Weirder Than Weird (17 page)

     Of course, that’s just my version of how it went down. If it makes you feel any better, you can imagine them lying on a beach in Maui, sipping Mai Tais and watching a beautiful Hawaiian sunset. It really doesn’t matter, because after all, the whole thing’s just silly.

     You know, I’ve also been thinking lately about the squirrels I see in the park. They scurry around with so much energy, just like tiny little dynamos. They don’t appear too chatty, but I’m sure, if given a chance, they’d have plenty to say. Wouldn‘t you agree?

Bon Apétit

   
     Out of the wilderness stepped two weary and frozen trappers. They trudged their way toward a group of log cabins that seemed to appear out of nowhere, like some snowy desert mirage. An old man and young boy stood just outside one of the cabins, eagerly watching as the strangers approached. The elder bent down and whispered something into the boy’s ear, then the boy took off like a shot around the corner of the cabin.

     The old man hobbled his way through the snow to greet the men. “Wel
come, strangers,” he said in a weak and feeble voice. His eyes were sunken black pits and his translucent skin seemed to be stretched far too tight over a protruding skeleton.

     “You boys fixin’ to stay awhile?”

      “Just till we can shake off this chill and maybe get a decent bite to eat,” replied one of the men.

     “Well, you fellers are in luck. A good steamin’ hot bath’ll melt the freeze
off yer bones fer sure. In the meantime, we’ll see what we can do about rummagin’ you up some vittles.”

      A few minutes later, the two found themselves happily soaking their
tired bodies in a huge outdoor copper tub heated below by a generously stoked fire. While they were simmering away, a stream of ghost-like bodies glided silently past them, all with hollowed out eyes and slavering mouths. A few stole furtive glances at the men as they made their way inside a great log cabin located near the copper tub.

     The men spotted the same young boy they had seen earlier and called him over.

     “Say, young feller, what’s goin’ on in that there cabin?”

     The boy smiled. “Well, sir, everyone’s all excited about the upcoming feast.”

     The men looked at each other with big grins.

     “I hope y’all are aimin’ to invite us!”

     “Yes sir!” exclaimed the boy. “Why, it wouldn’t be a party without you fellers. Least ways, not an authentic Donner party.”

     “Well, don’t that beat all!” said one, turning to his partner with a gleaming smile. “Looks as though we’re gonna be the honored guests at this here shindig. In that case, I
’d better get myself half ways presentable. Say, Luke, hand me over that there bar of soap you got. I plan on doin’ some serious scrubbin’.”

     The other man was holding something white to his face and inspecting it
closely. “Lordy, I don’t think this here bar of soap is a bar of soap at all, Jed. Looks to me more like some kind’a tater.”

     At that moment, the old man, wielding a sharp axe, quietly approached the tub from
behind, and following close by were two very hungry looking women carrying a large copper lid that fit that particular cooking pot perfectly.

THE END

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