What Really Happened (16 page)

Around this time Johnny called me from Detroit; he was very upset and tired. He told me that Elizabeth had begun her full-on harassment campaign of the old girlfriends (the ones before 2004). Apparently when Elizabeth was done raging at Johnny for the night (or if she could not reach him), she would focus her anger elsewhere. Johnny clearly felt powerless against Elizabeth’s venom and, on top of his campaign schedule, it simply exhausted him to no end.

Johnny was scheduled to stay the night in New York on June 21
^st
, but something happened that resulted in him and his people opting out of staying at the Regency. Instead, they ended up staying at a hotel next to the Meadowlands so they could get out of Teterboro Airport early the next morning. When he called late that night, I threw on one of my favorite dresses and jumped into the car. It took me only ten minutes to get to his hotel, door to door.

He was so tired and very sweet. My heart broke for him. I loved him so much; I really wanted to give him all of my energy. I remember him saying he really thought I felt different, like I was pregnant. I told him I was going to go to the doctor. I told him I did feel odd, and I really wasn’t sure.

I called the doctor on June 25
^th
. The soonest I could get in was July 3
^rd
. I had already stopped drinking just in case it turned out I was pregnant.

The following week I stayed at the Westin Embassy (now The Fairfax at Embassy Row) in DC. I remember Johnny being in a really good mood following a debate that was held at Howard University. He had even ordered chocolate cake with his room service meal to celebrate.

The next morning, I put on a beige summer dress, one that Johnny really liked on me. (I think women remember when men notice clothing because it’s so rare!) He called me after I left. I was in a cab on the way to Union Station. He asked if I had seen Sam Myers Sr., Johnny’s trip director, on the way out. I had not because I had gone down the side elevators and not the main ones. Apparently Sam had come to his door just minutes after I had left. We must have missed each other by mere seconds. I had met Sam on the announcement tour and even though (like Johnny) I love Sam, I was happy in that moment not to have run into him.

I went to the doctor on July 3
^rd
. I had no plans to speak to Johnny for a while because he had told me during our last conversation that July 3
^rd
was Elizabeth’s birthday. They were going to the beach and then on a family vacation to New Hampshire (only in politics do you plan a family vacation in New Hampshire), so he had no way to call because Elizabeth still frequently searched through every one of his bags for surreptitious cell phones.

To say that my entire world shifted when I saw the image on the ultrasound screen would be an understatement. In one second my entire life became about something else.

A protective nurturing power was awakened from the deepest part of my being. It is a part of me that I always had a vague sense was there but did not remotely understand its vastness until that moment. Yet within seconds, this joyful new feminine power streamed through me with the utmost gratitude and I fully embraced all responsibility for this life that had now been entrusted to me. I did not know until that moment that being a mother is a role that means more to me than any other role in the entire world.

I also never uttered one word about the identity of the father of this little child. And I was happy to discover that, besides the necessary generic health questions, the doctors involved really do respect your privacy. I suspect that, with the multiple ways to conceive and all the different family configurations these days, they have seen a lot.

So when my doctor told me, “With your last period beginning May 11
^th
, and the size of the baby, I am going to give you a due date of February 15
^th
and I am going to call this baby a Presidents Day weekend baby!” All I could think was, “Of course you are, because my life, well, it just couldn’t get any weirder.”

Or could it?

THIRTEEN

Yes, I Am

“Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.”

—
B
ILL
C
OSBY

T
HE ONLY PERSON I told about the pregnancy was Mimi. From the parking lot of the OB/GYN office in West Orange, New Jersey, I called Mimi and told her, “I am holding a picture of my baby in my hand.” It was completely surreal to me.

Johnny’s New Hampshire family vacation came to end; he flew to Vegas on July 10
^th
. Andrew told me he had delivered the phone to him, so when I did not hear from him that night, I tried to call him a few times. His room phone was off the hook—not unusual given that he often did this to avoid Elizabeth. The phone I bought him was switched off, which
was
unusual.

He didn’t call in the morning either, so by the time the evening of July 11
^th
rolled around, I was really upset. I obviously needed to talk to him. I had been holding the news too long—since July 3
^rd
, in fact.

Johnny was going to rest overnight in Detroit. After a few calls went straight to voicemail, I called Andrew and asked him to please locate Johnny because I needed to talk to him.

I believe that Andrew heard some urgency in my voice, because he said, “Well, someone has either died or you’re pregnant.”

I was caught off-guard by hearing the word
pregnant
come out of Andrew’s mouth. All I could say back was, “Nobody died. Please get him on the phone for me.” It was around 10
P.M.
and Andrew and I talked at length while he tried to locate Johnny. I was very unhappy that Andrew knew I was pregnant before I could tell Johnny.

Andrew tried to console me, telling me not to worry and that he wasn’t going to say a word to anyone. He said that he was very happy for me, and that I would not be overstating matters if I described his state as over-the-moon with joy. He was a father of three, so I didn’t think anything about his happiness. He obviously liked kids and thought they were great. (I had no way of knowing at the time that he probably felt like he had just struck gold with his ability to use me.)

When Johnny finally called me that night, the first thing he said to me was, “Why does Andrew Young want me to call him?” There was in irritated disdain in his voice, as though he thought Andrew was being a gnat. I always defended Andrew because of the bond we shared. We both loved Johnny, and I knew how badly Andrew felt now that Elizabeth had pushed him out of Johnny’s life.

“That’s me. He was trying to locate you for me.”

“Oh.” Johnny immediately softened. I could tell that he was tired.

“Why didn’t you call me last night?” I asked in a very curious and concerned manner, given it was so out of character. “Or this morning?”

“I don’t know.”

He sounded really tired and because he had just been with Elizabeth for a long stretch of time, he also sounded as though he was back to his old disconnected self.

“I had a doctor appointment, remember?”

“I do.”

“I am pregnant.”

He paused and then said, “I’m not surprised.” He paused again, softening even more. “I want to be clear that whatever you decide, this is your decision, and I will support you in whatever decision you make.” His tone was kind, gracious, and not remotely upset. “This is your body, your life, and it’s a big change. I don’t think you really understand how big, but there is no way I could tell you what to do with your own body.”

I was surprised that his tone was so gentle. I had really thought he was going to be upset. But I think somehow he had already sensed that this was going to be the outcome.

So on July 11
^th
, 2007, both Johnny Edwards, the father of my child, and Andrew Young, the man who would later claim to be the father of my child, became aware that I was pregnant. To me this is an important fact (which my phone records and medical records support) because the criminal prosecution alleges that Bunny Mellon’s money was solicited in or around the month of May to support hiding me and my pregnancy.

Johnny also never wavered from what he said to me initially. He never asked me to get an abortion. He always stuck to what he originally said: it was my choice and he would support whatever choice I made. Since the moment I knew that I was with child, I never had a single doubt about what I was going to do: bring this child into the world.

When I found out that I was pregnant, the focus and priorities of my life completely changed. I spent most of the next month reading and educating myself about pregnancy. I discovered (to my shock and surprise) that most women were at their most fertile not during ovulation, but a few days before. IMPORTANT INFORMATION that I did not know! (Commence blond jokes now.)

I remember lunching at Soho House twice with Mimi and Jonathan Darman, and being a little concerned that Darman would notice that I wasn’t drinking and would guess the reason. Darman didn’t seem to notice or at least never publicly claimed to after the fact. I remember talking about going to Martha’s Vineyard with him for Labor Day but I realized at the time that it wouldn’t happen because I would probably be showing by then.

Actually, I didn’t travel at all until the very end of July and wasn’t remotely interested in doing so. The intense need to see Johnny that I had felt before I was pregnant had now diminished.

Lisa Blue flew me to LA at the end of July. I believe it was the same day that Johnny and Elizabeth renewed their vows and
People
got their exclusive article (and photos) of the big event. I had completely let go of my negative feelings about that, which was no mean feat because it went against everything I believe in. But I had to. From everything I could see, their relationship was not going to change, and it was never going to be a real relationship. She wasn’t going to stop abusing him, and he wasn’t going to stop hiding. I knew Johnny loved her and she wanted this, and now that she was dying, he really wanted to give her anything she wanted. And what she wanted was for the whole world to think she had overcome their little “glitch” in their marriage, and that they were now a happy couple once again. My feeling was, if what people thought about her was really important to her, so be it.

But the reality of the situation was that Johnny was no longer just my boyfriend; he was now the father of my child. So regardless of what would happen between us, I would be involved with him for the rest of my life.

I also realized the dynamic, good and bad, that would exist between her father and me would be in my daughter’s head. So when I discovered I was pregnant, I decided that I would continue doing everything in my power not to complain or be nasty to him in any way, but to love him unconditionally as he grew in awareness and became the man that I knew he was underneath that mask of fear.

So I let any and all anger go. My utmost priority was my child. Also, even though my relationship with Johnny was highly passionate, I decided that I did not want to have any emotional highs and lows. I wanted my child immersed and growing in love, peace, and calmness. I began to monitor all my reactions with a vigilance I had never used before.

I began talking to my unborn baby. I really believed I was carrying a boy. The baby felt so strong to me, so willful. (I sure got that part right.)

While I was in LA visiting Lisa, I saw Johnny for two nights and he had never been sweeter to me. I remember thinking, “Wow, he should renew his vows more often!”

I went to the doctor on August 6
^th
. All was well with my baby, and I got another ultrasound picture. The moment I saw it, I thought, “That’s a girl.” The forehead and profile looked exactly like a profile picture of me as a little girl that hung in our hallway in Florida. But I dismissed the thought because my baby felt so strong-willed that I still didn’t believe that she could actually be a girl.

I flew back to LA again. Flying across the country is expensive, and I remember Johnny was concerned that I was going to run out of money because I hadn’t worked since December and was clearly spending money to come and see him. I told him not to worry about it. I had plenty of airline miles. Lisa had paid for my last trip, and Andrew had been taking care of my travel since June.

He said okay and moved on to the next thing.

I would discover that the problem with this was a communication problem. Most people would assume that taking care of travel meant picking up the bill, that taking care of something automatically meant financially. Johnny doesn’t think that way. To Johnny, taking care of something or someone is helping them fix or solve a problem. If Johnny says, “I am going to take care of it,” it does not mean he is going to pay for you or support you, so you never have to work again. It would mean he would help you solve or fix whatever challenge you had before you. Johnny later told me that when I told him that Andrew had taken care of my travel, it didn’t register with him that Andrew was actually giving me money.