He'd failed his first test as a boyfriend.
The cute little clerk with waist-long hair and a waist-high top had approached while he was looking at the stained glass lamps, something “big and shiny” for Lauren's Christmas present. She'd get the joke, and the lamps were really nice, just her style.
So the clerk came up, hair swinging, eyes sparkling, navel ring showing. She'd asked if he needed help, who he was buying it for.
He said his sister.
God, he'd known this would happen, had known no matter how much he cared for Lauren, no matter how happy he was, he wouldn't be able to stay faithful. The girl's number rested in his coat pocket.
He never took a number he didn't intend to use. He was going to hurt Lauren. No matter if he ended the relationship now or later, he was going to hurt her, and when he did, he'd lose her forever. He hadn't worked out how he'd deal with that.
He shivered on the porch that was lit brightly with strands of white lights and decorated with poinsettias whose leaves trembled in the wind. He had a mental picture of Crystal standing over her adoring husband with a whip as he strung the lights just so.
Crystal opened the door, welcoming him with warmth, light and throbbing dance music. He didn't even have to scan the room for Lauren, found her right away even with her back to him. Had he always been able to do that? He couldn't remember. She was talking to his dad and laughing. The sound carried over to him, sent chills along his skin. Damn it, why couldn't he treat her right if he loved her?
"Listen, Seth, this guy Lauren's seeing,” Crystal was saying as she took his coat. “Do you know anything about him?"
The question, so quick on the heels of her greeting, caught him off guard. “I don't think she's seeing anybody."
She frowned and shook her head. “She is. I saw her at the mall buying one of those merry widow Madonna looking things. She said it was for a friend, but you know, women don't buy lingerie for each other. It's strange that you don't know.” She dragged him aside. “You don't think she's seeing Eddie again, do you? After he cheated on her?"
Just the thought made him go hot with shame. “She wouldn't put up with that twice."
Crystal sagged with relief. “Good, I'm glad. I was so worried. I know what it's like to be lonely. But to put yourself in harm's way again..."
Seth wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “I know you do, Sis. But you don't have to worry about Lauren. She takes care of herself pretty good."
"It's not the same as having someone take care of you."
His pulse lurched at that. Did he want to take care of Lauren? Was he capable of it? He'd proved tonight that he couldn't, hadn't he?
Crystal pulled away, putting on her busybody face again. “I know she's seeing someone. I just don't know why she's intent on keeping it a secret."
"Maybe she wants to make sure it's right first."
"Maybe.” But Crystal looked skeptical. “But if she hasn't even told you—I'm just worried he's not the right man for her."
Funny. Seth worried about the same thing. The urge to go straight to Lauren was too strong, would be too obvious. He greeted Enrique, his other sisters, Rey, his mom.
And then he was next to Lauren. He tried to remember how they'd been together before. If anyone saw a change, they'd suspect. But he itched to stroke the soft velvet dress, to loosen the hair she wore all piled up, to rub the lipstick off her mouth. He couldn't even think of one thing to tease her about. And when she looked at him, well, hell, she wasn't any better about hiding her feelings. He realized he hadn't even spoken to her.
"Hey,” he said eloquently and lifting a beer to his lips.
She smiled at that. “Hey, yourself."
"No football tonight,” Oscar teased, lifting his own beer. “You look really nice."
Lauren did a little dip of thanks. “My mother made me buy it."
Seth stiffened, didn't take his eyes off his father. Did Lauren notice how Oscar stopped before taking a drink? Did she recognize the interest in his eyes?
"How is she doing? Have you talked to her lately?"
"I'm meeting her for Christmas Day.” Lauren offered a brave smile. “It'll be—different."
"For all of us,” Oscar agreed. “Give her my best."
Seth couldn't listen. He set his bottle on a nearby table and faced his father. “Dad, can I speak with you? Alone?"
Oscar looked surprised. “Sure. Of course."
Seth headed for the French doors that led to the back patio. He'd helped Crystal move in last week and had learned the layout, though it looked like she'd changed almost everything around. He opened the door and let his father precede him onto the flagstone patio.
Oscar turned, his posture relaxed. “What is it?"
"I don't want you to talk to Lauren about Valerie. Ever."
Oscar merely looked at him. “Why not? It was perfectly civil, and it would have been strange if I hadn't asked about her."
"That you can even mention her while Mom is in the room sickens me, but you will not sully Lauren with this."
"She has no idea."
"And I want to keep it that way. This divorce is hard enough on her without her knowing the reason why. Don't talk to Lauren about Valerie."
What was up with Seth? Here she'd worked to make herself as beautiful as she could, had even gone to the hairdresser and had her nails done, like the women he usually liked did, and he wouldn't even look at her. She'd fantasized all day that he'd drool over her; maybe drag her into some dark corner to molest her. She knew they were supposed to be keeping a secret, but a girl could hope.
But he'd barely looked at her before dragging his dad outside to talk. He hadn't looked happy about it, but then he never looked happy around Oscar. Oscar didn't seem bothered by it, but it bothered Lauren. Why had he followed his dad into the fire service if he didn't love and admire him?
Crystal urged everyone to fill their plates with the tons of food that covered her mission style table and her pass-through bar. True to her word, she'd used her sparkling new crystal, and had her china out for serving. Being a wife was something Crystal had wanted her whole life. It was something Lauren had only started thinking about the past couple of weeks: what made a wife good, what made a marriage last. She'd grown up with both models. She figured modeling herself after Seth's mom might make a marriage with him work.
If only he wanted it.
She was starting to fear that if they kept the secret much longer, it would be that much easier for him to dump her when he started getting spooked.
He and Oscar came in from the porch and she stopped herself from walking over to him. He looked upset and cold, and he didn't make a move toward the food. That in itself was a clue he was in a mood. She watched him, and when he headed toward the living room, she set her plate aside and followed.
"Seth?” He spun around, his hand on the doorknob. “You're leaving without saying goodbye?"
"I'm just—yeah. I'm not in a social mood."
"Seth, it's Christmas. They're your family.” She took a step closer. “He's your dad."
He looked behind her. “Yeah, well, when you can get through an event with your mom without fighting with her, then we can talk, all right?"
She drew back from his hostility, but saw the contrition instantly on his face. “What is it now?"
He shook his head. “Look, I'm going to go. Will you be all right by yourself?"
She didn't want to be here by herself. She wanted to be here with him. While she felt like part of his family, he was the one she wanted to be with.
"I'll get my coat and come with you. Go tell your family good night."
He scowled. “Then I have to think of an excuse."
"Tell them I'm sick, you need to take me home. I'll wait outside."
He looked reluctant, but nodded and went to bid goodbye to his family.
"I think we should quit hiding,” she said as they hurried out to his truck.
That stopped him mid-stride. “What?"
"I think we should come clean, admit we're seeing each other."
"You're insane. You know what our families will do if they know we're together. They love you. It'll be a disaster. They'll have our wedding planned and our children named before we even finish our confession."
"Would that be so bad?"
"You are crazy. You know it would be."
"At least we get along with each other's families. It could be worse."
"Look, Lauren, do you know how this is going to end? This thing between us?"
"No, of course not."
"We don't even know if we'll stay together till New Year's, much less happily ever after. I say we wait. Telling everyone will just raise expectations we don't know we can fulfill."
Lauren stood still as he started toward his car. She couldn't believe he could hurt her so much and be right at the same time.
He realized he'd left her behind, stopped and came back. “Come on now, before you freeze to death out here."
They sat in silence as they waited for the truck to heat up, Lauren with her hands tucked between her knees for warmth. So Seth didn't think they had a future. What now? Could they go back to being friends? What would it be like when he married and had children? Could she bear watching him adore his wife and the children she hadn't given him?
No. Uh-uh. Fat chance. One sure way to avoid that misery, marry Seth herself. She'd convince him—on her own, because if she wasn't subtle, he'd hightail it in the opposite direction—that she was the right woman for him. She'd prove relationships could work, pretty tough since she had doubt of it lately herself. But then, she could point him to his own parents, remind him of their success. Until she formulated a plan, she'd have to go on instinct.
She waited till Seth pulled out onto the street before she turned to him. She took a deep breath and plunged ahead. “We may not know where this is going to end, but we can decide how tonight is going to end."
He looked over, almost running the car off the road. “I don't know if that's a good idea.” His voice sounded kind of strangled.
She shifted so her skirt rode up her thigh a little bit. “You don't think I dressed this way for just anybody, do you?"
He made a show of checking for traffic as he pulled out on the main street at the edge of Crystal's neighborhood. “You probably had every guy there drooling in his beer."
"Including you?"
"God, Lauren, you don't get it, do you? All you have to do to turn me on is be yourself."
"But it wasn't always like that."
"No."
"What changed?"
"I don't know. It just changed."
"So one day I was Lauren and the next day I was Lauren.” She said her name the second time with a va-voom accent and for the first time this evening he chuckled.
"No, it wasn't one day. It was—slow. Like waking up."
Her heart leapt. He's noticed her in an awakening. There was hope, after all.
Seth had no intention of going inside when he walked Lauren to the door. He had to create a distance, starting now. Otherwise he wouldn't have the strength. All he could think was that this was likely one of the last times he and Lauren would be civil to one another. And if he didn't act soon, he'd fall into complacency and end up hurting her worse later than he would if he ended their relationship now.
Then she turned, placed a hand on his chest and kissed him. Until that moment he didn't realize how much he wanted her to, and his arguments melted away under the sweetness of her kiss. The house alarm shrilled impatiently as he wrapped his arms around her.
One more night together and he'd take the memory when he left. With one arm linked about her waist, he drew her with him to punch in the alarm code, then turned back for another kiss.
He wanted to savor every touch, every taste, and so he dragged out the kisses, losing himself in the feel of her, the evenness of her breathing. He drew out the anticipation, arousing both of them with his restraint.
He pushed her hands away when she tried to undress him, and he shifted so her back was against the wall. He braced his hands on either side of her head and leaned in for another kiss, floating in the haze of pleasure, of building passion. He wouldn't think about tomorrow, only now.
He loosened her hair; let the loose tendrils tease his skin before the heavy weight of her hair fell cool over his hands. “I've been wanting to do that all night,” he said against the underside of her jaw; the spot that made her squirm.
His desire to hear her pant, to feel her skin grow damp with desire for him overwhelmed and frightened him. He'd never needed anyone the way he needed Lauren. Lusted, yes, desired, yes. Only she made him feel he could be happy nowhere else. Yet he had to leave.
Part of him wanted to close his mind to the idea that this was Lauren. To slake his lust like she was any other woman. But his heart wanted to remember everything about her before he pushed her away.
She guided his mouth back to hers with her fingers in his hair and he sank into her, pinning her to the wall, running his hands up and down her body in the velvet dress.
"Sexy dress."
"Wait till you see what I have on underneath,” she said huskily, her teeth on his bottom lip.
His eyes nearly rolled back at the promise in her voice. He stepped back and gestured toward the stairs. “Lead the way."
A thong.
"Jesus, Lauren. Are you trying to give me a heart attack?” he rasped, then lay back in the middle of the bed, his eyes never leaving her.
"Not exactly the reaction I was looking for, no.” She stepped back into her high heels, which did amazing things to her legs and butt. She walked toward the bed with this sway that made him bite his lip. He would not blink, he would
not
blink.
"It's not fair that you should let me know what to get you the day before Christmas Eve,” he said, then hated himself. They had no future, and after Christmas he'd never see her underwear again.
After tonight he'd never see her underwear again. He swallowed hard when she climbed on top of him, still wearing the heels. “God, Lauren,” he moaned when she positioned herself over the tent in his slacks with deadly aim.