Who I Became (Who I Was Book 2) (12 page)

I look around the room and go to the window to look out through the trees.   The middle of nowhere gives you a false sense of calm.  I look out there and see birds flying around and it’s like there is no care in the world.  Today could be the last day of my life.  I hear crunching coming from the driveway and cast my attention down to a small pickup truck pulling in. 

The door swings open and I see boots step out, followed by black pants and then her head pops out above the door.  She has beautiful long black hair.  Midnight black where it almost has a hint of red or maybe a dark purple to it.  She stands up and closes the car door.  She is very pretty.  I know instantly this is “Nessa.” I feel the need to go down stairs and mark my territory.  Wesson belongs to me and I think Park’s heart has been given away also.  I don’t do anything remotely embarrassing like that though because I am not that kind of person. 

I head out to the living room as I hear her enter and Parker and Wesson talking to her like they are all old friends.  I mean, I wasn’t in a coma for years.  I feel like I should know her since they do.  I stand in the entry way and watch them standing there talking.  I can see Parker start to bounce on his toes. He is anxious to get back to finalizing their plans for tomorrow. That’s when she looks over their shoulders and sees me.  A big smile spreads across her cheeks and she heads over to where I am standing, engulfing me into the biggest hug ever. Apparently, Vanessa is a hugger.  I immediately warm up to her though and can tell we would be great friends if we were under better circumstances.

“How are you doing Lillian? You look so good.  The last time I saw you, well, you were in a coma and not that you didn’t look good in a coma or anything, I mean you are beautiful. If I was into girls I would think you were hot.  But I am not and neither are you. Well shit, I don’t know if you are and there isn’t anything wrong with it but I was told that you and Wes-”

“So Nessa? Want a drink?” Parker is at her side in an instant and is pulling her away from me toward the kitchen. 

Wesson walks up next to me and shakes his head as she walks away.

“I thought she only talked that much when she was nervous around- around people.”

“I like her Wesson! She is awesome. I really hope she isn’t nervous around me. I would love for us to be friends but did she just say I was a hot coma patient?” I beam up at him because I meant every word—Vanessa is so sweet and genuinely a good person and she is so beautiful.  You don’t ever meet too many girls like that. Usually it’s “well she has a good personality” or “she’s pretty but a bitch” type.  I instantly love her and, well kind of want to keep her as weird as that sounds.

My heart hurts then realizing that I may not ever get to know her.  I am sad at the thought that I might hurt someone else when everything happens.  I already hate myself for the potential of hurting Wes and Park. I know it also isn’t a ‘potential hurt them’ because I know that even if everything works out like I hope it will, they will feel betrayed.

“I am glad you like her Lil and yes, even in a coma, you were the most beautiful woman in the world.”

He wraps his arms around me tight, giving me a tight hug and I sigh, laying my head on his shoulders.  We stand like this for just a moment before Parker yells at us to hurry our asses up so we can get to work. I never knew Parker to be so demanding.  We laugh and head toward the kitchen, Wesson holding my hand up until right before we come into view then he drops it and winks, heading in just a step ahead of me.  He knows I’ll be uncomfortable with him touching me right now and he is giving me the space I need without us ever having to discuss it. My heart hurts. I love him.

The rest of the morning is spent with the boys getting Vanessa up to speed on their plan and getting the weapons ready. The afternoon is spent on target practice.  It takes a while for me to make it outside while they are out there firing off guns.  My anxiety over the firearms very clearly written on my face as soon as they mention it. 

Vanessa comes in and leaves the boys for a bit, saying she needs water. I am sitting on the couch with my head buried into my hands trying to block out the noises that have haunted my nightmares since I was little.  She sits down on the couch next to me and just starts to play with my hair and humming until I lean into her and she lets me cry.

I cry for my parents, I cry for what I am going to do, I cry for Braxton, I cry for my baby that I never got to meet.  I cry and cry until I can’t cry anymore.  She holds me until my last sob stops. While I was in my moment of tears, I heard the door to the back open and quickly close. I don’t know which one it was but I am thankful those boys knew I needed to have girl time.  Vanessa comes back into the room with a wet paper towel and hands it to me. I smile at how awesome she is.              

“Better hurry, I looked out the window and Wesson is chomping at the bit, Parker can’t restrain him much longer.”

“Thank you. I don’t know what came over me.”

“Sometimes it’s just too much, I understand. I am glad you were able to let me be here for you. I know we don’t know each other but you’ll figure it out soon. I have the need to help people and when people are down or upset in anyway, I have to make it better. I hate when people are down.”

“Yeah, I usually am not so emotional and am able to hold my feelings in better than this though.  Thank you so much for being here, I’ve never had any real girlfriends so I hope that we can be, once this mess is over.”

“That would be so great!” She beams. Her smile is so big that it melts my heart at the thought of having a real friend.

I press the cool, wet cloth to my eyes, letting it take down some of the puffiness. I know that Wesson will be worried and know that I was upset but if he sees me looking like this, he won’t ever stop questioning it. I don’t have the answers for him. I don’t even know what sparked me to be so upset.

I head into the bathroom and draw a warm bath to relax.  I am just stripping out of my clothes when Wesson flings the door open. I cover myself immediately, unsure of who decided to come in and kicking myself for forgetting to lock the door again. I mean you would think one would learn their lesson.

He doesn’t say anything when he looks at me. He turns around and locks the door then starts to take off his clothes as well.  I was just balling my eyes out and he thinks I want sex?

“I am not really in the mood right now.” I mumble.

He ignores me and heads over to the bath, feeling the water. He climbs in and then holds out his hand to me.

“I am not really in the mood either, the love of my life is upset, I’d like to help her anyway I can. I thought maybe we could take a bath together.” He smiles just a little.

I know he feels helpless and I know I should start the distancing now so that it won’t hurt so badly later.  Although, I think it’s going to break him anyway. He will have to understand that I am doing this for him. 

“Okay, thank you.”

I take his hand and climb in, settling right between his legs. He pulls me back until I am resting my back against his front.  Then he lifts his hands and starts to give my shoulders a massage. I moan out in the pleasure of his strong hands working out every knot built up from stress, and laying in a hospital bed for weeks, and everything else that happened over my whole life. I have never felt more relaxed.  When the water starts to get cold he stops. 

“Scoot up real quick love.”

I do as I am told. It is a little tough to move after his hands turned me into a limp noodle. He stands up from behind me then steps over me toward the front of the bath tub.

“Scoot back.”

Again, I do what I am told, no questions asked. I watch as he pulls the plug and then turns on the shower, blocking the water from me when it comes out cold first.  Then once it’s warm he turns around toward me.

“Stand up.”

I do.

“Let me wash you.”

I melt.  He loves me more than I deserve and is being too kind to me for what I plan to do to him.

I switch spots with him and get under the warm water, goose bumps forming immediately.  Of course, Wesson notices and he starts to rub my arms up and down until they dissipate.  Then he scoots me out enough and lathers his hands up with shampoo before rubbing it into my hair.  I don’t try to hide the moan coming from deep down in my throat—that is the most amazing feeling in the world. 

“Close your eyes.”

I do. He puts me back under the water and rinses my hair out until there is no hint of shampoo left, then repeats with the conditioner.  Once my hair has been cleaned and conditioned, he grabs the body soap.  I watch in awe of his body as he starts to lather his hands up again. My breath hitches when he puts them on me again. I will never tire of his touch. 

I am now clean from head to toe and having trouble staying awake. I want to return the favor but he tells me no.  He hurries to wash himself then turns off the water, getting me wrapped into a towel before he gets one for himself.  I yawn.

“Am I boring you love?” He smiles a real smile.

“No, I am just so tired.” I give him a weak smile in return. “I don’t know why.”

“Nap?”

That is the best idea ever.  I need one anyway if I am going to be able to pull off my plan and now it won’t seem weird if I take one.

“Yes, please!” I respond a little too eagerly.

He laughs, grabbing my hand and pulling me out of the bathroom and into the room we shared last night.  I blush when I see the sheets all messed up and he laughs again.

“No worries love, we are just going to sleep.”

“I wasn’t thinking that you wanted anything else.”

“Oh I want it, but I know you need rest.”

“Oh, well thanks then.” My face is beat red.

He finds me another long shirt of his and boxers to put on. I don’t have any clean underwear in here and don’t really want to wear his boxers right now.  So I shrug on his shirt and climb into bed.  He watches my every move as I climb to my side and lay down.  He grabs his basketball shorts and heads for the door.

“I’ll be right back love, don’t worry.” He says as he runs out the door like he is late for something.

He is back quickly and turns, shutting the door before throwing a pair of my panties at me.

“You have to put something else on, a barrier if you will. If you don’t, we won’t be taking a nap and I won’t let you rest at all.”

It’s my turn to laugh as I quickly slide them on.  Finally, he joins me in the bed and wraps his strong arms around me tightly as we both fall quickly to sleep.  I am going to miss this.

I wake up a few hours later. I can tell it’s later, as the sun has gone down enough that I can tell its dusk outside.  Wesson, no longer with me, making it cold and lonely in here.  I feel horrible for ignoring everyone for most of the day when my plan could make it to where I never see them again so I hurry out of bed and grab a pair of Wesson’s basketball shorts having to roll them down so they don’t fall down while I head to see what everyone is up to.

I head into the kitchen to see them all making dinner, laughing.  I smile at the sight, mostly because Parker has people.  He has good people in his life for the first time ever. Parker notices me first and heads over, pulling me out of the kitchen while the other two have their back to me.              

“Are you okay?” He urges, serious concern flashing behind his eyes.

“Yes, just had an off day is all.”

“Do you feel okay?”

“Yeah Park. No big deal. I just was having a moment.”

He nods but doubt is clear in his eyes. I hate lying to him so much. We go arm and arm back into the kitchen and I laugh at Wesson pretending to cook, clearly while Vanessa does it all. We eat together and then watch some TV together. I am anxious at the time going away so quickly.  I’ve had this plan basically since I woke up from that coma. I am ready for this. This is how it needs to happen.  I am starting to get nervous.  My stomach flutters over and over. 

We all head to bed pretty early as we agree we will need sleep for tomorrow. I need them to sleep so I can put my plan into action.  I break away from Wesson, heading to what was going to be my room, silly I know, I don’t know how I thought he would let me get away with it.

“Please don’t sleep in there, I promise we can just sleep but I need you tonight.”

“Okay.” Like I would ever say no.

My heart physically aches; I can feel it starting to crack. I know this will make my get away harder but I couldn’t deny him even if my life depended on it. I need him just as much as he needs me right now. I need him to hold me close as selfish as that is.

“You don’t have to tell me love, but just know I am here to listen.”

“I know Wesson, thank you for being here. Thank you for taking care of me, thank you for not giving up on me. I know it hasn’t been easy.”

He laughs.

“Easy is not at all close to how hard it has been to love you, to carry our memories alone.”

“Tell me some?”

“I’m not supposed to; you’re supposed to remember them on your own.”

“I know just little things. Please?”

He wraps me tighter in his arms and faces me away from him, my back to his front.  He rests his head near my ear and takes a deep breath.