Authors: Ana Paula Macedo
The ambulance was going very fast. The sirens would not stop. It seemed to be agitated. I knew my situation was delicate. We arrived at the hospital very quickly. Paramedics lowered me down from the ambulance and rolled me into the emergency room. Just by looking at me, the doctor on call sent me right to the ICU.
“It looks like a lot of water entered her lungs.”
I heard the doctor talking. Upon arriving at the ICU, quickly, doctors reached an agreement that in order to save my life, they should put me in an induced coma due to the amount of water I had swallowed, the chances of survival were slim and probably, if I survived, I would suffer permanent brain damage.
11
Everyone thought that I was unconscious. I was observing everything that was happening to me. I knew when they put all those tubes in me and what bothered me more in that room was the beep, beep, beep; the noise which the devices that kept me alive were making. Something was factual; for the first time in my life I was breathing from the support of devices and machines.
For me it was very strange. I heard people who were in the ICU say that I was unconscious.
“No. She is in a coma, but she can hear you.”
replied Luiza, a friendly nurse who was part of the team.
“Will she survive?”
Mara asked, a negative nurse, who unfortunately was also part of the team that was looking after me.
“Of course, I already told you.”
Luiza said, looking in my direction.
I was with my eyes closed, breathing through devices. My whole body motionless, but I could not only hear, but also see everything that was going on in that hospital room. The strangest thing was that in addition to seeing all those who were there, I could also clearly see myself in that bed, with all those tubes and the respirator placed on me. I was apparently lifeless, but I could see everything in a way that had never happened to me before. It seemed like I was in the air, as if next to the hospital's roof, but my body remained on bed. I saw myself as if I was sleeping with my eyes closed, but it was as if I had myself staring in a mirror that had been placed horizontally on top, so I could see everything that was happening below. The strangest of all was that if I looked up, I could also see things that I had never seen before, some among them would lack my words to describe them properly.
Around Luiza, there was a light that accompanied her wherever she went. But near the nurse Mara, a dark stain accompanied her. It was as if the light and the stain were parts of different times and were opposing each other. Neither Luiza nor Mara were aware of what was accompanying them, but regardless of whether they knew or not, both the light and the stain was there and followed them.
I also noticed the strong presence of creatures I had never seen before. I thought they were angels and were all gathered around the bed, also watching all that was happening to me there in the hospital.
“Luiza, I know you think that it depends on the patient to decide whether to fight or not to return from the coma. So if you're right, this one here will not return. Look at her depressed face. It looks like she fell on purpose.”
Mara said.
“Wow. You are very pessimistic. She will come back.”
Luiza said.
I took my eyes off of them and myself. I did not look up either, I just looked within myself and the last picture that had been taken by the camera of my memory, was the one of Roy jumping towards me, trying to save me. Roy did what I never expected him to do. And just then I was mentally going back there in my past, trying to resolve a conflict with him. Within a few seconds, I could see and feel Roy’s despair, which seemed to be so much that it almost blended with the water that was drowning me and took my breath away, from how big it was. I was terrified to feel his desperation, because I was already used to despair, but he was not. And the words of the negative nurse echoed in my ears:
“This one will not return.”
But they could not erase the cry for help that Roy had given when he said:
“Sophia, come back to me.”
“What about you Sophia, what is your desire? Do you or do you not want to come back from the coma?”
I felt a chill, a fear at the sound of this firm and soft voice at the same time. I looked down to see which of the nurses had spoken to me or maybe it was visiting hours and Roy had been in the room, or perhaps a new doctor was on duty and possessed this very strong voice like the sound of waters in the waterfall and at the same time, it was as strong as thunder.
I was overcome by fear. I had an uncontrollable urge to cry at the sound of that voice, because there was something in it that I had never heard before. I reached the point of thinking that I was daydreaming. In a coma, but daydreaming. I looked into the room again to see where that voice came from, and I came across an amazing sight; the room was now very clear, a clarity that seemed to be like that of sunlight, except that natural sunlight could not get there in the room due to its location.
“Sophia, I am the answer you need.”
the voice said.
I was getting nervous.
“Who?”
I asked.
Roy was my answer. Roy had jumped to rescue me, I thought.
“No Sophia, I was the one who saved you.”
Again the voice said.
I tried to seek its echo, following its sound to see where that voice came from. I could not see it, but I could feel it and hear it and its sound seemed to ease my pain and for the first time in my life, the emptiness I felt inside me, seemed to begin to be filled by an inexplicable voice, that although I still have not noticed where it came from, it comforted me. It looked like balsam was being thrown into my wounds and that had an effect that also removed my scars.
“Where does this voice come from?”
I thought. And it said:
“I am everywhere, Sophia. Do not be afraid. I had already prepared this meeting with you since before the foundation of the world.”
the voice said.
“How?”
I thought.
What a powerful voice this was that had the power to guess my thoughts?
Would it be a telepathic voice? No
. This could not be real. It must be the effect of this coma and beyond anything I was sleeping. I was unconscious and couldn’t be daydreaming, for I was asleep, in a coma, almost dead, and now out of nowhere appeared this comforting voice and it spoke to me.
And what's this about before the world began?
I thought to myself.
While I felt a gentle breeze passing around me, my heart raced and the nurse Mara shouted:
“Look at her heart monitor. Her heartbeat accelerated. I think we'll lose her now. She will have a heart attack.”
“No. Something inexplicable is happening to her. She will react.”
Snapped Luiza.
“You and your faith.”
said Mara.
I could pay attention to everything that was happening: in my motionless body on the bed, all the tubes that were placed in me, the annoying noise monitor, positive and negative comments made by doctors and nurses. I could see lights inside the room and above all, I could hear this supernatural voice that spoke to me, soothing my heart and making in me an effect I had never felt before.
The breeze I felt was also something I had never experienced before and it all happened to me quickly and even me seeing my body on that bed and listening to people say that I would die, I could feel an inexplicable joy, which was caused due to me hearing the sound of that voice. I knew I should look up, but I could not. I was afraid to move and scare the voice. And suddenly, I realized that I wanted to talk to this voice. To meet it. To approach it, because I knew it knew me and understood me. I've always had so much fear that people found out my thoughts. I, who never got tired of daydreaming, was there now. I was now asleep, but at the same time more awake than ever, having an inexplicable experience with this voice that not only said it knew me, but seemed it could also read my thoughts.
Despite all my uncertainty, I had the conviction that the voice really cared about me. It was as if it were real. Truly real. But even then I was still afraid that it was the product of my imagination.
What if I was creating this voice?
“No Sophia. I am the Creator. I created everything and I cannot be created by anyone.”
The voice said, as if it had heard my thoughts.
Had I finally found someone who could talk to me in my mind?
But the voice at the same time was coming out of me, it was outside me, it involved me and made an effect on me that I had never felt before.
But why had that voice only presented itself to me now, when I was in a coma?
“I tried to talk to you several times before, but you could not hear me. Do you remember a time you were in your room, desperate, half awake, half asleep and you felt your body getting out of bed and heard a voice telling you: My daughter, what are you doing with your life?”
Of course I remembered. That had been one of the most frightening experiences that had ever happened to me. And that voice that I heard that day made me reflect on my life.
“It was I who spoke to you that day. I knew you were suffering, but you were about to go down a path of no return and that day I spoke to you, I warned you so that you would not try what they would offer you that day.”
“It was drugs.”
I thought. Some friends offered me drugs, and I slept a deep sleep during the day and when I woke up, a voice spoke to me and from that moment on, I knew I had to get away from some friendships.
“I saved you Sophia.”
The voice said again.
An immense gratitude took over my being. Oh how I was happy to speak with that voice. That voice was so powerful, that gave me the certainty of better days, even if everyone or almost all believed that I was going to die.
A joy so great invaded me, for the first time in my life, that void was filled and it seemed that at last I found a place in the world and this time it was something that did not seem to be momentary.
“Do not give credit to this voice.”
The nurse Mara spoke aloud.
“What did you say?”
Luiza asked.
“I did not say anything. You are going crazy.”
Mara said.
While Mara spoke, I realized that her face had changed and she had been wrapped in a frightening darkness and her face had become very hard and some strange creatures surrounded her head, as if speaking into her ears. She did not realize what was happening, but she repeated the words that these animals spoke to her ears.
Nurses, doctors and other people who were in the room also did not realize that Mara's face had turned, and also did not notice the creatures that were lurking around her.
“Not everyone can see what I'm showing you today, Sophia, but by no means, does this spiritual world cease to exist. You know that voice that said, do not give credit to this voice? It is the voice of the enemy, fighting to keep my plans from fulfilling in people's lives. There is a battle, a war being fought on the earth, everywhere, even within hospitals. But I want to introduce you to this spiritual world Sophia. I want to show you things that I only show to those who I choose and who decide to have a relationship with me.”
All I wanted was to have a relationship with that voice. And if today I could make a wish for someone that could hear me, I'd ask that this voice did not stop talking to me. The thought of not being able to hear it again, took me by desperation.
“Do not worry. I will not abandon you. Trust me, Sophia. I know all your wishes. I will fulfill your dreams and fully remove this emptiness from your heart. Today was just the beginning. Do not close your ears, because I want to keep talking to you.”
The voice spoke to me.
I looked and the voice was no longer there. The breeze had stopped and in the hospital room, everything seemed as before, as if nothing had happened. As if all awaited the moment of my death. The moment my organs would stop working and I had a septic shock. It seemed that everyone was prepared to pronounce my death. I looked and realized that Roy had entered the room and was holding onto my hand and said:
“Wake up Sophia, wake up.”
I tried to squeeze his hand back, but I could not. I could only move my body, which was on the top side, but the one that was lying on top of the bed remained motionless. I wanted to give a sign of life for Roy. To show him that I would wake up. I was so glad I wanted to share everything I was feeling with him.
“Give him a sign, Sophia. You can.”
Again I heard a voice speak to me and I was overcome by so much emotion, that for a few seconds my eyes opened, I blinked and a tear rolled from my eyes. Roy wept and said:
“Her eyes opened. A tear rolled.”
“Then she's going to die.”
said Mara.
“Every patient in terminal stage has improved before they died.”
Mara continued, and on the up side, I could once again contemplate the darkness that involved her and put words in her mouth, causing her to become someone so negative.
“Wake up Sophia, wake up.”
Roy was still talking to me.
My eyes were closed again, but from above, I could contemplate Roy's despair, mixed with the enthusiasm of the tears I had shed. It was contagious.
That day I had experienced so many things, I would have those moments just frozen in my memory. And I was sure that Roy really loved me.
While Roy was holding my hand, he said:
“Thank you my God. I know that you Lord will bring her back.”
And as he spoke with God, I realized that the voice that spoke to me was the Voice of God. When I realized it, I was again wrapped by the breeze, at peace, and I felt the Voice involve my whole being.
The room again was very clear and I could see angels dancing around the bed and Roy was all wrapped in a very great light.
I was very happy. Even I, who always thought that no one cared about me, saw Roy there beside me, talking to God about me and above all I was convinced that God loved me and cared about me.
I, who heard many voices inside my head and had spent my whole life creating fictional characters to escape from my pain, now had just met a voice speaking to me, that calmed me, and brought peace that eased my pain and gave me assurance of being loved. I could feel the love of the voice for me. While I was surrounded by these thoughts, I heard: