She didn't call. Seth was worried but at the same time he didn't want to call her if she was upset. Still, his mind went wild as he imagined what she could be thinking.
He'd never worried so much about a woman afterwards, had never been so concerned about what could be on her mind.
Damn it, he'd known better than to take Lauren to bed. Now she was under his skin and he had no clue what to do next. So he called.
She sounded all breathless when she answered, and Seth had a horrifying vision that she was getting her mind off him by getting it on with someone else.
"It's me."
A hesitation. Then, “Hi, Seth."
He glanced around to see if any of his coworkers were listening. “You didn't call like you said you would. I was worried."
"You shouldn't be."
"I'm not used to you being mad at me."
"What are you talking about? I'm always mad at you."
"Not like this."
"I'm not mad,” she said with a sigh. “I'm just sad."
"Lauren, look, I'll do whatever you want to make it up to you."
She laughed roughly. “Make up great sex? Gee, thanks."
"Lauren, talk to me. I'm sorry I wouldn't talk before. Pretend I'm me and that Seth you slept with the other night is some other guy and tell me about him."
She paused. “In some twisted way that all makes sense."
"Can you do it?"
"I don't know."
"Try.” Then he swore as the alarm went off in the station house. “Damn it. Okay, I'll call you later. Will you be up?"
"I'll be up. Seth!"
He brought the phone back to his ear she shouted his name. “Yeah?"
"Be careful."
"Yeah, okay.” He hung up smiling. She still worried about him. Not everything had changed.
Lauren dozed with a late night talk show on the TV at the foot of the bed, but she jolted awake when the phone rang. She fumbled with the buttons before she found “talk."
"Seth?"
"Sorry it's so late.” She could hear the exhaustion dragging at his voice, even through the phone line.
She shifted, sitting up against the pillow. “Are you okay?"
He blew out a breath and she imagined him dragging a hand through his hair. Had he just taken a shower? She could imagine how he'd smell. He carried the scent of a fire with him for days afterwards. “It was a son of a bitch, but we're good. We're back."
He never talked about it. Mitch and Oscar shared their exploits all the time but Seth never talked about it. She wondered what the difference was.
"Lauren? Were you asleep?"
She opened her eyes at his soft words. “Sorta."
"You want me to let you go back to sleep?"
"No, it's okay.” If she couldn't have him here next to her, she'd take him on the phone. She turned onto her side, cradling the phone, and took a chance. “I miss you."
He let out a breath in what sounded like relief. “Yeah, I miss you, too. So, you want to tell me about this jerk who got you so upset?"
Lauren closed her eyes and drifted into his fantasy. Maybe this way she could be completely honest with him, honest with herself about him. “I told you I had that wedding, right?"
"Right."
"Well, I went, did my duty, and there was this guy I've known forever but I never thought—we never got together.” So much for being honest. “You know, he's real good looking and he knows it."
"Hey!” She heard the laughter in his voice. This was Seth and she could trust him. So she nestled deeper in the bed and continued. “Well, it's true. So he looked at me ... God, the way he looked at me, it was like he'd never seen me before. Like he wanted to eat me up."
"He's seen you before,” Seth murmured.
The words, and the way he said them, sent a thrill through her, and she wished she could look into his eyes while he said them. “Yeah?” she managed.
"Trust me."
She smiled. “Anyway, it made me feel so good, like I could take a chance, you know? So I did."
"And the guy?"
She closed her eyes again, relishing the freedom of the role-playing. “It was amazing. We went back to his place and did things I've never done before."
"Like what?” Curiosity underlay his teasing tone.
"Never mind."
"So it was good.” Typical guy.
"Incredible.” She could still feel the warmth of his palms gliding over her skin, could still picture his mouth on her body.
"And then?"
Here was where she was going to get into trouble. “And then his dad shows up."
"You're kidding.” He said it so convincingly she almost burst into giggles.
"No, I'm not. So I'm listening to his father go on and on about the evils of his free-loving lifestyle."
"Eavesdropping on a private conversation,” Seth clarified.
Seriously, how could she not have heard in that apartment? “Well, what it interrupted was pretty private, too. So I start thinking about, you know, that side of him. I mean, being a playboy is part of who he is, and I can't get in the way of that, right?” She couldn't change him, because then he wouldn't be Seth anymore. The man she'd loved for years.
"How long have you known this guy?” His tone was tender, not accusing as she'd suspected.
"Forever."
"And do you think he did what he did, making love to you, do you think he did that lightly?"
She shivered deliciously at his words. “No, probably not. But he really did kind of freak out when I said something about making the risk worthwhile."
"Maybe he needed time to sort it out."
She hesitated. She'd had such a fantasy about Seth for so long, a fantasy of what it would be like to finally get with him, how perfect it would be, her white knight. The unrealistic dream made her feel childish when it hadn't come true. The truth was, he was doing his best, what with that y-chromosome and all.
"I'll admit it happened kind of fast, but, well, okay, I guess I can see what you're saying. I mean, I thought about making love with him before, but maybe he didn't, so it would take him longer to process. Besides that, he's a guy and naturally slower."
He ignored the jibe. “Maybe he's afraid he won't live up to your expectations."
That shut her up. Wasn't that just what she was thinking? “Do you think so?"
"If he cares about you, that would concern him."
She was silent a moment. “Do you think he cares?"
"He'd be a fool not to."
It sounded so good to hear him say it.
"Lauren?"
"Sorry, processing."
"Well, process in your sleep. I'll call you tomorrow, all right?"
"Okay."
"Sweet dreams."
After that conversation, she didn't see a problem. She hugged her pillow to her. There was still hope.
Lauren wanted nothing more than to kick off her shoes, crash on her couch and forget about the report due first thing in the morning, the one with the focus group data she hadn't even looked at. She unlocked her front door and went on instant alert when her alarm didn't chirp. The second warning was the scent of something wonderful: food. Even better, Italian food.
"Seth?” She set her purse and briefcase on the floor by the door and reached for the mail.
He came out of the kitchen bundling a towel in both hands, looking deliciously tousled. “Hi. I thought I'd get dinner for you."
She frowned. Was he trying to make up for the doubt he'd caused her, or was he truly courting her? “Did I win a bet I don't remember?"
He grinned, a dimple creasing his cheek. “No. No bet."
She eyed him cautiously. “So we're good?"
"Yeah, we're good. And now you have the bonus of dating a guy who can cook."
She tossed her mail back on the table uninspected. Bills and Christmas cards could wait. She didn't know how long Seth would. “Are we dating, then?"
"What would you call it?"
She could think of a few things. Dating sounded a little too serious for the likes of Seth. “Okay, then."
"But I think we need to keep it quiet,” he said, making a downplaying motion with his hands.
Her heart skidded to a stop. Nothing like giving with one hand and taking away with the other. “Why?"
"I think we need to be able to see where this is going without everyone looking over our shoulders. They'll be planning a wedding while we're trying to figure this thing out."
She nodded again, her pulse beating again. What he said was true, but, “It won't be easy, not with you working with our fathers, and the holidays coming up."
"No, see, that's the beauty of it.” He leaned against the doorjamb and gave her the patented Seth Escamilla smile. “They'll expect to see us together. We just have to make sure we don't give any clue that we've moved beyond it.” He edged closer. “It'll be fun. Like a game."
She moved away, not quite willing to be so close to him yet, her emotions still in a tangle.
"Maybe we should practice,” she said lightly. “You know, just so we don't slip up in public."
He pulled back, disappointment in his eyes, but he nodded. She had to tamp down her own hormones, which were eager to come out to play. She walked over to sit at the table to watch him cook.
She wouldn't allow herself to admire his muscles in the snug t-shirt, or his perfect buns in the creased Levis, but she would admire his cooking skills as he chopped fresh garlic, bypassing the powdered variety she kept in the pantry. He presented a spoonful of sauce for her to taste. She never knew it could make such a difference. She wouldn't look at him as he held the spoon, cupping a hand under her chin to catch any drips. As long as she didn't look at him, she wouldn't think about what might happen after dinner, and as long as she didn't think about
that
, she might stay coherent.
"Delicious. Can I help?"
He turned back to the stove. “No, sit right there and tell me about your day, darling."
"Let's not go there,” she grumbled, though touched that he asked. Every woman's fantasy, that was Seth. How long would he be hers?
"Why not? Boss giving you a bad time?"
She propped her feet on the chair beside her and wrapped her arms around her knees. “Let's just say I can't wait till he goes on Christmas vacation. Till then, he's got us hopping with one deadline after another. And you wouldn't believe how hard it is to find a Santa this time of year."
"What do you need a Santa for?"
"Hilary and I thought it would make for a lighthearted presentation.” She leaned forward, propping her head on one hand. She better take advantage of fantasy Seth while she had him. “You'd be a knockout Santa."
He grinned over his shoulder, sending her heart into fibrillations. “Is this a secret fantasy of yours? Should I go rent a suit? And here I thought I knew everything about you."
"It's not so much the suit as the beard,” she teased. She pointed at the stove. “Your pasta is overflowing."
And just like that, everything was good again, her heart light as she realized that even though everything was changing, he was still her best friend.
"There's a reason I finish my Christmas shopping before Halloween,” Lauren said, tension growing as Seth prowled the lot of North Star Mall for the elusive parking spot.
"But then you miss out on the whole spirit,” he said good naturedly, not fazed at all by the prospect of so many people jammed into one building.
"I have lots of spirit. Hey, you're a fireman. Isn't having this many people in one place a fire hazard?"
He lifted a shoulder. “If a fire breaks out, I'll rescue you. And just think, we might see Santa in there.” He turned and waggled his eyebrows.
She grinned. “He's probably off at this hour. All the little kiddies have gone to bed."
"Even better. Maybe we can sit on his throne."
The image that came to mind made her breathless.
They found a parking spot at last and headed into the mall. The energy in the place, the sparkling lights, the bright decorations, charged her like she hadn't expected. Seth flashed a smile and her heart turned over. This was the man she loved. She squeezed his fingers just a little tighter as they headed into the fray.
Lauren was a guerrilla shopper. She knew what she wanted and went straight for it. Seth browsed. She watched as he meandered from table to table in Sharper Image, inspecting the gadgets. “Think your dad would like this?” he asked, holding up a hot plate built just for coffee cups.
The question gave her a little jolt. “Do you usually buy my dad a gift?"
He set the item down and gave her a chiding look. “He's my captain."
Okay, now she lurched the other way. Her father was his boss. How weird did that have to be for him?
"You're coming to the house for Christmas this year, right?” he asked, moving on to a more sophisticated looking lava lamp. “Your dad will be there."
She stared at the floating blob of goo. “That means Mom will be alone. I better spend it with her,” she said, her stomach tight. She'd effectively pushed this joyous side effect of divorced parents from her mind thus far.
He grinned. “Don't sound so excited."
She toyed with one of those desk toys with the metal balls, adding the clack of steel to the din of people and the underlying Christmas music. “You know how well we get along. It's worse now because she thinks I sympathize more with Dad than her. So I'll spend Christmas with her. Hey, that'll make it easier to keep our secret, right?” she added with forced cheerfulness. Their first Christmas as a couple, and they couldn't be together.
"Seems crummy that you'll ruin your holiday out of guilt.” He selected a Swiss army knife kind of tool and headed for the huge line. She made a note of the price and wondered if he'd spent that much on her dad in the past.
"We always do things out of guilt. Remember two years ago you wanted to go on that ski trip at Christmas with some of the guys, but your mom cried so you stayed home? How is that different?"
He donned an exaggerated pout and pulled her against his side. “I won't see you at Christmas."
"You can climb down my chimney and bring me a present,” she teased, nestling her nose against his throat.