Authors: Rose D. Cassidy
‘Was that him on the bike? It had to be, but why did he have to ride too?’ It just made her that much more pissed but more settled that she was making the right choice and leaving all of it behind. She couldn’t control her emotions around him; she couldn’t be just in the moment without screwed up emotions.
That following Monday sitting against her tree, sketch pad out and an apple in her hand, Ayden came strolling up, “Didn’t peg you for a quitter, than again you are
just
a girl.” He didn’t know what possessed him to say it and he was a bit shocked he even bothered. He walked away quick and she gave no retort, he was happy for at least that. It proved what he was thinking was right. She couldn’t keep up with
fake
; who could if that’s not truly who they are.
‘
Just a girl’
She couldn’t believe what she just heard. The process speed of her brain completely shut down; she had nothing to say.
‘Quitter,
ha!’ She didn’t think she was quitting she simple thought that she would be who she was truly meant to be; an artist. She threw the words he said out of her mind; they
were
only a lie.
He wasn’t happy for
at least that,
he was pissed she didn’t jump up and defend herself. ‘How could she just forget about everything she has done?’ How could she just lose her wit? He didn’t understand; she has been so confident and had so much drive, fire since the day he met her and here she was just ignoring it all. It was easy to judge her and forget about what he was doing; ignoring it all too.
He skipped his last class, he just had to get out of there, he didn’t want a chance at another run in with her again. He walked for a while, reached the park pulled his sketchbook out of his back pack and started flipping through it. He got the book when he first moved here and even his first drawing had something to do with her. He threw it back in his bag and walked back to get his bike; he could be good driving around or so he thought. A few miles down the road a picture of her on her bike flashed in his mind. He didn’t see what hit him; he just laid there on the ground with his eyes closed; unthinking.
After her last class she took off on her bike for a ride. A few miles down the road she got a pain in her chest and racing thoughts that made no sense. She felt worried she just didn’t know why, than the thought of her crashing sped through her mind. She turned the bike around and headed back to her place. She walked through the shop, past a bitching Jos not hearing a word she spit Treys way. She headed to her freezer, grabbed her best man Jack, a joint off the table and went to the hot tub. She refused to think, refused to feel, she just stared off in space without a thought or a care. A few hours went by, she was a grape on a hot, dry summer day; wrinkled but merely; shriveled up inside herself. She crawled into bed and slept for longer than she has ever slept.
‘Where the hell am I?’ He looked around the room and it hit him. ‘I crashed and I’m not dead. Huh?’ He laid there thinking about how it was her he was thinking about instead of riding. ‘Why can I not get her out of my head?
It literally is dangerous.
She don’t want me, she won’t have me, she won’t fix me and honestly she’s a bitch and I don’t want her, not anymore so why can I
not
get her out; throw her away like so many did to me before?’ He didn’t want to think of the possible answers to any of those questions he just asked himself so he hit the button for the nurse to come. She told him that he was fine, that he only had a few scrapes and bruises that he was lucky and could go. ‘Lucky, ha,’ he thought and grabbed his phone off the table next to him and sent Dane a text to pick him up and where. He met Dane out in front of the hospital an hour and a half later. “What the hell took you so long and where is your bike?”
“I was waiting for discharge papers and my bike is at that shop the next street over from the school.”
“You crashed?” Dane said surprised, Ayden never crashes.
“Yep!”
“What happened?”
“Don’t know and don’t care to know, just wanna go to my bed, so could ya go.” Dane just looked at him and shook his head then left. He knew there was something up with Ayden, but he also knew Ayden wouldn’t say a
damn thing about what was bothering him. He had a feeling it had something to do with Trey and he wanted to say something, but he kept his mouth shut; like the friend he’s been for as long as he can remember.
The next day he didn’t even bother with school at all he waited in bed as long as he could than went to get his bike when Dane got home. He looked at it in the front lawn and thought to fix it, but headed to the bar instead. He drank away his pain, turning it back to anger and took the offer of the first girl that approached him.
Days went on for the both of them without a single thought off the past. They were both a complete mess; him with the drinking and sleazes and her drunk or lost in her art work. Gwen sent her a text about a fight and her only response was for Gwen to take care of it. He got the text for the fight and he was not on the list so he didn’t bother to go. They both skipped it and let the time go by. Another week went by; anger rooted as deep as a thousand old willow tree; it wept a raging river. Willow trees are known for their unique weeping branches with their angry roots greater than the tree above calling to the waters to surround them, destroying everything in their path. That is what best explains Ayden and Trey; they were lost in the leaves that were taken away by the wind; scattered, angry and weeping the only way they knew how; sturdy as a willow tree.
The next Thursday night rolls around and Trey walks through the shop to get to her bedroom upstairs when a shout finally registers, “Are you over your selfish pity yet?” Jocelyn didn’t shout, but to Trey it sure felt like that. She jumped in front of her and gave her a disgusted look along with the disappointed attitude in her voice. Trey looked in her eyes that showed how lost Jos really was and wanted to care, wanted to help, but the words register and she only got pissed. “Over
my
selfish pity? Seriously Jocelyn?”
“Yea, Trey pity. I don’t know what happened between you and Ayden but
seriously
he is only a guy, get over it.”
“God, Jos! Do you really think it has anything to do with him? Because it doesn’t. I’m trying to focus on my art career.”
“Really? Than what happened to the fights, what happened to the phycology career, what even happened to the best friend that I thought I had?” Jocelyn was upset and Trey could see it, but she also knew that nothing could change it, she had no heart, no care to even have a friend.
“Unbelievable, does everything always have to be about you Jos and you call me selfish.” Trey moved around her and shot up the stairs. ‘The nerve of her,’ she thought. She had to, how else would she be able to get through another of her downfalls again. She’d push them all away just to stay the way she’s been. She likes being lost in art. She hit the bed with a sigh then heard Jos and Gwen stamping up the stairs. She didn’t bother to say a thing, after a few moments of silence Gwen spoke, “We’re worried about you Trey. We don’t really know anything about your past, but what we do know is who you have been for just over a year; our best friend, our
leader
. You’re a helper, giver of advice, strong advice. You have a gift for making people believe and want what you say. You’ve given so many chic's including us belief in ourselves. You’ve created something wonderful and great with the fights and it just seems like your throwing all of it away. You have an amazing drive toward what you believe and we just haven’t seen it lately. It doesn’t matter why, that is if you don’t want to talk about it and we have given you the space you’ve asked for, but we can see that you need your friends so here we are, whatever you need.”
“Right now I need you to get out and leave me alone.”
“Whatever. We need to set a fight for this week and you’re up on the list.” Jocelyn spit out with fury, this wasn’t her Trey and she did not like it.
“Set it for later, text me the details.” They both turned and walked out. A half hour later she got the text which pissed her off more. Ayden was in the lineup too. She didn’t want to see him fight; she didn’t want to see him at all. The more she thought about the fight the more pissed she became. She had to go or it would fail for everybody that’s put the effort in, she had to fight or people would talk, she had to speak because that’s what people expected. She didn’t care about any of it at all, but she knew she would have to suck it up and do it all because she wouldn’t let Jos, Gwen and Pay take the fall if it did get busted. If she lost the fight tonight she would be able to get out of it. She could then hand it over to them and let them decide what to do with it. It would be their decision if they wanted to keep it going.
He got the text while taking his first shot at the bar and he cringed. Trey would be fighting tonight so she will be there and she would see the way he was going to win. If she bothered to pay attention that is. On his walk over there the thought of her opening words crossed his mind. He didn’t want to hear her knowing it was his favorite thing about her, but he would have to, he was the first fight of the night. Her voice carried to him differently than before. “Alright, alright let’s get this show on the road. You know the deal, you know the line up, get your bets in and enjoy the night of fights.” There was no drive, no excitement, no meaning in her words. No happy announcer trying to get people pumped up to bet to have fun ‘She lost her care.’ He knew that without the care of their queen they soon would stop believing. He wanted to do something he just didn’t know what or how or even if he cared.
She didn’t bother to look up at his fight and the quickness of his win made her believe he just wanted it over with, just like she did. When it was her turn she dreaded as she walked to the circle, a voice catching her ear, “You gonna quit here too and prove to me how much of a girl you really are.” She was pissed, but she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of looking up at him instead she walked on and stepped into the ring. She took a quick glimpse at the guy without bothering to look in the depths of his eyes. She’s seen the guy fight so she took a step toward him and he striked, she dodged with a spin kick to the side of his head then catching him with an upper cut to the chin as he stumbled back, knocking him out cold. She jumped up on her table and spoke, “Th-th-tha-tha-that’s all folks, no anvils, no smoke, off the cliff Wile E. Coyote goes.” She throws her hand toward the guy on the ground she just knocked out, front flips off the table and speeds through the crowd as ‘Road Runner’ would. She’s gone before Ayden could catch a glimpse of her.
He knew with that that she would not be letting this guy come to her place with her and he felt an instant of relief that he didn’t know existed still. He knew that what he said affected her and made her do what she just did and he also knew that whatever it was that he did to make her mad; to make him mad, was the cause of all that’s going on with her. ‘But why? She don’t want me.’ He couldn’t get that thought out of his head until he fell to his bed and passed out.
She couldn’t
bear to think of anything so she ran home and sang to herself the whole way. As she laid in bed the same song was on repeat until she fell asleep. She woke up unable to breath. She won the fight; she didn’t want to win the fight. He pushed her again; broke down her control again and she let him without a seconds thought. ‘God, I’m weak.’ She threw herself in the shower and out she went to walk away the day, earphones in and IPod on shuffle, she sang along without any other thought as to what was going on.
He woke with the thought, ‘she just wants the fight, the challenge.’ He was chasing her not the other way around. ‘No, no I’m done with thoughts of her.’ He put his ear phones in and turned up the music and sang along as he fixed his bike in the front yard.
Yup, she walked past him hesitating her next step as he caught a glimpse of her. She turned her head and walked past, he went back to working on his bike. ‘Greased up, he looks good,’ she thought. ‘Fuck, I want to go to her,’ he thought. They both turned at the same time pulling the earphones out of their ears. “You’re a dick.” “You’re a bitch.” They both said at the same time. “What the fuck.” Again at the same time. Both spinning back around stuffing their ears with a noise to drown out their thoughts. Ten minutes or so goes by and he throws his wrench; she picks up and runs at a sprint. He stamps to the fridge and grabs a beer; she heads for the park and pulls out her sketchbook. Lost again; another chance missed.
They both look in the mirror that night at themselves in wonder; her at her tat he gave her, him at the tat that represents her. A thought crosses her mind; Macha was said to be killed by Balor of The Evil Eye. Ayden and his eyes were her true downfall, he killed her control, took her from being queen. A thought crosses his mind;
it was her way of saying she
would
defeat me, I’m the darkness, she’s the arrow. She defeated me. They both become
mad
with the anger that follows. Shattered pieces of mirror go flying around him and a few miles down the road the same happens. They both fall to their beds in defeat and stare up at the ceiling waiting for the darkness to take them.
***
Chapter T
en
What’s
The Real Problem?