White Trash Damaged (14 page)

“We’re gonna meet up with Donna after the show. She will be stopping by to check out the bus and get ready to move in.”

“I don’t understand why she would want to live on a bus with a bunch of crazy rock stars.”

“Hey . . . you live with a bunch of crazy rock stars.”

“Yeah, but that is because I am in love with one of them. I bet she doesn’t last a week with you guys.”

“It’s not the guys I’m worried about.” He raised an eyebrow.

“I’m excited to have another girl around. It’s her that wishes otherwise.”

“She will love you. How could she not? She just needs to get to know you.”

“We’re on,” Terry called from behind us, and I frowned, hating how little time I got to actually spend with my boyfriend even though we were living together.

“Good luck.” I gave Tucker a kiss on the cheek, and he playfully patted my butt before following after his other bandmates. I made my way over to the refreshment table and grabbed a soda, popping it open and taking a large gulp. My nerves were taking over, and suddenly I wanted to disappear. I was terrified that the crowd would hate my song, that it wouldn’t feel like a genuine Damaged song. I wanted to run back out to the bus and hide in our bunk.

“They’re starting.” Sarah laughed, pointing back to the stage. She was covered in a thin layer of sweat and looked as if she was glowing.

“I’m heading out there, just taking a break.”

“Are you scared?” She walked over to me and grabbed my drink, guzzling it down before tossing it in the trash a few feet away.

“I don’t know how you do it. You get up on a stage in front of thousands and just pour your heart out. What if they don’t like you?”

“Fuck what they think. This is about doing what I love, following my dreams. If they like it, that’s just icing on the cake. If I lived my life worried about everyone else, I would go insane.” She laughed, and I shook my head.

“You are wise beyond your years,” I joked, and Sarah got a faraway look in her eyes.

“Let’s go watch
your
dreams come true.” She grabbed my arm and pulled me to the stage.

The crowd was going wild for Tucker as usual. He began with an old favorite, “Loved.” I hummed along and got lost in the lyrics as he smiled down at his adoring fans who reached out to him, even though they were nowhere near close enough to touch him. He was a sexy rock god, and he was mine.

“What are you grinning about?” Sarah nudged me with her elbow as she laughed.

“I’m just . . . happy. It feels nice.”

“I’m happy for you.” She grinned. Tucker sat down on a stool in the center of the stage as the lights dimmed and a
spotlight shined on him. He adjusted the mic and began to play the first few chords of “Empty Sheets,” my song. I froze, my heart racing in my chest as the crowd fell silent and he began to sing. His eyes closed and I held my breath as he sang the first lyric. It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever heard, and my chest swelled with pride at the thought of us making such beautiful music together. My gaze fluttered over the crowd at the women who held their hands to their chests and swayed. Some openly cried as the emotions overtook them, others clung to their significant others in a tight embrace. It was surreal to see so many taking my words to heart, and as Tucker glanced in my direction, everyone else faded away.

The world was ours, and I looked up at the man I loved as he poured as much of his own heart into the song singing it as I had while writing it. I could feel him pouring his emotions into my words, and I was moved by the way he connected with them, with me.

“I love you,” I mouthed, and his lips quirked up in a grin before singing the next line. Everything fell into place in that moment. The past, the struggles, the fears all evaporated, and I felt like I belonged, like I had a purpose.

As the song ended and Tucker strummed his guitar one last time, the crowd erupted into cheers. Happy tears spilled onto my cheek as I clapped along with them. Tucker stood, smiling as he leaned over the mic.

“I love you, too.” He shot me a wink, and my heart melted.
It didn’t matter that thousands of women thought he was professing his love to them; I knew he was speaking only to me.

It was surreal seeing something I had created with the painful memories of my past be turned into something beautiful, and having Tucker help me through it made it a bonding experience for us.

I
SLEPT LIKE A
rock the night after the show and was barely able to pull myself out of our cramped bunk by noon the next day. Keeping up with the schedule was torture on my body, and I was beginning to feel like an old lady.

I got myself ready for the day fairly quickly and sat around for the next hour trying to think up lyrics to a new song, but my mind was blank. The guys were off meeting with their new manager, and I didn’t expect them back anytime soon, so I decided to clean the bus. It only took me three hours to get it sparkling, and I had worked up a major appetite. I decided I would whip up a nice dinner. I had bought a few boxes of stuffing mix and instant mashed potatoes. It was the closest you could get to a home-cooked meal when you had only a microwave at your disposal, and I wanted the new manager to feel welcome.

I heard Tucker’s bike approach, and I jumped up to look out the small window by the kitchen table. He was being followed by a large SUV. I smoothed my hair and bounded out of the bus to greet them.

“Cass, this is Donna, the new manager. Donna, this is my girlfriend, Cass.” I looked over the woman in her pencil skirt and button-down white-collared shirt.

“Nice to meet you.” I gave her my biggest smile. She was incredibly attractive, standing about half a foot taller than I did with long, wavy, dark-brown hair that she kept pinned back on the sides. Her eyes were the brightest green I had ever seen—they had to be contacts.

“Likewise,” she replied as her eyes danced over the bus.

“Come on in. I was just getting ready to make dinner.” I smiled at Tucker, and he cleared his throat.

“Actually, were going out for dinner.” He gave me an apologetic shrug.

“Oh.” I smiled at how adorable he was when he didn’t want to disappoint me. “No problem. Let me grab my shoes and we can head out.”

“This is a business meeting, dear,” Donna cut in. I looked to Tucker, but he was staring at his feet, clearly trying to sidestep the awkwardness inherent in the situation at hand.

“That’s fine. I’ll just have dinner with Filth. Those boys have been looking a little skinny lately.” I maintained my smile, struggling to keep from looking like my feelings were hurt.
I knew things would change when Donna arrived, I just didn’t realize that it would happen so quickly. I hoped that things would smooth out quickly.

“I can bring you something back if you want?” Tucker’s hand grabbed my side as his thumb rubbed small circles over my hip.

“No, it’s fine. Don’t be silly. Have fun.” I leaned forward and gave him a kiss on the lips, feeling awkward with this stranger watching us.

“I won’t be long. I promise.” He shot me a wink. The rest of the band didn’t say a word, and I suddenly felt like an outsider in our odd little family.

I slinked back inside our bus feeling sorry for myself. Things were going to change, and I hoped it would be for the better. The band needed someone to look out for them and their best interest, and Donna promised to be the professional who could take them to the next level. Still, I had a terrible feeling in my gut that this would put a strain on my relationship with the guys . . . and with Tucker.

I grabbed my notebook and began to pour out my feelings, holding nothing back. There was a small knock on the bus door before it pulled open, and Sarah stepped inside. I glanced up at her and went back to my writing.

“I saw the guys leave with that evil-looking secretary,” she said as she slid into the seat across from me.

“That’s the new manager, Donna.” I sighed and began to
doodle on the edge of the notebook paper. “They went out for dinner.”

“Why didn’t you go along? Not feeling well?”

“I’m not a part of the band,” I replied, and I felt like an idiot for even being upset. I wasn’t a member of the band, and I really had no business at the meeting.

“Come on. You write their songs, keep them fed, and stop Eric from having a meltdown every other day. I’d say you have a very important role in this band.”

“It’s no big deal. Really. I needed to write more anyway.”

Sarah grabbed my notebook and turned it around so she could read what I had written. She smiled and slid it back over to me.

“I need to hire you to write for us. This is really good.”

I rolled my eyes and flipped the cover closed.

“Let’s go eat something.”

I sighed dramatically but was thankful I had made a friend that cared about my happiness. It felt good to know I could count on someone.

We opted for fast food to minimize the chances of running into the band while we were out. I didn’t want to interrupt whatever they had to discuss.

I ordered the biggest burger I could find, and Sarah got a salad, claiming she had to watch what she ate or risk not fitting into her tour wardrobe, even though she was built like a model.

“So tell me your backstory,” she said between bites.

I had absolutely no idea where to begin. So I started with the basics, deciding to gauge her reaction as I went before I revealed the really heavy stuff.

“I lived in a really small town in Georgia.”

“Do you miss it?”

“Not really.” That wasn’t true. I loved being with Tucker, but when I lived on my own, I had finally been able to rely on myself, and that had felt really good. I felt like an adult for the first time in my life. Now I was just along for the ride to someone else’s dreams.

“Family?”

“None that I know.” My father was the only family I had left, but I wasn’t even certain he was still alive. “You?”

“Mom and Dad don’t want anything to do with me and my devil music.” She rolled her eyes and chuckled, but I knew it bothered her more than she let on.

“Siblings?” I took another huge bite of my burger, savoring the greasy mess.

“I have a little sister. She’s really cool. Looks just like me with lighter hair. I miss her.”

“I’m an only child.” I shrugged. “I always wished I had a sister, but it is probably better I don’t.”

She pulled her eyebrows together as she took a sip of her drink. “Why do you say that? You fight all the time, but no one has your back like a sister or brother.”

“It was a bad situation.” I couldn’t imagine having to take care of a child in the situation I was in. Not to mention having another mouth to feed, another person to protect from Jax’s fists and my mom’s needles.

“Well, you have me now.” She grinned and I smiled back. She was starting to feel more like family to me than my own mother ever had.

We headed back to the bus, and I noticed movement through the windows. Sarah gave me a sympathetic look and I waved her on.

“It’ll be fine. I can handle one bitch. I used to waitress.”

“I’ll see you at the show then,” she called out as she circled around the bus.

I took a deep breath and pulled open the door. Eric was rambling a mile a minute about how much he hated when fans threw themselves at him, and I worried that something happened during their meal, but Tucker looked un-phased.

“Where you been, sweetheart?” he asked with a grin. I walked over to him, kissing him on the cheek. Donna was nowhere in sight. I relaxed into his arms.

“Went out with Sarah for some food.”

Eric slammed a cabinet door and I jumped.

“What’s up with him?” I asked as I watched him storm around like an animal.

“Some guy was hounding him and put him in one of his moods.” Tucker rolled his eyes.

“Want me to talk to him?”

“Be my guest.” He shrugged and let his hands fall to his sides.

“Eric,” I called out to him, and he turned to face me, his eyes void of anything. “Can I talk to you outside?” I asked, and he looked around before finally nodding and walking out the door, letting it bounce off the outside of the bus. Tucker shot me a worried look, but I wasn’t going to let him talk me out of helping Eric.

“Love you.” I gave Tucker a quick peck on the cheek and followed after Eric.

He was leaning up against the side of the bus, staring off at the buildings that lined the other side of the parking lot.

“One of those days, right?” I said, and he didn’t acknowledge me. “Sarah and I were talking about our families today.” He glanced my way at the mention of her name. I kept talking, knowing that if we spoke long enough he would forget what had upset him.

“She has a little sister. Did you know that? I’m an only child.”

“I had a little brother,” he said quietly. I wasn’t sure if I should ask what happened. I didn’t know if it would help him to talk about it or send him deeper into his funk.

“Hit by a fucking car.” He shook his head and looked down to the ground. “Nine years old, not even old enough to drive, and he gets taken out by a fucking car.”

“I’m so sorry.”

His eyes cut to mine and narrowed.