When I Wasn't Watching (31 page)

‘I'll go, Mum,' Ricky piped up then, mistaking her expression, he looked hurt. ‘I'm not going to run off anywhere you know. You can trust me.'

Feeling caught, Lucy opened the door to let Ethan in, then rummaged around in her purse to find the grocery money for Ricky. As she did so she was aware of Ethan's eyes boring into her, looking at her with an intensity that unnerved her, and she hoped he wasn't going to attempt to paw her again as soon as her son was out of the door. Not that she had exactly fought him kicking and screaming last time, she thought, and felt her cheeks grow warm at the memory. She called to Ricky as he pushed past Ethan with the scowl that seemed to be reserved especially for his former stepfather.

‘Hurry up.'

‘Okay, Mum.'

He looked hurt again, and Lucy widened her eyes at him, willing him to understand that she wanted him to hurry back not just for peace of mind as to his whereabouts but so that she wasn't alone with Ethan. After her last visitor she was in no mood for any more heart-searching conversations.

Judging by the penetrating gaze on Ethan's face, that was exactly what he had come for. As soon as the door shut behind a disgruntled Ricky, he came towards her, a hand outstretched. She stepped away, shaking her head in warning.

‘If this is about what happened yesterday,' she began, but Ethan cut in, sounding on the verge of tears.

‘I need you, Lucy. I can't cope with this any more.'

She couldn't help it; her heart broke for him a little. As she had come to understand in the aftermath of Prince's release, she wasn't the only one affected by Jack's death. For so long she had struggled with her own private pain, locked in the mental prison his murder had consigned her to, that she had been blind to the struggles of those around her. As shallow as Ethan might very well be, the pain she saw on his face now ran deep.

‘I don't know what I can do to help you, Ethan,' she said, hearing a pleading note in her voice and for a moment despising how weak she sounded. ‘But it's over now. Prince might well be locked back up for violation of his parole conditions, and the boy has been found.'

She wondered if Ethan had seen the news stories, none of which named Ricky or alluded to their family at all, but even so he could have put two and two together.

‘It's not over,' he said, his voice drawn-out, as if he were moaning in pain. He surprised her then by sinking into a chair at the kitchen table and burying his head in his hands. He really was unravelling. Lucy went towards him, wanting to comfort him, when the smell of whiskey hit her, strong enough to be pungent, and stopped her in her tracks. Ethan had never been a drinker. Whatever was going on with him, it was bad.

‘Have you thought about talking to someone?' The hand she had been on the verge of reaching out to him fluttered uselessly at her side. ‘There are people who can help.'

He raised his face to her then, his features twisted into an expression that made him almost unrecognisable, and Lucy stepped back even as she told herself not to be so stupid; that it was only Ethan and he would never hurt her. Yet there was something almost feral about him, and when he jumped up from his chair she stepped back again and felt the edge of the kitchen counter press into the small of her back.

‘No one can help,' he snarled, ‘only you, Lucy. You're the only one who can understand.'

Lucy swallowed down her fear and forced her voice to be calm, trying to stop herself glancing out of the kitchen window for signs of Ricky's return, though she knew he wouldn't have made it to the shop and back so quickly.

‘Of course I understand,' she said, ‘and I'm sorry I shut you out after Jack was killed. But…' She paused, searching for the right words, not wanting to upset him further, when Ethan interrupted her again.

‘You would have done the same thing too, wouldn't you? You wanted him dead too. I didn't know it was the wrong person did I?'

Lucy felt like she was drowning, struggling for air, and for words that wouldn't come.

‘It was you,' she finally breathed, and the knowledge hit her like a dead weight on her chest, so that it was all she could do to prevent her knees from buckling. ‘You set fire to that man.'

Matt was a few streets away from Lucy's house when he saw Ricky emerging from the grocer's shop and he pulled over, beeping his horn. Ricky turned around, his face and body wary and only becoming a fraction less so when he saw it was Matt. He jogged over, and Matt opened the passenger door for him.

‘I was just coming to see your mum,' he explained when Ricky slid into the car, sitting as far over his side as possible, evidently still wary of Matt. ‘I take it she sent you to the shop?' He nodded towards the bag of potatoes in Ricky's hands.

‘Yeah. Well, I offered. She doesn't trust me.'

Matt shrugged. He didn't blame her, but thought it wise not to say so. While he was on bail, Ricky was under a curfew and wasn't allowed within 500 yards of the Armstrong residence. The grocery shop, thankfully, was in the other direction.

‘I thought I'd get out of the way,' Ricky went on as Matt pulled off. ‘
He
came round to talk to her again. Won't leave her alone lately.'

‘He?' Matt felt his guts twist and he increased his speed.

‘Yeah. Ethan.'

Matt hit the accelerator.

Ethan's breath, laced with the sickly smell of whiskey, was warm and fetid on her cheek and Lucy turned her face away, as disgusted by the smell as by his confession. Her stomach turned over, nauseous, and she fought not to cringe as Ethan gripped her arm and pushed his face closer to hers.

‘I did it for you,' he hissed, and Lucy saw how large his pupils were. The drink, or a sudden insanity, she wasn't sure, but Ethan was scaring her now, on a primal level she had never thought him capable of. He had hurt her in many ways over the years, but never physically. Never had she felt threatened by his presence before, whereas now she could feel a scream rising up in her in the face of the man she had known for so long, who was now a stranger to her. A dangerous one.

‘For me?' She fought to keep her voice steady. ‘Ethan, that's ridiculous. Why don't you sit down, and I'll make us a drink, and we can talk about it.' Her voice sounded far away to her, and surprisingly strong. Ethan blinked and for a moment looked confused, considering her suggestion, than he shook his head and the feral, unrecognisable look was back.

‘I wanted to get rid of him for you. For Jack, for us. So we could start again.'

Lucy had no response to that, but instead found the question he had asked just moments before reverberating through her mind.
You would do the same, wouldn't you?
If she hadn't have been so worried about Ricky, hadn't thought he could be the culprit, she knew Ethan might well be right; she could have been the one to confront Giles Murray, thinking it was Prince.
But I would have known it wasn't him
, she thought immediately, the face of her son's killer having haunted her dreams for years. And even if it had been, she was sure she could never have gone to the extreme of turning him into a human torch.

But she had wanted him dead. Or at least locked up again, far enough away from her that he may as well be. Had Ethan's actions been so extreme, really?

Ethan must have sensed her train of thought for he seemed to calm down, letting go of her arm and giving her a smile that seemed almost normal, or was at least at odds with his previous terrifying countenance.

‘You see?' he said with an air of triumph. ‘You do understand.'

Lucy nodded slowly, chancing a glance out of the window as she did so. Ricky should be back soon, although she was torn between wanting him here so she was no longer alone with this new and horrifying incarnation of her ex-husband, or wanting him as far away from Ethan as possible, for his own protection. There was one thing that she did, instinctively, understand right now and that was that Ethan in his current state was dangerous.

‘I get it, Ethan' she said, ‘but that doesn't mean I would do it.' As the words left her mouth she wished she hadn't said them, hadn't challenged him. She had seen a documentary with women who had been held hostage by escaped felons, some of them their own partners, and they had placated them, talked them down and in doing so saved themselves from God only knew what fate. Antagonising Ethan was likely not the best idea.

He didn't seem to hear her however, or at least didn't register her words, as he spun away from her and began pacing just in front of her. She could make a move towards the front door, or the phone, but she knew he would grab her again before she could get anywhere near either.

‘How was I supposed to know it was the wrong address?' Ethan was muttering, glaring at Lucy suddenly as though he anticipated her desire to get away.

‘You couldn't,' she said, trying to mollify him. Remembering that documentary, and then feeling a tightening around her chest as she also remembered that one of the women featured had been attacked anyway.

‘Exactly. But they won't care about that will they? They'll lock me up. Brand me a murderer, just like that bastard Prince.'

You are a murderer
, she thought but didn't say, the hard truth of it slapping her in the face as she stared at him. Ethan Randall,
Doctor
Ethan Randall, whom she had never felt good enough for, now pacing her kitchen like he was deranged. Lucy couldn't help but wonder, in spite of the seriousness of her situation, what her mother-in-law would think of her sainted son now.

‘They might be lenient,' she managed, hoping she sounded convincing. She thought about Matt's advice for Ricky. ‘If you ask for counselling, stress how much it's all upset you…' She trailed off as Ethan came to a standstill and faced her, looking calmer but no less menacing, a smirk across his still-handsome features.

‘Get that advice from your little copper boyfriend did you?' His voice was deceptively soft now, his eyes narrowed, and Lucy felt her heart racing inside her chest again, along with a sudden urge to go the toilet, a stinging in her lower belly that brought home to her just how scared she was. Although her rational mind tried to tell her this was only Ethan, her body was reacting like prey to a predator. It wanted to run.

‘No of course not,' she said and heard the crack in her voice, her fear finally too strong to disguise. Ethan seemed to react to it instinctively, grabbing her by the tops of her arms and pushing her back hard against the counter, his eyes glaring into hers. She pushed back, trying to twist away but he used his thighs and hips to push her back further, pressing his body against hers. Seeing her flinch away from the contact he laughed, a bitter sound, devoid of any actual humour.

‘Don't you like me touching you? You liked it plenty yesterday, didn't you?' His face twisted into a snarl. Lucy pushed against him, anger uncurling in her stomach and entwining with the fear.

‘Yesterday was a mistake. Get off me!'

He stilled for a moment at her words and for a split second she thought he would release her, then he grabbed the hair at the back of her neck with one hand and pulled her head back with such force pain shot down her spine and she yelped. She struggled, only for him to pull her head back further.

‘Ethan, you're hurting me,' she protested. She was trapped between him and the counter. Struggling either increased the pain in her neck or forced her even closer to him. Ethan was staring at her with a sort of calm appraisal that was more frightening than the snarling and pacing.

He thrust his groin into hers, slowly and deliberately, watching her carefully to gauge her reaction. Lucy closed her eyes.

‘Ethan. Get off me,' she repeated, praying she could get through to him, even though she knew he was beyond all reasoning.

‘You used to like it.' He ran his free hand down the front of her body and Lucy gagged as bile rose up in her throat. He let go of her hair after giving it one last vicious tug that had her nerves screaming, and instead pulled her to him, crushing his mouth against hers with more anger than desire. He forced her lips open, and she gagged again as his thick tongue and whiskey-soaked breath invaded her mouth. Using every bit of strength she possessed she heaved against him, her arms caught in between the crush of their bodies, but Ethan's tongue pushed into her throat as if he meant to choke her with it.

Lucy bit him. Hard.

She felt rather than heard him scream, tasted the warm metallic rush of blood in her mouth as she bit down on his tongue. Wrenching her head away, she spat out his blood that filled her mouth. Seeing her chance she ran past him, but he caught her hair again and yanked her back to him.

‘Bitch.' He backhanded her across the face, so hard that for a second her vision blurred and her ears filled with a ringing that made he think she imagined her name being called. Then Ricky's voice.

‘Mum! Get away from her!' Ethan let go of her and seeing him turn towards Ricky, now running through the front door, she screamed and hit out at him, her fear overrode by her desire to keep him away from her son. But the figure that pushed in between them and punched Ethan square on the jaw, then grabbed him and twisted him over the counter wasn't Ricky.

‘Matt,' she breathed, relief flooding through her. She saw Ricky leaning over her and realised that somehow she had fallen and was on the floor, next to a small puddle of blood. Ethan's blood, from where she had bit him. A giggle escaped her lips as for some reason she couldn't quite grasp that now seemed inexplicably funny.

‘Mum?' Ricky's voice sounded as if it was coming through a fog, and his face looked blurry. Lucy wanted to lie down. She was vaguely aware of Matt handcuffing a now sobbing Ethan, and of how ludicrous that whole picture was, before oblivion claimed her. The last thing she saw was Ricky reaching for her, and the outline of a small boy standing next to him, a smile on his lips that brought one to her own.