They all wore medallions around their necks with the image of a scroll locked in chains.

The abbot stepped back, mouthing another apology at the twins. He didn't wear a watch, but he tapped his wrist and ran right out of that great room like he was late for an appointment. Two very large Tibetan guards wearing swords on their backs blocked the doorway after he left, so that the twins could not escape.

“I am impressed,” Sir Edmund said. “I did not expect you to survive this long on your own, nor did I believe you would make it here. I had expected someone else to walk through those doors.”

“Lama Norbu's not even a lama,” Oliver said.

“No?” Sir Edmund laughed. “So you figured that one out, eh? The great Frank Pfeffer couldn't even hide himself from Oliver and Celia Navel? Pathetic.”

“We know you were in cahoots with him,” Celia said defiantly. She'd heard the word
cahoots
on
Animal Detectives
. She thought it sounded like the kind of word that explained what criminals did. “We know you threw us out of the airplane and sent that yeti after us and got the Poison Witches to take our father!”

Some of the other members of the Council shifted uncomfortably.

The man in the T-shirt and baseball cap shouted “Aha!” and started typing a text message into his cell phone. Sir Edmund glared at him and he stopped texting.

“Well,” Sir Edmund said. “You are much more clever than I had thought. I am guilty as charged. The plan with the witches was to poison
you
and force your father to lead us here. The witches' foolishness changed those plans, but you have done admirably in your father's place. Though I must tell you that I didn't have anything to do with throwing you out of the airplane.”

“You didn't throw us from the plane?” Oliver muttered, confused. “If you didn't get us thrown from the airplane, then who did?”

“I don't think you want to know,” Sir Edmund said, and the entire Council chuckled.

“Where's our father?” Celia demanded.

“He is safe for now. For one more day, at least.”

“Where is he?!”
she yelled.

“My, oh, my. No need to shout, child. You really want to know?” Sir Edmund waved to one of the guards, who pushed aside the curtain over the room's only window. In the distance, there was a jagged mountain peak, even higher than the mountain peak they were now on. “He is camping with the witches on top of the sacred mountain. Mortals fear to trespass on its slopes, so I promise you they will not be disturbed. In fact, I've placed plenty of guards around the mountain to make sure of it. And your old friend the yeti is up there too. She's looking for her child, the baby yeti I captured, I imagine. I think that has put her in a bad mood. So if you have any ideas about rescuing your father, I would quickly forget them.”

“What do you want from us?” Oliver said. “There are no Lost Tablets.”

“I know there are no Lost Tablets, boy,” Sir Edmund snapped. “I destroyed them myself!” He shook his head and looked a Celia. “Was your brother dropped on his head as a child? Too much music television maybe?”

“We don't have music television,” Oliver objected. “We don't even have cable.”

“Children,” Sir Edmund sighed. “You aren't making this very easy for me.”

“Let our father go,” Celia said, “and then we'll do whatever you want. We'll tell you what our mother's note means. We'll tell you everything we know.”

“You will?” Sir Edmund said.

“We will?” Oliver whispered at his sister.

Celia didn't even look at her brother. She was trying her best to stare down Sir Edmund and hoping he wouldn't notice that she was lying through her teeth.

“WE FIGURED OUT THE
clues in our mother's note,” Celia said, when the room fell totally silent. “We know all kinds of secrets. Now give us our father back or we won't tell you anything!”

No one said a word.

Oliver looked from his sister to Sir Edmund and back to his sister again. She set her jaw tight. She was grinding her teeth, which she only did when she was really nervous. The room stayed deathly silent.

“Yeah!” Oliver finally shouted, more to break the tension than anything else.

“Oh, children,” Sir Edmund said, and sighed loudly. “Didn't your parents ever teach you not to lie?”

“We're not lying,” Oliver said, trying to defend his sister. He was pretty sure she was lying, though. She wouldn't have figured out all kinds of secrets from their mother's note and not told him, would she have?

Sir Edmund just shook his head and blew air out through his teeth. He sounded like a balloon deflating, and even from several feet away the twins recoiled at the smell of his breath. Even the other Council members looked uncomfortable.

“Unfortunately for you, there is absolutely nothing I want from you,” Sir Edmund said at last. “There is nothing you can tell me or give me that I need. This is as close to Shangri-La as anyplace on earth, and there is no Lost Library here. There are no tablets. Right now, you are completely useless to me.”

All eyes in the room went back to Celia. Even Oliver was speechless.

“But . . . if you aren't looking for anything . . . ,” Celia stammered. “Then why . . .”

“Why go through all this?” Sir Edmund said. “Because we
are
looking for something. Or rather,
someone
: your mother. We imprisoned the Oracle of Dorjee Drakden, but he wouldn't tell us where your mother was. We couldn't understand your mother's clues in that note, but we very much wanted to find her after all these years. You see, while there are no Lost Tablets, I believe that she copied them before the Council was able to destroy them all. She has the only copy of the Catalog of the Lost Library.”

“You did all this for a library catalog?” Celia exclaimed.

“Oh, yes,” said Sir Edmund. “With that catalog, we would be very close to finding the Lost Library itself—all the knowledge in the world would be under our control. All that power! We couldn't have your mother finding it and putting it in a museum, now, could we? We must find it first. We must destroy her copy.”

Celia couldn't believe all this was happening. Everything had been a lie. This wasn't about discovering something at all. It was about destroying their mother's discoveries.

“I thought there was no better way to bring your mother out from wherever she was hiding than to put her family in danger. I was amazed she didn't appear when you were attacked by the yeti. I was amazed she didn't help with the Poison Witches or the waterfalls or Frank Pfeffer. I'm beginning to wonder if I made a mistake, if maybe your mother just doesn't care about you at all.”

The twins said nothing. They were starting to wonder too.

“That yeti seems to care more for her monstrous child than your mother does for you. I'm not surprised, I suppose. Such dull children you are. I can't blame her for throwing you out of the plane.”

“What was that?” Celia demanded.

“Oh, you hadn't figured that out yet?” Sir Edmund replied casually. “It seems like something from one of your soap operas, doesn't it?” He smiled, enjoying himself. “She's the one who had you thrown from the airplane.”

OLIVER AND CELIA
couldn't believe it. They stood in silence thinking about their mother and the key symbol and the plane and everything they'd been through.

Sir Edmund nodded at the guards. They grabbed Oliver and Celia from behind and lifted the kids off their feet.

“You're a liar!” Celia shouted. Who could imagine her own mother tossing her out of an airplane?

Sir Edmund didn't answer. He just kept smiling. The guards started to drag Oliver and Celia from the room. Celia had seen enough Spanish soap operas to know that if your family was insulted, you had to defend their honor, no matter what. And her family's honor had been insulted enough for one day. She reached back with her free arm and pulled one guard's giant curved sword from its sheath. The blade sparked as she pulled it free, and the startled guard released her. She spun to face him and waved the sword to make him back up. The other guards drew their own swords and circled around Celia.

“Sis, what're you doing?” Oliver called out, still held firmly by his guard.

“I'm setting us free,” Celia answered.

“Is this like the pushing thing again?”

“A little bit,” Celia answered, spinning slowly with her sword raised, trying to watch the crowd around her.

“I think it's going to work about as well,” Oliver said as the guards closed in on her. She swiped at one group, who leaped backwards as another group of guards lunged at her from behind. She ducked and kicked and blocked the way she'd seen Señorita Solano do on
Amores Enchiladas.
Sparks flew as their blades met, but the guards were wearing her out quickly. Hours and hours of watching romantic sword fights can teach a person technique, but it is hard to build strength sitting on the sofa. And no one sweats on soap operas. Celia's hands were slippery.

One of the guards rushed at her with his sword raised high, ready to swipe down and split her in two. She lifted her sword to block him, and, at that moment, another guard grabbed her from behind around the waist and lifted her into the air. Her sword slipped from her hand. The fight was over.