“They did it at Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique at Downtown Disney. It’s a little salon where they do your hair and nails and dress you up like your favorite princess.”
“Really? I should take my girls to do that. Y’all want to do that, girls?” My girls got out of the pool to look at her.
“Yes, Mommy, I want to be a real princess,” Jordan exclaimed. The woman gave us all the information and said we needed to make an appointment. The girls swam for a few more hours and then I took them to get dinner at Burger King and waited for Dwight to arrive.
Dwight crept into our room at two in the morning; I’d left a key for him at the front desk. I was so happy he had made it. The girls would have been disappointed if their father the king didn’t make this trip. He knew better than to touch me; he just took his clothes off and went to sleep.
The next morning Jordan and Destiny fought to be first in the shower. They couldn’t wait for their day of beauty at the princess hair salon. Dwight was still asleep and I decided to let him rest. By the time he wakes we’ll be back, and we can all take on the Magic Kingdom. Just as we were leaving out the door, Dwight sprang up.
“Where are y’all going?” he asked.
“To our princess appointments,” I said.
“Princess appointments. Need I ask?” Dwight said, shaking his head.
“Don’t look at me like that. They have this salon for little girls where they do their hair, nails, and light makeup.”
“We are on vacation. I wanted to spend some time with them.”
“It is not going to take all day and they really wanted to do this. Get some rest and we will be back.”
My daughters looked like princesses when they were finished. They had their hair up in buns with a splash of glitter and had tendrils hanging from the sides. Jordan had on a baby blue dress like Cinderella and Destiny had a yellow and blue dress like Sleeping Beauty. Dwight said they looked too grown, but I didn’t think so, and he was mad at me for spending almost four hundred dollars on them. I wasn’t the only mother who did it, and besides, they loved being real princesses. While we walked around Disney World people complimented them. We took a picture in front of Cinderella’s Castle and with Mickey Mouse. The girls rode the teacups and Dumbo over and over until they were sick. I took so many pictures of them I filled my memory card. Destiny and Jordan were having the time of their lives, but I was becoming irritated with the long lines and the hot sun. I also found myself arguing with Dwight over everything from what we should ride on to what they should eat. We had been there plenty of times, but this time I didn’t feel like a family. Dwight was just irking me, giving in to the girls’ every want. By the time I heard “It’s a Small World After All” I was ready to call it a night. I couldn’t take another character or song, but Dwight insisted that we stay for the fireworks.
We got back to the hotel and all I wanted to do was get in a hot shower. We all walked past the lit pool. There were parents and children still in and around the pool.
“Mommy, can we swim again?” Jordan asked.
“No, you don’t want to mess your hair up.”
“Mommy, I was already the princess today. I want to swim. Please,” she said, whining.
“I said no, Jordan.”
“Let them swim,” Dwight said.
I turned around and gave him a look like
shut the fuck up
. “What? You’re not going to be here when her hair needs to be done. You will be in Maryland.”
“They looked good all day. What’s the point? We are on vacation. Let them be kids.”
“Stop contradicting me in front of them. I said no.”
“Daddy, please!” Jordan said.
“Yes, y’all can go swimming. Let’s go get changed.”
I gave Dwight a look like
please don’t defy me
, but he did it anyway.
When they went back down to the pool I took a shower to try to release some steam. I was mad as hell that Dwight was letting the girls do whatever they wanted. He did it all day and I was so aggravated with him. I say no more candy, he buys them big lollipops. I say, “No, don’t get on that ride, you’ll get sick.” He says, “Destiny, go ahead, get on the teacups again,” and she threw up. I was tired of him. He was just trying to make up for all the time he spends away from them, but this was not the way. He could stay by the damn pool, and if they catch a cold in the night air, I’d put them on a plane and let him take care of them. I flopped on the bed. I hated Dwight right now. I’d do anything to get away from him. I couldn’t wait for this weekend to be over.
After Dwight bathed the girls, he told them good night and told them to get ready for tomorrow. Then he came into our room and took off his clothes and tried to get in bed with me. He rolled over close to me and I turned my back to him and moved as close to the edge as I possibly could. He turned on the television. He tapped me on my shoulder, trying to hug me.
Yeah I don’t think so
, I thought.
“I’m tired. Get off of me,” I said.
“Please, I miss you, Tracey.”
“I’m trying to sleep.”
“You too tired to give your husband that you haven’t seen in three weeks love?”
“Dwight, I said I’m sleepy, now leave me alone.”
“Tracey, I don’t feel appreciated. You don’t want me to touch you? Why do I keep trying? I mean, why?” he asked under his breath as he got up off the bed and hit the wall. Now he was taking things too far. Since when did me saying no make him this frustrated? I did want him to touch me, but I was so upset with him. I didn’t know how to turn mad off and turn happy back on.
“What’s wrong with you? Why are you getting so upset? Get back in bed, I’ll give you some,” I said.
“No, I don’t want any pity sex.” I went to try to hug him but he snatched away. He then began redressing, making a bunch of noise.
“Be quiet, you will wake the girls.” He paid me no attention and turned the light on.
“I don’t care anymore. I don’t know what you want from me, Tracey. I’m tired of trying.”
“You’re tired,” I said, sucking my teeth. He didn’t say anything, just started mumbling and every other word was a cuss word. He grabbed his keys and walked out of the hotel room. I slipped my dress over my head and put my flip-flops on and ran after him. I sprinted down the hallway. I caught him at the elevator. I was gasping for air and said, “Where are you going? Stop this. This is crazy—let’s talk.”
“I’m tired of talking. Listen, I had it up to here,” he said, pushing the
DOWN
button on the elevator panel until it illuminated.
“So what are you going to do about it? Run, that’s the damn problem. We haven’t had an opportunity to sit and talk. Dwight, I’m tired of dealing with you and your mess. You let those girls do whatever they want because you’re not around and then I have to deal with it.”
“Whatever, it is not about them. It is about us. You want to argue with me about everything, Tracey. I’m trying, you’re not.”
“Oh my God, I don’t know how much more I can take,” I yelled.
“Stop threatening me, Tracey. I am not a bad catch. Somebody else might want me and I wouldn’t have to beg them for sex. I hope you realize that before it is too late,” he said as the elevator door opened.
“And what the hell is that supposed to mean?” I said as I blocked the elevator door with my foot.
“I’m making Maryland my permanent home. You can move or you can stay—the choice is yours. I’m not begging you anymore.”
“That’s how you want it?”
“No, ask yourself: Is that how you want it?”
“Whatever! I don’t need you, Dwight.”
I heard one of the other hotel room doors open. I turned to see a couple and said hello as they walked past us. The elevator door opened and a man with a walkie-talkie approached us.
“Excuse me, we’ve been getting some complaints about noise. Can you try to keep it down?”
“Sir, no problem, we’ll keep it down,” Dwight said. I flagged my hand at him and said to get the fuck out of my face.
“Here you go with that evil ghetto-girl shit.” Dwight walked back into the room and grabbed his suitcase.
“Where are you going?”
“Why does it matter to you?”
“You’re right, it doesn’t,” I said as I slammed the door on him.
I sat down on the sofa. I was tired of him. I heard sniffling coming from the bathroom. Jordan said, “I’m sorry for making you argue. I’m sorry for getting in the pool.”
I hadn’t realized that she had heard our entire argument. I got in the bed and said, “No, baby, you didn’t make us argue.”
“Uh-huh, I heard you say it.”
“It wasn’t about you, Jordan. Sometimes mommies and daddies have fights, but it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. I love daddy very much and he loves me, okay?” I gave her a hug and calmed her down. I wished I believed what I just told my daughter.
When I awoke in Orlando I wished I was dreaming. I tried to call Dwight. I know his back was hurting from sleeping in the car. I dialed his phone but he didn’t answer right away.
“Dwight, where are you?”
“I took a flight back to Maryland.”
“What? You left us in Orlando?”
“What else was I supposed to do?”
I felt like I wanted to cry, but I held it in. I couldn’t deal with him right now. I wiped away my tears. This was our last day here. Tomorrow it was back to work and everyday life for me. I was going to make sure the girls enjoyed themselves. I hung up the phone and walked over to the bed and woke the girls.
“Good morning, princesses. We are going to have breakfast and go to the pool and do whatever you want before we pack up and go home.”
“Where’s Daddy?” Destiny asked.
“Daddy said he was so sorry, but he had to go back to work. But look what he left for you. He said you can buy whatever you want from Downtown Disney.” I pulled out a couple of twenties. They weren’t as excited as I thought they would be. They just wanted their dad.
Dwight didn’t know where we were. I guess he didn’t care to find out. I was so heated on the drive home, I felt like cracking Dwight on his head with a brick.
“Go upstairs and get ready for tomorrow,” I said as I dropped my bags at the door and looked through the mail. I walked into the office and turned the computer on. The phone started ringing and I ignored it. But then my cell phone started ringing after that and whoever was trying to get me wasn’t giving up. I knew it was Dwight but I didn’t care to answer the phone
“You left us at Disney World and now you want to talk to me.”
“Yes, I think we need to talk.”
“I don’t want to talk to you. Fuck you. Fuck Maryland, and I hope you make all the money you want. One day you will realize that family should come first. Who’s going to leave their family at Disney World?”
“Who is going to let their husband move by himself?”
“I should divorce your dumb ass.” I began crying.
“Every time I don’t do something that you want, you always say you’re going to divorce me. Well, guess what? I don’t care. Most women would die for a husband like me that busts his ass to provide for his family. But not your spoiled ass. You can’t leave that house for anything. You can’t do what I ask you to do just once, can you?”
“Dwight, are you listening? I want you to listen carefully. This is my last time saying it. I am not ever moving to Maryland. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever. And if you want to save our marriage, you will quit that job and find a new job here or else I will send you divorce papers. And I mean it.” He didn’t respond so I hung up on him.
Alicia
I
hadn’t known men like Dwight really existed. After I told him that I wanted nothing to do with a married man, he backed off, way off. Even when he looked at me in what seemed like an inappropriate manner, his eyes quickly shifted. It made me wonder if I still had it. Could it really be that easy not to notice the body I worked so hard to perfect? He obviously realized the ramifications of speaking negatively about his wife to another woman and he stopped. He hadn’t mentioned her or their drama in weeks. We went from deep relationship conversations to boy talk: work, sports, drinks. He even stopped hanging out with my friends and me. This was a man trying to save his marriage and be faithful at the same time. His wife was lucky and didn’t even know it. Some chicks are just dumb.
Instead of staying at work, keeping his company, talking about Monday Night Football, I decided to skip out and scoop up my mother for our weekly movie date. Just as I was wrapping up my work, Dwight popped his head in my cubicle. Without even turning around, I felt his energy, as the hair on my arms stood. Finally, I acknowledged his presence. “What’s up?”
“You tell me.”
“Desiree finished the Requirements Document and I’ve assigned all the modules to a developer. So it looks like we’re . . .” I was momentarily distracted by an e-mail that I was reading.
He chuckled. “It looks like I’ve lost my good friend.”
“Dwight, please . . .” I said irritably. Did he even realize that he was the one who had been standoffish?
“Actually, I wanted to know what you were doing this evening. Can we grab a bite to eat?”
“My mother and I are going to the movies, like we do
every
Wednesday.”
Nodding suspiciously, he said, “Maybe I’ll just have a TV dinner and watch
SportsCenter
alone.”
“Or you could go to the mall, grab a slice of pizza, and sightsee until you get sleepy.”
“Nah, I’ll pass. I thought having dinner with you was a better idea, but since that’s not possible, I’ll just go home . . .”
“And talk on the phone to your wife.”
He hung his head. “Try talking to a woman who’s fed up with everything. It ain’t fun, I can tell you that.”
Inside, I smiled. Things hadn’t changed. He was still in a long-distance hell with no water in sight. Just as I celebrated, I looked up into his lonely eyes and pitied him. He was strong, smart, and devoted to a wife who was obviously a complete asshole.
As my mind wandered, he shook his head. “A’ight, Ms. Dixon. You’re in another world. Have fun at the movies.”
He slouched out of my cubicle and I stared at the emptiness he left behind. Momentarily, I thought about canceling on my mother, but I knew she’d be too disappointed. So I did what good women do: put my mother over men.