Authors: Unknown
“So, I heard they have a new exhibit here. I think it’s called Animals Inside Out. Let’s see if we can find it. I love anatomy!” I handed him a brochure, forcing him to take his eyes off me. I retreated back into my thoughts as Josh perused the map.
Why the hell am I trying to hide my feelings anyway? Isn’t Josh trying to give me what I want?
I was certain that he was, but the walls I’d built were crumbling around me and I hadn’t given the go ahead to start the demolition. He was breaking them down from the outside in and part of me felt defenseless and unprotected.
This is gonna be harder than I thought.
If I were ever going to come close to having the things I truly wanted, I would have to be willing to take the risk.
It’s like Ange said, things could fall apart, or they could fall into place.
The breath I’d been absent-mindedly holding stung my lungs and I let out a huff.
“Are you okay?” Again Josh was eyeing me.
This time I didn’t flinch. My face broadened into a reassuring smile. “I’m fine. You think after this next exhibit we could get something to eat? I just remembered. I’m starving! All this excitement made me forget about my appetite.” Josh showed his boyish grin and perked up instantly.
“Sure, I have plans for us around four o’clock anyway.” He gave me a wink. We walked arm-in-arm through the life-sized Animals Inside Out exhibit. It was filled with over one hundred animals from eels to elephants and every one of them was inside out. I was in heaven as I studied the detailed work of each muscle and tendon. The works of art were made of flesh preserved through plastination. At least that’s what the plaque said.
Near the camel exhibit was a couple and their two small children. I couldn’t resist watching as the little ones pointed and asked questions; their eyes lit up with wonder. A glint of sadness flickered in my heart.
One day.
As if on cue Josh asked, “So, would you like to have a family someday?” It seemed awfully soon to be having this conversation—even if I
was
just thinking about it, but I humored him
.
“I just asked because I think you’d make a great mother if you ever decide to have children.”
Interesting presumption.
I stared at Josh as he stood there with his hands tucked in the pockets of his jeans as though he had no problem waiting all day if it meant he’d get his answer. Josh seemed perfectly comfortable to have this conversation and seemed quite sure that he already knew so much about me.
“Josh, you barely know me so I’m not sure how you’re so certain I would make a good mother, but to answer your question, yes, I would like to have children someday.”
Josh cocked his head to the side with a reflective eyebrow raise. “That actually didn’t answer my question. I asked if you’d like to have a
family
someday. For the record, I think you’d make a great mother because you have a thirst for life. I can tell that just from being around you. You’re vibrant and fun, and when you allow it, there are certain things that make your eyes light up with the same wonder and enthusiasm of a child. You have a heart for children—the pediatric thing kinda gave that away. You’re a nurturing person, but you won’t let anyone nurture you. I asked if you wanted a family because the kid part seems like a no-brainer, but the fact that you seem so hesitant to let people get close to you made me ask if you want a
family
or would children be enough. I’m not trying to jump the gun or anything. I’m just trying to get to know you if you’ll let me.”
Damn! He does know me!
I shifted my gaze, and he stepped in front of me to follow it. I turned again and there he was.
I refused to crack a smile.
I willed. Apparently my face didn’t get the memo because it cracked my tight mouth into an amused grin.
Josh let out a relieved sigh. “Finally, there’s a smile! Let’s lighten the mood a bit. How ‘bout a bite to eat?” He walked away and left me standing there—thinking.
Either this man is a stalker, or he’s one of the most observant people I’ve ever met.
I followed Josh to a blocked off section of the museum called Newton’s Prism. It was giant beams of light that illuminated the room with every color of the rainbow. I stepped hesitantly into the room. “Are we supposed to be in here? It looks closed.”
“Yes, we’re supposed to be here and yes, it’s closed. I wanted us to have some privacy.” He smiled at me warmly. As I continued to scan the room, I discovered a small table with a picnic basket and two place settings. The entire scene was breathtaking. I watched as hues of indigo and red danced against the walls. It was iridescent and for some odd reason the whole presentation moved me to tears. I tried damn hard to hold it together and not become a blubbering idiot, but the knot in my throat tightened and slowly moved upward, until it forced the tears that peaked in my eyes to roll down my cheeks. I was, in a word, overwhelmed. This was by far the sweetest, most beautiful thing anyone had ever done for me.
Ever.
I shuddered to think of the way I’d treated him all day and the whole time he’d been waiting to share
this
with me.
It’s official. I. Am. An asshole.
I embraced the fact for a moment because I genuinely felt like one, even as I stood there with tears running down my face. I knew it was who I had allowed myself to become so, yeah, I owned it.
You’re so damned busy being guarded that you can’t even recognize when someone is trying genuinely to be nice to you.
I pursed my lips together tightly and shook my head. I’m sure he thought I was crazy as he stood by and waited for me to say something. “It’s beautiful,” was all I could manage.
Even though I’d been trying desperately to keep Josh at arm’s length, I could feel him slowly creeping into my heart. The crack in my wall was spreading fast; faster than I could ever have planned. He walked over without a word and gently wiped the tears from my face before resting his hand against my cheek. For just a moment, I closed my eyes and nuzzled against the palm of his hand. I yielded to his touch and breathed in the moment. Right then and there I told myself I would try for him. I would try for what could one day be us. I would try because I no longer wanted my life to stay exactly as it was. I wanted more. I wanted love. I wanted
this,
and if any man was worth the risk, it was Joshua Griffin.
When I opened my eyes, Josh was gazing at me, studying my face as his eyes danced from each feature before resting on my mouth before he leaned in and placed a gentle peck on my lips. A series of tender kisses followed on each of my tear stained cheeks before he met my mouth again and engulfing it in passionate, deep exploration. Josh ran his hands slowly down my back and rested them against the curve of my backside. My body went limp as I closed my eyes and pressed in closer to him. My arms made their way around his neck as my fingers mingled in his short brown hair. His mouth was irresistible to me. I couldn’t help but taste it. Top lip. Bottom lip. Nibbling and sucking hungrily. My fear had melted away with my resolve, and I wanted him to throw me down right there and make me sing
Somewhere Over the Rainbow
!
It wasn’t until Josh pulled back that I even considered the fact that we were still in the museum. “Whoa, we’d better take it easy,” his eyes scanned cautiously as he checked for spectators. “We wouldn’t want to give any little kids an extra biology lesson.”
Josh was right even though I found myself once again worked into a fiery chaos. I knew he couldn’t put it out, at least not here and not now. He kissed me once more and said softly, “Come on, let’s go see what’s in the basket. I don’t know about you, but I could eat that camel back there!” He nodded in the direction of the last exhibit. “I brought picnic food and a blanket but I had a table set up in case you weren’t into sitting on the floor. I know you weren’t sure what to wear, so I wanted to be prepared for anything in case you decided to surprise me with some sexy-assed mini dress or something,” he teased. I rolled my eyes and began rummaging through the basket. It was filled with deli meats, cheeses, hard salami, rye bread, French bread and crackers. He’d also packed grapes, strawberries, sliced pineapple, olives and an assortment of condiments. A bottle of Dom Pérignon Rosé and two champagne glasses sat at the center of the gorgeous table draped with an embroidered gold tablecloth. “This all looks delicious Josh! I’m fine with lying on the floor! Can we lay under the prism?” I handed him the blanket. “Here, lay it out and I’ll grab the basket. I am beyond ravenous!” It was true. I hadn’t eaten a single thing since the half a bagel earlier today, and even that had been recompense for the fact that I’d flushed any previous contents of my stomach down the drain that morning.
Josh spread the blanket on the ground, and I met him with the basket, champagne and glasses. He sprawled out on the blanket, and I laid down beside him. I flipped open the lid of the basket and began pulling food out while he set out the plates and poured the champagne. When I was done with organizing the spread by food group, Josh chuckled and handed me a glass. “What? It just made sense to lay them out that way.” I smirked as I took a sip of the champagne.
He laughed again. “Of course it did. It looks great. Now let’s get some food on these plates!” He didn’t have to tell me twice. I popped open the carton of strawberries and found the biggest, reddest, ripest berry and brushed it across my pouty lips as I eyed Josh intently.
“Have some?” I taunted as I tasted the tip of the berry with my tongue. Josh’s eyes were fixated on my mouth as I bit the berry and sucked the juice off my lips. I extended the berry, what was left of it anyway, toward his mouth, hoping that he might take a bite. Or maybe even invite me to take a bite with him, but to my dismay he grabbed the berry from my fingers and popped the entire thing into his mouth.
Not too keen on innuendo I see.
I shook my head slightly.
“Thanks,” he said between bites with a content grin on his face that let me know he was on to me and wasn’t entertaining my advances so, again, I changed the subject.
“So, what made you go into education?” I asked, focused on placing some salami and crackers on my plate.
“Well.” Josh looked skyward thoughtfully. “I wanted to have an impact on the lives of young adults and help them be better prepared for life after college. I didn’t have that knowledge growing up, but I learned pretty quickly the importance of planning and money management. I’ve put most of my money away in savings and investments over the past four years. I’m building a financial portfolio so when the time comes, I’ll be able to take care of my wife and children. I want to have options and something to offer a woman who does me the honor of becoming my wife. I try to teach my students some of those same principles. What about you? What made you go into pediatric medicine?”
I was extremely content just listening to Josh talk, even if everything he said sounded too good to be true. If he were talking about himself, it meant we weren’t talking about me. The whole time he’d been talking I studied his face for any indication that he might be blowing smoke up my ass, but all I found was sincerity. Josh struck me as someone who knew very clearly what he wanted and was willing to work to make it happen. Like me, he had plans and ideals. He wanted to provide and care for his family and was setting himself up to do so. I’d never dated anyone who had themselves so together and seemed to be on the same path I desired. Years ago I had very seriously dated a guy named Grayson, who said he wanted a lot of the same things I was looking for, but that had turned out not to be the case. He took me through so many changes; I had vowed I’d never take the risk of letting someone do that to me again. Still, lying here across from Josh, I allowed myself to consider the possibility of having those things I’d said I wanted so long ago. Maybe I could have love and stability and a family. Didn’t I deserve that like everyone else? Wasn’t I worth loving? As much as I wanted to believe I was, Grayson had wounded me in a way I wasn’t sure would ever fully heal.
I wasn’t aware of how deeply I’d drifted into my thoughts until I felt Josh shake my arm lightly. “Where’d you go,” he asked. “You ok?”
“I’m fine,” I smiled dryly as I shook off bad memories and dark feelings.
Maybe this man is different.
I assured internally. “Let’s see… some things about me… I love kids—which you already guessed. I’m an only child… now. My sister died when I was 11, and she was 7. I love Chinese food, art, music and traveling. I’m a Leo. I love animals but not to have as pets, umm… I guess that’s basically it.” I was fairly pleased with my summary but of course, Josh had more questions.
“You said earlier you’d like to have children. How many? What are your religious beliefs? Where do you wanna be five years from now?” Now he’d propped himself up on his elbow and was giving me an inquisitive eyebrow raise.
Geez! This man is determined to be all in my business! He’s nothing if not persistent.
I took a deep breath and prepared to reply to round two of my interrogation.
“Well sir, if you
must
know I’d like to have at least one child and maybe as many as three –depending on my sanity after the first two. I am a Christian and a work in progress,” I said with nervous laughter. “In five years I see myself as Chief of Pediatrics—maybe having a child or two, but that would require a proposal and marriage first!” I could have slapped myself! Had I just brought up marriage and proposal not only on the second date but in the same damned sentence?
Well, if he were ever gonna run I guess now would be the time.
I hesitantly looked in Josh’s direction, fully prepared for him to chime in with, “Look at the time!” Instead, he sat there, still resting on his elbows, listening intently.
“It takes more than that to spook me. Besides, I asked. Is that all or is there more?” Josh asked; his eyes still set on me.
“Well, I said before that I like to travel so I still have some places on my list I’d like to check off. I’d also like to do something adventurous and spontaneous, you know? I’m sure I come off as a bit stuffy at times, but I actually am fun once you get to know me. Not everyone sticks around long enough to see that side of me.” The olives and crackers left on my plate now had my full attention as I tossed them back and forth with my fork.