Wesley [Resistant Omegas 7] (Siren Publishing Ménage Amour ManLove) (9 page)

I had ordered a bunch of toys for them and a child’s playpen in case I had to leave them alone so they wouldn’t run off. They followed me everywhere, no matter which form I was in. And they were so smart, mimicking whatever I did. I knew they were natural wolves, but in a way, they were my kids. My wolf had bonded with them and he was incredibly protective of them.

I also kept up with cleaning the lake. Granted, I wasn’t going around to a bunch of different spots on the lake like the original plan so the process was slower. Instead I kept throwing out the biggest power net I could and dragging things to our shore as I could. Then I’d help grow the water plants and remineralize the soil as it needed.

It was complicated and I wasn’t really even sure how I was doing it, but Mike told me that they were seeing more fish on their trips out on the boats. So that was something.

The second week I was tired all the time, napping with the pups as they did. Part of it was the fact that they didn’t sleep through the night, needing formula and basically doing what babies did. So when they slept, I did.

But it was more than that. The sex with my inner circle left me feeling empty and it got worse each time we did it. I started avoiding them or coming up with excuses as to why I couldn’t. They seemed confused but didn’t say much.

I also spent a lot of time crying in my wolf form. This wasn’t the life I had imagined when I’d signed that contract. I had wanted more, real love, and a real mating. Instead the only love I got was from the pups.

The beginning of my third week at Medical Lake, I had given the pups their first lesson in hunting. After they were fed, they fell right to sleep, and I headed inside. They wanted to stay with me now and I didn’t have to worry about someone watching them constantly. Granted, I never left for all that long, but I didn’t have to be with them always at least now.

“There you are,” Bay purred as I headed towards my room. They were all in the kitchen for lunch and my Alpha pounced on me.

“I need a shower,” I sighed as he touched me intimately. “I want to brush my teeth and get cleaned up.”

“You haven’t let one of us touch you in days, Wes,” he said gently, but didn’t let me go. “Things aren’t getting better, they’re getting worse. You don’t want to have sex with us anymore even, do you?”

“No,” I admitted, my stomach tying itself up in knots at finally admitting that out loud. “You can send me back. The High Council will make an exception I’m sure if you tell them I refuse to do my duty to you.”

“No!” Harkin and Levey exclaimed together as they jumped to their feet.

“This isn’t about the sex, baby,” Bay said gently and I broke down in front of them finally.

“I’m not your baby!” I sobbed and fought to get away. “I’m not your mate. I hurt all the time. I don’t even want sex now. I can’t keep doing this or I’m going to die of sadness!”

“Forgive us,” Bay pleaded as he lifted me into his arms. “Forgive us, Wes. We love you. We
want
you to be our mate. We want to claim you and wake up with you in our arms every morning.”

“What?” I gasped, his words penetrating through my hysterical fit.

“We love you,” Harkin answered with a soft smile as he reached out and touched my cheek. “We have for a while now but were too afraid we’d make things worse by telling you. You’re wonderful, Wes. You’re so sweet and kind. Do you know how many people would never think to raise wolf cubs like you are? It’s such hard work and it’s been all you do for weeks now.”

“They needed me.” I shook my head. They didn’t know me well enough to love me.

“Yes, but just because they needed someone doesn’t mean most would have said yes to that,” he defended.

“And you’re giving,” Bay added as he rubbed my back. “We know you’re tired, sad, and drained, but yet, every day you go to the lake and help clean it up some more. We think it’s all been too taxing for you. It takes energy to stay in your wolf form as long as you do, plus us screwing up and hurting you, and it’s not helping your depression.”

“Having jerks hurt me made me fall into depression,” I countered as I finally got him to let me go. “You guys can’t love me. You barely know me. You didn’t even trust me not to be a lying prick. So send me back if you want but don’t you dare lie to me.”

“We’re not liars!” Bay shouted as I raced to my room. I skidded to a halt when I felt a familiar presence. I didn’t even hesitate. I dove onto the bed and curled up on his lap, letting him hold me.

“I should beat you for lying to me like you did,” Tristan whispered as he hugged me tightly. “Imagine my surprise when your inner circled called and asked to release you from your contract because they thought they were killing you slowly.”

“They hurt me,” I sobbed, not sure what else to say.

“Yes, they were idiots. Men normally are. Mine can be too.”

“You’re not going to tell me to let it go?”

“Not yet,” he sighed. “Right now you need to get all this pain and anger out. I’m here to help with that. Once you’re calm and feel better for having let it out, then we’ll talk about how to fix things. Nothing pisses me off more than when I’m almost hysterically upset and Jared’s being all rational with telling me what to do. Sometimes you just need a moment to grieve that things suck.”

“Okay,” I agreed, still crying. It took about twenty minutes for me to get it all out, rambling on to him what had happened and the way I was feeling. I dropped the shields we had as Omegas so he could feel it as I remembered it all. Tristan frowned and whispered comforting thoughts to me when I started getting worked up even more.

Once I was done, I sagged in his lap, completely spent.

“I get that they hurt you and that instead of being happy that you’re upset that things mentally and with your power getting better have made you depressed because of how it went down. But you’re also missing a big part of who you’ve become since you woke up in the hospital after your rescue, short stuff.”

“Like?” I tilted my head up so I could see in his eyes… And he kissed me. It wasn’t a quick kiss like when I had done it to recognize people. It was
kiss
with tongue and all.

“See?” he whispered, when we broke apart. I didn’t know what he meant at first but then I realized I was smiling shyly and touching my lips. “You need kisses like air, my friend. What else did you feel besides connected to me?”

“Sad it wasn’t them,” I answered as my cheeks heated up. Then my eyes went wide. “Oh shit! We just cheated, Tristan!”

“No we didn’t,” he chuckled as he stood and sat me on the bed. “A kiss isn’t cheating and I had no intention of letting it go past a kiss. I know you didn’t either. You didn’t even get excited like that, Wes. You were happy to not feel so alone. I felt I needed to prove a point to my dear friend. That’s not cheating.”

“Okay, good. I love your men like brothers. I couldn’t ever hurt them,” I agreed after a moment of thought. “So what did you prove exactly?”

“That cutting them off from kissing you didn’t help anything. All you did was cut yourself off from something you need and what they need to show you that this is real from them. What did you feel from me when we kissed?”

“That you missed me and were worried about me.” He raised an eyebrow at me as if to say
ta-da
! “I get it. I just don’t know how to let them in again. I’ve been so hurt over and over again in the past. I won’t survive any more with them.”

“You’re not surviving now. If you can’t let them back in yet, then don’t. Let them grovel though. It’s part of the make-up process.” He wiggled his eyebrows at me then and gave me an evil smile. “It’s the only good part of a fight. Let them show you how sorry they are. You deserve their apologies and effort to make things better.”

“I guess,” I hedged, still scared.

“Hey, I wouldn’t have let you go off with them if I didn’t know they were good guys.
You
wouldn’t have gone off with them. You know who they are, Wes. They screwed up. Let them fix it.” I nodded, still sad though but trying to take what he said to heart. “So which one am I sending in here to grovel first while you get cleaned up? I want to go meet your rescue pups.”

“Bay,” I sighed, knowing it had to be him. “He’s Alpha and the other two follow his lead. He’s going to be the tough one to move forward with because he’s been the most vocal in his anger.”

“Okay. I’ll send him in then.” He leaned over and gave me a peck on the cheek. “You ever hide something like this from me again and we’re going to tussle in wolf form and I’ll bite your ass.”

“Who says you’ll win?” I giggled. He rolled his eyes, knowing full well he would. He said
wolf
form after all. I couldn’t use most my powers in that form and he was almost twice the size of my wolf. Yeah, he’d win. “I bite too.”

Tristan threw back his head and burst out laughing as he walked out of my room. It was the first time I really smiled in weeks besides when I was with the pups. He was right, I needed interaction with people. And I was about to get it.

Now if I only knew if I could handle that.

Tristan had left the door open so I had heard everything he said when he found my men in the living room down the hall.

“Are we all good now?” Harkin asked and I groaned in disbelief.

“No, you’re not
all good
now, you twit,” Tristan answered, his tone exasperated. “Wes took a huge chance coming here with you, trusting you, and in the first day you blew it. He’s scared, doubting himself, doubting you, and all around not knowing what to do. But I’ve talked him into being receptive to your groveling at least.”

“We’ve been groveling for weeks now,” Harkin growled.

“No you haven’t. You’ve probably been saying you’re sorry and fucking. That’s not groveling.”

“Maybe but I’m also not sure the punishment is fitting the crime on this,” Harkin hedged. He had a point but I couldn’t help the way I felt either.

“We don’t get to decide what hoops we have to jump through to make this better. We screwed up. If we hadn’t, then we wouldn’t have to fix anything. Wes is the one we hurt. He gets to decide when we’ve done enough,” Bay said quietly. I liked him a little more right then for having realized that. He put what I was feeling into words when I couldn’t have.

“Yeah, I didn’t think about it that way. Good point.” I heard Harkin sigh and it gave me hope for all of them that they were taking this seriously.

“I’m the one who started all of this. I’ll go grovel first,” Levey said.

“No, actually Wes wants to try with Bay first since he’s the most upset with him.” I could hear the hesitation in Tristan’s tone. He knew the reaction he’d get from that statement.

“Yeah, I’ve been a complete bastard over this whole thing. I didn’t mean to. This wasn’t how I pictured things when I signed the contract. Everything just went to hell in a handbasket and it’s been killing me that he’s hurting. Instead of making things better, I’ve been bitching and yelling at him,” Bay agreed. Wow, I hadn’t been prepared for that one. I thought he would have fought Tristan the way he did me all the time.

“Why?” Tristan asked quietly, probably already having read the answer in Bay’s mind.

“Because I love him and he can barely even look at me,” Bay whispered and I could hear the tears in his voice. “I think it was love at first sight with Wes. When we met him at your house and he was scared by all the strangers, all I wanted was to comfort him and make him smile. And when we kissed I knew he would be what our family needed. What our pack needed.”

“What you needed,” Levey said quietly. “You’ve been much more open with us since you’ve met him, Bay. I think you needed the blond, pint-size firecracker to break down those walls you put up.”

“Maybe,” he agreed. “And maybe hurting him will be the end of me if he won’t forgive me.”

“Let’s not go off the deep end here, Bay. Wes is a good guy. He was protecting himself after all the hurt and broken promises that have been made to him. He’s just protecting himself from more hurt. He’s not mean or trying to make you hurt too.” Tristan sounded worried as if wondering if I’d broken the Alpha.

I wasn’t sure that was true. I kinda did want to make them feel as bad as I did. Well, for the first couple of days. Now it wasn’t about that anymore. I didn’t know
how
to let them in or even try. We were stuck and if Tristan hadn’t flown out here then I’m not sure we would ever have made our way back out.

“Thanks for coming out here, Tristan. He needed you desperately. I didn’t realize he hadn’t been telling you what was going on and he’d been trying to deal with this all on his own with no one to talk to.” Bay had a point on that as well. Maybe that’s why everything seemed quite so life and death and extreme depression? Dealing with huge problems alone normally did make them seem that much worse.

“I threatened to bite him if he ever kept anything like this from me again. That’s all I can do besides listen to him. You have to make things right,” Tristan said gently. I could almost see Bay’s head bobbing, the way he did when he was trying to acknowledge something he was having trouble processing. It was quite endearing actually.

“Hey,” Bay said quietly as he stepped into my room a few minutes later.