What Matters Most (18 page)

“I’m a nervous wreck. I’m leaving all I know, and I’m headed for…I’m glad I’m going, but—”

He brought her into his arms and smothered her words with his lips. “I’ll miss you, too. Call me every night, and use the office cell phone. Oh, hell, sweetheart. Let me know you’ll miss me.”

She wrapped her arms around him and parted her lips for his kiss, feasting on him, squeezing his shoulders as if she couldn’t get close enough to him. Brought back to his senses by the warning signal that every adult male recognized, he eased her away from him.

“I’ll take your two suitcases, and you take your carry-on bag. Let’s go. If you need anything while you’re away, even if it’s a toothbrush, let me know.”

“What am I getting a hundred dollars a day spending change for? My room and board are paid, and I won’t be going to the movies, jazz joints or museums every day. Besides, I’m getting my salary.”

He locked her door, took the suitcases and headed for his car. “All right. Don’t tell me when you need a toothbrush. See if I care. But you will call me, won’t you? And if you don’t like it, you can come home.”

At the airport, he wished he’d bought a present for her. He needed something to show her that he appreciated her. He shook his head, as if correcting his thoughts. Was he going overboard? After she checked in, he walked with her to a coffee bar, bought two containers of coffee and led her to a little round bistrolike table. “We’ll probably lay the foundation for the clinic before you get back. I’m seeing Telford Harrington, the builder, in a couple of days to check final details. Think of a name for the clinic.”

“Oh, that’s simple. What was your mother’s name?”

“Alicia Todd Ferguson. That’s a great idea. You know, I’m sure she would have loved you.” Both of her eyebrows shot up. He’d surprised her. Hadn’t she ever thought of marrying him? He’d give anything if he could understand her. They heard the flight call, and he stood.

“That’s for first-class passengers,” she said, not bothering to get up.

He didn’t look at her, because he didn’t want her to read his feelings. “What kind of ticket do you think I bought for you? Let’s go.”

The perfunctory kiss he gave her did not reflect the deep hole that opened up in him. Her wobbly smile as she walked away didn’t help. If she had cried, he would probably have taken her and run away from that plane.

What the devil’s getting into me, and where am I headed with this woman?
he asked himself as he watched her disappear into the plane.
She suits me in so many ways, but is she what and who I need for my life?
He had to deal with those questions, and he had to do it soon. He didn’t string women along, and he didn’t let them do that to him. He wasn’t about to let her go, but was he ready to commit?

Melanie didn’t feel like talking to her seatmate, an expensively dressed man whose elbow used more than his share of her armrest. “If you’ll excuse me,” she said after the plane was well into flight, “I’m going to sleep through most of the flight.” To her delight, he didn’t say another word to her during the flight to Memphis.

After the plane taxied to the gate, the man stood, took her carry-on bag down and handed it to her. “Some guy is lucky. I hope he knows it.”

“There’s a lesson here somewhere,” she told herself as she headed for the luggage-claim area, “and I hope I figure out what it is.”

Two representatives from St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital waited for her at the luggage-claim area, and she was soon on her way to her hotel. That afternoon, entering the famous institution for the first time, she had a sense of great adventure; a partial tour of the facilities excited her, and she couldn’t wait to tell Jack about it.

After dinner, which she ate in her hotel room, she went over her notes, organized them and prepared for bed. Forgetting that Memphis was on central rather than standard time, she phoned Jack and didn’t get an answer. At nine-thirty local time, her phone rang.

“Hi. I thought you promised to call me.”

“I did, but you didn’t answer. I figured you’d be home by six-thirty.”

“I was, but that would have been five-thirty your time.”

They laughed. “I made the same mistake a minute ago,” he said. “How did it go today?”

“This place is overwhelming. It’s all about the children. The halls and public rooms are light, airy and eye-catching with interesting and beautiful drawings and paintings on the walls, very colorful and right at a child’s eye level. Even the ceilings look like clouds. I imagine it’s difficult to be depressed here, and I can’t believe that anyone who’s been here would decline to support this place. I just got here, and what I’ve learned of its policies and activities boggles my mind.

“Tomorrow morning, I’ll be in the part of the hospital where they give patient care. I hope I get to see Midge. If not, I’ll get permission to visit her.”

“Make some friends. I’d hate it if you were lonely,” he said.

“I met two really nice women today. One is from Australia, and the other is from Italy. This place is like a little United Nations. Did you know that a physician working here won a Nobel Prize in medicine?”

“Yeah, I knew it, although I haven’t met him.”

“Have you looked for a nurse?”

“Yes, and as you’ve no doubt guessed, I drew a blank. So I’m going to use a fourth-year medical student. She won’t replace you, but I expect she’ll do well.”

“Are you looking for a female? What’s wrong with hiring a guy?”

“One guy here is enough. I want somebody with some nurturing instincts, and men aren’t known for that.”

“Kiss me so I can go to bed. I have to get up at five-thirty.”

“Kiss you so you can go to bed. Think about that statement, Melanie.” He made the sound of a kiss. “Good night, sweetheart. Call me about seven your time tomorrow. You should be in bed by nine-thirty your time.”

“Still bossy, I see.” She made the sound of a kiss. “Good night, love.” As she hung up, she heard, “Hey, wait a minute,” and since she knew he intended to grill her about calling him
love,
she dropped the receiver into its cradle. She hadn’t queried his having called her
sweetheart,
and he’d done it several times recently. Hmm. Maybe he wanted her to question it. Well, he shouldn’t wait for it. When he wanted her to know something, he’d have to come right out and tell her, and he had to do it without any prompting from her. She lowered the air conditioner and got back into bed. Imagine not cooking or making a bed or shopping for food for an entire month!

The next morning, she went on rounds with three doctors and two nurses. “These are HIV patients.” The doctor nodded toward a boy whose bed they approached. “This is Eugene,” the doctor said, “but if you want to be on his good side, call him ET.”

She walked to the side of the bed and extended her hand to the young boy. “How are you, ET? I’m Nurse Sparks. I have a young friend here. Her name is Midge, and she’s about your age. If you see her, tell her I’m looking for her, and that I hope to see her soon. Will you?”

“Yes, ma’am. Yes, indeed, Ms. Sparks. I’ll tell her to keep a cap on it, and you’ll see her soon.”

The doctors and nurses with her laughed, but she didn’t because she didn’t understand their amusement. When she asked, she learned that ET stayed to himself, was almost invariably melancholy and that his response to Melanie was, by comparison, jubilant.

“What caused the difference?” she asked.

“You made him important,” one of the nurses said. “You, a stranger, asked him to do something personal for you. The boy is from a foster home, and he’s filled with doubts and uncertainties about himself and the reaction of others toward him.”

“I imagine he’s scared, too,” Melanie said. When one of the doctors confirmed that, she made a mental note to go back and visit the boy occasionally.

Shortly before noon, she found an opportunity to organize the notes she’d taken that morning and to get acquainted with some members of the staff who were engaged in research, policy and administration rather than patient care.

“I’ll take you to see her,” one nurse told Melanie at the end of the working day when she asked where she could find Midge.

“Ms. Sparks! Ms. Sparks!” Midge yelled when she saw Melanie. “They’re going to give me a transfusion, and then I’ll feel better. Did you see my mom?”

“No, I didn’t.” She hugged the girl. “But I’m sure she’s nearby.”

“She met a lady who wants her to do baking demonstrations on her TV cooking show while she’s here. Isn’t that da bomb?”

If she knew what
da bomb
was, she’d probably agree, but teenage slang was a different language, one that she hadn’t learned. “I think it’s fantastic,” Melanie said. “I can’t stay too long. Give your mother my regards.”

“I will. Be sure and come back.”

As she walked through the bright and cheerful hall, her nurse colleague pointed to a room and said, “That room is for the teens. It’s their sanctuary, their haven. Your friend, Midge, will make friends there. They exchange information, talk, play games, listen to their music and dance if they want to. It’s a place where they can be themselves, and they love it.”

Melanie smiled at a child who lay in a duck-shaped wagon pulled by someone who seemed to be the child’s father.

“That isn’t a toy or a joy ride,” the nurse told Melanie. “It’s transportation made as pleasant as possible for a sick child. Here, it’s all about the children.”

“I like this building,” Melanie told the woman. “It’s so conducive to good spirits.”

“By the way, it was designed by Paul Williams, the African-American architect who designed so many L.A. homes for Hollywood stars? Imagine! And he was orphaned when he was four years old.”

“I didn’t know he was African American,” Melanie said, “but I do know that you can’t stop genius. It finds a way.”

When she finally got to her room a little after four o’clock, she flopped on the bed, kicked off her shoes and took a deep breath. Fatigue claimed every muscle she had, but she didn’t mind. Indeed, she could hardly wait to review her notes, organize them and enter them into her computer. A glance at her watch told her that she had a three-hour wait before she could talk with
him.

“I’m getting deeply in this man’s debt,” she said to herself. “His sending me here is as much for him as for me, but it is nonetheless an opportunity that I wouldn’t have dreamed of, and I could not have afforded it within the next ten years. Imagine living in a four-star hotel. I don’t even launder my uniforms.” She made a cup of green tea in the coffeemaker that the hotel provided, walked over to the window and gazed at the Mississippi River in the distance.

She didn’t care to go to the docks and dreaded the visit to the African-American Museum. She didn’t want to see the stark evidence of the slave trade that had flourished in Memphis after Tennessee rescinded its ban on slavery in the 1840s.

Seven o’clock finally arrived, and she telephoned Jack. “How’d it go today?” he asked.

“Great, but except for the forty minutes that I ate lunch, I was on my feet from seven until almost four. I’ll get used to it, though.” She gave him an account of her day, omitting nothing of the things she saw and learned. “Midge was happy to see me. She said she’s getting a bone marrow transplant that will make her feel better, and I noticed she wasn’t coughing. When I meet her doctor, I’ll ask about the diagnosis and what he prescribed. I made rounds with three doctors and two nurses. What an experience. It’s all in my notes, and I’ve typed them out so we can discuss them when I get back.”

“So you’re excited. I’m happy that you’re enjoying it so far. Did you see Mrs. Hawkins?”

“No. Midge said a TV cooking show host invited her mother to demonstrate her baking techniques. Not sure what she was asked to bake. It’s a great opportunity for her. Tell me about you, Jack. Who’s helping you?”

“I interviewed a fourth-year medical student, as I’d planned, and I think she’ll work out.”

“She, huh?”

“Well, yeah. I told you I needed somebody who’d soothe the patients. Why? You don’t like the idea of my working with a woman? Three work in my Bolton Hill office.”

If he was trying to upset her, he was inching toward it. “Humph! It’s the idea of
her
working with
you.
”

“Run that past me again. I don’t see the difference.”

“You wouldn’t. You’re a man.”

“Hold on there. You bet your sweet bottom I’m a man. If I’d said something like that to you, you’d have labeled me a male chauvinist.”

“No, I wouldn’t have. I don’t have quite enough evidence.”

His voice rose. “You don’t have quite enough evidence to call me a male chauvinist? Is that what you said? Listen here! You don’t have
any
basis for calling me that. I’m crushed.”

“You poor baby. If I was with you, I’d kiss you and make it better.”

“Be careful. I can get to Memphis in two hours, and when I leave there, you’ll be a different woman.”

“Trust me. You’ll be a different man, too.”

His high-pitched whistle came through the phone sharply. “I detected a feistiness in you almost as soon as we met and, from time to time, you’ve given me little glimpses of it, but now that you’re down there where I can’t get my hands on you, you’re really letting it all out. Let me tell you something, Melanie. I like this reckless side of you, this hell-for-leather attitude, and when I get you all to myself in a private place, I want you to bathe me in it. I want you to let me know who you are.”

Stunned, she didn’t speak for a while, and he didn’t prod her to respond. “I, uh…I hope you don’t mind if I don’t say anything about that,” she said at last.

“Don’t tell me you fold up so quickly. A minute ago you had me dizzy with your come-hither sass. Right now, my mouth is watering.”

For want of something clever to say, she asked him, “Have you had dinner?” Laughter rippled out of him until it seemed uncontrollable. “Jack, are you all right? You sound hysterical.”

As quickly as the laughter began, it stopped. “Why would I be hysterical? Of course I’m all right. Have I had dinner? Babe, you sure are a graceful loser. You merely change the subject.”