What a Woman Needs (26 page)

“He looked awfully cozy with your kids any time I’ve seen him,” said Jess.

“And he did show up at the soccer game when he didn’t have to.” More pointing with Kara’s wine glass. It was a good thing Beth had only given her a little; it’d be sloshed over the side if there’d been more. “And then there’s the trip to the amusement park. That was his day off yet he spent it with you guys. All six of you.”

The arguments weren’t anything Beth hadn’t already thought of. But she’d been the one to hear him say that what she had, he didn’t want. She knew the reality; why couldn’t her friends get on board with the program? “He went because they
asked
him to. He’s a nice guy; he wasn’t going to say no if he didn’t have to.”

“Seriously? A big movie star like him has nothing better to do than spend a day at an amusement park because a kid
asked him to go
? He’d be at amusement parks every day if he did that. Your kids aren’t the only ones who’d like to spend the day with a movie star.”

“They didn’t ask him
because
he’s a movie star. They asked him because they like him.”

“Exactly our point.”

Kara sat back with a smug look on her face and raised her glass. “Your kids like him. He likes them.
You
like him and he likes
you
. What is wrong with this picture?”

Darn. She wished she hadn’t finished her wine because she needed a few minutes to come up with an argument. It’d sounded good to her when she’d made it to herself. “Okay, so they all like each other. But that doesn’t mean we’re going to have a relationship. He’s got a career that isn’t conducive to raising kids, and I have kids who aren’t conducive to jet-setting all over the globe. It’d never work.”

“You won’t know until you try.” Kara had a Cheshire-cat grin going as she took a sip of her wine.

“You need two people to try to make a relationship work, Kar. He left the minute I suggested it. He even”—damn; she wished she still had some wine to make this next part palatable—“told me that what I had wasn’t what he wanted.”

“He did not say that.”

“Yes he did.”

“He didn’t mean it the way you think he did.” Jess leaned forward, twirling the stem of her glass between her hands.

“It doesn’t matter
which
way he meant it; he left. He’s on set. Doing his job. Living the life he wants. I can’t begrudge him that. And I’m certainly not going to give him an ultimatum or anything.”

Kara set her glass down with a
clink
on the slate. “Seems like you already did.”

“What?”

“You told him it wouldn’t work for you, so he left. Was there talk of a compromise? Did you ask if you could come out to the set? Lots of actors have families who show up on set. Don’t they give them big trailers? I bet his could sleep all seven of you. Especially if the two of you are sharing a bed.”

What Beth wouldn’t give to share a bed with Bryan—except for her children’s stability and sense of security. Those were non-negotiable. Her kids were everything to her. She’d have her time once they were all grown and on their own. Well-adjusted and thriving. Then it’d be her time.

Who knew? Maybe Bryan would still be free then.

Him? Seriously? Didn’t you just spend two weeks with the guy? Someone’s going to snatch him up the minute he even thinks about settling down. You lost your chance, babe.

“I think you should go to where he’s filming.” Kara refilled Beth’s glass, and this time it wasn’t merely a quarter of the glass.

“Are you trying to get me drunk?”

Kara handed her the glass. “Yes. Maybe that’ll put some sense into you because sobriety isn’t doing you any good.”

Beth didn’t touch it. “I’m not going to go to his movie set.”

“Why not?”

“Because he didn’t invite me. And there are the kids.”

“So take them.” She slid the glass closer to Beth.

“Oh, right. Like I’m going to descend upon his movie with five kids in tow.”

Kara shrugged. “Why not? If you end up together, the kids will be on location with you anyway. Might as well start now.”

“Bryan and I are not going to end up together.”

“Well you won’t if you don’t
get
together. That has to happen first.”

“I say you take the refund Mary-Alice offered,” said Jess, “and buy airline tickets for you and the kids to go to San Francisco. Isn’t that where they’re filming? Make it a nice family vacation and see Bryan while you’re out there. When’s the last time you had a vacation?”

About three months before Mike’s death. She hadn’t been on a plane since and highly doubted she ever would again.

“The kids are going with Mike’s parents this weekend.” His mother had called this morning to remind her. Thank God Donna had, because with everything going on with Bryan in their lives, Beth had forgotten.

“So let me get this straight.” Kara tapped her fingernail on the slate tabletop. “Your five children are going away for the weekend with their grandparents, and you sent, arguably, the world’s hottest man away? You do get that you’re going to be alone this weekend, right, Beth? I mean, the man can’t have short-circuited your brain enough for you to not realize that. You could have him all to yourself for two whole days! What are you doing sitting here? You ought to be out buying sexy lingerie.”

“Hey, I’m up for a shopping spree.” Jess tossed back the rest of her wine. “I’ll call us a cab.”

“You will not.” Beth slid her glass to the center of the table. None for her, thankyouverymuch. She didn’t need anything clouding her judgment or she’d end up going along with this ridiculous idea. “I am not going to spend the weekend with Bryan. It can go nowhere, so what’s the point?”

“Oh my God.” Kara drank some of Beth’s wine. “Seriously? A hot weekend of amazing sex when you’ve been celibate for two years? You don’t see the benefit of that? It’s not like you’d have to marry the guy. Just have a good time.”

“Unless . . .” Jessica’s eyes narrowed. “You
want
to marry the guy.”

“Okay, you’ve had way too much to drink.” Beth dumped the rest of the bottle over the deck railing into the flowerbed. “I’ve known him for two and a half weeks. I am
not
marrying Bryan Manley.”

“Pity.” Kara pulled another bottle out from the cooler. “He’s just what you need, Beth. A great guy who likes your kids and liked you pretty well, too. And he certainly can keep you in the style to which you’ve become accustomed. I don’t see a down side to it.”

“Well, aside from the fact that we’d need his agreement, there’s the public fishbowl aspect of his life. Don’t you remember what it was like when Mike died? All the hounding by the press? The kids were terrified to leave the house. I couldn’t do that to them again, even if Bryan was even
remotely
interested in a relationship. Which he’s not.”

“And you know this how?”

Oh hell. This was going down a path she didn’t want to go with these women. They might be her two best friends, but some things were just too personal to be shared.

“You talked about this with him already, didn’t you? You guys talked about having a relationship.” Jess raised her glass for Kara to fill it with a smug grin on her face. “I knew it.”

“He just said that he wants the glamour of his movie star lifestyle. Suburbia doesn’t offer the same glitz and glamour, I’m afraid. It’s not going to happen, you guys, so can we drop this please?”

“Okay, fine, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have this weekend. Go. Fly out to where he’s filming. Enjoy yourself. Then come back on Monday and go back to your regular life. Think of the great time you’ll have and the memories you’ll make. No one says you have to be a saint, Beth. You’re a normal woman, with needs like the rest of us. Bryan can fulfill those.”

She’d love to go. She would. Kara and Jess put up a good argument and if she didn’t already like him so much, she just might do it. But the problem was, she
did
like him too much. If she went, she was worried that
like
would turn into more and she couldn’t face that heartache.

No, in the interest of self-preservation and maturity, she was staying put.

Being a responsible adult sure did suck sometimes.

B
RYAN
got out of the limo at his trailer on the set. A new trailer. Gone was the standard issue, second-banana trailer. They’d gone all out for him.

He tipped the driver. Sure, he wasn’t supposed to; the studio took care of that, but he hadn’t forgotten how hard it was to make a buck and now that he had more than he needed, he liked to share the wealth.

“Hey, Bry. Good to see you!” One of the key grips, Josh, had worked with him on the last film.

“I didn’t know you’d be doing this picture.”

“Yeah, got a call last minute. Pretty cool, though not gonna be the rush the last one was, eh? No guns and explosives and hot babes in bikinis.”

“Carina looks pretty good in a bikini.” And he was pretty sure there were some bikini shots in this movie. Funny that he couldn’t remember for sure even though he was working with one of the hottest actresses in the industry.

He’d rather see Beth in a bikini. Or
not
in a bikini.

Christ. He had to get her out of his head. That part of his life was O-V-E-R.

“Carina might look good on film, but between you and me,” Josh leaned in to stage-whisper to him, “her shit attitude is making her real unattractive. Wardrobe is ready to quit, they’re all so pissed about her wanting new costumes. The woman thinks a suburban housewife ought to be in ball gowns.”

Beth had had a couple of nice gowns in her closet. Probably some fancy function she’d gone to with her husband.

He’d love to see her in one of those, the clingy fabric shimmering all over her curves. Beth was built like a woman ought to be and his fingers were just itching to roam all over her.

His cock had an itch, too.

Hell. He really needed to get over her.

“She’s still on set, then? From what I read in the papers, I wasn’t sure.”

“Yeah, she’s here. Not happy about it and PJ’s not happy with her. Makes filming a real kick, you know?”

PJ, the director, had directed half a dozen rom-com hits and made Carina what she was today. With the two of them on this picture, Bryan had been assured of getting some buzz, but if Carina was going to make it difficult, the whole thing could be a disaster. Then he would have left Beth behind for nothing.

He yanked open the door to his trailer. “Thanks for the heads-up, Josh. I’m gonna catch a few winks before I venture out. Sounds like I’m going to need the energy to keep up with Carina.”

“If she has anything to say about it, you’re going to need that energy for a lot more where she’s concerned. She’s already warned every female in the crew to stay away from you.”

Bryan paused on the third step up. “Are you kidding me?”

“Hey, man, what can I say? The woman wants you.”

“Yeah, well I might not want her.”

“Seriously? The woman’s a babe. A pain in the ass, but what difference does that make if you’re banging her?”

“I am not going to be banging Carina Dempsey.” Bryan wanted to throw up at the thought.

Funny, in the past he might have looked forward to being with her, but now? He just wanted to get the scenes done and head back to his trailer. PJ had said he could play with the schedule when he learned Bryan was coming out early. Actually thanked him for doing so. Now Bryan knew why.

Josh kept regaling him with Carina’s theatrics, but Bryan only pretended to listen. He pulled out the file with the script in it to see which scenes they would be filming first. He hoped to God it wasn’t one of the romantic ones. That was the last thing he’d need after wanting Beth so badly.

Maggie’s drawing was in the file.

It sent him right back to that home. To the kitchen and the mess she’d made when she’d created it. To the way her little tongue had swiped the corner of her mouth as she’d worked so intently.

There were all five of the kids—Jason with his short hair—and Beth.

He sank onto the leather bench seat at the table and shoved the hair off his forehead a little harder than necessary. That would explain the wince and moisture in his eyes.

“You okay, Bry?” Josh asked mid-Carina disaster story. “Need anything? I think they stocked your fridge with some beer.”

“No, I’m good.” In a manner of speaking.

“Okay, man. Well, if you want, there’s a poker game tonight in room two-thirty-two at the Holiday Inn. Been going five days straight now. I’m up a hundred and fifty. You’re welcome in, if you want.”

A poker game? That was what had gotten him into this mess; he was not about to play it again. God only knew what the next game would do to him.

A
RE
you sure you aren’t going to come with us, Mommy?” Maggie hugged Mrs. Beecham one last time. Poor cat looked like she could use the break, too.

“Honey, I told you. This is for you guys and your grandparents. It’s a special time. You won’t even know I’m not there.”

“I will, too. Grandpa snores and Grandma makes us drippy eggs. I don’t like drippy eggs.”

Poor Donna tried to get Maggie’s over-well-done eggs just right, but Maggie was persnickety. Just past runny but not quite hardened. Mike had been the only one who could do them right—until the accident, then Beth had spent over three hours and six dozen eggs to perfect her daughter’s favorite breakfast.

“Grandma tries, honey. And maybe you could try eating what she makes without complaining. If she could do it the way you like it, she would, but at least she’s trying.”

Maggie heaved a big five-year-old-understands-everything sigh. “I know.” Mrs. Beecham got another squeeze. “Bye Mrs. B. Don’t get lonely without me.”

“She’s got Sherman to keep her company,” said Tommy, ruffling the monster’s ears—the action a Jack Russell terrier on switch.

Sherman started bouncing—literally—off the walls. He knew the kids were going away and he wasn’t happy about it. That would leave him only the cat to annoy, and Mrs. Beecham had perfected the art of ignoring the dog whenever possible. It also left him Beth, a prospect neither was happy about.

“So can I get extensions, Mom?” asked Kelsey, suddenly going Valley Girl. Teenagers. Always trying to define themselves, which would explain this latest request by her eldest daughter. “They’re like three-fifty each on the boards and I can get all different colors. Jenna says they’re so cool and that everyone’s getting them this summer.”

“Three. You can have three. No more.” She slid fifteen dollars into Kelsey’s hand. “And I want the change.”

“I have to tip them, you know.”

“Okay, fine. But only three.”

“What about a bellybutton piercing?”

Beth rolled her eyes. Always pushing the limit was Kelsey. “Out. Now. And don’t come home with any more holes in your body than God put there.”

“Ew, that’s gross.” Tommy made a gagging sound.

Mark, of course, had to tease Kelsey. “Kelsey’s got holes in her body. Kelsey’s got holes in her body,” he sang.

Kelsey palmed the top of his head like a basketball. “I’ll tell you who’s going to have holes in his head if he doesn’t shut up.”

“Ooooh, Kelsey said shut up!” Maggie made a
tsk-tsk
motion with her fingers—which ensured that she’d drop Mrs. Beecham, who took off the minute she got a look at—and growl from—Sherman.

Thank God Donna and John showed up then. Grandparent chaos was much better than kids-chasing-after-dog-chasing-after-cat chaos, and Sherman would settle down once all the noise left.

“Hi, kids! You ready for a fun time at the beach?” John had a booming voice just like his son had had.

Beth’s heart clenched at the thought of Mike never doing for their grandkids what John was able to do.

God, how was she going to survive grandparenthood alone? Beth shied away from imagining what it was like for her in-laws. She’d gone there during the funeral planning and it’d been too much. She hadn’t been able to shoulder her sadness, her kids’ sadness and their fear—her own, too—
and
empathize with Mike’s parents. There just hadn’t been enough strength within her and here, two years later, she still couldn’t imagine what it must have been like for them to lose not only a child, but their
only
child. She’d never mind having so many kids. No matter how much work and stress and money, these kids were her everything and she never lost sight of that.

Not even when Kara and Jess had dangled a very tempting proposition in front of her last night.

She grabbed the closest duffel bag and hoisted it over her shoulder, glad for the change of focus. Bryan was off-limits for every reason she’d told Kara and Jess. “Come on, guys, let’s get your bags out to the car.”

“It’s a truck, Mommy,” Maggie stage-whispered. “Grandpa said it’s his truck.”

“It’s an SUV, Mags.” Jason swooped his little sister up in his arms, a first for him, and took the duffel from her without being asked.

Beth’s throat tightened as Maggie squealed in delight, just like she used to do with Mike. As she’d done with Bryan. And now with Jason. Her family was rebuilding. Finding the laughter in everyday life. Returning to themselves. Two long years and finally, they could move forward.

“You’re sure you don’t want to come?” Donna asked as John corralled five excited kids out the front door.

“Thank you for asking, but this is your time with them. You don’t need me around. Enjoy being grandparents. Spoil them.” Beth kicked another of Sherman’s toys under the sofa. Or actually, she thought that one might have been Tommy’s. Maybe her home would actually stay presentable for longer than five minutes this weekend.

“Yes, that is a grandparent’s prerogative.”

“And they need it. With me, it’s all about schedules and chores and summer reading.” She fluffed a pillow on the sofa. First time she’d done that in two years. “They deserve a break.”

“And so do you.”

She fluffed another pillow. “I love my kids.”

“We know you do, honey.” Donna put her hand on Beth’s arm. “But you’re human like the rest of us. You need a break. You need to relax and be you. Just you.”

Beth couldn’t answer Donna because the insight was too overwhelming. She did need to be her. To find out who
her
was again. And maybe even redefine this new
her
.

She squeezed Donna’s shoulders and kissed her cheek. “Thank you so much for doing this.”

“Oh, it’s our pleasure, Beth. We just wish we could do more, but with where we live, well, there are rules.”

The beauty and the curse of a fifty-five-plus community was that grandkids couldn’t stay for longer than a weekend. Given that Donna and John lived an hour and a half away, it wasn’t really worth the effort to do those weekends on a regular basis, which was why this long weekend at the shore was so appreciated.

“I hope you have something special planned for this weekend.” Donna fluffed a pillow and they smiled at each other. “I heard about that movie star who was working for you. Maybe something there . . .”

Yeah, it felt kind of weird to have her mother-in-law trying to play matchmaker.

“It’s nothing like that, Donna. Besides, he’s gone off to film his new movie. He was just helping out his sister. She owns the cleaning service.”

“Oh. That’s a shame. I mean, Michael wouldn’t have wanted you to be alone. You need a partner in this, Beth. Raising five kids is hard enough for two parents, but for one . . .” Donna patted her arm. “John and I worry about you, dear. You’ll always be our daughter-in-law, but we don’t mind sharing if you find someone else to love you and the kids. We just wanted you to know that you have our blessing.”

Beth couldn’t respond. She could barely breathe, let alone speak. Instead, she enveloped her mother-in-law in a huge hug and fought back the tears. She’d be so blessed in her life if it weren’t for that damn plane crash.

Donna patted her back, then straightened with all the brisk no-nonsense-ness she’d raised her son with. “So you have a nice relaxing weekend all by yourself. Be sure to pamper yourself, Beth. A massage, a facial. Take in a movie. Go out to eat. Treat yourself.”

“Oh Mommy already did that,” chirped Maggie from the door. “Bryan made her. Then he took the boys shopping so we could devolve eggs.”

Donna raised an eyebrow at Beth.

“
Dissolve
eggs. They were doing an experiment about the effects of soda on egg shells to show how it affects teeth.”

“Yeah and it was gross. I’m never gonna drink soda again ’cause I wanna keep my teeth. Is that why Grandpa doesn’t have any? Did he drink lots of soda?”

John had removed his dentures in front of the kids once by accident. They hadn’t been scared and begged him to take them out whenever they saw him.

“Why don’t we go ask him that, Maggie?” Donna held out her hand and looked back over her shoulder at Beth when Maggie latched on. “We’ll see you Sunday night, Beth. Do something special this weekend.”

Kara had a good suggestion.

For a second, Beth considered it. Just grabbing the first plane to the west coast and visiting Bryan on his movie set.

It was a tempting thought.

One weekend just for her. No one to answer to or worry about or pick up from a friend’s house or drop at an activity. She could think only about herself and what she wanted. What she needed. Because, as much as she hated to admit it, yeah, she did need Bryan. She needed that human touch. That physical contact. She’d never realized how important hugging was. How much she’d miss it. But with Mike’s death, a whole new world of emptiness and loneliness had been opened to her, and these past two weeks, Bryan had filled some of those.

She was a grown woman. She could take this weekend for herself. No one would ever have to know. Just her and him and—

And the paparazzi. Already the news coverage of Bryan being on set had made even her local news. The press were still interested in what he did, where he went, who he went with.

So, as much as she wanted to go, she wouldn’t. Besides the fact that Bryan had respected her wish and left, she’d have to get on a plane. That would be harder than being a casual sort of woman.