When Hari Met His Saali (20 page)

‘Oh, God, Tia, darling, I am never ever going to drink again. Not even beer.’ And he crashed on the bed.

Simi saw Tia looking at Hari with concern. When she came out of her bedroom and saw Simi she immediately wiped away her tears. But Simi had already noticed.

‘Umm, everything all right with
Jiju
?’ Simi asked innocently. Simi was not sleepy and she was eager to talk.

Tia shied away from making eye contact.

‘You’ll have coffee?’

‘At two in the morning?’ Simi asked as she looked at her watch.

‘It’s not like you’ve to go to work tomorrow, Sim, relax, you’re on vacation!’

‘OK, but I’ll make it!’ Simi urged Tia.

Tia started showing Simi how to use her American appliances.

‘You just have to turn the knob and the gas is on, OK? This is a microwave…’

‘I know it’s a microwave, Tia.’

‘… and this is the dishwasher. I’ll show you later how to work it. And this is the coffee machine, you put a filter in here, and then put coffee here, pour water here and …’

‘Tia, Tia. I know all that. You, you really haven’t been to India in years. This stuff is all common in India now,’ Simi said as she pushed Tia out of the kitchen.

‘What? We have a dishwasher at home?’ Tia was astonished.

‘Yes, we do and it’s called
Indu Bai
’ Simi laughed at her own joke.

While sipping coffee, Tia and Simi talked about their lives. Tia ended up telling Simi the entire love story between her and Hari; how they met, how they dated and how he proposed. Of course thinking that Simi didn’t know better, Tia’s version of the story — this time — sounded more like a Disney love story. She conveniently cut out the uncomfortable parts.

Simi shared her experiences with Namit. They laughed their heads off.

‘We should call it
The Confessions of the Galhotra Sisters!
’

Tia suggested a joint memoir.

Simi noticed that Tia had not mentioned or asked about their mother even once. So she decided to hold back from bringing her up in their conversations. Seeing that she was mostly inclined to talk about Hari and herself, Simi was happy to listen.

‘Wow,
Didi
, you’re lucky to have a guy like Hari. Most guys in India are so boring!’

Simi had her feet up on the plush sofa and it was bothering Tia for the longest time, but she wanted to be polite and didn’t want to say, ‘don’t put your feet up on the sofa’. But she couldn’t breathe properly, it was eating her from inside, so she finally got up, got an old sheet and put it under Simi’s feet.

‘Oh sorry,
Didi.
Shouldn’t have …’ Simi took her feet off of the sofa instantly.

Tia breathed normally again. She didn’t want to come across as being stuck up so she continued their talk.

‘Ha, Hari is lucky to be marrying a Galhotra sister!’ Tia smiled at Simi.

‘Is something bothering you, Tia? About Hari?’ Simi asked, seeing that Tia’s excitement about Hari was not on the same level as hers.

‘Bothering me? About Hari? Why do you ask?’ Tia became defensive again.

This talk and all of this questioning was the reason she didn’t like to share too many details of her life with anyone, least of all Simi. She was just too — how do you say — unexposed to the complexities of a modern male-female relationship.

‘It seems you are forcing yourself, like you are under some burden to … to …’ But Simi didn’t finish what she wanted to say.

‘No,
yaar.
I am just overwhelmed with all the preparations for the engagement and then it’ll start all over again for the wedding,’ Tia said, telling what was only half the truth.

‘No worries, Tia. Now that Simi is here, she’s at your disposal. We’ll do all the arrangements
fatafat!’
Simi said sweetly.

‘
Arrey
, what do you know about America? How will you help me? Best would be that you just tag along with me wherever I go,’ Tia said matter-of-factly, but Simi felt she was being rude.

Really what do I know about America? Tia is right!

Just then Hari stirred in the bedroom and was mumbling something.
Tia sighed a very frustrated sigh and slammed her coffee cup down on the table.

‘I’ll wash them,’ Simi said picking it up.

‘No, leave it. Let’s go to sleep.’ Tia decided it was time for both of them to turn in.

Simi walked into her room and flopped onto the bed. She still couldn’t sleep and was tossing and turning. She switched on the table lamp and looked for something to read. She saw a thin book entitled
1001 Ways To Keep Your Woman Happy
and on the first page an inscription written by Tia:

To dear Hari, Please read and apply to our lives. — Yours, Tia.

Below which was scribbled in different color ink:

To dear Tia, Thank you, but no thank you. — Everyone’s, Hari.

She smiled and started reading it.

This is so nice; my own bed, my own space, so quiet and un-encroached. There is so much privacy here.

But no sooner had she read the first page than she heard an argument coming from Tia’s bedroom. Although she couldn’t hear the exact words she could make out that Tia was extremely upset and Hari was hardly getting a chance to speak. Simi was completely distracted, and unsure what her role here would call for her to do. The voices got louder. Simi got up from the bed and gradually went towards Tia’s room. She had no intention of putting her ear to the door and listening, and was simply contemplating what to do next, when Tia burst through the door. She was still swearing at Hari when she saw Simi in the dim light. She lost it again.

‘What’re you doing here? Listening to us fight?’ she exploded at Simi.

‘No,
Didi
, I was just …’ Simi couldn’t even finish what she was saying before Tia continued to pile into her.

‘Simi, listen, this is America. People expect privacy here. I know you are not used to privacy in our home, but here you have to give space to others. Everybody is an adult here, OK?’

Simi was hurt, but maybe she was in the wrong here.

‘And don’t call Mom and tell her all the sordid details,’ Tia screamed at her. ‘She might just get happy seeing me unhappy.’

‘Don’t say that, Tia. You’re just angry.’ Simi maintained her calm.

‘Don’t try to patronize me, Sim. Just … just go to bed and leave me alone,’ Tia said, already pouring herself a glass of wine.

‘Just tell me what happened,
na
?’ Simi tried one more time and that was all it took for Tia to break down and hug her.

‘I am scared, Sim. I have never been scared in my life, but I am scared
that I am committing to this lifelong relationship and I am angry at myself because I think he is not as committed to me,’ she said, not letting go of Simi.

Simi took the initiative and sat her down.

‘See,
Didi
, admittedly I am no expert when it comes to men, but Hari seems to be a very genuine person. It’s obvious that he really loves you.’

‘I know he loves me, Simi, but I wonder if he’s committed enough. Marriage needs lots of effort and the way things in our relationship are going it seems I am doing all the work and he is doing all the fun stuff.’ It seemed as if Tia was talking to herself.

‘But you only asked that
Gori
dancer to give him that … that …’

‘Lap dance! I know, what was I thinking? He was calling me Bugs Bunny in his sleep. Asshole!’ Tia suddenly found a team member in Simi, or so she thought.

‘
Arrey
, first you let an almost naked woman dance with Hari and then you get angry with him,’ Simi asked with all her Nagpurian wisdom. ‘If I were you, I would never let any woman near him.’

‘You don’t understand, Simi, it’s a very American thing. It’s like a tradition for men to have a bachelor party. I am not angry because he danced with her, I am angry because … because … you know, Simi …’

‘Because you love him,
na, issliye
?’ Simi said trying to be supportive.

‘No, because I have given up so many things for him. So, so many things. Places, relationships, people, experiences, I just wish he would acknowledge that. That he would be thoughtful. But he is like a seesaw. One day he is fine, then the next day he is a complete jerk,’ Tia vented in one breath.

I am stressing out doing all the work and he gets to dance with naked women.

Even in America, even in this day and age, even with the traditions, (all conveniently started by men by the way) there was just too much disparity between how women and men were seen. While Hari simply got to enjoy his bachelor party Tia had to act as if she was OK with it and to be the open-minded, secure woman that everyone expected. But she didn’t want to discuss — or admit — this with Simi. She wanted to maintain the Disneyland America image for her.

She wouldn’t understand. Simi doesn’t know men like I do.

Meanwhile the long pause was making Simi nervous.

‘Tia, look, you love him,
na
? And he loves you,
na
? Then why complicate things? If he doesn’t want to do any work for the engagement, don’t push him. You do the ceremony the way you want. That way, if he asks why you did something, you can tell him because he was not there for the planning.’

Simi had no idea what she was blabbering about. But something about what she said touched Tia.

‘You’re right! Sometimes I complicate things by over analyzing. I am as drunk as Hari now, so I am going to go to sleep now. If you feel hungry, there’s food in the refrigerator. Just don’t slam the refrigerator door too hard, like we do in India. It’s brand new!’ Tia could be condescending and she could disguise it as being caring very well. She was too good at it for Simi to suspect.

As Tia sashayed into her bedroom, Simi nodded quietly and walked back to her room like a reprimanded child.

‘If the bed is a rockin’, don’t come knocking,’ Tia said gleefully, just before shutting her bedroom door.

Simi smiled. She had no idea what that meant, but she was about to find out and moments later she could hear Tia and Hari moaning and groaning. That turned into grunting and swearing and sure enough, she could hear the bed rocking. She was totally creeped out thinking about her sister having sex next door to her. She was scared stiff, and strangely excited, as she lay there staring at the ceiling. She distracted herself by thinking

What kind of bullshit advice was I giving to Tia? I haven’t got a clue how I can help and what was she even talking about! I mean if she is having sex with him how mad can she still be with him?

By the time the bedroom noises had stopped Simi had fallen asleep.

Next afternoon — Tia’s apartment

When Simi woke up the next day it was already one-thirty in the afternoon. She sat bolt upright in her bed and jumped to her feet. It took her several seconds to realize that she was not in her home in Nagpur, that she didn’t have to rush to the bathroom and take a bath before the rationed water supply shutoff for the morning and that she didn’t have to heat the milk, or make the tea, and the bread toast, and have it ready for her mother who by that time would be finishing her
puja.

I am in America
, Simi realized as she walked out into the living room and suddenly came across Hari, wearing nothing else but his crumpled boxer shorts. He was on the phone and when he saw her, instead of being embarrassed, he just waved and proceeded to scratch his balls as if she was not even in the room, let alone three feet away from him.

Gawd, he looks so unclean. All hairy chest with chicken legs like toothpicks, and what’s with all that scratching? Hasn’t he bathed after last night’s s-e-x?

Simi was totally turned off by this guy.

‘Hi, Simi. Welcome to America!’ Hari said after he had finished his call, casually wishing her a welcome in the most unwelcoming way while scratching his armpit.

‘Hi,
Jiju
,’ Simi replied as she closed her robe tight, avoiding staring at him.

And then … they had nothing to talk about … for a long and awkward moment.

‘I am going to take a bath! Where’s
Didi
?’ Simi blurted out.

‘She’s gone out to get lunch for us.’ Hari was still not done with his scratching, but had thankfully moved it up to his head now.

‘Dandruff.’ Simi said impulsively.

‘What?’ Hari asked.

‘Uh … I’ll finish my bath!’ Simi said hurriedly.

‘So, is Simi short for something?’ Hari asked as if this question had been on his mind for the longest time.

‘Your name? Is it short for something?’ he asked again.

‘No. Just Simi’ She couldn’t believe that Hari was acting like they’d never met.

‘I’ll just take a bath till
Didi
comes.’ Simi was lost again.

‘You want me to draw the water for you?’ Hari asked as he put on a pot of coffee.

Draw water? How? How will he draw water?

‘Should I fill up the bathtub for you?’ he asked again, explaining what he meant.

‘What? No. I am fine.’ Simi rushed into her bedroom and closed the door.

For the next forty minutes she would struggle to “draw water” into the bathtub. There was only one lever and she was sure it was the key to the whole operation, but no matter how many variations she tried she couldn’t make the water come out of the lower tap. It just kept pouring out of the overhead shower. She was exhausted trying. During the entire struggle all she could think about was Hari’s strange question.

How dare he? I should have asked him what Hari is short for? Tch, these things never occur to me at the right time!

She ended up taking a quick shower. If her first eighteen hours in the U.S. were any indication she was in for an action-packed month. But Simi had no idea how action-packed it was really going to be, yet.

Over the next couple of days

Tia seemed to be coping much better. She was relaxed, not so wound up and was laughing again. Tia subconsciously knew that having Simi with her had given her a strange and unexpected confidence, but she would never acknowledge it. She had also taken Simi’s advice in her stride and had let Hari off the hook for shirking the arrangements for the engagement. Tia had also delegated her work beautifully at the office so that her evenings were open to hand out invitations. And her nights were free so she could hang out with Simi.