Authors: Glenna Maynard
Cam’s been moving his things in next door for the past week. I’ve been trying not to ogle him through the peephole as he walks past my door, but I can’t help bust steal glances at him.
He makes me feel close to Joey.
He makes me feel whole again.
I know he isn’t a replacement, and it isn’t healthy, but watching Cam is like a damn drug. I can’t get enough; I am like a fucking addict craving just a glimpse of him.
He has been keeping his distance, and we haven’t worked the same shift at the bar. I know we can’t avoid each other forever, but for now it’s working. At least it had been until Cassie changed our plans.
Cassie sprung her vacation on me a few days ago. She says she needs some time away. Time to clear her head. I guess Trey showed up and proposed to her. She told him no and he isn’t taking it well.
I understand where she is coming from, but at the same time it’s hard to see her giving up what I was supposed to have with Joey.
Trey has all but moved into the bar to drown his sorrows. He is so upset over Cassie. She left this morning and he took off after she did. I can’t be mad; I know she needs to do this.
The timing sucks, but I would never dream of telling her no. She’s been so good to me through all of my shit, and held my hand through it all. Even when I didn’t deserve her friendship she was there for me. She’s never let me down, and I can suffer a week with Cam for her sake.
She is going on a cruise to the Bahamas. I’m totally jealous. While she is on the beach sipping fruity cocktails, I’ll be here with my dead lover’s knock off.
It wouldn’t be so bad if he wasn’t such an asshole.
I can hear him now banging against the wall. I hope he hasn’t brought his mystery woman home with him for another round.
I turn my movie up louder and snuggle deeper in my blanket, trying to get comfortable.
A few minutes late someone is pounding on my door.
Ugh
, its early Sunday morning, and I haven’t slept, after singing last night and talking with Cassie about her travel plans and her love life, all I could do was think of Joey, and what we will never experience together. We never got to take a vacation together. The closest we ever got was when he took me to dinner, and a hotel for the night on our anniversary. Not that I am complaining. He was so romantic, I thought that maybe he was going to propose to me, but he didn’t.
Even without a proposal, it was the perfect date. We ate steak and shrimp by candlelight. We had the whole back dining room to ourselves. I may have gone down on Joey from under the table too.
I pretended to drop my napkin and slid under the table cloth. When I came back up I was between his legs.
I travel back to that night.
Inching my fingers up his thighs I make my way to his zipper.
“Audrey what are you doing?” His voice is shaky. I know getting it on in public makes him nervous.
“I’m ready for dessert,” I whisper, eager to touch and taste him.
“You can’t mean to be doing that here.”
I don’t answer. I finish what I started and start rubbing over the bulge in his boxer briefs. He groans is response and slides down in the seat giving me a better angle to work with. He thickens under my touch. He’s no longer protesting, instead he’s enjoying what I’m offering.
“Fuck, Audrey,” he hisses under his breath as my tongue licks him from base to tip, fully exposed now.
Pre-cum beads on the head of his dick. I lick it up and suck him between my lips, eager to get him off. I know it turns him on when I swallow.
The pounding grows louder, and more urgent, breaking me from my memories. “What?” I scream as I make for the door.
I throw the door open and come face to face with Cam.
“Think you can turn that shit down?”
“Think you can stop being so
Goddamn
loud?” I spit back.
“You gotta mouth on ya. Like a little firecracker ready to shoot off, all you need is a spark.”
He steps into me, too close, smelling too damn good. All manly with a hint of sweat.
“Can. You. Turn. Down. The. Volume?” he enunciates the question slowly; his breath is tickling my nose.
I look up at him, our mouths are so close. “If you keep it down so will I, but I like it loud.” I smirk, hinting at his performance from, last week.
“I’ll keep that in mind.” His voice is husky, sexy. He winks. Then he flicks my forehead hard with his fingers, and stomps the few feet back to his place.
I inhale sharply, frozen in place, shaken by how he made me feel being so in my face. I don’t move until he bangs on the wall screaming for me to turn the TV down.
Part of me wants to turn it up louder just to spite him, and make him come back, but I don’t. I turn the volume down and curl up in bed, hugging Joey’s pillow.
The next few days at the bar don’t go much better. I’m on day three of working next to Cam. It’s a slow day and he already sent Sasha and Freddie home. Said he’d call them back in if things picked up tonight. Lewis already scheduled the day off for a dentist appointment.
A baseball game plays on the big screen behind the bar, and I want to poke my eyes out. I’m not into sports. Every time I change the channel Cam turns it back.
I swear he does it just to piss me off and it’s working. I think he is trying to annoy me until I give in and take the day off too.
He doesn’t realize I don’t like to lose. I never give in. I always got my way with Joey, and I got used to getting what I want.
“Can we at least compromise?” I ask as he wipes invisible spots from the shot glasses for what seems like the ninth time.
“Nope,” he answers quickly.
Okay then, I guess I will drive him nuts by singing ABBA. I toss back a Jager Bomb for luck, and make my way to the stage. Dancing Queen blares through the speakers. I can see Cam clenching his jaws as he busies himself with sweeping the clean floor. It only makes me sing louder.
I’m on my third rendition of the song when he snaps, unplugging the sound system from the outlets.
“Enough with the noise. What do you want to watch?”
I grin at him; I knew I would break him. Flicking the tip of his nose I tell him, “The Romance Channel is showing some great movies. They’re having a Nicholas Sparks marathon!”
His mouth curves down, he frowns rubbing his nose. “Are you trying to kill me. I don’t watch that sappy shit.”
“You do now,” I gloat changing the channel.
“Let’s at least make it interesting. For every main character that dies, we do a shot.”
“You’re on big shot.” I saunter behind the bar and start pouring.
Motherfucker
! Audrey is making me crazy. I don’t know how much longer I can take seeing her face, and hearing her voice every morning and night, while she sings her way through her apartment, and into the shower.
I’ve been beating off to the sound of her voice every morning while taking my shower. Not to mention the fact that my sister took off to the Bahamas, leaving me alone with Audrey on the days Lewis has scheduled off.
After four days, the sexual tension between us is at an all-time high along with my anxiety. I’ve had to have my dosage upped on my medication to cope. I’m drinking more than I’d like and so is Audrey.
We’re closing together, and she’s had a few shots too many. All of our customers have taken off, including our staff.
I’m wiping down the counter when I see her take to the stage. She’s stumbling and her makeup is smeared.
Thunder rumbles making her jump. The lights flicker and she starts to sing, The Thunder Rolls, by Garth Brooks.
I can’t help but chuckle, not only at her choice of song, but also at the way she prances around the stage as though she were giving the performance of a lifetime.
She continues to belt out the lyrics, ignoring my presence completely as I turn the chairs up over the tables.
I go through the kitchen after making sure the backdoor is locked, and I turn down the lights.
When I get back out front, Audrey is behind the bar downing another shot. “One for the road!” She holds the glass up in my direction and I shake my head. Under different circumstances, I could easily see myself falling hard for her. I grab tonight’s deposits to put them in the safe.
“If you want to go upstairs, I can handle locking the door,” I offer knowing she needs to get in bed. She’s turned off the sound system and most of the lights. I’m not strong enough to get her upstairs to her bed, and leave without touching her a second time. She nods and I go to the office to finish up.
After dropping the money in the safe, I grab my keys from the desk and make for the bar. One more beer won’t hurt, and it gives me an excuse to stay down here, instead of upstairs where Audrey is.
The rain starts to pour and lightening is crackling in the sky. Looks like I’ll be here a bit longer.
I toss my empty bottle in the trash, and play some darts alone in the dark with the storm to keep me company. It isn’t long before fantasies of what could have been had I chose to follow Audrey upstairs take over my thoughts.
I would wrap my fingers up in her long thick hair, getting a fistful, pulling her head back, and giving her a heated kiss. She’d moan and lean into me as I strip her body bare of any clothes. Her breasts would spill out of her white lace bra, her nipples hard, eager to be teased by my mouth and fingers.
My cock grows harder the more I imagine touching her, claiming her for my own. I don’t know why I am torturing myself.
I put the darts away and lock the door since the rain is coming down lighter now. Time to go upstairs and jerk off while I think about a woman I shouldn’t crave.
I’ve been sitting the breakfast bar eating toast to chase away the small buzz I had from earlier. It’s late and I’m thinking of things I should leave alone.
The steady pelts of rain against my windowsill are the only comfort I seek. Joey loved the rain, almost as much as he loved me. Now that he’s gone, the rain is the only thing that brings me peace. Slipping one of his old flannels over my camisole and panties I pad across the apartment stepping out on the covered balcony. The damp breeze blows my hair around my face. I take a seat in the wooden rocker, putting my knees up, and resting my chin on the tops. I feel stupid for thinking of Cam in a sexual manner. My fantasies are keeping me awake.
I sit and listen as the rain continues to fall. Seeking silence, seeking an escape from all that Joey and me shared. Some days I think I should just pack up and go, but then I catch a glimpse of my neighbor, Joey’s brother—Cam. When look at him…I feel like I am catching a glimpse of the man I loved, and I can’t bring myself to leave.
He looks so much like him but they are nothing alike. Where Joey was calm and sweet, Cam is loud, cold, and rude. He’s a hard man, but for some reason I like knowing he’s next door. I like knowing that there is someone just as fucked up as me in this world.
I hear him screaming in his sleep, and beating against the wall. Cassie says he suffers from PTSD, from the war.
I don’t know much about combat, but I know a lot about demons stalking you at night, and keeping you awake.
I stare through the drizzle to the moon, wishing and hoping on a star for time to roll back to that morning so I could force Joey to stay in bed with me.
Chilled to the bone, I move to go inside when I notice Cam leaning against our shared railing, staring at the moon, allowing the spray of rain wash over him. I wonder if he’s thinking of me too, and wishing that he wasn’t.
I know I need to go in and give him some privacy, but my feet won’t budge. He’s standing in nothing but a pair of drawstring pajama pants that hang low on his hips. My eyes travel his body, taking in the massive phoenix tattoo that covers his back, I don’t stop checking him out until I reach his bare feet.
As if he feels the heat of my stare he turns around facing me.
“Couldn’t sleep. I never can when it rains, I love the sound too much to let it be wasted.” He shakes his head, and a drop of water hits my exposed thigh sending a shiver down my spine.
Goosebumps fan across my skin as Cam takes in my disheveled appearance. My dark hair hangs wildly over my shoulders. My nipples are pressing hard against the thin material of my top and I hug Joey’s open shirt closing it around my waist, hiding what I can of my body. “The rain is peaceful,” I agree.
His brown eyes narrow on me and I feel flushed. “Goodnight Audrey, enjoy the rain,” he says softly. His arm brushes against mine. A tear slips from the corner of my eye, and I don’t even know why.
“Cam, you stay,” I call out before he goes in. “Don’t leave on my account.” He pauses by the door. “You want a beer or something?”
“Yeah or something,” he whispers in a husky drawl.
I swallow and nod. Inside, I grab a pair of sweats, slipping them on quickly, while fetching two Coronas and some lime wedges I stole from downstairs.
Out on the deck, Cam is sitting in the other rocker. I take my seat back next to him, clinking our bottles together I say, “to the rain.”
He takes his drink and nods before tossing it back.
“So tell me something about Joey, a secret between brothers. A story he would’ve never told me.”
He sits quietly thinking back perhaps. He chuckles softly and says, “He ever tell you about the tattoo on the bottom of his big toe?”
“He told me it was a mole.” I grin faintly remembering first seeing it when I was rubbing his feet.
“And you bought that?” he shakes his head smiling briefly.
I take a sip of my beer, twirling the bottle between my fingers under the dim of the moon.
“He lost a bet. We were at a bar the night before I was leaving for boot camp. We had one drink too many. Joe bet me and Trey he could whistle and make the ghost train appear on the tracks. I told him no way, and bet him he had to get a tattoo if he lost. I don’t know if you knew this or not, but Joe was terrified of needles.” His eyes lighten and he continues to smile.
“No, he never told me that,” I confess.
“Anyway, we staggered our drunk asses to the tracks. Joe climbed up the lamppost halfway and started whistling. The train never showed of course, and well Joe ended up at the tattoo parlor on fifth. He was green in the face. He said he wanted to get inked somewhere no one could see. He decided on the bottom of his big toe not knowing it’s one of the most painful spots he could’ve gone with.” Tears tease at the corners of his eyes, dancing around the creases. Cam’s lips lift into a semi-smile as he reflects on that night. “You could hear him across the river he screamed so loud, and all he was getting was a black circle.”
He continues to shake his head and laugh. I think it’s one of those you had to be there stories, but I smile and laugh along with him. His laugh is contagious. After the laughter dies down, the rain has stopped, and we are left with the silence of our own thoughts—pain, grief, desire.
I glance over finding his eyes on my lips. I turn my head finishing my drink. “It’s getting late. Lewis will kill me if I am late opening on his day.”
When I stand Cam captures my hand. “Stay just a little while longer. Even an asshole like me gets lonely.”
“Sorry about that. I tend to fly off at the mouth when I’ve had too much liquor.”
“Think nothing of it. We both know what you said was true. I was out of line Audrey. I’m sorry.”
His large hand is swallowing mine as he continues to grip it firmly. Sucking in a deep breath, I am afraid to stay, but even more afraid to go. Cam is finally opening up and being nice to me.
“Can you forgive me,” he says low, sounding so much like Joey a few of the stings holding up my heart snap.
Biting back my tears I tell him, “There’s nothing to forgive. Joey was your brother and you don’t know me. I’m an outsider. I can only imagine the terrible things your Ma had to say about me.”
“Actually, she ripped my ass and told me to take it easy on you. She comes off mean, but she cares about you Audrey. We all do. And as for not knowing you, I am making an effort.”
I roll my lips inwardly wishing I had my lip balm.
He lets go of my hand, but raises standing too close, smelling too good, sounding too close to Joey, as usual. Brushing my hair back, Cam says, “I can see why he loved you so much. You’re beautiful in here.” He touches my chest where my heart used to be. Cam’s eyes never waiver from mine. I count the seconds as they tick by, scared he will kiss me, scared that he won’t.